10-day stubble: Men's 'socio-sexual attributes' at their best

Science can plumb the mysteries of the universe, cure disease, and reveal the origins of man – but can it provide insight into the age-old mystery that troubles every man, namely: What Do Women Want? Yes it can, dear Reg reader, yes it can. According to research conducted at the Evolution & Ecology Research Centre of Sydney's …

[Don Jefe]

Beards are Best

They're like a machine gun for your face.

[Steven Roper]

Re: Beards are Best

I've had my beard since the mid-90s, ever since I overheard a feminist co-worker say she thought beards were a disgusting symbol of patriarchal oppression. So I grew it out to spite her and by extension all feminists and I've kept it ever since. So yeah, I suppose you could call mine a machine gun for my face!

I do keep it fairly short though, around 1 cm, because it gets annoying if I let it get too big. I end up chewing on my moustache and constantly twisting my chin hair with my fingers after a couple of weeks of no trim. Also, the part on my jawline either side of my chin seems to grow twice as thick and fast as anywhere else on my face, eventually resulting in the appearance of my chin looking wider than my forehead, which as you can imagine just looks daft. So I trim around once a week, which is a lot better than having to shave every day.

In my middle age, parts of it have gone grey, while the sideburns are vivid ginger, and the rest of it black. I've been compared to skunks and tortoiseshell cats more than once because of it!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Beards are Best

Similarly my current beard is as a direct result of my manager asking me "are you growing a beard?" after me not shaving for a couple of days....... "you know what fuck it, why yes I am".

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Beards are Best

>I overheard a feminist co-worker say she thought beards were a disgusting symbol of patriarchal oppression.

Why might this be cause for concern... oh, never mind!

[Beau]

Re: Beards are Best

AN up vote for you Sir, I agree entirely, 1 cm works well for me as well.

I've had my beard since the mid-60s. Sadly no longer gray, now almost pure white, mind you, it still seems to work!!!

[Dr. Mouse]

Re: Beards are Best

"I end up chewing on my moustache and constantly twisting my chin hair with my fingers after a couple of weeks of no trim."

I found that the best part of having facial hair. I used to love playing with it (read whatever you want into that, LOL)

It's backfired now I've got rid of it, though. My other half is constantly telling me off for pulling at the skin under my chin. It's a subconscious thing, I'm trying to stroke my bears, but it's not there.

[teebie]

Re: Beards are Best

"I overheard a feminist co-worker say she thought beards were a disgusting symbol of patriarchal oppression"

Most feminists don't employ this level of, shall we say, recreational schizophrenia.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Beards are Best

My daughter cries when she sees a man with a beard, my wife won't let me near her if I haven't had a shave, something to do with leaving a rash she says.

It's a great way to get a bit of peace.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Beards are Best?

Beards add years to your age and are an environmental toxic hazard as they collect food debris during the day.

[NogginTheNog]

Re: Beards are Best?

"Beards add years to your age".

There is something in that: in my younger days facial forestry of any sort looks naff, but now I'm in my forties I've had a goatie for a couple of years and think it really suits me. I think my face has 'aged' in to it!

Oh and if you ask me 10-day old growth is NOT stubble?!

[Yet Another Commentard]

Re: Beards are Best?

re: beards and age

You need to be careful, as a couple of young chaps when I was at school tried the facial hair thing to buy fags and booze, but all they could manage was a Barry McGuigan - esque couple of lip-hairs that fooled nobody.

Is it safe to assume that this study was not sponsored by Gillette?

[John Angelico]

Re: Beards are Best?

I have maintained a beard since the 70s, and it even survived for a short while (as a trim goatee) whilst I was working for Gillette Australia.

The company and I parted company (amicably) after a short while though: I was not a world-wide enterprise, office-politics kind of employee and they were looking for a workaholic-type of person. Sadly, both of my bosses lost their families to divorce (I heard later from a former colleague), so I am not sorry to have left - 36th anniversary coming up soon! :-)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Beards are Best?

Much more dangerous than food debris (I eat like a human, and food very rarely touches my beard...don't want to waste food, mostly) are the dangers of short cigarettes (roll-ups) and a predilection for the most dangerous Chinese lighters I can find on eBay...quite often end up setting bits of my beard on fire.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Beards are Best?

Environmental hazard, ages ... Just like the rest of life. That food could save it one day. Or you could just learn to eat properly.

I grow when occasionally, though I am at an age when it is less of a good idea. However, women do seem to react in various ways: mother usually against, colleagues and wife for or neutral

Comes and grows. Hair today, gone tomorrow.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Beards are Best?

> an environmental toxic hazard

Then again, habitat for endangered species?

