back to article Ballmer bets 'all in' on Phone 8 and Windows

Steve Ballmer is promising Microsoft is "all in" on the Windows 8 system and took to the stage, along with a mystery celebrity, to push the latest version of Microsoft's smartphone operating system at a launch event in San Francisco. "Today we're bringing phones into the Windows Family with Windows Phone 8," he said. "If you' …

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  1. Combat Wombat
    Mushroom

    Someone get the jumbo popcorn !

    This is going to be fucking fantastic !

    I wan to the world + dog pan this OS, and hopefully the sweaty, chair tossing, monkey boy gets shown the door.

    Maybe Google is hiring ?

    1. Shagbag

      I had a Lumia 800

      I tried WinPho 7 and I kinda liked it - until I tried to use it as a temporary storage device. It was shit. Then they announced WinPho8 won't be compatible with WinPho7 handsets. I felt violated.

      If someone wants to give me a WinPho8 I'll gladly test it out. But there's no way I'm going to stump up my own £££s to buy one. Once bitten...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I had a Lumia 800

        It won't run Android or iOS either. The bastards.

      2. JC_

        Re: I had a Lumia 800

        I tried WinPho 7 and I kinda liked it - until I tried to use it as a temporary storage device. It was shit.

        Skydrive? Email? FTP? Dropbox? Or a USB key so you don't need to fuss around with cables and connections?

        It is generous of you to be willing to accept a mobile phone for free.

    2. Ilgaz

      Re: Someone get the jumbo popcorn !

      It is fun until you figure Apple and google will be far more evil and spoiled as they notice they don't have a credible rival that users may switch to.

      Guy actually had to say Skype can be left running... If you used symbian, you could see how pathetic it is.

      Yea, it can run all time...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Someone get the jumbo popcorn !

        Oh, so does his comment mean that Skype's battery suckage on other phones is a "feature" that parent company Microsoft decided should be left in the app?

        Sounds like an updated version of the 'ole Windows undocumented-private-APIs-for-Office and busted-APIs-for-competitors trick.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Someone get the jumbo popcorn !

      Balmer bets company on failed mobile OS with no app support.

      Oh my, this is going to be hilarious.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Steve

      He's as nutty as my Uncle Fester if he actually believes what he says.

      1. Jess

        Re: Uncle Fester

        I knew he reminded me of someone.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Even the presenter of BBC Click rolled his eyes and shook his head after trying out Win 8. Too many flaws, to many compromises in a system that is in effect two operating systems mated together with a bit of double sided sticky tape and a staple. Neither the touch system or the desk top work well and they are unable to play nicely together.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Even" the non-entity presenter of a no-credibility TV show nobody has heard of? Damn, Ballmer needs to be told.

      1. CmdrX3

        Good old BBC Click

        One of the biggest UK Apple adverts... second only to The Gadget Show.

      2. Ilgaz

        Everyone knows click

        Well I bet you are British and hate that BBC license thing but really, BBC click is a very known and respected program worldwide.

        I know it isn't very "deep" stuff but a lot will listen to them.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Everyone knows click

          BBC Click and GadgetShow both have truckloads of free Apple stuff delivered all the time, in exchange for nice things.

          Make me sick that my BBC license fee is going to such a biased voice for hire like Click.

          1. Armando 123

            Re: Everyone knows click

            "Make me sick that my BBC license fee is going to such a biased voice for hire like Click."

            Which is how many American conservatives and libertarians feel about PBS and NPR.

            1. CmdrX3

              Re: Everyone knows click

              PBS gets $100 miliion, is funded out of public taxpayer funds and is basically pennies from the federal budget that American conservatives use as a distraction in order to avoid real cuts.

              The BBC gets $3.5 BILLION, and is funded from a separate annual fee that most households in the country must pay by law regardless of whether they watch BBC or not.

              Now I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that if American conservatives had THAT to whine about instead of Big Bird then we'd never hear the end of O'Reilly, that daft skank Gretchen and the rest of the idiots on Fox news belching their uninformed nonsense and half truths.

              1. Ilgaz

                We are ready to pay, they aren't selling

                If those idiot suits sold annual BBC to global audience who are waiting on line or paying to VPN services just to get iplayer, you would pay far less.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Everyone knows click

          There is precious little coverage of computing tech on TV, so let's be grateful we've got Click!

