Vote now for the ultimate bacon sandwich

Right, you lovely people, the moment has arrived to settle once and for all that matter of most monumentous moment: just what constitutes the ultimate bacon sarnie. As you'll recall, the porcine polemic kicked off when we pitched German delicacy Bauernfrühstück against the sacred pork-based assemblage in one of our post-pub …

[Richard 81]

NSFW

I think a NSFW sign is needed for these pages of porcine pornography.

[Shagbag]

Where's the picture of the Vertical one?

C'mon, let's see some awesome NSFW vertical bacon sandwiches!

[TRT]

Re: NSFW

Pah! NSFM* warning required!

*Not Safe For Muzzies.

[The Alpha Klutz]

The Guacamole Goulash

At first it looks like a disgusting pile of squid/mucus. But once you make out the bacon in there, it looks so tasty.

[Steve Evans]

Re: The Guacamole Goulash

But green stuff...?

Oh, and my Hungarian friends (of which I have several) are screaming "Goulash is a soup!".

They scream that a lot over here in Blighty.

[The Alpha Klutz]

Re: The Guacamole Goulash

have they been picked up by the cops yet?

[Cubical Drone]

Re: The Guacamole Goulash

The addition of guacamole is an intriguing addition, however I would like to point out that whatever that green smear was...IT WAS NOT GUACAMOLE!! I mean really, was there even any avocado in that or was it just sour cream with some green food coloring in it?

[Marshalltown]

Re: The Guacamole Goulash

Ah, Grasshopper. You must understand that there are many faces to guacamole. They range from compositions that look as if an avocado had been in a car wreck and taste only faintly of anything other than avocado, to pale, lime-green concoctions with the consistency of thick soup, with delicate hints of lime and cilantro and a pepper bite that will take off the top of your head.

[JDX]

Mmm, bacon in an English Muffin (awaits pedantic retort) is very classy.

Sandwiches with a massive amount of bacon put me right off. The bread/bacon balance is important, the bread is there to complement the bacon not merely package it.

[Kolin]

Wrong,

And wrong

[JDX]

You're clearly a tasteless trucker who just wants as much meat for his £2 as possible.

[Fibbles]

At first I thought they were using a stottie, the only true bread for a bacon sarnie. When I realised it was a muffin it became clear they were failing as hard as everyone else on this list.

[annodomini2]

None of the above

Is my vote, though the wife likes the sunday special.

[Ray Gratis]

I bet she does !

arrf, arrf.

[Will Godfrey]

Re: None of the above

Same here.

HP source - Ugh

Avian embyro - Euw

Green stuff - {shudder}

[Infidellic_]

It's all about "The Unholy Wholemeal Bap". All the others employ egg of some kind of sauce. Not for me thanks. I like to actually taste my bacon

Mine's the one without ketchup or brown sauce in it

[Vincent Ballard]

If you can't taste the bacon as well as the HP then you haven't got the Maillard reaction going properly.

[bill 36]

precison engineer

for me.

The morning eggstasy is a recipe for disaster.......lost count of the amount of times i've had egg yolk down the trousers half an hour before a meeting :>)

[JDX]

Re: precison engineer

You need to pop the yolk before eating the thing!

[Pooka]

Re: precison engineer

If you don't end up with a bad case of fried egg bukkake the egg is over cooked :p

[bill 36]

Re: precison engineer

Yeh , i know but how often do you check that its been popped before taking that first ravenous bite out of one?

[Grikath]

Re: precison engineer

Maybe... Then again, given that we're talking Hangover Control, I feel that the precision engineer is a wee bit too complicated and precise to perform under the circumstances encountered.

Whereas the Morning Eggstacy has ample track record of construction feasibility on an international level, under even more stringent conitions than the usual level of hangover.

The egg yolk hazard is a built-in warning feature that is a good indicator of ready-for-world+dog-ness, making it not only delightfully delicious, but also quite useful.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: precison engineer

"lost count of the amount of times i've had egg yolk down the trousers half an hour before a meeting :>)"

How very dare you vote for the precision engineer when you can't even eat an egg/bacon buttie without spillage! How precise is that?

