Bottomless, unsatisfied Xbox widow cuffed after boyf flees nookie

A Pennsylvania woman whose boyfriend was keener on his Xbox than a roll in the hay faces charges of indecent exposure, simple assault, open lewdness, and harassment after allegedly assaulting the gaming aficionado, then giving pursuit naked from the waist down as he made for a nearby convenience store to call 911. Heather …

[jake]

Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

... if your partner(s) is(are) more interested in the computer/drugs/comics/alcohol/politics/religion/sports/exercise(in any form)/ElReg/TV/music or anything else than they are in you, as an individual ... my advice is to simply move on. That person isn't worth the effort. Life's too short.

[Khaptain]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

There is too much information missing in order to make any judgement.

Was she/he a top model or a fugly ball of meat ?

When was the last time they had sex ?

Was he/she any good in bed ?

Did she want sex or just to receive some attention ?

*******************************

And most importantly

What game was he playing ?

[Anonymous Coward]

She's a big girl though

Looking at the picture of him, he should have taken his opportunity because I doubt that he will get many other chances in life. A typically pasty gamer who spends too much time on the Xbox.

[Homer 1]

"fugly ball of meat"

Yes.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/15/heather-hayes-pantless-arrest_n_2877913.html

At this point the specifics of the game are moot. I'd rather play Atari's ET, widely recognised as the worst video game of all time, than even be in the same room with her.

--

Paris, because she's not Heather Hayes.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

@EVERYONE thinking it's her fault.

So what is it then? Is it that the internet and all things intellectual dismiss human primitives that have proven to withstand 100,000+ years of human existence somehow permit a male of a species to knowingly deny his partner of genetically ingrained pleasure for 2 DAYS so that he may remain unaware of his environment to continually stare into a light source? And we haven't even discussed what "choices" he might think he has yet. However, he is clearly not married or ever will be, so there's another +1 for the statistical bastard son...just what the world doesn't need.

Today's young males are pathetic, it's all me me me all the time...whiny bitches.

Where's the "Downvote EVERYONE" button?

[Bernard M. Orwell]

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

@myBackDoor

No means no. End of. No argument, no debate. Thats the law and it counts just as much for men as women.

You don't get to shout at us either, or attack us with your fists or kitchen implements/knives because thats assault. You also don't get to destroy our property, no matter how "sad" you may think it is. You thinking something is sad is not admissable as a defence in a court of law you know.

If you choose to ignore these simple rules (the same ones that men have been bound to observe for quite some decades now), please don't be offended by the injuries inflicted on you in self-defence whilst protecting ourselves from domestic abuse, violence and assault.

Now, shh.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

@Bernard M. Orwell: WOW! You brought the concept of property into this, do you still carry a club for the ladies?

@Psyx: I understand that, but if you think being a man requires the same treatment that a woman receives, then everyone is just a "Shemale". For better or worse, it is not like that. You can bring the law and equal rights into this all you want, but thinking those trump issues like this, is intellectual and naive. Again, I understand your point, but in some cases using intellect to balance what mother nature has in mind is not going to lead to balance results when tallying them against human written laws.

Ask yourself, as a man, can you out think everything? Then ask yourself, if a woman rapes you, how ugly does she have to be for you to press charges? Trust me, your reaction is not similar to a females, but if all things are "equal", then they would be correct?

I understand the violation of personal space, but rape? As a man, the entire rhetoric of this issue would be much simpler to agree upon if the kid wasn't all about himself and not letting her have her time with him.

Anyways, I stand strong on this point: If you as a man neglect your woman of sex long enough, especially over something like video games, you get what deserve. Please, as a man, keep the whole "no means no" and "everything is to be equal" in the arenas it to which they belong. Women still have it hard enough without men falsely climbing in the ring of neglect, we're just not there yet.

[Danny 14]

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

Based on those photos I think both of them have faces for radio.

[magrathea]

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

You are going around the houses to find an excuse for holding a sexist double-standard

ie.

Assualt by man against a womona is the man's fault

Assault by a woman against a man is also the man's fault...somehow

[Bernard M. Orwell]

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

@myBackDoor

No. I didn't meant the woman as property. You should read my post again. I meant if she had, for example, destroyed the Xbox. That would be criminal damage.

Mind you, given the way you are thinking, and if that is representational of women in general (which it isn't), I think keeping a club handy might be a good idea...