          I don't like the silly schtick before the opening titles, or the guy's hair gel that's he's way too old for, and my daughter stared aghast at the young lady who does the website 'news' (filmed with a strange blur to make her look more glam?) and said she looked like a skanky prozzie (!) but come on, it's a lot better than the nothing we'd have otherwise!

          Cooking, cooking, chefs, cooking, period costume drama, lousy quiz shows, 'reality' (nothing like it!) TV, over-hyped vacuous 'talent' shows, more cooking, houses, decorating, building, cooking, old films, US sitcoms and endless repeats, but precious little on IT. Take a look at the shelves in the newsagents to determine what hobbies and interests people have, and then compare to what we get on TV. It's pretty pathetic.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Everyone knows click

            > said she looked like a skanky prozzie

            But whilst we all say how bad it is, secretely us men all love that look, don't we?

            I wonder if there's a Winpho8 parallel right there.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Why are you talking about Win8 when this is a Win Phone 8 article? Good to see you know your tech and know the difference!

      1. Tom 38
        Joke

        You've not been following have you! It's all the same!

  3. Captain DaFt

    Psst!

    Don't tell Ballmer that the phrase "all in" is slang for "tired", and what he thinks he's saying may not be what everyone's hearing.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Psst!

      No, he means they're all in the bowl and are only waiting for someone to pull the chain... one can only hope...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Psst!

      Would Balls Deep have been better?

      1. Captain DaFt

        Re: Psst!

        Actualy, I think "on board", would have been a better phrase to get that message across that he was trying to deliver. It would have implied that he actualy thought it was going somewhere.

  4. Giles Jones Gold badge

    I want a SIM free Lumia 920 but can you get one in the UK? can you bollocks.

    The 920 will be the last Nokia phone I buy, not because I won't buy any of their phones again but I believe they won't exist by the time I need another phone.

    Nokia are just like Kodak, failed to adapt and their cash cow shrunk. With Nokia it is the shrinking feature phone income and with Kodak it was the film market. Both failed to adapt to the new world (digital for Kodak and modern smartphones for Nokia).

    The 920 is one of the best phones they have done, but they are just run by complete idiots.

    1. Jess

      Re: their cash cow shrunk

      The reason their cash cow shrunk was because they sent it to the slaughterhouse, after they had applied medicine and it was recovering. And they also sent baby cow there too. (N9)

      1. lauri_hoefs
        Flame

        Re: their cash cow shrunk

        Enough with the brainless Symbian nostalgy already!

        The "medicine" was not working very well, and the system was pretty much as far from recovering as it could ever be. The "baby cow" was still born. Read the Muropaketti article about Meego development puplished here in El Reg, and you might get an idea how the "baby cow" was actually doing.

        Having had to use way too many of Nokia's top of the line phones during the last ten years, I say good riddance, Symbian. Finally Nokia has phones that won't reboot and freeze randomly, and actually have a good selection of well working software available to them!

    2. B4PJS

      Clove will have the 920 SIM free early november :)

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    OMG!

    "Alba said her daughter had managed to post gibberish on her mum's Twitter feed after she gave the tot her iPhone to play with". That's, like, OMG, so serious!

    What's wrong with these people?

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: OMG!

      "her daughter had managed to post gibberish" is so amazing, to be as capable as virtually all other Twitter users to post gibberish! Get her a mensa application now!

    2. JC_

      Re: OMG!

      Being able to hand your phone to your daughter/son/niece/friend's kid so they can distract themselves but not do anything annoying isn't a good idea?

      Why not?

      1. Hellcat
        Facepalm

        Re: OMG!

        My wife can do that with her Lumia 800 now. It's called 'flight mode'.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: OMG!

      She did say "emailing my partnerS" plural.

      Got to make sure the ones on hotmail don't know about the ones on gmail, after all...

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "What's wrong with these people?"

      they are shallow, stupid and completely lack a sense of irony or any insight into the human condition.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "claimed that Windows Phone 8 has 46 of the top 50 mobile apps in use today."

    Ha Ha Ha

    A monkey that tells jokes - well poor jokes, whatever next

    1. Tom 35

      Re: "claimed that Windows Phone 8 has 46 of the top 50 mobile apps in use today."

      43 of them are different versions of Angry Birds...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nice try, but...

    Have a look at this, and compare prices:

    http://googleblog.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/nexus-best-of-google-now-in-three-sizes.html

    I think MS are in trouble.

  8. Linux Rules
    Thumb Down

    No way - not with "Raising the bill" Cingular (aka AT&T, in name only) or partner-with-liars-and-thieves Verizon (aka Comcast lapdog).

