back to article GIANT EYEBALL PANIC ends: Oceanic peeper identified

The giant eyeball that washed up on a Florida beach last week has been identified, quelling fears of a new monster swimming in the vasty deep. Researchers at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) report that the eye has been positively identified as coming from Xiphias gladius, or as it is more commonly …

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  1. AndrueC Silver badge
    Joke

    Eye, eye. Something fishy going on there :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Disinformation

      It is alien, a green 5 legged 3 eyed brain sucking creature that crash landed off the coast of Florida after being shot down. The rest of it is in custody at a secret location somewhere in the Nevada desert.

      It is said that the creature is eyeing up ways to escape.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Is it wrong I want to down vote you for such a poor joke?

  2. PJL500
    IT Angle

    Still think it belongs to

    Google.

    1. Martin Budden
      Facepalm

      Re: Still think it belongs to

      a Dalek.

  3. James O'Shea
    Devil

    Insignificant

    Florida residents have a much more important, and much more evil, monster to worry about: Rick the Dick. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Scott> Just look at the beady eyes, the vacuous expression, the sweat rolling off the chrome dome... the vicious creature makes John Major look like a saint. An intelligent, well-mannered, saint.

    1. FrankAlphaXII
      Pint

      Re: Insignificant

      You must have to deal with him too. Floridians tend to really strongly dislike him.

      Lawton Chiles or Jeb Bush he isn't, thats for sure. Im just glad we haven't had a major hurricane during his administration, FEMA reacting slowly would be the least of our problems. That dumb son of a bitch probably wouldnt even ask for a disaster declaration even if Tampa, Key West, Orlando, Jacksonville, or Miami were completely flattened.

      If you're a citizen of the US and Florida, and you're voting, make sure you vote no on Amendment 1. If it doesn't pass it'll completely derail Scott, Harodopolis, and Gardiner's little plan to create a constitutional crisis over the Federal Healthcare law.

      Anyway, I call him either Governor Skeletor or Governor Voldemort. Rick the Dick/Prick works too.

      Have a beer on me, anyone suffering under the Scott Regime deserves about 12.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Insignificant

      the vicious creature makes John Major look like a saint

      Are you sure you're not confusing him with Tony Blair?

  4. James 51

    It should be illegal to waste the rest of the shark like that.

    1. DJ Smiley
      FAIL

      Wasting.... by chucking in the sea where other animals can feed on it instead of bringing it on land wasting fuel, then having to dispose of it after having either let it go rotten on the ship, or kept it fresh and wasted more energy due to the production of ice to do so?

      Yup, HUGE waste by returning it to the sea.

  5. Irongut

    Cover up

    The Illuminati don't want us to know what Cthulhu Mythos horror the eye came from.

  6. Mike Flugennock

    yaaawwwwnnnn

    When I saw the first report on the Giant Mystery Eyeball, my first guess was that it came from some species of large fish, or perhaps a large squid.

    Of course, that didn't stop the likes of Drudge Report from posting the report under headlines like ZOMFG THE ALIENS ARE HERE!!!!!11!11!!11!!!!!! in the same way they report on the approach of NEOs (Near-Earth Objects).

    Needless to say, Drudge won't bother posting any of the follow-up stories reporting that the Giant Mystery Eyeball has been identified.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hahaha. What a guess.

    Not this poster, but I did see another guess it was a swordfish eye. They were spot on. My money was on it being a squid. :P

    1. Platelet

      Re: Hahaha. What a guess.

      but then the original El Reg article suggested "A swordfish is one possibility, since they are widely fished in the area, and a squid has also been mooted"

      http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/10/12/florida_giant_eyeball/

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe someone that's familur with taxidermy did the surgery.

    Must have been a whopper. It's could being on someones wall as a trophy.

    1. Grikath

      Re: Maybe someone that's familur with taxidermy did the surgery.

      Possibly. The swordfish is a bony fish, and you start preparing the skull by cutting away all the soft bits, *especially* the eyes.

      And admit it, a swordfish skull, including the gill bones and covers, would make a mighty impressive display item for the sciences department of a highschool or college..

      1. TeeCee Gold badge

        Re: Maybe someone that's familur with taxidermy did the surgery.

        That was my thought. While commercial fisherman may use a circular saw to chop everything off the carcass for storage and discard all the unwanted bits, a sport fisherman may want to keep the skull and sword and is more likely to use a knife.

        Especially as it looks like it was a big one.

        <Stretches out arms in approved "exaggerating fish size" style.>

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Maybe someone that's familur with taxidermy did the surgery.

      Isn't Dexter from Florida?

  9. kissingthecarpet
    Go

    There's also

    the "Two Egg Stump Jumper" aka "the mini Bigfoot" aka the "North Parramore Hobbit" they have to contend with as well. The blob names are good - the Dunk Island Carcass or the Tasmanian Blob.

    Surely being a mini Bigfoot is like being a giant dwarf - a bit silly.

  10. Axl

    That's nothing, over on the other side of the country we have the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus!

    http://zapatopi.net/treeoctopus/

  11. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge
    Pirate

    Be on the lookout ...

    ... for a swordfish sporting an eye patch. Possibly also with parrot and peg leg.

    Arrrgh!

    1. dssf
      Joke

      Re: Be on the lookout ... or...

      Be on the eye lookout for a one-eyed fisherman who may have has a tussle with that swordfish, got his eye damaged, then cared one out of the swordfish.... Eye for and eye, live by the sword die by the sword, nyuk nyuk....

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When I buy swordfish heads ...

    ... I ask the fishmonger to leave the eyes in. That way, it'll see me through the week.

  13. M7S

    Why cut out the eye and not decapitate the beast?

    There's no point retro-fitting the targetting system is something that's then immobile.

    Sensible to mount the laser on a swordfish as when the main power source fails, if you can still direct the fish, you've a backup weapon. Or it can be used for ninja style approaches to take out enemy organic underwater sentries before letting rip with the energy weapons when the alarm is finally raised.

  14. DEAD4EVER
    Happy

    eye eye eye

    well least it explains it then dont it everyone thinking it was some other new type of creature like a alien or something but least they found it to be a swordfish.

  15. Steve Hosgood
    Headmaster

    Or, according to the El. Reg readership poll....

    "Xiphias gladius seeks out prey species up to 600m down".

    Actually, maybe even this revised version needs revision. Can you have "up to X down" in the same sentence? How about:

    "Xiphias gladius seeks out prey species down to 600m".

    There - fixed that for you!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You'll have someone's eye out with that!

    Fencing accident?

  17. Oninoshiko
    IT Angle

    Awwww

    I was voting for the new "retina display"

    the IT angle, 'cause, well, eyes found it!

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