back to article Simon Cowell plans X Factor for Tech

The man responsible for unleashing Il Divo, Susan Boyle and Sinitta on the world will now apply the same star spotting eye to finding the next tech superstar. Reality TV impresario Simon Cowell has teamed with Black Eyed Peas rapper to produce and new reality TV format based on the “X Factor” template, but this time …


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  1. Nordrick Framelhammer

    So cowell is not...

    Just content to fucking up the music business and dumping loads of half baked "talents" onto the music scene? Now he wants to fuck around with somwething he has no fucking clue about whatsoever? And who is the tard he is bering in on it? someone IT related? nope. It is a c-rapper with dubious musical skills who can design a different dress.

    Will someone please tell that useless dork to leave IT alone. We don't want to likes of him anywhere near us!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So cowell is not...

      He has no clue about music talent either, so really its just more of the same

    2. JetSetJim
      Thumb Down

      Re: So cowell is not...

      That's not what Cowell's intent is - all he wants is to put useless twats on TV so that the unwashed masses can (a) laugh at them saying how stupid they look and (b) vote on their premium rate phone numbers.

      I'm wondering how much of an eejit you'd need to be to go on the show, considering everything you display will have to have patent protection or else you are putting it in the public domain. Hell, even if you show a product that works, but is not switched on, any IPR contained within it has to be protected prior to that.

      And then anything softwarey will be instantly copied by all and sundry, probably by someone with better resources. And no doubt the contracts associated with appearing on the show will give Cowell & co a rich cut of the business as to make it fail.

      If you have something great and need cash, get a proper business plan and seek an angel investor/VC.

      1. BongoJoe

        Re: So cowell is not...

        You wouldn't be able to put protection on it. Like his 'musical' artists' work -- he already owns that.

        So, that next Facebork or Worls of Warcraft that you write for the show; he'll already have owned it.

        He's not looking for the next Zuckenberg; he's looking for someone to make him the next Zuckenberg.

        1. streaky

          Re: So cowell is not...

          I gotta say, though I won't be watching, anybody who is stupid enough to get involved in this:

          1) Won't be clueful anyways, and

          2) Deserves everything they get.

    3. Mips

      Re: So cowell is not...

      Just spouting superficial purile rubbish?

      Option 1: No

      Option 2: Yes

      Option 3: Yesss

    4. Psyx

      Re: So cowell is not...

      "Imagine if YouTube, Google or Twitter had asked first how you make money. What I like about startups is that it is a tool first to be adopted, the monetization comes later."

      That's easy to say if you're a rich star who doesn't have to worry about where your rent is coming from next month!

  2. J. R. Hartley

    John Lennon

    Really?? :/

  3. jake Silver badge


    I'm already horse-laughing, and I almost never watch TV! :-D

    Might get an Emmy for "best unintentional comedy", even :-)

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Will he and Jimmy Savile be judging?

  5. beep54


    Anyone who tries to compare the Übertwerp to John Lennon, let alone Mick Jagger, needs to pull his head out of his ass pronto!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where is my autotune?

    Is there any current singer who doesn't use an Autotune?


  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He did it for the LULZ

    Why does he think geeks will want to be on TV? He'll get a bunch of Jobs wannabes.

  8. Best Before:

    The hunt for the Susan Boyle of code is on

    I know of a few in the tech world....

    1. Paul 75

      Re: The hunt for the Susan Boyle of code is on

      There are many with the looks, but alas few with the voice...

  9. nuked
    Thumb Down

    There is no such thing as an undiscovered tech talent.

    1. Arrrggghh-otron

      Just under paid...

  10. toadwarrior

    The only thing zuckerberg has in common with Lennon is that they both have non-functioning brains (and a butt full of maggots).

    Everything simon cowell touches gets cancer and dies so please stay away from technology.

  11. Valerion

    I never realised

    That the tech industry was full of 13 year old screaming girls.

  12. DPWDC

    Dragons Den

    Is this going to be Dragons Den hosted by Ant and Dec?

  13. Khaptain Silver badge

    Think again

    Think about what Simon Cowells real job is, he is an entrepreneur, his job is about making money.