[Psyx]

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

"@EVERYONE thinking it's her fault."

Rape and attempted rape are ALWAYS the fault of the person doing it.

It doesn't matter what gender they are, and it most certainly doesn't make the person being raped 'frigid'.

[Imsimil Berati-Lahn]

Re: "fugly ball of meat"

Thanks (I think) for the link. Nightmares etc...

They BOTH of them look like Matt Lucas characters to me.

Please annotate such links as not suitable for minors.

[the spectacularly refined chap]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

... if your partner(s) is(are) more interested in the computer/drugs/comics/alcohol/politics/religion/sports/exercise(in any form)/ElReg/TV/music or anything else than they are in you, as an individual ... my advice is to simply move on.

Frankly I wouldn't want to be around anyone display that kind of attitude with no reference whatsoever to the circumstances. Can you honestly say you've never stayed at teh pub past the time the missus expects you back for example? If she's demanding sex but it's 2am and you are in work early the next day is a refusal really unreasonable? Finally, consider your own prejudices. If the genders were reverse and it was a naked man chasing a woman around the neighbourhood and demanding sex would you still feel the same way?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

Yoof today: "If you are not giving me all your attention then I'm leaving you!"

Perhaps she should have found out what he was like before getting naked. That's how we did it in the olden days before "being in a relationship" meant having sex with someone who hadn't actually committed to you.

[Steve Mann]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

" That's how we did it in the olden days"

What "olden days"? I'm older than Nitrogen and in my youth lads would bonk anything that would lie still long enough. That is what youth is for and why it is so stupid. There is nothing left to think with if you are bonking your brains out as per the design spec.

The aberrant part of this sorry tale is the bit about the slug who spends all day on the XBox instead of in the saddle.

[oddie]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

i agree with you that at a certain age boys would likely rarely refuse a chance of sex, and so i am not downvoting you, but this older boy/young man did say no, and his refusal was not accepted (from what the register is reporting and from the content of the huffington post article). This did not happen in the uk, and I don't know about the specific laws where this took place, but i would imagine that trying to force someone to have sex with you (after they have made it clear that they don't want to) is illegal in most juristictions.

Of course, you just pointed out that most boys of a certain age would not refuse sex with a girl or woman, which from my personal experience holds true. I am just adding to your statement the fact that in this case the individual did refuse, and that the fact that males of a certain age usually wouldn't refuse sex shouldn't take away from his right to decide when and who he wants to (or doesnt want to) have sex with.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

I knew she was going to get clingy. So I said, "No, lets not go there," but she raped me anyway. True story. She was smokin hot too. Sometimes it's not worth the ensuing trouble. (Let the taunts being...)

[Someone Else]

"Older that Nitrogen..."

Hadn't heard that one before. /me likes...can I use it?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ... @the spectacularly refined chap

Well... actually... I think there is a massive gender bias in this kind of thing...

A woman refusing sex witha man she is in already in a sexual relationship with, very common.....

A man refusing sex with a woman he is already in a sexual relationship with, rare enough to require a brain scan to check for a tumor...

[Anonymous Coward]

Be serious

The relationship was doomed the day he bought the Xbox.

[Destroy All Monsters]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

"if your partner(s) is(are) more interested in X than they are in you then BAD CONSEQUENCE"

Why talk like a young one on the ultimate ego trip?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

I am more interested in breathing than in any human.

[Psyx]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

"... if your partner(s) is(are) more interested in the computer/drugs/comics/alcohol/politics/religion/sports/exercise(in any form)/ElReg/TV/music or anything else than they are in you, as an individual ... my advice is to simply move on. That person isn't worth the effort. Life's too short."

Oh, so you give every waking moment to a partner, to the exclusion of everything else, all the time?

Way to doom a relationship!

(Also grounds for murder, should your partner be an only child)

[Wize]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

From her violent actions, which may not have been her first attack, maybe it is not that he was more interested in the xbox, but just wanting an excuse not to spend time with her in the hope that she will give up and move on without being too violent.

Had this been an article about a man demanding sex from a woman and assaulting her when she refused, it would have a different tone to the one many are reading, ie the gamer's fault.

Violence by anyone against anyone else is not the answer.

[Loyal Commenter]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

If you expect your partner to be more interested in you than anything else, at all times, then you are an egomaniac, and they are better off without you.

