back to article Divorce lawyer spots increase in Christmas 'text message bustings'

A top divorce lawyer has warned that adulterous couples are increasingly getting caught out over text messages and other electronic communication sent during the Christmas period. "It is really very sad," Ayesha Vardag, dubbed Britain's top divorce lawyer by the Law Society, told The Telegraph. "We find a lot is that there …

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  1. Old Handle
    Coat

    So sad...

    "It is really very sad," Ayesha Vardag, dubbed Britain's top divorce lawyer by the Law Society, told The Telegraph.

    Yes, I bet he cried all the way to the bank.

    1. LarsG
      Meh

      Makes

      Make it so much easier....

      As one friend of mine experienced, waiting at a tube station an arranged internet date that did not arrive, she waited for the next one, still did not arrive. Finally she tried to phone, no answer but then a text arrived...

      'Saw you waiting, didn't like the look of you so have gone to meet someone else'

      Ouch!

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon
        Pint

        Re: Makes

        'Saw you waiting, didn't like the look of you so have gone to meet someone else'

        There's only one way to view this - she dodged a bullet. I mean, what an arsehole!

        My wife and I have decided to have a Christmas divorce (as of Christmas Eve). We seem to be getting on really well today :D

        Merry Crimbo one and all.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Makes

          "There's only one way to view this"

          Good to know you're not a black and white sort of person. More of a monochrome type, though.

          "- she dodged a bullet. I mean, what an arsehole!"

          What's wrong with a bit of sincerity? That's also one of those things that are probably best said in writing than face-to-face.

          If you are having a divorce yourself, you might not be exactly the best qualified to judge, mind.

          1. Sir Runcible Spoon

            Re: Makes

            "If you are having a divorce yourself"

            My wife and I have been splitting up since we got married 10 years ago (been together 17 of the bloody things).

            It's nice to dream.

            Honesty and sincerity are all very well, but it can be cruel in certain circumstances and I believe we have a little lee-way in such cases - they are called 'white lies'.

            Monochrome is good, there's plenty of shades to go around.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Makes

              Seeing things in black and white is so much easier, 50/50 choice.

              But if you add in grey, that's another 50 shades to go through, and that shit's just confusing.

    2. CheesyTheClown
      Trollface

      Re: So sad...

      Had me practically choking on my tounge laughing when I saw that.

      :)

    3. Mike Flugennock

      Re: So sad...

      "It is really very sad," Ayesha Vardag, dubbed Britain's top divorce lawyer by the Law Society, told The Telegraph.

      Yes, I bet he cried all the way to the bank.

      I'm sure the guy made some serious cash handling divorces, but, still, in order to earn the cash he had to watch a bunch of formerly loving relationships crash and burn. If he didn't find that at least a little bit sad in spite of the money it made him, he'd be pretty much soulless (cue obligatory soulless lawyer jokes here).

      1. disgruntled yank Silver badge

        Re: So sad...

        Gerald Weinberg (The Psychology of Computer Programming, etc., etc.) wrote that his sister decided to get out of divorce work when scanning a list of property that went right down to a half-used bottle of detergent under the kitchen sink. And I did hear of a divorce lawyer in the US west who found the work so stressful that he went back to defending homicide cases.

      2. Paul Crawford Silver badge

        @Mike Flugennock

        "I'm sure the guy made some serious cash"

        Take a look, I think you will find "he" is a lot better looking then you might imagine. Enough, perhaps, for some divorce-proving thoughts?

        http://vardags.com/vardags-team/ayesha-vardag/

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So sad...

      My late mother worked as a legal secretary for about 40 years and she said some of the divorce cases she worked with the solicitors on, were hilarious. Everything has to come out and some of the tales about bizarre sexual practices that partners partake in were plain weird. She said one case consisted of the wife having to put up with her husband putting on studded leather underwear under his suit, studs on the inside mark you, then going down to the park to play with himself in front of the ducks! They had to leaver said underwear in the solicitors office for presentation at the hearing! LOL!

    5. Ivan Headache

      Re: So sad...

      So sad that he's a she.

    6. garbo
      Facepalm

      Re: So sad...

      Ayesha, High Priestess of Kuma: "She who must be Overpaid".