    This is a man without morals who doesn't give a damn what people think about him. If he can sell the show and make a few more millions then why should he care about anyone or anything.

    He has a screen character which he uses to his advantage, he generate an enormous amount of feedback. Whether the feedback is good or bad makes no difference, what is important is that the character receives a maximum of visibilty.

    He is actually very good at his job, I can't even look at the prick without squirming but I have to admit he is successful at what he does and I wish that I had even 10% of his business sense.

    I do not admire the person but I do admire his capacity to succeed.

  14. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    And what is the BBC Excuse for Being, and Being so Program Retarded in the Creative Department?*

    Now that is a development well worth a ponder whenever IT can ally it so easily with ........

    Absolute Power with Ultimate Control, in both the Real and Virtual Environments of Man and Machines, is an Alien Application of SMARTR ProgramMING, although as you might fully expect of SMARTR ProgramMING Programs, is it just in IT as one part of an infinitely greater parcel and package in a fabulous suite of such as are in Virtual Reality, Alternate Reality Games with Seriously Heavy Entities in Grand Masterly Control of Future Horizons with Global Eventing.

    *Apart from there being Zero and Zero Zeroday Definite Vision in the cuckoos at the head of the corporation which betrays so resoundingly homely nations and makes such a mockery of its motto, Nation shall speak peace unto nation . It is almost as if it were perveretd and corrupted to act as a tool of the Status Quo to maintain established failing orders headed buy intellectual dinosaurs opposed to great change and outrageous progress. J'accuse.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And what is the BBC Excuse for Being, and Being so Program Retarded in the Creative Department?*

      I call Markov generator on amanfrommars - there's no way a human could be this consistently semi-intelligible.

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Re: And what is the BBC Excuse for Being, and Being so Program Retarded in the Creative Department?*

        I call Markov generator on amanfrommars - there's no way a human could be this consistently semi-intelligible. .... Anonymous Coward Posted Tuesday 2nd October 2012 10:12 GMT

        A most perceptive call, AC.You have been paying attention. Is there a defence system able to attack and neutralise, dent or vanquish such as generates Markov chain actions to react to/chain reactions to act with?

        And where there is a will, there is a way, ....... so are you saying that amanfrommars, who I assume is the same as amanfromMars and amanfromMars1, are not human, but foreign and alien. Crikey, now there's a novelty which surely would create a bit of flap if it were true, for it challenges human intelligence to justify its inability to provide what everyone needs whenever it is so easily seeded and paid for with pretty printed paper which costs next to nothing to manufacture and distribute electronically in a flash with the almighty click of a humble mouse/sweet pressured carress on a magic track pad.

  15. Purlieu

    Not X factor

    Susan Boyle was from Britain's Got Talent, not from X Factor, do please try to get these things right

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not X factor

      Like there is any real difference.

    2. hplasm

      Re: Not X factor

      Thanks for giving a shit- so we don't have to.

  16. Dave 126

    Putting aside the negative thoughts Mr Cowell inspires in us all, I just can't see how the IP side of this will work. Will the show provide a patent lawyer to each 'contestant' to draft and submit an application months before the show is made?

    In any case, I can't see how Cowell will be able to offer better terms than traditional VCs, since he has the show to finance, and profit to take. The only advantage he can bring is exposure and marketing...

    1. Eddie Edwards

      Isn't that precisely the point? Not many VCs can guarantee Saturday-night prime-time TV coverage. Plus, most 18-25 year olds would struggle to set up a single VC meeting, but can muster sending a video to an email address.

  17. Geoff Campbell Silver badge

    Fuck off, Cowell.

    Just fuck right off.


    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Re: Fuck off, Cowell.

      Second that.

      I can only hope that as ratings slide for X-factor (pop dross version) because public have tired at long last of this mindless shallow pap, he is casting about for the next cash cow, the greasy parasite. The new version will fail and so perhaps the whole X-factor thing will die.