[Roger Greenwood]

Re: precison engineer

That, sir, is known in the trade as a Banjo Sandwich.

Left hand holds comestible away from body whilst right hand flaps away the drippage.

Also referred to here:- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egg_sandwich

(Note pint of tea to wash it down)

[Jelliphiish]

tangentially

How to improve a song:

Hello Bacon, my old friend,

I've come to talk with you again..

and

Mammah,

Just killed a man,

put my bacon 'gainst his head,

pulled the trigger,

now he's dead.

Your turn. Insert Bacon to improve. Go.

[The Alpha Klutz]

Re: tangentially

Justin Bieber — bacon lyrics

You know you love me

I know you care

Just shout whenever,

And I'll be there

You want my love

You want my heart

And we would never, ever, ever be apart

Are we an item?

Girl quit playin'

We're just friends,

What are you sayin'?

Said there's another as you look right in my eyes

My first love, broke my heart for the first time

And I was like

bacon, bacon, bacon ooh

Like

bacon, bacon, bacon noo

Like

bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

Like

bacon, bacon, bacon noo

Like

bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

...

[It wasnt me]

Re: tangentially

Justin Bieber ? Who?

I think you've accidentally stumbled onto the wrong website my friend.

[cosymart]

Re: tangentially

Down voted for binging this august site into disrepute by uttering the words Ju**** Bie**. Go and hang your head in shame!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: tangentially

Blast. All that typing about egg rolls down there --v and I forgot the song.

Enrique Eglesias - "Bacon back my love, bacon back my love..."

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: tangentially

Or perhaps Dusty Springfield says it better:

I'm gonna show you baby

Cholesterol can be tough.

So come on, come on, come on, come on -

(Bacon!)

Clog another little piece of my heart, now baby...

[JimC]

Re: tangentially

Dear me no, our Dusty was a fine singer, but for that tune its got to be Janis Joplin - and there was a woman who knew a lot about post-pub

[Christopher Rogers]

Re: tangentially

Flamin' hell guys, you porked too soon.

[david skinner]

The Horn!

If none of you sotherners have ever made the trip to Scotland then the Horn is the perfect reason to!

A monster of a bacon roll and it tastes lovely!

[Pedigree-Pete]

Re: The Horn!

Upvote if only for upping East Scotland Tourism. Other Bacon Buttie outlets are available in Perth & Kinross, Angus & Fife. It's all good.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: The Horn!

The Horn was one of the reasons I was more than happy to make the trek up the A90 from Edinburgh to Dundee to see customers. I always allowed an extra hour or so for the trip, just to be safe. I do remember thinking the sign used to look more like a leg of ham than a horn though, but that's perfect for this article. Not been there for over a decade though.

[Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse]

It's the baguette for me...

1. Crispy fresh white baguette cut to preferred length (actual length irrelevant to overall enjoyment).

2. Plenty of butter.

3. Bacon - Lots of, preferably non-supermarket. I prefer unsmoked, with a decent amount of semi-crisped rind.

4. Fried egg - optional (actually dependent on strength of hangover).

5. Brown sauce.

:-)

[Jelliphiish]

also, but not only

the wholemeal barm with the side of caffieney goodness, modded with +1 tomato sauce.

[ukgnome]

Speaking as a vegetarian

I'm actually quite hungry now, not hungry enough to cross to the dark side.

But bloody hell they all looked good. Such a shame that pretend vege-bacon is as appertising as cardboard

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

"I'm actually quite hungry now, not hungry enough to cross to the dark side."

God made pigs from Pork! He made cows out of beef!

That is their intended purpose. You god defyererererrr!

[Ray Gratis]

Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

Begone, spy !!

[cosymart]

Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

I can never work out why veggies feel the need to eat pretend meat. If you don't want meat why have stuff that looks like meat...?

[Piro]

Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

I should think that is obvious - they do like meat, but they don't think that all the killing that goes with it, I would imagine.