  2. Ketlan
    Happy

    Oops

    'Yes, I bet he cried all the way to the bank.'

    SHE probably did.

  3. Craig 28

    That's got to be the first thing I've heard out of Dickens which wasn't wrist slittingly depressing. I guess even the miserable old sod was human after all.

    1. xperroni
      Trollface

      People can open their hearts all they want...

      I sure as hell won't peer over what's lurking inside.

    2. Amorous Cowherder
      Happy

      Old scrote Dickens

      Give the guy a break he had 10 kids, Xmas must have been a bloody nightmare for the poor old sod! Xmas with creative types is bad enough let alone when they have shed loads of sprogs!

  4. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Is it so hard

    to turn the dammed thing(s) off for one day at least?

    1. MrT

      Haven't we all...

      ...just answered that one by commenting here on Christmas Day? ;-)

      In other news, doctors working for Hellman's claim that liberal application of mayonnaise to both handset and text-addict can cure a differnet kind of cold turkey.

      In a further comment, scientists from the Ann Summers laboratories claim that liberal application of any form of condiment or dairy product may just make the situation worse...

      Happy Christmas folks!

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: Haven't we all...

        some of us are working over the holidays to keep 'stuff working' so the answer to your question is NO.

        I'm working tonight and then I'm off for the next 4 days. My mobile will be switched off for most of that time. If the office need me thay can send a carrier pigeon.

  5. nuked

    "I do wonder whether there is an element of people wanting to get caught because it is an easier way of dealing with it than saying that they want to leave,"

    Baseless conjecture.

    1. Shaha Alam

      Baseless conjecture from someone that's seen the same thing happen over and over again. That's experience. And dare I say it, wisdom.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    keep in touch discretely

    I should have better things to do on Christmas Day than be sufficiently irked to post that it should be DISCREETLY.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: keep in touch discretely

      It can be both discreet and descrete - I have a separate phone for booty calls.

  7. Andrew Moore

    Sod that-

    Merry Christmas everyone (screw the divorce lawyer)

    1. ShadowedOne
      Mushroom

      Re: Sod that-

      I'd imagine that would really get under the (soon to be) ex's skin...

  8. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Unhappy

    no wonder

    some of us cant get girlfriends if the married guys are having a bit on the side too... greedy basts

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Heaven forbid

    that two people in a relationship should actually communicate about the important stuff.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sad?

    It's sad that they split up or that they get found out?

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon
      Pint

      Re: Sad?

      It's sad for the person who 'finds out' about their partner betraying them, at Christmas, probably with family all around.

      I'd like to raise a glass to everyone who gets shafted this Christmas - not everyone's a bastard - just most :)

      PS I'm sparing a few thoughts for the poor sods who are flooded out.

  11. Anonymous John

    I'm on the way. I've told the wife it's an emergency call-out.

  12. Anonymous John

    I don't understand why people make stupid mistakes like that.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Simply explained..

      Its not the mistake thats stupid, its the arsehole making it....

    2. SkippyBing

      It's alright, I got it...

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The old addage:

    DONT shit on your own doorstep...

    1. garbo
      Trollface

      Re: The old addage:

      ...unless you have a back door.

  14. JaitcH
    Happy

    A better need for multi-SIM phones ... and security

    People ask why there are so many multi-SIM handsets/cells in China, especially when compared to other countries.

    The reason is obvious, now, to Foreigners, for each SIM represents a given Celco and keeping "spare Tires (girlfriends)" on different networks makes eminent sense. Different Spare Tire, different Network - what's more, ach Network can be ignored (turned on and off) by signing in.

    Another reason is that when a Spare Tiree goes flat, for you, simply change the SIM and get a new number - yet the main contact numbers for business or family remain unchanged.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Really Very Sad...

    What, the adultery? Or getting caught?

    Neither, from the divorce lawyer's standpoint, surely.

  16. AndrueC Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Oh I do like the article sub heading. Very witty, sir!

  17. All names Taken

    Hmmm - maybe it is a gift and curse of being human?

    The beauty of the family gathering round, the pain of a family breaking apart being equal in magnitude yet differing in directions?

  18. Mayday
    Facepalm

    Not condoning this behaviour here...