Whilst a relationship where one partner ignores the other all the time is doomed, a relationship where one partner expects constant attention from the other, over all else, is equally doomed. The trick lies in finding the right balance in the middle.

in this case, it sounds like the guy wasn't paying his girlfriend enough attention, but it also sounds like she is not entirely sane and reasonable herself, given that she was running around naked from the waist down.

[magrathea]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

If the genders in the scenario were reversed, the man would be being 'too demanding' and to-boot also chauvanisticaly assuming the women was his property. Odd how, no matter what the situation, it is always the man who is somehow criticisable and the woman the 'victim' of him...somehow

[NumptyScrub]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

quote: "If the genders in the scenario were reversed, the man would be being 'too demanding' and to-boot also chauvanisticaly assuming the women was his property."

Actually, if the roles were reversed the man would probably be found guilty of several sexual offenses and be looking at time in jail and a lifetime on the sex offenders register.

But it was a woman that did it, so it's fine, she obviously had a good reason for it :)

[Michael Wojcik]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

Many replies on this thread demonstrate considerable confusion over the meaning of the phrase "more interested". Jake didn't write "to the exclusion of everything else", or "attending to you at every moment". While I'd agree that there are circumstances under which jake's advice is not optimal - history is full of people who report satisfaction in relationships with partners who are obsessed, to some degree, with some other matter - as a general principle it's true that unsatisfying partners are generally not difficult to replace with someone more fulfilling, and life is too short to waste it with people who don't improve it.

Of course, given the generally sophomoric quality of postings on Reg forums (as in most online venues), the overwrought reactions to his post are hardly surprising.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hint, kids (of any gender) ...

If your partner is this person, my advice is to simply move on. She's crazy. You don't put your dick in crazy.

[Dazed and Confused]

sad

what else can be said, anyone more interested in a xbox than sex is clearly already dead.

[DF118]

Re: sad

Sex in general, yes. Sex with a particular person whom one does not want to, no.

[dogged]

Re: sad

Maybe, but to judge from the pictures on the Huffington Post (link here) we should all be thanking Microsoft, the game publisher and probably Sony and Nintendo too for discouraging them from breeding.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: sad @ dogged...

My EYES!!!!!

Need mind bleach....

I did not need to see something so distressing in the morning....

[TimeMaster T]

Re: sad @ dogged...

Thanks for taking the hit and saving the rest of us.

I was pondering following the link when I read your comment.

[Fatman]

Re: sad @ dogged... @AC

I must agree.

I can easily understand why he did not want to have sex with her. Just take one look, and ...

[ian 22]

Re: sad

I must be prescient. I knew what they looked like before seeing the piccies. What a cynical bastard I've become.

[Psyx]

Re: sad

"what else can be said, anyone more interested in a xbox than sex is clearly already dead."

Anyone who is automatically more interested than sex with anyone than anything else in like is pretty sad, though.

It depends on the person in question and the game.

I'd take an hour with Lara Croft over a roll in the hay with a typical Jeremy Kyle guest any day of the week, but even a decidedly plain paramour would draw me away from having to play PGA Tour.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: sad

"sad

what else can be said, anyone more interested in a xbox than sex is clearly already dead."

Could be read as "I'd drop anything to have sex" also means "I'm so desperate for sex because I have no real sex life"

[ChrisM]

sheesh....

Xbox live? More like Xbox dead belw the waist...

At this rate the human race is heading the way of the Pandas.

[Neil Barnes]

Think of it

As evolution in action.

[Aldous]

Re: Think of it

Would not of happened in Todos Santos!

[Matt Bryant]

Re: Think of it

"As evolution in action." If only they'd both been somehow killed during the chase - say, the dumpster truck driver had run them over - it would have made a great double-Darwin entry!

[Mussie (Ed)]

I Vote

Fugly

[Great Bu]

Re: I Vote

Fugly ? No, I would say a bit further down the scale, possibly 'Swamp Donkey' or even 'Horse Worryingly Ugly'.....

[Danny 14]

Re: I Vote

Im sure ive had worse. I vaguely remember events after weekend pass in hamburg where I woke up next to a monster from the lake. Not as bad as my mates favourite story when he woke up in belfast when a kid shook his foot asking "are you my new daddy?".

ah good times.

