back to article Facebook's CHAIR sat on by 1 billion people ... bitch

It's official: Facebook is like a chair. Or a plane. Or a nation. And it's apparently especially true now that the dominant social network has passed the 1 billion user mark. CEO Mark Zuckerberg said on the site today that it was "very special" for him to be celebrating having so many people connecting together on his website …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Justice

    This is 1 Billion accounts, right? Not 1Billion people. Fake accounts, duplicates, pets, and accounts deader than Elvis don't count.

    I wonder if Zuck made the annoucement the the style of Doctor Evil?

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Select * From Handle

      From what i read on BBC...

      It is 1 billion accounts that logged in, within a month. But their could be a lot of fake account that have logged in also...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: From what i read on BBC...

        when you say "logged in", you mean really logged in with login and password with user typing, or where someone breached Farcebooks security and some activity on an account was logged?

        1. FartingHippo

          Re: From what i read on BBC...

          Who cares how they measured it. A billion is an arbitrary milestone, which happens to be a round number in base 10, which we use because we have 10 fingers.

          I suspect we'd all be using holodecks and backing up our consciousnesses by now if humans had 8 fingers. IT would be so much easier in base 8. Piano music would not be as good, however.

          1. Sporkinum

            Re: From what i read on BBC...

            Just to be pedantic, we humans have 8 fingers, plus 2 opposable thumbs.

            1. FartingHippo

              Re: From what i read on BBC...

              Back in your box, pedant. According to the OED:

              Finger: One of the five terminal members of the hand; in a restricted sense, one of the four excluding the thumb.

              So we're both right, but you're restricted in some way...

              1. Dire Criti¢
                Thumb Down

                Re: From what i read on BBC...

                Unfortunately the OED isn't a medical dictionary. I notice there is no mention of phalanges in that definition.

                1. Grikath

                  Re: From what i read on BBC...

                  Alas, the thumb is a finger, both my (by now rather old) vertebrate morphology and animal physiology books agree on that.

                  The fact that genus Homo has a frontal finger that is opposable to the plane of the extremity, and as such referred to as a "thumb" in non-boffinish, or the rather restricted "medical" manuals of morphology exclusively dealing with the anatomy of our specific (sub)species, does not any less make it a finger, just a highly specialised one, in which we're not even unique.

                  As far as Crapbook is concerned, peeps can take it or leave it. For my personal purpose of keeping in contact with a gaggle of 14-24 yr olds when it comes to organising events and shoutcasting updates to my humble website regarding those events, it works adequately. Anything really private or sensitive is dealt with in the appropriate manner, which is not on or through Crapbook.

                  To Each Thing Its' Appropriate Use, etc..

              2. Random Handle
                Thumb Down

                Re: From what i read on BBC...

                >Back in your box, pedant.

                Nah, free him!

                8 fingers, 2 thumbs - 8 digits, 2 polex - 30 phalanges.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Even my dog is a Facebooker

      999,999,999,001 fake ID's the rest belong to employees.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Even my dog is a Facebooker

        "Even my dog is a Facebooker"

        My parents have 3 accounts each, as does my sister's two cats. This is all to play some Facebook game that requires you to spam your friends into playing to progress. This is the problem with Facebook.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Even my dog is a Facebooker

          Not "the" problem, "a" problem.

          I only log into my completely vacant profile every month or so to keep my id.

    4. Peter Murphy

      Doctor Evil?

      Zuck: "Facebook has ... ONE TRILLION USERS! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

      (Dramatic music starts, then cuts.)

      Other Facebook board member: "One trillion users? There's ain't that many people, numbnuts!"

      Zuck: "Ok. Facebook has ... ONE BILLION USERS! Ha ha ha!" (Dramatic music continues.)

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Facebook *is* like a chair

    the problem is the argument about whether the seat should be up ... or (like Facebook shares) down.

  3. thegrouch

    Sitting on a chair

    I'm reminded of the dangers of sitting on a chair from Pete and Dud's 'Dirty Uncle Bertie' sketch..

    "Roger, in order for you to be brought about, it was necessary for your mother and I - to do something. In particular, it was necessary for your mother… it was necessary for your mother - to sit on a chair. To sit on a chair which I had recently vacated, and which was still warm from my body. And then, something very mysterious, rather wonderful and beautiful happened. And sure enough, four years later you were born."

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I could....

    ....set up a web site, create a database and write a script to insert 1 Billion random user names into wouldn't mean that I actually had 1 Billion real-live users.

  5. Andy ORourke

    Is it just me?

    Or did that advert look like a concept ideagasm that Perfect Curve (2012) would have come up with?