    (This comment makes sense to USA consumers.)

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    squee1701

    I have briefly tried Windows 8 - the desktop support guys where I work had a pre-release spin. I'm not trolling but normally, I work from a laptop that I can carry around with me, it has a little webcam, synaptics pad, DVD-RW built in and a pretty standard 1tb hd. This is not an anti Windows 8 troll, just what the implications of doing everything through a tablet have for me; Ubuntu, Gnome - you guys should think about this too.

    Okay, let's say I'm in the office, on a train whatever and I need to do some work for an hour;

    Laptop world:

    1. Open bag and retrieve laptop

    2. Press 'on' button

    3. yay! I'm productive with all the mod cons, including mouse, nice bouncy keyboard, video conferencing etc...

    Tablet world:

    1. Open first bag and retrieve tablet, and the stand I will inevitably need to buy in order to keep a comfortable posture and prevent my arm going numb. Then set the tablet in the stand

    2. Open bag two: Retrieve USB keyboard (I type at around 70 wpm, this will probably drop to around 30-ish or even less on a tablet or annoying rubber fold out thing. Retrieve USB mouse (my work flow requires point and click), retrieve USB DVD Drive - sometimes I need to backup my work etc...

    3. Open bag three: Retrieve external USB hard-drive where my movies, music, images, etc... are stored. Then hope they all work via the USB hub I have purchased. We're probably on about £250 of accessories so far, at least.

    4. Press 'on' button.

    5. Bit of luck and I'm productive.

    That's my 2 cents anyway. I'm not saying everyone will have this problem, but to to recreate the feel and workflow of my current Win 7 laptop (I gave up on Linux thanks to Gnome and Ubuntu).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: squee1701

      Yay, a Windows 8 article for me to write FUD on!

      Wait what? Windows Phone 8? Nevermind, post it anyway and watch those Google-sponsored upvotes roll in!

    2. Richard Plinston

      Re: squee1701

      > 3. Open bag three: Retrieve external USB hard-drive where my movies, music, images, etc... are stored.

      > 5. Bit of luck and I'm productive.

      You seem to be confused: watching movies is not 'productive', listening to music is not 'productive', looking at pictures is not 'productive'.

    3. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    4. mark1978

      Re: squee1701

      That's because this isn't what tablets are for, you need to stick with a laptop as that's what works for you and not complain that a tablet isn't like a laptop.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What's with the hobbit

    ...onstage with Alba and Baldmer?

    1. TeraTelnet
      Coat

      Re: What's with the hobbit

      Film tie-in?

      1. Jediben

        Re: What's with the hobbit

        I thought it was Tom Cruise? :)

  11. HCV

    I'm guessing that prior to this event, Jessica Alba thought "curate her content" was a job for her daughter's pediatrician.

  12. zen1

    I, for one...

    Think Balmer is an idiot. I don't see it flying in the business market at all.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I, for one...

      Well, that settles it then.

      Hey, Fortune 500 companies! zen1 thinks Balmer is an idiot. Scrap all PCs immediately.

      I bet they'll get right on that.

      1. Old Handle

        Re: I, for one...

        No, they'll just keep using Windows 7.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I, for one...

          Windows 8 Enterprise Professional sans visual fail edition?

          I quite liked this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzPCc96ipjs

        2. Jess

          Re: keep using Windows 7

          Keep?

  13. Stu 18
    Unhappy

    I'm confused

    Who has lots of partners? Was that the girl or Microsoft. I'd be concerned for the kid if Mum can't keep track of all her partners, doesn't need a phone, needs to see a councilor or a minister.

    Steve said he was gore to retire after the win 8 launch last year, just people have forgotten already.

    1. Old Handle
      Paris Hilton

      Re: I'm confused

      I don't see anywhere that Jessica couldn't keep track of her partners, just that she didn't want her kids to email them.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I just love...

    ..Jessica Alba

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And this, my friends....

    .... is how and when historians will say that started the long fall of Microsoft.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And this, my friends....

      Ooh! Ooh! Is it linux-on-the-desktop year again?

      Like 1995? And 1998? And 2000? And 20003? And 2006? And 2010?

      How much are you betting this time?

      1. Richard Plinston

        Re: And this, my friends....

        > Ooh! Ooh! Is it linux-on-the-desktop year again?

        Do try and keep up, desktops are dying so it was replaced by 'Linux-on-the-mobile' a couple of years ago, and yes, it is.