[Piro]

Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

I apologise here for making such a terrible sentence. You got the gist of it. Monday morning, not the best time for coherency.

[ukgnome]

Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

I can't speak for them all, but it has nothing to do will the slaughter of animals for me. It's the texture and the taste. Both are something that the fake meats haven't mastered.

If it wasn't for meat eaters a lot of breeds wouldn't exist and a lot more hedgerows would be gone which in turn threatens a lot of other species - birds and insects. Eating meat is actually better for the environment than not eating meat. Just a shame I don't like it.

[Dog@86G]

Get a grip

would you lot Foxtrot Oscar with your sauces, Brown or Red, all you need is Butter dagnabit

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Get a grip

Don't even need butter. However I think it is clear that in any eating situation condiments of all varieties are a matter for a man's personal conscience - the fundamentals of the thing are not affected by them so I'm voting on that basis.

Eggs, cheese and other nonsense is displaying gross disrespect for the fundamentals of this challenge.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Get a grip

"Eggs, cheese and other nonsense is displaying gross disrespect for the fundamentals of this challenge."

Don't be stupid man! Why do you think the great british breakfast is called teh great british breakfast?

EGGS/BACON/SAUSAGE.

You Heathen.

[Will Godfrey]

Re: Get a grip

Nobody asked about a 'Great British Breakfast'. This is all about the Bacon Sarnie - a culinary icon that stands apart from lowlier comestibles. Keep all your frippery. I want just bacon and bread. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Get a grip

It's called a "breakfast" to distinguish it from a "sandwich"?

[Anonymous Coward]

the best way

get a few packs of bacon and various rolls sauces. No need to leave the kitchen or sit down, just fry it up and eat it straight there. if you do it in a chain fashion you can alternate plain, red sauce, brown sauce etc.

[Anonymous Coward]

Do You Know The Muffin Man

Not personally, but that's my fave.

Thanks El Reg for doing this jus tbefore lunch time, guaranteeing I spend more than I need at the sarnie shop. Nothing like supporting local busines then, eh?

[Helldesk Dogsbody]

Re: Do You Know The Muffin Man

Likewise on the favourite, it also has a slightly healthier option for those who only get to eat fried food accompanied by reproachful looks and guilt trips - poached egg rather than fried and grilled bacon. Almost as tasty but usually involve less aggro in the household!

[Ray Gratis]

Re: Do You Know The Muffin Man

Slightly off-topic, but muffins are also good with burgers...

Back on topic, you can fry the muffin-halves first. Why faff around toasting?

[Charlie Clark]

Re: Do You Know The Muffin Man

Two oven-bottom muffins with bacon and a mug of builder's brew - heaven.

The guacomole thingy could be renamed the "Sybil Special" in honour of the adulterated sandwiches she forces on her husband, Commander Sam Vimes.

But bagels and baguettes? Begorah!

[Bob H]

I was heading towards "The Sunny Side Down" and then I encountered "The Improbable Horn Of Plenty"

I must vote for the Horn because it reminds me of the bacon, sausage, egg & cheese on French bread cholesterol fuelled lunches (with the odd pint to dilute the forming arterial clot) that we had when working at a certain TV station some years ago.

Honourable mention for The Sunny Side Down for being a purists heaven though, but I'll get the horn thanks!

Mines the one sponsored by Bupa.

[Bob H]

Oh and while I am at it:

Peanut butter can f***k right off out of that sandwich! This is a bacon sarnie competition, not a vomit inducement challenge.

[Anonymous Coward]

the only thing worse than peanut butter on the inside

is peanut butter on the outside. WTF?

[Anonymous Coward]

Reg regular Chris Winpenny declined to provide any description

It's a bacon sarnie, what more do you want? Besides I was in an hurry to scoff the thing.

However I suppose I should have made clear the bread is fried in the bacon fat.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Reg regular Chris Winpenny declined to provide any description

oh yeah im Chris Winpenny as well

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Reg regular Chris Winpenny declined to provide any description

No you're not

[Justice]

ERMAHGERD!