    But SMS is a medium that is recorded, and stays as such until actively deleted. If you are carnt enough to do all this, wouldn't it better to NOT have it written down and stored for all the world to see? ie phone call?

  19. John Tserkezis

    "...usually because the husband leaves the phone around..."

    Because it never ever happens the other way around.

    Or maybe because women are just better at hiding their phones...

    1. Robert Norton
      Pirate

      Re: "...usually because the husband leaves the phone around..."

      Simple... Women keep their phone in their handbag. Most men are smart/stupid enough to never look inside a women's handbag.

  20. Tree
    Windows

    MAssage or MEssage

    Is this a massage using only the thumbs? Need a camera phone to prove it was not an affair with the PIAPS. Look it up LOL.

  21. taxman
    Childcatcher

    Password required

    Why do I have a password/swipescreen on my phone Dear? Well, it's to stop anyone using it if I happen to lose it.

    Why don't I tell you what it is Dear? Well why on earth would you need to know when you have a phone of your own? I mean, who would phone/text you on my phone?

    1. Dave Perry

      Re: Password required

      My gf doesn't always have credit so uses mine, but always asks. Mind you she'd lop my wedding tackle off if she found out I'd strayed and kicked her last bloke out for cheating, and she is good to me so it would be mean (not to mention she's now expecting my first child!).

  22. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge
    Holmes

    There's an App for that

    A friend (female) sent me this link a while back:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2217512/The-cheats-app-How-adulterers-make-lovers-texts-calls-disappear-shake-phone.html

    So now there's really no excuse to get caught in flagrante delicto digitally.

    A few observations. According to the above article, women (or at least those that identify themselves as such at the purchase) make up 70% of the market for this product. Possible conclusions: Women cheat more, or are better at the logistics of it than men. My anecdotal experience indicates that this might be true. Alternately, leaving the phone lying about with lovers messages in public view is a marriage exit strategy. That's sort of a wimp's way out, and expensive too, if your jurisdiction allows for the aggrieved party to collect damages. Since the tradition is that the man has the property and income, giving the outgoing wife just cause isn't a smart move.

    £3 is cheap insurance.

  23. Amorous Cowherder
    Pint

    Life is hard enough as it is, people bunking off here and there to go bunking up. So glad I'm an ugly, hairy IT geek and only one woman has messed up her life by wanting to spend it with me!

    Trying to have your cake and eat it? Sod that! I have two women in my life, my wife and my pre-teen daughter, I have enough bloody grief already and it's about to get worse when my daughter's hormones reach critical mass in a couple years time!

    Volunteering to work Xmas supporting the DBs for the 10% who had to come in after they ran out of holiday entitlement, doing sweet FA or bugger-all ( I haven't decided which yet! ) all day and then off down the pub for a liquid lunch, that's how to get through Xmas!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mine was using her Lync account and her email. Saucy stuff. Like we used to do in times past. Left the screen unlocked and the offending messages in plain view. Didn't need to check her phone. Cue M'Learned friends......

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I communicate with my mistress on the El Reg comment boards.

    Last place my wife would look.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Vardag?

    Between reading the article and trying to open the link to see the photo, I got distracted by a colleague, so when I went back to type in the address, for some reason I put in "varshag" - Freudian slip, methinks..........

  27. Kubla Cant Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Dubbed?

    Ayesha Vardag, dubbed Britain's top divorce lawyer by the Law Society

    IANAL, but I'm surprised to learn that the Law Society has a competition for "Britain's top divorce lawyer". and that the winner is dubbed. It raises all sorts of questions.

    Who dubs the winner and where? It must be a glittering occasion, the winner weeping in sash and crown, with the runners-up offering insincere congratulations.

    Are the contestants scored by size of fee or number of successful cases? I expect they score more for contested divorces.

    Is the competition specific to divorce lawyers, or are there lots of other classes - Britain's Top Conveyancer, Britain's Top Personal Injury Claim Lawyer, Britain's Top Commissioner for Oaths?

    Is there a swimsuit round?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Surprised they are not sending spam texts like some of the payday loans company - "fed up with your wife or husband - come to quickiedivorce4u.com"

    Or faked texts like - "have you told her you are leaving - love you xx" - just to plant the seed of doubt when your partner reads it.

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