back to article Arise, Lord BONG

What is a vanguard role? It means taking the lead - Enver Hoxha Enterpreneurs!! Imagineers!! Emergent social nodes!! I bring you great news. A New Britain is emerging - thanks to Conservative 2.0 and its Digital by Default thinking. The old elites based on profits, exports and industry and R&D are falling by the wayside as a …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm sorry, I can't bear to read this...

    ....I can just picture it all in reality too easily.

  2. Adrian Jones

    Baroness Fox?

    Don't you mean Baroness Lane-Fox?

    1. proto-robbie

      Re: Baroness Fox?

  3. bag o' spanners

    Bow ties on stun!

    The House of Digital Architects is filling up nicely.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We're f*cked.

  5. Steve Crook

    Blond Prong

    Oh how I laughed.

    But she's still a baroness, and still pouring poison in the ear of the gubermint and being well rewarded for it. I suspect she'll have the last laugh while I end my days on one of those horrible council estates she knows fuck all about.

  6. Irongut

    Stop the world!

    I want to get off.

  7. John Latham

    "A doctor is just a very well trained flow chart"

    Ah, the "how hard can it be?" fallacy.

    I volunteer to conduct free brain surgery on this idiot, and I will accept any number of flowcharts to assist me in the procedure.

    1. Anonymous Coward


      Will you be able to tell that I've instructed you to perform a lobotomy on yourself? Or will you follow the directions explicitly, until you can't?

  8. All names Taken
    Paris Hilton

    Oh wonderful!

    Everything is alright then!


    Oh wonderful?

    Everything is alright then?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Mr. Bong, sir, rise from this semi-recumbent posture. It is most indecorous!"

    "In matters of utmost importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing."

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Digital People's Republic of Koalition approves of digital-revolutionary tradition of Marthist-Foxhaism.

  11. oolor

    Screw Lord, ¡Baron! ¡Bong! is more appropriate

    I demand this column be ran weekly. How else can I deal with coder and nontrepeneur BS I encounter on a daily basis (not to mention small business owners who think tweeting makes them techies).

    Can convey collected coronet copious chalky characterized compounds compensating conducive coca contemplations' contemporaneous comity.

    <- understands the power of the white (unlike you not so humble poster who prefers "natural" substances delivered through volcanic means)

  12. IT Hack

    Met that Maxwell fellow a while ago. You know, the governments "CTO"...used to run his own recruitment agency? Yeah.

    We are so fucked.

    Pint coz...well the idiots have clearly taken over.

    1. oolor

      Spreading like a social cancer, is there an answer?

  13. RonWheeler

    Face it...

    if the Tories tried to get Britain into a situation where REAL jobs were created, they'd get a bashing at the hands of the leftie-pseudo-intelligentsia calling them Nazis for questioning minimum wages, working hour directives, cutting benefits and so on.

    The Tories are trapped in a world where they have to buy into this BS because the press won't let them really push through the changes needed to get us out of the borrow('invest')now.and hope something profitable turns up later syndrome promoted by our previous overlords. Democracy is great, innit?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Face it...

      I don't think we can solve the UK's economic problems by getting people to work longer for less money; that sounds like a race to the bottom.

      Cutting benefits sounds like a great idea, until the people at the bottom of the pile realise they have nothing to lose. There are plenty of dishonest benefits claimants in the UK, but their petty crimes aren't responsible for the mess we're in; starving the poorest in society to pay for the crimes of the greedy rich isn't going to make you better off.

      Democracy is a great idea when it's one person one vote; but we seem to have weighted voting based on how much you've managed beg, borrow, or steal.

      1. RonWheeler

        Re: Face it...

        Race to the bottom, or simply facing reality rather than blowing the smoke up our asses with pipedream platitudes.

        Love your comment about one person one vote. I assume of course you mean the benefit spongers who still vote for council tax increases year on year without putting anything back in?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm fascinated how you faked these photos

    You snuck some ludicrous fake actor - ridiculous foppy floppy hair with baldness-concealment scrapeover, yellow 'I'm so tech' robot badge, wacko sub-Russell Mael choice in jacket fabric - clearly too cliched to be a real tech person, or even a real person - and fooled the PM into believing that the class clown was of some technological and/or business merit.

    How the hell did you do it?

  15. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

    Best Bongism to date?

    She has literally clawed her way from side to side at the top, like some kind of digital lady crab.

    Lovely image. I'm sure I will be using that "clawed ... from side to side" (properly attributed, natch) in the future.

    And "Chillaxing Phoenix"? More like "Chillaxing Joaquin Phoenix", am I right?

  16. Number6

    Lords of Shoreditch

    Given that there's a Lord Wei of Shoreditch, I don't see why we can't have a Lord Bong of Shoreditch to go keep him company. The rules of the peerage do not prevent this; there are four peers resident in Richmond, after all.

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