I think I just died and went to coronary bypass heaven.

A 90 Behemoth for me.

But my personal fave is old stylee smoked rasher with the rind on.

Grilled until crispy.

Fresh French Stick.

Flora

Mayo

Lettuce & Tomato

Splash of Heinz Tomato sauce.

Served with a piping hot cup of tea.

Dammit! Just typing it make me want one!!!

Why is there not a bacon sarnie icon?

OM NOM NOM NOM!!!

[Isendel Steel]

Voting

and the buttons are where ?

[Lester Haines]

Re: Voting

Apologies - slight glitch. Poll's up and running now.

[Isendel Steel]

Re: Voting

No Problem - it's Fryday (sic)

[bill 36]

Re: Voting

Its still not up Lester.

You done a recent "upgrade" or something?

[Lester Haines]

Re: Re: Voting

It's definitely there. Must be a problem at your end...

[ChrisM]

Re: Voting

Maybe he is holding it wrong?

[Pastafarian]

Nooooooooooooooo!!!

Get rid of the healthy green stuff PLEASE. This is a carnivores meal.

[System 10 from Navarone]

The A90 Behemoth

This assembly is moving in its aesthetic utilitarianism

[Lord Voldemortgage]

Re: The A90 Behemoth

Looks pretty good but the bacon is a bit overdone.

The Bi-Bacon is better cooked and just as beautiful.

[System 10 from Navarone]

Re: The A90 Behemoth

Very possibly slightly overdone, but there is an element of spontaneity in the A90 that still retains a hint of excitement - possibly even a feeling of hope.

I scored the Bi-Bacon quite highly but then deducted some marks for the use of 'homemade sourdough bread' which I felt was a bit 90s and didn't reflect these austere times

[Anomalous Cowturd]

You lucky, lucky bastards...

Due to health problems, I can no longer partake of these porcine pleasures. But if I could, I'd have to say that the A90 beast wins on simplicity. Slightly overdone for my taste, as previously commented upon.

It could only really be modified with the addition of some lightly fried, wafer thin sliced, lambs liver.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I WANT BACON!!!

[TRT]

Re: You lucky, lucky bastards...

I think it's the soft breads which win it over for me. The toasted doorstep has too much of a rasp against the soft palette.

[Dave Schofield]

Wheres the sausage, mushroom, beans and egg with bacon (grilled not fried) combo?

[Lester Haines]

You had your chance to submit...

[Grikath]

That's the classic Belly Buster. More of a full-english-confined-in-bread ( 4 slices, proper day-old factory bread, to soak up...well... everything).

Like the more...involved... examples in the poll it can't really be a bacon sarnie, as it's actual bacon content is less than 50%.

[Ocular Sinister]

Bagel? Bacon?

I can't be the only one that finds the idea of bacon in a bagel a little... jarring. Bagels are Jewish after all!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Bagel? Bacon?

My mum-in-law had a Jewish neighbour once. Said neighbour couldn't bring herself to actually cook pork in the kitchen, but would pop round every so often to see if m-i-l would make her a bacon sarnie. Now *that's* addition :)

[Alfie]

The Horn

An A90 institution, I've never seen it *not* busy. Sometimes with queues just to get into the car park.

Add to that all the possible Viz comic level amusement, fnarr fanrr.

[Glenn Booth]

Butter Substitute?

Bagels?

Baguettes?

Pork Loin?

Death's too good for 'em.

[System 10 from Navarone]

Preposterous

...I know!!!

Some of them even mention 'toasting' the bread and even 'grilling' the bacon.

Conceptual stuff should be in a separate category

[The FunkeyGibbon]

Cheese? Egg? PEANUT BUTTER?!?

Wrong, wrong and VERY wrong.

[adam payne]

I'm torn between the The Lipsmacking Lindsay and the Attack Of The Killer Tomato.

Unforunately the poll doesn't have a bacon, brown sauce, egg and mushroom combo.

