Beards are Best
They're like a machine gun for your face.
Science can plumb the mysteries of the universe, cure disease, and reveal the origins of man – but can it provide insight into the age-old mystery that troubles every man, namely: What Do Women Want? Yes it can, dear Reg reader, yes it can. According to research conducted at the Evolution & Ecology Research Centre of Sydney's …
I've had my beard since the mid-90s, ever since I overheard a feminist co-worker say she thought beards were a disgusting symbol of patriarchal oppression. So I grew it out to spite her and by extension all feminists and I've kept it ever since. So yeah, I suppose you could call mine a machine gun for my face!
I do keep it fairly short though, around 1 cm, because it gets annoying if I let it get too big. I end up chewing on my moustache and constantly twisting my chin hair with my fingers after a couple of weeks of no trim. Also, the part on my jawline either side of my chin seems to grow twice as thick and fast as anywhere else on my face, eventually resulting in the appearance of my chin looking wider than my forehead, which as you can imagine just looks daft. So I trim around once a week, which is a lot better than having to shave every day.
In my middle age, parts of it have gone grey, while the sideburns are vivid ginger, and the rest of it black. I've been compared to skunks and tortoiseshell cats more than once because of it!
"I end up chewing on my moustache and constantly twisting my chin hair with my fingers after a couple of weeks of no trim."
I found that the best part of having facial hair. I used to love playing with it (read whatever you want into that, LOL)
It's backfired now I've got rid of it, though. My other half is constantly telling me off for pulling at the skin under my chin. It's a subconscious thing, I'm trying to stroke my bears, but it's not there.
"Beards add years to your age".
There is something in that: in my younger days facial forestry of any sort looks naff, but now I'm in my forties I've had a goatie for a couple of years and think it really suits me. I think my face has 'aged' in to it!
Oh and if you ask me 10-day old growth is NOT stubble?!
re: beards and age
You need to be careful, as a couple of young chaps when I was at school tried the facial hair thing to buy fags and booze, but all they could manage was a Barry McGuigan - esque couple of lip-hairs that fooled nobody.
Is it safe to assume that this study was not sponsored by Gillette?
I have maintained a beard since the 70s, and it even survived for a short while (as a trim goatee) whilst I was working for Gillette Australia.
The company and I parted company (amicably) after a short while though: I was not a world-wide enterprise, office-politics kind of employee and they were looking for a workaholic-type of person. Sadly, both of my bosses lost their families to divorce (I heard later from a former colleague), so I am not sorry to have left - 36th anniversary coming up soon! :-)
Much more dangerous than food debris (I eat like a human, and food very rarely touches my beard...don't want to waste food, mostly) are the dangers of short cigarettes (roll-ups) and a predilection for the most dangerous Chinese lighters I can find on eBay...quite often end up setting bits of my beard on fire.
Environmental hazard, ages ... Just like the rest of life. That food could save it one day. Or you could just learn to eat properly.
I grow when occasionally, though I am at an age when it is less of a good idea. However, women do seem to react in various ways: mother usually against, colleagues and wife for or neutral
Comes and grows. Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Beards add years to your age
I don't think the relationship is purely additive or linear. A gentleman of my acquaintance first started sporting a beard in his late teens, and rapidly ended up looking like he was in his thirties... and has stayed looking more or less the same age, and is now actually in his late thirties
If he actually stoops so low as to dye his hair and beard, I expect he'll carry on looking much the same for the next couple of decades, too.
As someone who has normally kept clean shaven and all the women I've formed long term relationships with (include both my first and current wives') have complained if I've forgotten or haven't got around to shaving.
But a couple of times when I've been away from normal civilization for a while and haven't been able to shave, nor even get near soap for a few days, I've been damn near jumped on by very attractive women.
Perhaps this is related to the reports that suggestion that women are genetically programmed to find the ideal father for their offspring, and then to go and find the ideal mate to sire them.