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Beards are Best?

Beards add years to your age"

That's precisely why I've grown a beard at the age of 50. In a couple of years I'll shave off the grey bearded and "lose" 10 years :-)

[toadwarrior]

Re: Beards are Best?

Yeah, if you eat like a pig. For people who eat like humans it's not an issue.

[Ru]

Re: Beards are Best?

Beards add years to your age

I don't think the relationship is purely additive or linear. A gentleman of my acquaintance first started sporting a beard in his late teens, and rapidly ended up looking like he was in his thirties... and has stayed looking more or less the same age, and is now actually in his late thirties

If he actually stoops so low as to dye his hair and beard, I expect he'll carry on looking much the same for the next couple of decades, too.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Beards are Best but what about women

Would we put up with women moustaches, hairy women's armpits or legs.

If you do then you must be European.

[GBL Initialiser]

But a beer belly sticking out from under one's t-shirt whilst having a can of lager in hand is still a nono I presume?

[wim]

Maybe if the beer belly has a 10 days worth stubble it is acceptable ?

[Steven Roper]

Beer belly sicking out from under a t-shirt with can of lager in hand, definitely a nono.

Beer belly filling out an Armani suit with glass of Chateau d'Yquem in hand, not so much of a problem.

[Michael Thibault]

Curious to know...

At what point does a beard become ticklish? Just askin'?

[frank ly]

Re: Curious to know...

In my experience, it's about the 10 day mark that is the most ticklish and irritating. Maybe the judgement of 10 days growth as most attractive is because the women can figure out they are looking at a man who can tolerate adversity and irritation well?

[VinceH]

Re: Curious to know...

Yeah, ten days sounds about right to me. I typically only shave once every couple of weeks, and it tends to be the last few days of that it gets a bit itchy, and that's my cue to shave at some point over the coming weekend.

[Michael Thibault]

Re: Curious to know...

There's itchy, and there's ticklish.

[teebie]

Re: Curious to know...

When it's long enough that stray hairs find their way up a partners nose when you kiss, its long enough to provoke complaints.

[Anonymous Coward]

Perhaps this explains

As someone who has normally kept clean shaven and all the women I've formed long term relationships with (include both my first and current wives') have complained if I've forgotten or haven't got around to shaving.

But a couple of times when I've been away from normal civilization for a while and haven't been able to shave, nor even get near soap for a few days, I've been damn near jumped on by very attractive women.

Perhaps this is related to the reports that suggestion that women are genetically programmed to find the ideal father for their offspring, and then to go and find the ideal mate to sire them.

[LarsG]

Re: Perhaps this explains

And then you woke up and found it was all a dream!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Perhaps this explains

Lars, you may dream, while I can reminisce

[William Wallace]

Re: Perhaps this explains

I think you've inadvertently cottoned on to something here - i.e. women find bearded men more attractive, hence wives and girlfriends like their men to be clean-shaven.

By the way, how many current wives do you have?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Perhaps this explains

> By the way, how many current wives do you have?

Just the one, these last 24years, hence the need to reminisce.

[John Angelico]

Re: Perhaps this explains

Surely he can only have two: AC & DC.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Perhaps this explains

> Surely he can only have two: AC & DC.

I fear you may have hit the nail on the head.

[Danny 14]

Re: Perhaps this explains

indeed. clean shaven = mrs lets me near her. 10 day growth and i'd be kicked out of the bedroom :(

[Anonymous Coward]

Clean shaven downside

I had a beard in my passport photo some years back, but was clean shaven at a time of a visit to Israel. Airport security were not happy, oh no, so not happy, that a visual discrepancy stood^H^H^H quaked before them. These days, She Who Must Be Obeyed disallows anything older than 2 days. Must be 'cos I'd be so attractive to others...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Clean shaven downside

Woah, buddy, I don't want to hear anything about your downside, let alone if you shave it or not!

[Anonymous Coward]

Not more of this pseudo-science....

This is typical evolutionary psychology pseudo-science. They take some people in one society at one time in human history and assume that their views represent all people ever since the Pleistocene. Never mind that most human males on the planet now do not produce beards anything like those of hairy Europeans (many human groups have men who produce no noticeable facial hair through the course of their lives). Never mind that people's ideas of beauty and attractiveness can easily be demonstrated to vary from culture to culture and over time in the same culture. Seriously, science is about dealing with the facts that are out there--not by denying them. This is just more fake, non-scientific junk people who want to live in ignorance propagate. :)

[BlueGreen]

Re: Not more of this pseudo-science....