There are problems though if you'd rather play for 2 days on your xbox than shag your missus. I mean looking at the fella I doubt he'd waste more time than a map loading break anyway.

[Anonymous Coward]

Pix or it didn't happen.

Well?

[jai]

Re: Pix or it didn't happen.

here you go:

http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4901817041161148&pid=1.7&w=190&h=145&c=7&rs=1

[Jim Carter]

Re: Pix or it didn't happen.

Well of course it didn't happen, hence the woman running down the street in the nip!

[Goldmember]

Re: Pix or it didn't happen.

" Pix or it didn't happen. "

Look a few posts up for a non-naked image. Then, retract your request at full speed. Pix definitely NOT needed on this occasion.

[Danny 14]

Re: Pix or it didn't happen.

It is very difficult to unsee something. (2girls1cup, goatse, 1man1jar etc)

[Wallyb132]

I cant say as i blame him...

A quick google search turned up this article on huffingtonpost.com:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/15/heather-hayes-pantless-arrest_n_2877913.html

If you take a moment to browse huffingtonposts.com article you will quickly understand why this fellow chose the xbox.

I'm curious how he landed himself in the relationship in the first place. Was the xbox his escape from the relationship, or the cause of it?

[Anonymous Coward]

Achievement unlocked

Time for a new challenge!

[Baudwalk]

What's the problem?

>>>bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them<<<

Sounds like perfectly fine Sexy Times to me.

[Steven Roper]

Re: What's the problem?

Sounds like fucking sexual assault to me.

As someone who was assaulted in that manner way back in high school, I can tell you that having your balls grabbed and twisted like that IS REALLY FUCKING PAINFUL. Then add the ignominy of being subsequently punished and ridiculed for attempting to defend myself against the female offenders in question.

Maybe you'd like me to make some jokes about your other half being raped? I didn't fucking think so.

[Chris Houston]

Re: What's the problem?

Someones a bit sore

[Chris D Rogers]

Tomb Raider?

Was he playing the new edition of Tomb Raider by any chance?

Anyway, think I'd prefer looking at Lara Croft than Ms. Hayes - I also find the behaviour quite beastly, particularly given we have 7 billion souls on the planet already.

I suggest she take a cold shower or bromide, perhaps even get a Xbox paddle for herself!!!!!!!

[Gert Leboski]

Ewww the horrors.

Just look at her will you?

He ain't no oil painting, but give him a break.

Picture it, stood next to a bin, with her love triangle obscured by her over-hanging gut...

Would you? *shudders*

"Finally, consider your own prejudices. If the genders were reverse and it was a naked man chasing a woman around the neighbourhood and demanding sex would you still feel the same way?" ~ The Spectacularly Refined Chap

Good point.

[Anonymous Coward]

"If the genders were reverse..."

"the spectacularly refined chap" who does not understand what capital letters are for or believe in the past tense does indeed have a good point.

However in fact, due to the above reasons I would seriously doubt his credentials as a "spectacularly refined chap".

[oddie]

I for one am glad to see that there is still justice in the world..

after all, when a person is subjected to attempted partner rape, domestic abuse and sexual assault you would definately want to charge the purpotrator with indecent exposure, simple assault, open lewdness, and harassment... at least two of which seems to have only came about because part of this ordeal took place in public...

[Anonymous Coward]

"But...

...I can't do it when the Kinect is watching"

[Bernard M. Orwell]

No means No

No means No, and I' m not obliged to give a reason for saying no either. Am I right ladies....I'm sorry, I mean Gentlemen!

if this sitiuation were reversed, a man would now be in prison for public nudity, assault and attempted rape.

[Crisp]

Why didn't she just grab another controller and join him?

You know what they say, if you can't beat them... play co-op.

[MikeyD85]

New quick-time-event

Have sex to not die.

[BluePaintIsNotASuperhighway]

The arresting officer

Maybe it's just me, but the first time I read the article I thought the arresting officer was "Officer Oh! Why", which seemed very appropriate.

[The Real Tony Smith]

I didn't even read the story.......

... the headline was enough!

[Anonymous Coward]

Reverse the roles and

screams of attempted rape would ensue

[Tachikoma]

Wow the comments aimed at this womans appearance are staggering, why don't you all post pictures of yourselves and your sigificant others for the rest of us to judge?

[Anonymous Coward]

why don't you all post pictures of yourselves and your sigificant others for the rest of us to judge?