        In a couple of years time we will be wondering again when will it be 'windows-on-the-mobile' year. But it won't be.

      2. hplasm
        Windows

        Re: Ooh! Ooh!

        A monkey?

        No it's dogshit on a tablet year.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: And this, my friends....

        No, it's not. I was not saying that the demise of Microsoft means that the Linux desktop will rise. I don't know how it will happen. I just know that Microsoft is headed towards a long and painful decline and that the release of Windows 8 will be seen, from an historical perspective, as the turning point where Microsoft started to lose market share.

        I don't know the exact point in time, but this will happen much in the same way that IE is no longer the dominant browser. At first, everything will look like normal, and your expensive consultants will keep telling you that Windows is still a promising bet in the tablet and desktop arena, and that it still has a huge market share advantage. Then the decline will start to be noticeable- Then everybody suddenly will start saying that they already knew since a long time ago that desktop and tablet Windows machines were no longer relevant and that it all started with the Windows 8 failure.

        That will be the point where Windows and Microsoft will stop being the market juggernaut they have been until now. And no, I don't know if it will be Android, Mac or some other Unix derivative what will be replacing Windows.

        But certainly will happen. Please save this comment on your bookmarks for when the time comes. In a few years, Windows will be something that people log into using VDI sessions to use their legacy business applications, and the expensive consultants will be selling solutions to migrate away from those VDI machines and avoid Windows completely.

  16. HollyHopDrive

    Apple had invented the model smartphone UI and Android had copied it

    What total fud. Don't let the facts get in the way. Just in case he forgot multitasking and cut and paste. First on android. Then decent notifications. First on android. And so on....

    Saying it isn't true doesn't make it fact or true. And it isn't going to make apple not try and sue your ass if you look like taking any serious chunk out of their market share. Still, unlikely to happen with wp8.

    1. dogged
      FAIL

      First on Windows Mobile and Symbian actually, but don;t let that slow you down. Keep the hate coming. One day, you'll be right if only through statistics.

      1. Tom 35

        Fail?

        If we take what you say as true, Apple still didn't invent it, and Android still didn't copy it from Apple.

    2. Robert Grant Silver badge

      @HollyHopDrive

      I realise that this is a drop in the ocean to correct all of the bizarre claims and counter-claims of the phone religions, but cut and paste and multitasking are nothing to do with the UI design. Come on - Android REALLY looks as though someone saw the iPhone and tried to copy it and extend it - badly. At least when it was launched. Now it looks a little different, and a little slicker, but still, very very similar concepts.

      (Disclosure: not an Android or iOS user, but would pick Android if they were the only options)

      1. HollyHopDrive

        Re: @HollyHopDrive

        @robert Grant

        Ok, I take your point that cut and paste and multitasking are functions of the UI not the UI itself.

        Lets remove the fact they both have icons as this is as old as the hills, right back to he GEM desktop (remember that! - showing my age :)

        We then get down to the fact that the two are actually very different. IOS has a screen by screen set of icons. In its initial incarnation (before they let you have folders) you could swipe left and right for apps and iirc you could re-order the icons.

        Android, on the other hand, you used to click to open the 'app drawer' or and select your app from a scroll vertical list. You could also drop the icon on to the desktop. Android has from 1.6 also had widgets too. No icon re-ordering though. Always alphabetical

        Either way, from a simple UI they are both very different.

        Only my opinion, but they are imho different enough. To say one stole from the other in this respect is a lie. Similar in places, but overall very different. If he still wants to continue down the android copied apple line, lets look at Windows Phone Tiles and Android Widgets - :)

  17. JeffyPooh
    Pint

    "All Windows 8 devices share the same iconic look and feel."

    You spelled "moronic" incorrectly.

    I want my tablet to look like a PC. I don't want my PC to look like a Speak & Spell toy.

    Win 8 might be a (pair of) fine OS, but the GUI is revolting.

    1. Richard 12 Silver badge

      Re: "All Windows 8 devices share the same iconic look and feel."

      I don't want my tablet to look like a PC, or my PC to look like a tablet!

      Tablets and PCs are different, and require different interfaces.

      Trying to make them the same is fundamentally doomed to failure - you either get a tablet you can barely use because the UI expects accurate pointing and a keyboard, or a PC that you can barely use because it expects you to have a touchscreen (extremely tiring for long-term use), only one or two applications running and only one monitor.

      Microsoft made the first mistake before - now they are making both mistakes at the same time.