"many human groups have men who produce no noticeable facial hair through the course of their lives"

Oh, if only I was one! I hate beards/tashes/sideboards slightly more than I hate shaving.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "I hate sideboards"

Hey, what has the dining-room furniture ever done to hurt you?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "Size doesn't matter"

In fact, we have been misled all along, it's not the size, or what you do with it that matters. No, as revealed exclusively here at el Reg: it is in fact where you put it that is most important!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Not more of this pseudo-science....

Says the man who can't grow a decent beard.

Size doesn't matter either amirite?

[Fihart]

Boy Beard Ban, please !

IBM used to have (or allegedly had) a rule of no pipe smokers, no beardies. I think they assumed that both wasted a lot of time fiddling. Mrs Thatcher had a similar prejudice.

I can't quite understand why older men going grey (or white) would want to multiply the problem by growing grey/white facial hair. Presumably to make up for thinning on top. I'm wary of men who sport beards and heavy glasses -- clearly they are hiding behind these contrivances !

But maximum odium for young hipsters with wispy beards -- the sort who may also wear skinny trousers that hang around the crotch and beanie hats. I guess the sought effect is to look like one of Garibaldi's guerrillas, though this seems less than convincing when seen with iPad in manbag around coffee shops in Hoxton.

[Irony Deficient]

multiplication exegesis

Fihart, in my case, I grow a “salt-and-paprika” beard because I’m finally able to do so; there were a couple of patches on my face in the typical beard zone from which no hair grew until I was in my 40s. Up top, my forehead (called the “fivehead” by Mrs. Deficient) started receding when I was 16; without a beard, I look like an extraterrestrial trying to blend in as a human, despite the dead giveaway of an unusually protruberant cranium. (No grey up top yet; it falls out before it gets a chance to go monochromatic.) I’m only partially hiding, though: my spectacles have thin frames.

[Andrew James]

Brilliant

So thanks to testicular cancer and chemotherapy I'm less manly with one nut, and an inability to grow facial hair for the time being making my masculinity nose dive.

It just doesn't get better than this!!

[Irony Deficient]

Re: Brilliant

Andrew, your ability to survive testicular cancer and withstand chemotherapy makes you exponentially more manly than most of us here. If I ever face similar circumstances, I can only hope to meet them with the same grit that you’ve got. Fight the good fight, sir.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Brilliant

After having radiotherapy due to a lymphoma in my neck I can now grow a perfect goatee without shaving. Nothing grows elsewhere on my face.

The only problem is I look ridiculous with a goatee so I'm stuck with being clean shaven.

[John Tserkezis]

Doesn't help me.

Tried it, I'm equally unnatractive to women whatever the facial status.

The study is bunk, I want my money back.

[RonWheeler]

Time

Pah! Call that facial hair growth...

2 days = heavy stubble

5 days = beard

10 days = sky fairy fanatic

[Captain Save-a-ho]

Re: Time

I thought the same thing. I keep my beard well trimmed, but I have to shave the rest every couple of days or it looks like I'm straight down off the mountain from hunting Kodiaks with my bare hands. The researchers clearly culled the more swarthy among us for their research.

[Brewster's Angle Grinder]

Re: Time

Exactly. I have to shave twice a day, if I'm going out again in the evening.

<-- Some pirates had beards.

[Sosman]

This is not so much "evolution and human behaviour " , more like fashion.

[Anonymous Coward]

Wierdie Beardies

Lots of elderly programmers posting here I see. Facial hair is quite revolting and does indeed add 10 years to your age.

You need to remember that this is an Australian survey, and all the women there are descended from intellectually challenged convicts and later immigrants.

[Irony Deficient]

à chacun son goût

Anonymous Coward, my beard adds ten years to my age? Excellent! I look forward to receiving my retirement benefits ten years early!

But seriously, what do you have against Australian women who are descended from later immigrants?

[caz]

Unkempt and dirty

That's what all these stubbled fashionistas look like to me and it suggests that they are not too familiar with soap and water. I wouldn't let them anywhere me for fear of what might be lurking in their facial hair as well as provoking a rash from their sandpaper faces.

This female prefers a manly clean shaven male with no facial dandruff. Paris because she likes smoothies too.

[PJI]

Re: Unkempt and dirty

Umm, re sandpaper: actually, though clean shaven just now, I grow a beard now and then. One of the positive results is that women are pleased NOT to have the sandpaper effect as a full grown beard, even neatly trimmed, is soft, unlike stubble a millimetre or so long.

As for cleanliness: I take it you shave your head and pubis too. Ugh. Do you also prefer men to be hairless all over, insisting on no more hair than on a small baby, shaved chest, legs ..?