[Anonymous Coward]

The Precision Engineer for me.

Though it's a close-run thing with the Classic Jumbo and the A90 Behemoth for sheer speed of delivery and simplicity of the bread not interfering. Careful toasting can add texture without affecting flavour, so that gets my vote. The rest can GTF, though some marge would be nice. Personally I prefer something like a sunflower spread, as I prefer my salt to come from the bacon (since Fish'n'Chip crisps were phased out) or the sea.

As for the rest? A baguette is fair game - it's the right shape, like that jumbo finger roll at the start. And crunchy, like the toast. But a bagel? Get out. Where's the button to release the hounds?

The Cheezilla looks fantastic, but it is NOT a bacon sarnie. Similarly, if I wanted egg in a roll, I'd do an egg roll. Like this:

Take a large, thick roll and slice carefully into 3 laterally, making sure the middle slice is of a good thickness. Cut a rough round-ish 60mm wide circular hole in the middle slice (use of a tumbler or pastry cutter would crush the bread and reduce the contact area) and lightly fry both sides. Then drop some more oil in the centre and drop in an egg.

Drop the top and bottom of the roll in a toaster for a very light toasting. Then a little butter/marg if you want to, and wait for it to soak down. Then spread around some good ketchup with a dusting of sea salt, a little on both halves.

Flip the eggy-in-the-basket over to cook it over easy, then just re-assemble the roll. Let it cool a little, find a wipe-clean surface to eat it over, and tuck in.

P.S. I just tried Turkey Dinosaurs as they were out of the breaded steaks. I didn't realised they did different species...

[Beer_M0nster]

You owe me a new keyboard...

mine is completely sodden from drooling.

[Anonymous Coward]

A lot of breakfast baps...

...but few bacon butties.

Dodgy white bread, fried bacon (none of this reheated bollocks), butter (not marge), brown sauce.

[System 10 from Navarone]

Re: A lot of breakfast baps...

Ah! A professional

[Nigel Brown]

A caramelised onion bagel, lightly toasted. Add a layer of insanely strong cheese thinly sliced. Add 4 rashers of top quality sweet cured back bacon, the sort that's almost black instead of red, grilled to perfect crispness.

No sauce needed.

[Tom 7]

all of them NOW!!!

My visual cortex needs a triple decker bypass!

[Martin 47]

FFS there are 4 (and only 4) ingredients that are essential;

1. A good quality smoked bacon, none of that watery supermarket crap thanks.

2. Thick sliced fresh white bread.

3. Butter (unsalted)

4. Someone to cook and prepare it.

Anything else is just soft southern shandy drinking nonsense.

[Will Godfrey]

Get rid of the butter and I'm with you.

[Anonymous Coward]

Smoked bacon is for those without taste buds, or taste!

Council Ketchup, Blurgh!

Unsmoked Danish.

Lightly toasted bread with melted butter, no ifs no buts.

Sunny side up fried egg.

Slither of HP.

Anything else is just greasy spoon food! Chip pan, properly chip pan.

[LAGMonkey]

Bacon bap, not bacon AND etc. bap

Just to express my opinion. A bacon sandwich should not include anything but Bacon, eggs, butter and bread. Add in the egg and it becomes a Bacon AND egg sandwich.

Ketchup... only with eggs.

Precision Engineer has been voted for by me!

[Gordon 10]

Cheesezilla obscenity

Ok I can handle eggs, black pudd - even at a push "death on the toilet" peanut butter.

But - grated cheese and cutting the baconiscious bounty into thin strips like an economy lunchtime sandwich. A line that must not be crossed.

No I tell you - a thousand times NO!

[Monkey Bob]

Bastards

My local sarnie shop stopped doing hot sandwiches an hour ago.

[We're all in it together]

Had a breakfast this morning with no bacon

What was I missing?

How comes no one's managed to mention the iphone 5?

You're all slipping...

I'll start one:-

If Apple launched a bacon roll it would be three times as expensive as its closest rivals.