      Which is a shame - as a phone or tablet UI, TIFKAM looks like it is actually a pretty good idea. It's Android's live widgets but with sharper corners, and Samsung's Android multi-tasking.

      Where Surface fails is the jarring change to the desktop, where Windows 8 fails is the jarring change to TIFKAM.

      Windows Phone 8 doesn't have either of those, so might succeed - the risk is that Surface and Windows 8 break it by annoying and confusing customers.

      Apple should be worried about WP8 - iOS still has zero info on the home screen, and they desperately need to fix that.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "All Windows 8 devices share the same iconic look and feel."

      While I admit I'm a MS Fanboy, that made me laugh!

  18. Goat Jam
    WTF?

    "It's like her little space where I can curate her content"

    What? Does Jessica Alba really talk like that?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "It's like her little space where I can curate her content"

      One of my tricks for avoiding arseholes is to ignore everything after the word "curate" is used. It's working pretty well so far.

      I'm out of touch and so I don't know who Jessica Alba is, but I imagine her words were scripted by some MS drone.

      1. Vic

        Re: "It's like her little space where I can curate her content"

        > I don't know who Jessica Alba is

        She did a TV programme called "Dark Angel". It's worth a watch. With the sound down.

        Vic.

  19. btone

    hang on!?

    I thought Apple had a patent on the term 'awesomely delightful' !

  20. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: MS have an image problem

      Hmm, now what is it that bean counters have ample access to again? Rhymes with honey.

      1. hplasm
        Unhappy

        Re: bean counters

        Power.

  21. Wang N Staines
    Happy

    LG Nexus 4 for around £239 ...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    RIP Microsoft

    This company is dead - they just don't know it yet.

  23. Belardi

    What a load

    "Windows Phone 8 has been built around a customizable interface made up of "live tile" applications which constantly update new data, he said, touting this move as being about making the phone about people, not applications." = what a load of crap. Its about the APPS. Its why they are forcing METRO to replace Windows.

    Live tiles are only useful on a mobile Launcher screen... for the the most part, really don't seem to super useful. And of course, with Android - its simple to use a WP7/8 like Launcher such as Launcher7 and Launcher8 which can be installed on any Android device.

    I used to run Launcher 7 on my old Galaxy. But once I got a modern Motorola with ICS, I didn't feel the need to re-install Launcher7 or 8.

    Some of my friends who OWNED WP7 devices have gone to Samsung GS3 or other Android ICS handsets.

    Not many people really care about METRO....

    1. lauri_hoefs
      Flame

      Re: What a load

      "Live tiles are only useful on a mobile Launcher screen"

      Oh boy have I been wrong! I've been using them and finding them very useful on my laptops and desktops too!

      Sorry, I thought that it was actually I who decided what to find useful on my devices, and not you. I'll correct my mistake and remove the live tiles immediately!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Android copied Apple

    So, the live tiles are not a copy of Android widgets?

    1. lauri_hoefs

      Re: Android copied Apple

      Well, there were many other platforms with widgets before Android, so how do you decide which one copied which?

    2. The_Regulator

      Re: Android copied Apple

      LOL not even close, goes to show that you should just keep quiet about something you obviously know nothing about if you think the android widgets are anything like live tiles.

  25. Moyra J. Bligh

    Had a phone with a Windows operating system *ONCE* will never make that mistake again.

    And when I get to the point I have to learn a new interface, it will be a flavour of Linx/Unix and NOT Windows 8.

  26. The_Regulator
    FAIL

    Writers On This Site Are A Joke

    On the face of it, Microsoft's got a good case to make for Phone 8 as it stands. The hardware looks reasonably good, although in the US AT&T has a lock on what looks like the best handset (Nokia's Lumia 920) and Verizon's exclusively getting the latest Samsung hardware once its ready.

    Really, the Lumia 920 is reasonably good? How about the best on the market, you guys are sad that you cannot even write a legitimate review of a device and give it the proper attention that it deserves. I have been visiting this site for years and you really are going downhill with some of the innuendo at this point.

    Pathetic.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Microsoft, the do-evil corporation.

    Microsoft are almost giving Windows 8 away (Under £30 for the pro version upgrade). They really want to lock people into this new 'app-shop' business model because it they would make money off every app sold. This is a terrible deal for developers and consumers and I hope Windows 8 fails big time.

    In addition, the new multicoloured tiles interface is ugly and childish. I want my OS to be almost invisible, to be sleek, fast, efficient and stylish.

    Microsoft are moving away from the goal.

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