Now, all those nice pimples and minor infections in minute cuts from a sharp razor, or the coating of microbes from an inadequately maintained electric razor, that is off-putting.

I think you are sadly lacking in actual knowledge.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Unkempt and dirty

I draw the line at hairy armpits and legs on a woman.... You must be a Johnny Continental if you like that.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I draw the line at hairy armpits and legs on a woman

I don't particularly mind hairy armpits, but I suppose I do prefer them to have legs. Although I might change my mind on that last point if it ever becomes relevant.

[Barry Rueger]

There are beards, and beards.

For instance This Guy, who, unbelievably, is running for office.....

you have to look. this is the photo on his campaign poster.

[cosymart]

Re: There are beards, and beards.

Looks like a badger hiding on his chin.

That cannot be a serious politician it all looks so faked, there again he is from Vancouver... What is all that crap about his wife being a "visual" artist, what other kind of artist is there? Oh and the bit about riding his bike...I need a new keyboard :-)

[Irony Deficient]

what other kind of artist is there?

cosymart, how about artists who create works for the ear rather than for the eye? Wouldn’t musicians be “aural” artists?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: what other kinds of artist is there?

Erm:

Poets and authors, literary artists?

Musicians, aural artists?

Marketing, piss artists?

[Evil Auditor]

Re: There are beards, and beards.

I wonder whether this Jon Johnson can keep a straight face while looking into a mirror...

But can someone please explain me since I'm not familiar with the local topography: why does it take 19 hours from Vancouver to Seattle by bicycle? It's only about 150 miles.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: There are beards, and beards.

Send me an email, I'll give you the route that snakes through farmlands and scenic paved trails. About 10 hours of riding the first day, and about 9 hours of riding the second. Great exercise, highly recommended!

jonjohnson.ca

ps,

I don't need a mirror to laugh at myself, I do it all the time!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: There are beards, and beards.

There is actually one valid reason for an individual to wear a beard. I used at one time to share an office with a chap who had one. He was always scratching it so I assumed that he had some eczema related problem.

Then, he got married. And about 6 months later, after prompting from the wife, the beard came off.

And we all realised why it was there. This was a thoroughly nice, and intelligent person, but the removal of the beard revealed him to have a chin which did recede very considerably and to whom the expression 'chinless wonder' would have applied had he not been who he was.

But that kind of problem is the only reason why a civilised person should wear a beard. Unless they're a gay show biz star that is...

[Irony Deficient]

Re: There are beards, and beards.

Barry, That Guy doesn’t hold a candle to Alfred von Tirpitz.

[Piro]

Works for me!

My girlfriend dislikes clean shaven and prefers a few millimetres of stubble - she even bought me a beard trimmer to emphasise the point that she prefers it not shaven. (As well as explicitly stating the previous statement, "I have a beard fetish" is part of what she said).

Works for me! What's that? I have to do less with my face? Jolly good!

[ITS Retired]

10 days?

After 10 days my 5 O'clock shadow is just coming in. It took over 4 months for me to look as if I meant not to shave.

[Mr Young]

Re: 10 days?

10 days without shaving means you're working too hard!

[toadwarrior]

Beards and masculinity go together because women generally can't grow beards. Some nations have a corporate culture that frowns upon facial hair but these are generally nations that are run by sexually repressed religious nut bags.

And anyone saying facial hair is unhygienic is just butt hurt that they can't grow a beard.

[Drakkenson]

@"nations that are run by sexually repressed religious nut bags."

What, like Iran? I, for one, don't remember when I las saw a photo of a freshly shaven Iranian...

[James O'Shea]

Re: @"nations that are run by sexually repressed religious nut bags."

here's one... <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:President_of_iran_Abolhassan_Banisadr.jpg>

[Kubla Cant]

Re: @"nations that are run by sexually repressed religious nut bags."

@Drakkenson: Brush up your predicate logic.

"most nations that disapprove of facial hair are run by sexually repressed religious nut bags" does not imply "a particular nation (or even most nations) run by sexually repressed religious nut bags disapproves of facial hair".

∀a(MustShave(a) → RunByNuts(a))

is consistent with

∃a(RunByNuts(a) ∧¬ MustShave(a))

(Why can I paste these symbols into the message, but not enter them as HTML entities?)

[The Alpha Klutz]

what women want

Money

Kids

A good shag

Money

Did I mention Money?

[graeme leggett]

can't just not shave

I get stubble from my cheekbones down to my collar line. Even if I was to not shave to get the stubbly look I would still have to shave the perimeter to keep things neat and tidy.

optimum masculinity stubble sounds like more hard work than clean-shaven.