  6. Sir Barry

    I nearly fell off my chair watching that ad

  7. VinceH


    '"Anyone can sit on a chair," a soothing female voice informs us. Essentially, that is why "Facebook is like a chair".'

    Ignoring whether or not the comparison is fair or just plain nonsense, putting it that way around is reasonable - but the advert actually claims that's why "chairs are like Facebook", which I see as something of an Apple move.

    Next week, Facebook will be suing furniture manufacturers for copying their idea of creating something people can use to get together and talk.

    1. Ken 16

      It's an analogy

      You need to be this smart to use the product.

    2. Thomas 4

      Re: Optional

      Anyone can sit on a chair. That is why Facebook is ass.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Its like a nation.

    A third world dictatorship

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    1 trillion "likes" by 1 billion "users"

    as mentioned in the BBC coverage. So that makes 1000 "likes" per "user" then, for all of them. Yeah right. They're all real aren't they Mark?

    1. Select * From Handle
      Thumb Down

      Re: 1 trillion "likes" by 1 billion "users"

      thats not such a bad statistic... i have over 600 pages liked and i have liked countless articles/posts... i would think i have likes closer to 10k things over the years... But still do i care? no... what exactly can they do with my data of 100 likes of gangnam memes over the last month?... confirm that i like gangnam style?

  10. mccp

    Only 1,147,483,648 more users to go before it all goes tits up because someone used a signed 32-bit integer somewhere.

    I hope.

    1. Anonymous Coward


      I laughed my ass off when I read that.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First thought that sprang to mind was the chair from the first series of Blackadder that sported a cobbling grinder.

  12. blade-runner
    Thumb Down

    where are the computer screens?

    Disclosure - I am not a social networker.

    The thing that struck me most about this ad was that everything in it, happened in the real world.

    Real people

    Real environments

    Real tangible 'things'

    This ad portrays how Facebook would like you to see it.

    The reality of Facebook is someone sat in front of a computer screen / phone / tablet tapping away on a keyboard.

    1. The Alpha Klutz
      Thumb Up

      Re: where are the computer screens?

      The advert would have been much more accurate if they had set up the shots like this:

      scene 1: a bus stop full of people in the dark hours of the morning/night. all their faces are glowing a disgusting blue colour from their LED backlit devices. (LEDs have massive efficiency in the blue spectrum and not much else, all the other colours have to be produced by phosphors). Anyway these blue glowing people are basically not going to talk to each other under any circumstances, and the advert needs to portray the pure isolation of this.

      scene 2: typical male masturbating furiously at pictures of good looking women on Facebook. He has a 21 inch monitor so his face is glowing blue as fuck and you can see all the sweat and grease on there.

  13. The Alpha Klutz

    Peter realises that Fincher ripped off the mind control sequences from The Parallax View, in The Game.

    Mind control is a major theme in Fincher's work.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Can be F'd in the A - which is why Facebook is like sodomy

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Connecting People?

    Isn't that Nokia slogan? ;-)

  16. h3

    What does this mean ?

    "the advert will now be heavily trailed there."

    Makes no sense.

    (Or is it some quirk of American English I have never heard before ? Thought this was a UK site).

  17. Ilsa Loving

    Chairs huh?

    Suddenly I begin to understand the root of the animosity between Facebook and Mr. Balmer.

  18. Shonko Kid

    Celebrate this.... bitch!

    I feel like deleting my account in celebration. That's my 'real' one, and the dozens of fake ones I use for testing FB integration.

    Dear Zuck, you don't have 1bn users, no where close. Don't tell the stockholders, but I bet it's closer to 100m than 1bn.

    1. the-it-slayer

      Re: Celebrate this.... bitch!

      Do it then... I dare ya!

  19. Anonymous Coward

    ... like a chair ...

    With one leg.

  20. This post has been deleted by its author

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The real number is probably more like half that - user figures are VANITY - profit is SANITY.

  22. LaeMing

    Anyone can sit in a chair?

    As a formar schoolteacher now working at a university, I beg to differ!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Anyone can sit in a chair?

      "As a formar schoolteacher..."

      Presumably not a teacher of English?


      1. LaeMing

        Re: Anyone can sit in a chair?

        Not a teacher of typing skills, certainly :-P

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    $100 per user account

    still $100 USD per non paying user - wow u go! market valution twits...

  24. Adam Comben
    Thumb Up

    Being a 28-year-old billionaire..

    I'd guess he's smoking £50 notes (OR rather, 100 dollar bills?) like they're going out of fasion!

  25. Peter Murphy

    Facebook is like a... chair?

    The way Zuckerberg thinks, I guess I'm envisioning this sort of chair from Burn After Reading - the one that George Clooney's character built as a hobby. It is definitely NSFW.

This topic is closed for new posts.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021