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I had a beard in my passport photo some years back, but was clean shaven at a time of a visit to Israel. Airport security were not happy, oh no, so not happy, that a visual discrepancy stood^H^H^H quaked before them. These days, She Who Must Be Obeyed disallows anything older than 2 days. Must be 'cos I'd be so attractive to others...
This is typical evolutionary psychology pseudo-science. They take some people in one society at one time in human history and assume that their views represent all people ever since the Pleistocene. Never mind that most human males on the planet now do not produce beards anything like those of hairy Europeans (many human groups have men who produce no noticeable facial hair through the course of their lives). Never mind that people's ideas of beauty and attractiveness can easily be demonstrated to vary from culture to culture and over time in the same culture. Seriously, science is about dealing with the facts that are out there--not by denying them. This is just more fake, non-scientific junk people who want to live in ignorance propagate. :)
IBM used to have (or allegedly had) a rule of no pipe smokers, no beardies. I think they assumed that both wasted a lot of time fiddling. Mrs Thatcher had a similar prejudice.
I can't quite understand why older men going grey (or white) would want to multiply the problem by growing grey/white facial hair. Presumably to make up for thinning on top. I'm wary of men who sport beards and heavy glasses -- clearly they are hiding behind these contrivances !
But maximum odium for young hipsters with wispy beards -- the sort who may also wear skinny trousers that hang around the crotch and beanie hats. I guess the sought effect is to look like one of Garibaldi's guerrillas, though this seems less than convincing when seen with iPad in manbag around coffee shops in Hoxton.
Fihart, in my case, I grow a “salt-and-paprika” beard because I’m finally able to do so; there were a couple of patches on my face in the typical beard zone from which no hair grew until I was in my 40s. Up top, my forehead (called the “fivehead” by Mrs. Deficient) started receding when I was 16; without a beard, I look like an extraterrestrial trying to blend in as a human, despite the dead giveaway of an unusually protruberant cranium. (No grey up top yet; it falls out before it gets a chance to go monochromatic.) I’m only partially hiding, though: my spectacles have thin frames.
That's what all these stubbled fashionistas look like to me and it suggests that they are not too familiar with soap and water. I wouldn't let them anywhere me for fear of what might be lurking in their facial hair as well as provoking a rash from their sandpaper faces.
This female prefers a manly clean shaven male with no facial dandruff. Paris because she likes smoothies too.
Umm, re sandpaper: actually, though clean shaven just now, I grow a beard now and then. One of the positive results is that women are pleased NOT to have the sandpaper effect as a full grown beard, even neatly trimmed, is soft, unlike stubble a millimetre or so long.
As for cleanliness: I take it you shave your head and pubis too. Ugh. Do you also prefer men to be hairless all over, insisting on no more hair than on a small baby, shaved chest, legs ..?
Now, all those nice pimples and minor infections in minute cuts from a sharp razor, or the coating of microbes from an inadequately maintained electric razor, that is off-putting.
I think you are sadly lacking in actual knowledge.
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Looks like a badger hiding on his chin.
That cannot be a serious politician it all looks so faked, there again he is from Vancouver... What is all that crap about his wife being a "visual" artist, what other kind of artist is there? Oh and the bit about riding his bike...I need a new keyboard :-)
I wonder whether this Jon Johnson can keep a straight face while looking into a mirror...
But can someone please explain me since I'm not familiar with the local topography: why does it take 19 hours from Vancouver to Seattle by bicycle? It's only about 150 miles.
Send me an email, I'll give you the route that snakes through farmlands and scenic paved trails. About 10 hours of riding the first day, and about 9 hours of riding the second. Great exercise, highly recommended!
I don't need a mirror to laugh at myself, I do it all the time!
There is actually one valid reason for an individual to wear a beard. I used at one time to share an office with a chap who had one. He was always scratching it so I assumed that he had some eczema related problem.