It would be the best bacon roll ever.

People would queue for it although sauce would cost extra and no doubt double or treble the going rate.

It would be slightly bigger than the old one although the bacon would be the same.

The chef would create a 5 minute video extolling its design features - thinner roll, lighter bacon etc.

Oh and the Samsung bacon roll would be sued even if it had Samsung toasted across the top of the roll.

How many down votes do I get?

[System 10 from Navarone]

Re: Had a breakfast this morning with no bacon

I suppose the Microsoft version would come with the Blue Cheese of Death

[We're all in it together]

Re: Had a breakfast this morning with no bacon

The linux version would use open sauce

[The Alpha Klutz]

Re: Had a breakfast this morning with no bacon

The Unix version would be a massive wad of bacon in a grey beard.

[Anonymous Coward]

Cheesy Canadian but

with generous helping of birds eye chilies or at least a suitablbly hot sauce (and not that sissy tabasco crap, either).

[Nev]

None with Ketchup 'n' mustard?

Oh, the humanity!

[4ecks]

Re: None with Ketchup 'n' mustard?

Sorry, I kept eating it before remembering to take a piccy & submit it, but here's the text only version :-

2 x Rind-on Middle Back Unsmoked (best of both worlds back & streaky) , White Bread, Welsh Butter, Colman's Savora Mustard (or French's Classic Yellow) & either Heinz TK or, if available 1x fresh tomato.

i) Open kitchen window/turn on extract fan & close door - unless you want the smoke alarm going off !

ii) Trim rind from bacon & start to fry in a hot non-stick pan with a dash of oil, the fat from the rind will render down & you get excellent "Fried Crispy Worms" to crunch on.

iii) Add sliced tomato (4 slices) to pan & remove "Worms" before they burn & eat while cooking bacon.

iv) Add bacon, after 1-2 minutes turn over tomato & bacon.

v) Butter the bread and add mustard to lower slice.

vi) Arrange bacon on bread and layer with tomato then top slice of bread.

vii) Eat & Enjoy!

viii) Buggrit, forgot the camera again! ;)

[D@v3]

Bacon Sandwich

I'm sorry that I have to say this, but the clue is in the name. There is no egg. There is certainly no other meat. I can stretch to condiments, and possibly some cheese. but that's it.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a sausage, bacon and egg sandwich, only that it can not be classed also as a Bacon Sandwich.

[Tim Greenwood]

It's a bacon sandwich poll

Only the first page offerings actually qualify as all the rest include eggs, cheese etc and are therefore more than bacon sandwiches so are ineligible. I had to vote for the A90 as that is essentially the basic bacon sandwich and it looks well made with nicely cooked bacon.

Given a free choice of bacon based sandwiches I like the look of several of the others and would even contemplate the peanut butter version as I can be a bit adventurous. The bacon choices in some of the others look pretty good as well and addition of black pudding elevates the end result to stratospheric levels, but the poll is clear and therefore all others must be disqualified.

[thenim]

Ye Bastards...

I live in a country which prides itself in the quantity of porcine meat consumed, yet a slice of bacon (and not very good one at that) costs £1.50. Consider ye selves lucky...

Oh what I'd do for a good bacon sarnie... (I'd even code for it...)

[Cheekygeek]

Fine until page 2

Page 1 - bacon sarnies, page 2 onwards - breakfast baps/anything else. The only thing allowed in between the bread of your choice is bacon, spread and sauce. Such is the simplicity of the bacon sarnie.

[stragen001]

Re: Fine until page 2

I wholeheartedly support this post!

Anything that is not bacon just takes away from the flavour as it is not bacon.

IMO you just need bread, spread and bacon. I'll concede the tommy k or brown sauce, but anything else is just perverse!

[45RPM]

Anti-Fraud Voting working too well!

I guess it must be an anti-fraud system, but my colleagues and I eagerly started voting for the sublime Ungilded Sourdough from Salvation Jane - and the number of votes registered actually dropped. So did the penny - I suspect that we all appear to be on the same IP. Fsck.