What? And take you off your game?

Honestly...

[Anonymous Coward]

As many comments were aimed at the appearance of the man but I don't see you complaining about that.

Double standards much?

[jestersbro]

Hayes "began to slap and punch him about the head and back...

...bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them",

It would appear that far from being a completely abnormal bloke Mr Zuber not only found solace from his slightly nutsoid Crocodilomuntopig by playing online with his mates, he was also not aroused by having the crap kicked out of him.

She on, the other hand explained "it was because she was anticipating having sex, and that she didn't want to go upstairs and put on pants before following Zuber to the convenience store".

Good grief. Thank Gods I got a divorce from mine. They all start out okay you know, then one day... POOF!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Hayes "began to slap and punch him about the head and back...

As my ex-wifes father used to say:

"Women are like a badly wired plug, they can seem to work perfectly fine for a while, but you never know when they are going to go bang and take the whole house with them".

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: badly wired plugs

You Sir, owe me a new keyboard!

I almost considered creating some dummy El Reg accounts just to upvote you some more, LOL

[Anonymous Coward]

Trashed the Xbox?

I'd call 911

[wim]

women

seem to have a problem with accepting refusal.

[Psyx]

men

seem to have a problem with confusing and grouping individual behaviour with that of 50% of the world's population.

[NumptyScrub]

Re: men

quote: "seem to have a problem with confusing and grouping individual behaviour with that of 50% of the world's population."

I see what you did there

[Wzrd1]

...bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them",

Sounds like a cross between STNG and The Eastenders.

With slightly less class of character for the latter, done with American, erm, flair.

The police officer spent the remainder of his shift disinfecting the rear seat of his cruiser.

[Anonymous Coward]

First time for everything...

Never heard of a bottomless American before. Wiat, what? You didn't mean her arse?...

[Dropper]

Relationships Eh?

It's funny, but you can tell very quickly which commentors have been in a long term relationship and therefore have regular opportunities for sex and which haven't. Those that have been in relationships or marriages for a few years know exactly what I mean. There's no point in trying to convince the uneducated, but the truth is once the newness wears off, the desire to have sex more than few times a week wears off too. Of course to someone who hasn't had it available 2-3 times a day for as long as they can maintain the pace will never understand the need for sleep and how awesome sleeping is.

[Mike Smith]

Re: Relationships Eh?

Quick regexp for those with kids:

s/week/year

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Relationships Eh?

@Mike smith -

So, you have kids and still get it 2-3 times a year, then?

Wow.

You lucky, lucky ....

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Relationships Eh?

"Of course to someone who hasn't had it available 2-3 times a day for as long as they can maintain the pace will never understand the need for sleep and how awesome sleeping is"

And than add a sceaming whining crying shiting pissing bundle of "joy" into that mix ...

ah the joys of a 8am Saturday monring "lie in"

[Matt Bryant]

What game was he playing?

Just curious to know.

[Martin Budden]

"woman arrested by rubbish bin"

Very confusing sub-head: for a moment I imagined a Dusty Bin style robo-cop!

[Anonymous Coward]

She's a rapist

Funny how if it were the other way around he'd be a rapist and it'd be all serious but this gets reported by some outlets like a light hearted fun news story. She's not just big but obese, she should be used to sorting it out herself...if she can even see or reach the target.

[Anonymous Coward]

You can't PAY for advertising this good

Just wait until Stephen Colbert gets ahold of this for a spoof Microsoft commercial: "Xbox -- Better than SEX!" ;-)

[Jimboom]

Am I missing something here?

If she was really that pissed off with him playing too much xbox then why didn't she just go switch off the electricity to the house/flat? Or just pull the plug?

That is what my wife used to do when she was pissed off at me playing World of Warcraft instead of coming to bed with her. For the record though I stopped playing that years ago when I realised just how much time and money I had wasted on a game I didn't even actually own.

[Shasta McNasty]

Article Edit

Heather Hayes, 24 stone,

There, fixed it for you

[tkioz]

Yet if he'd turned around and given her the bop on the nose she desperately needed he'd be the one facing charges...

[adam payne]

Can't really judge as we don't have any information about the stare of their relationship.

First thought was turning down sex to play on an Xbox, someone needs to sort out their priorities.

[Oz]

Google the lady involved and you might change your mind - unless you're a feeder