[Anonymous Coward]

5 o'clock shadow

I used to work for a guy who could shave at 7am and have a 5 o'clock shadow at 9:30am. He had to keep a razor in his office so he could shave during his lunch hour. He'd then have a 2nd 5 o'clock shadow at 3:30 and be bearded again at 6pm.

I don't remember him ever maintaing a beard, but I can imagine what his would have looked like after 10 days.

[Montreal Sean]

I told my wife about the study results.

Her response was "Go out and find one of these women and sleep with her then."

My wife hates facial hair. Fortunately I only need to shave three times a week to stay smooth-ish.

[Kubla Cant]

@Montreal Sam

Her response was "Go out and find one of these women and sleep with her then."

And did you?

[John Smith 19]

So Sir Richard Branson had it about right all along.

Is there no end to the reasons to find to dislike him?

[BornToWin]

They look stupid

Those who have a 3-10 day facial hair look stupid.

[expat jan]

No sandpaper...

So-called clean shaven is sandpaper.

Stubble oft cropped is hard hair bristle brush = more sandpaper.

Beard, even trimmed every few weeks, is gentle, as well as looking good.

You must remember, shaving is in order to look like a baby, or at best a young boy. A really pointless operation. The Romans only shaved to show they were not barbarians.

[Anonymous Coward]

A question that has intrigued man for as long as....

Only thick ones.

What do women want?

Any pussy that advantages them, and as much as possible.

Oh sorry, that's men. Replace pussy with thing, for women.

[Rattus Rattus]

If your Dad doesn't have a beard...

...you've got two Mums.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmFnarFSj_U‎

[ElNumbre]

More Research Required

I'd like to know the results for the 'ZZ Top'

[Stevie]

Bah!

The best thing about beards is other people's reactions when you change them up a bit.

I've worn a beard since I could grow one, typically trimmed back to a number two comb length on a Wahl trimmer, but for a steampunk costume party a couple of years ago I grew the length out for a month and then carved out the chin so I could go all Nigel Green/Colour Sergeant Bourne. A red jacket and a pith helmet and I was done.

The way the younger attendees who knew me freaked out you'd have thought I'd cut off an arm or gouged out an eye.

I won the Best Costume contest, and the wife (a firm beard-lover) thought I should keep it that way "for a bit".

So I did. The shaving is a pain, as my beard hair grows to the right, requiring a sideways sweep of the razor if I need to get a really close shave.

On the downside it had been several years since I last cut off the beard. In the interrim Gillette stopped making the continuous band razor that had been such a joy to use, and for some reason the shaving world has decided if one blade is good, twenty seven are better. It took me quite a while to find a multi-blade razor that worked without carving up my face.

[All names Taken]

Hmmm - I wonder if women perceive men's facial hair much as men perceive women's mammary glands?

The "Foo-waaah look at 'em" reaction?

[Flakey]

My beard

is a reaction to being in H.M Forces for 12 years and shaving every day. On the day I left I said to myself 'no more shaving and no more haircuts' that was almost 30 years ago and I havent shaved off my beard to this day, just a trim every now and again. Thankfully the haircuts did continue to the point that there is now more hair on my face than on my head.

[Anonymous Coward]

Sonny Crockett had the beard right??

So can I pull my white linen suit and Wham! tapes out of storage, or does society need a few years to reach that level of enlightenment (again)?

Wake me up before you go-go, and when the 80s are once more cool!

[The Nameless Mist]

Note the target audience

"showed to 351 women and 177 men – heterosexuals all – who were asked to rate "

interesting, does this denote that the survey team specifically excluded Gay Men because they thought we would give a non standard result?

<no logo as you don't have a rainbow pride one>

[Big_Boomer]

I'm a MUTANT!

If I don't shave for 10 days then I have a beard. Not stubble, a measurable, grab-able beard. Am I a even more of a Mutant than the rest of you? As I get older it gets easier and easier to not shave for 1 day mid week as the grey stubble just doesn't show that well. No I'm not a beardy but one day I may well be.

[Anonymous Coward]

"10 days' stubble"

Is a silly thing to quote because, as demonstrated in these comments - beard growth rate is widely variable from person to person.

Maybe a more standardised measurement, like, oh I don't know, length maybe might have been easier to relate to?

[Anonymous Coward]

I was watching "Lincoln" ...

Not long ago I was watching Lincoln (the film). Now I sport a beard which has been there since school - basically I couldn't be bothered with all that time spent shaving ! It wasn't long since I'd trimmed it to keep SWMBO happy, and as various characters appeared with "proper" beards I found myself stroking my No2 comb 'stubble' and going "hmmmm". "Don't even think about it" would be a short translation of what I got told :-(