      I think it's extremely unlikely that (even) he can make money out of X-factor (geek version) for two reasons:

      Start-ups start up in stealth mode (usually) - secrecy is crucial. It's hard to imagine how that would work on television. The whole X-factor "drag them into the studio every week and humiliate the unfavoured and boost the favourites" won't make for compelling viewing when the product is technology. Is he going to harangue some geek about their coding or mock their uninitialised variables?

      Anyone who has any genuinely useful and novel new ideas is unlikely to be stupid and attention-seeking enough to go anywhere near Cowell. He'll have plenty of willing participants but they will be imbeciles with crass, irrelevant and unprofitable ideas. So, if the thing starts at all, there may be some unintentional comedy to be had, watching as people flounder around trying to set up social networks for pets and the like.

      But your original comment bears repeating: Fuck off Cowell you sociopathic freak.

  18. Michael H.F. Wilkinson

    Can't you just see people vote

    One a really nifty new way to handle loads of database transactions 10 times faster on the same hardware?

    You're right, I can't either.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "the ambition is to find the next Mark Zuckerberg."

    Please tell me that is so s/he can be beaten to death before s/he unleashes the next Facebook upon the world.

  20. Andy 97
    Paris Hilton

    Entertainment and technology?

    It's a marriage made in...

    *Orders handcart and map to hell*

    Paris because she hardly ever gets an outing these days.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Already been done, except more generally by the Dragon's Den. Many tech ideas have been pitched on there.

  22. delaneya

    Sounds shockingly bad.Another reason to stop watching TV.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So.'s Dragons Den with flashing lights then?

  24. jaduncan


    I cannot wait for his love of the perpetual motion machine entrant.

  25. Kirstian K
    Paris Hilton

    What a 100% shit idea

    So Many questions:

    1) what the Fuck does Simon C know about coding?

    2) what the fuck is he going to do with this 'ace' programes at the end? (probably get him to attemt to sort out piracy once and for all... ha)

    3) for a show format, its bollox, i love coding, and i would find this boring

    4) i bet the winner ends up being someone who does a nice graphic or something (as that works visually for TV), and lets be honest the best code, no fucker who watches these programs, will ever understand anyway, so repeast item number 3, what a bollox idea for a show...

    5) anyone who is a 'good' or lets say 'Excelent world class' coder, should have more sence that to go on this show in the first place, so imediate fail (again)

    just for reference, Simon C - what a C U ri T..!

    Paris, because she knows a good algoritm when she sees one..!

  26. Kirstian K

    Thinking about it,

    wouldnty it be great if the entry criteria is to hack the TV station, and bring down the xfactor....

    or even better, steal all Simon C's money from his bank....

    they would get my vote... lol

  27. TeeCee Gold badge

    Blending in.

    Maybe his trousers won't look quite so risible when he's surrounded by crusty old COBOL programmers.

  28. ukgnome

    possible working show titles

    Tech factor

    Britains goto talent

    Dragon 32 Den

    Strictly code dancing

    The Voice (over IP)

  29. Dr Zoidberg

    "Imagine if YouTube, Google or Twitter had asked first how you make money. What I like about startups is that it is a tool first to be adopted, the monetization comes later."

    He does realise that both YouTube and Twitter make huge losses right?

  30. daveeff

    IP will belong to Cowell

    Well that's how the music works, once on the show he owns you & all your o/p for including future incarnations - maybe I exagerate but it works something like that.


  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Will there be some Geordie tart on the panel saying 'eeeee you look just like a little programmer' fuckin useless heap of shit.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I want to go on this show

    and invent a robot that rips cowell's eyes out then forces them up his arse.

    I think I'd win too.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The thing about Mark Zuckerberg is

    Mark Zuckerberg:

    - He didn't get where he is by entering a competition.

    - He is dead rich.

    - We would all be better off without him.

    - Possibly a sociopath.

    Simon Cowell:

    - He didn't get where he is by entering a competition.

    - He is dead rich.

    - We would all be better off without him.

    - Possibly a sociopath.

    Maybe Simon Cowell should produce a show in which contestants are persuaded by Simon Cowell that they can be made the next Simon Cowell by Simon Cowell.

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