Never mind. Sod the vote. But do yourselves all a favour and get down to Salvation Jane - it's well worth it. As for most of the other sandwiches (well, some of them anyway) I shall try them out. They look delicious! But seeds, nuts and cheese will always be an abomination in my mind, at least as far as a good butty is concerned!

Good effort Lester, by the way. This is exactly what The Register should be all about!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Anti-Fraud Voting working too well!

But they only way to see the results is to vote again and you're unlikely to use that vote for someone else.

Let's have a see results button. I'd rather lose fairly than gain a place and be accused of vote rigging.

[Alfie]

Why all the anti-butter stance?

I'm on a diet and this morning I had bacon, egg, onion and haggis slice, all fried in butter. Unfortunately no bread or roll allowed, or tomato sauce sadly. Like ghostbusters you cant mix the streams together or bad things might happen.

Cant beleive I get to eat this every morning and still lose weight, yay!

And there is no such thing as overdone bacon, the crispier the better. The A90 is a bit under-done in my book. Just as long as you dont use that waffer-theen merkin rubbish!

[RainForestGuppy]

We cannot let them live.

Lester, It may be against Data protection Act, but please can you release the details of anybody that votes for a Bacon Sandwich that contains cheese.

Now I enjoy a bit of fermented curd as much as the next man, but in a bacon sandwich!! It's just unholy, and for the sake of humanity and our survival as a species we must seek out and destroy these freakish mutants that insist on combining dairy and cured porcine products.

[Sir Runcible Spoon]

The Black, Brown and White

Is it just me or does it look like someone has taken a nutty shit right in the middle of that one?

[Smudged]

Woven BLT

What about this woven design from Lifehacker

http://lifehacker.com/5946033/get-bacon-in-every-bite-of-your-blt-with-the-basket-weaving-technique

[HP Cynic]

I'm pleased to see the foreign muck like Bagel butties scoring poorly.

[thenim]

6 Merkins I see...

Voting for the unholy creation that is the p**nut butter concoction...

May you be damned to a hell which has no porcine products!

[ShearClass]

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition but...

there are plenty here who deserve it....

red hot pokers and the rack are the very least that should be used on those voting for any of the ba*..*te/cheese/wholemeal/egg/peanut butter aboimnations!

I like Lester's plan though - get them to confess so they can be rounded up so we can protect the children from their madness.

A90 got my vote.

[/\/\j17]

WFT El Reg?!?

Come on El Reg, at least try and get your facts straight.

1) Sarnie - (UK, informal) a sandwich.

2) Sandwich - A snack formed of various ingredients between two slices of bread.

So NOT a roll, muffin, baguette or bagle.

Removing these ineligible, non-sliced bread options brings the list down from 26 to 13.

3) Toasty (Toastie) - (Cookery) a toasted sandwich.

4) Toast - Bread browned by exposure to radiant heat.

As such you can not use Toast to make a Sarnie, as you are no longer using bread but toast. you are creating a Toasty.

Removing these ineligible, not-bread options bring the list down from 13 to an actually list of bacon sarnies of 6:

- The Bi-bacon Bounty

- The Sunny Side Down

- The Norn Iron Soda

- The Trearddur Bay Black Ops

- The Black, Brown and White

- The Cheezilla

[Homer 1]

Re: WFT El Reg?!?

Rolls etc. are also bread.

However a bacon sarnie simply isn't a bacon sarnie unless it only contains bacon. That automatically disqualifies much of the list.

Also any "bread" made from what looks and tastes like chicken-feed (i.e. "health" crap) should be disqualified on the grounds of obscenity. That disqualifies most of the rest of the list.

According to the results so far, it looks like "The Precision Engineer" is going to win, but that's a toastie, not a sarnie, so it should also be disqualified.

An actual bacon sarnie is ... bacon fried only in its own fat, then placed between two slices of white bread (as in real white bread, not that not-really-white bread with chicken-feed bits) which has been quickly fried on one side in the remaining bacon fat (thus absorbing it all), with the fried-side toward the inside.