Then, he got married. And about 6 months later, after prompting from the wife, the beard came off.
And we all realised why it was there. This was a thoroughly nice, and intelligent person, but the removal of the beard revealed him to have a chin which did recede very considerably and to whom the expression 'chinless wonder' would have applied had he not been who he was.
But that kind of problem is the only reason why a civilised person should wear a beard. Unless they're a gay show biz star that is...
My girlfriend dislikes clean shaven and prefers a few millimetres of stubble - she even bought me a beard trimmer to emphasise the point that she prefers it not shaven. (As well as explicitly stating the previous statement, "I have a beard fetish" is part of what she said).
Works for me! What's that? I have to do less with my face? Jolly good!
Beards and masculinity go together because women generally can't grow beards. Some nations have a corporate culture that frowns upon facial hair but these are generally nations that are run by sexually repressed religious nut bags.
And anyone saying facial hair is unhygienic is just butt hurt that they can't grow a beard.
@Drakkenson: Brush up your predicate logic.
"most nations that disapprove of facial hair are run by sexually repressed religious nut bags" does not imply "a particular nation (or even most nations) run by sexually repressed religious nut bags disapproves of facial hair".
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is consistent with
∃a(RunByNuts(a) ∧¬ MustShave(a))
(Why can I paste these symbols into the message, but not enter them as HTML entities?)
I used to work for a guy who could shave at 7am and have a 5 o'clock shadow at 9:30am. He had to keep a razor in his office so he could shave during his lunch hour. He'd then have a 2nd 5 o'clock shadow at 3:30 and be bearded again at 6pm.
I don't remember him ever maintaing a beard, but I can imagine what his would have looked like after 10 days.
So-called clean shaven is sandpaper.
Stubble oft cropped is hard hair bristle brush = more sandpaper.
Beard, even trimmed every few weeks, is gentle, as well as looking good.
You must remember, shaving is in order to look like a baby, or at best a young boy. A really pointless operation. The Romans only shaved to show they were not barbarians.
The best thing about beards is other people's reactions when you change them up a bit.
I've worn a beard since I could grow one, typically trimmed back to a number two comb length on a Wahl trimmer, but for a steampunk costume party a couple of years ago I grew the length out for a month and then carved out the chin so I could go all Nigel Green/Colour Sergeant Bourne. A red jacket and a pith helmet and I was done.
The way the younger attendees who knew me freaked out you'd have thought I'd cut off an arm or gouged out an eye.
I won the Best Costume contest, and the wife (a firm beard-lover) thought I should keep it that way "for a bit".
So I did. The shaving is a pain, as my beard hair grows to the right, requiring a sideways sweep of the razor if I need to get a really close shave.
On the downside it had been several years since I last cut off the beard. In the interrim Gillette stopped making the continuous band razor that had been such a joy to use, and for some reason the shaving world has decided if one blade is good, twenty seven are better. It took me quite a while to find a multi-blade razor that worked without carving up my face.
is a reaction to being in H.M Forces for 12 years and shaving every day. On the day I left I said to myself 'no more shaving and no more haircuts' that was almost 30 years ago and I havent shaved off my beard to this day, just a trim every now and again. Thankfully the haircuts did continue to the point that there is now more hair on my face than on my head.
If I don't shave for 10 days then I have a beard. Not stubble, a measurable, grab-able beard. Am I a even more of a Mutant than the rest of you? As I get older it gets easier and easier to not shave for 1 day mid week as the grey stubble just doesn't show that well. No I'm not a beardy but one day I may well be.
Not long ago I was watching Lincoln (the film). Now I sport a beard which has been there since school - basically I couldn't be bothered with all that time spent shaving ! It wasn't long since I'd trimmed it to keep SWMBO happy, and as various characters appeared with "proper" beards I found myself stroking my No2 comb 'stubble' and going "hmmmm". "Don't even think about it" would be a short translation of what I got told :-(
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