That's exactly what "The Gourmet Toasted" is (no, that's not "toasted"), and thus it should be the winner.

Anyone who disagrees with this assessment must be burned as a witch, by order of The Knights of The Grand High Lodge of Bacon Sarnie Defenders.

[SuperTim]

Re: WFT El Reg?!?

Actually...A toastie is formed by toasting a sandwich once constructed to brown it and cook the filling. The precision engineer is a sandwich made with toasted bread. It isn't a toastie as it was constructed after all parts were cooked. No cafe press was employed, no autocutting of the bread by hot plates. No a sandwich with toasted bread is not a "toastie".

PS...Vote for the Precision Engineer!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: WFT El Reg?!? @SuperTim

The precision engineer is too precise and clean cut to be a real bacon sarnie, a touch of OCD about it, something Mr. Monk could have made. I'm surprised it got any votes at all, I mean look at it, where's the grease?

[Tempest8008]

I call foul.

You can't put anything other than bacon (and sauce) on a bacon sandwich.

Otherwise it's not.

Name ONE other sandwich with other ingredients, with bacon on it, that's called a bacon sandwich?

For crying out loud, even a BLT is its own monster, let alone all of these other travesties with eggs, or cheese, or black fucking pudding.

THEY ARE NOT BACON SANDWICHES.

Bread - Bacon - Bread

That's all you have to work with...some sauce if your sarnie is a bit dry.

Everything else, ANYTHING else, makes it not a bacon sandwich.

[thenim]

It is on this basis, I voted for the first, the A90 is a little crispy for my liking....

[Delbert]

black pudding

yes lovely on a bacon and egg barm (giant oven bottom muffin is better) or as an alternative haggis makes the the ediface superbly spicy.

[IR]

What?!

A bacon sarnie can _only_ contain bread, bacon, and condiments.

Anything other than bread is an immediate disqualification and it becomes a roll, bap, etc. Toast gets in under a technicality, but is not in the spirit of things.

Adding X as a secondary ingredient would make it a "bacon and X sarnie". Not the same.

Condiments can be any sauces, and include butter or margarine, but they must not overwhelm the bacon in any way.

Under these perfectly normal restrictions, my favourite is white bread with butter and ketchup.

I was thinking this vote would be more about white vs granary vs brown, or brown vs ketchup, not just showing a large selection of breakfast rolls - many of which look tasty in their own right but really aren't bacon sarnies.

[Cameron Colley]

Most aren't bacon sandwiches!

They're bacon & something else sandwiches.

With the possible exception of cheese adding anything that you would ordinarily have in a sandwich on its own to a bacon sandwich stops it being a bacon sandwich. Yes, tastes vary and tomato or not, brown sauce or not, etc. are valid arguments but adding black pudding, egg or anything else stops it being a bacon sandwich.

Would you include a McThungumy with bacon or a King Watsit with bacon also? How about if it's vegetarian bacon?

Myself: I voted The Classic Jumbo.

However, I prefer bacon, egg, sausage and brown sauce. I'm also partial to the full English (black pudding in there too and perhaps beans) but they're not bacon sandwiches, for fuck's sake.

Oh, and bacon and brie in a baguette is a fine sandwich. Not an English "bacon butty" though so not really relevant.

[Spoonsinger]

Brown Sauce!!!

All those pictures have a bacon "sandwich" with brown sauce!!!! Where the f* does the Register come off? This isn't a valid poll of the perfect bacon sandwich, it's a travesty!. Does the term dictatorship by the unwashed masses mean nothing to you? Get a grip, and put up pictures of "proper" bacon sandwiches. (Baps don't count - well they do, but in other contexts).

[Peter Johnstone]

More than half of these aren't bacon sandwiches!

I've said it before and I'll say it again; There's nothing wrong with putting an egg or black pudding on a sandwich with bacon, but once you do they are no longer bacon sandwiches, they are bacon and egg / black pudding sandwiches. All of the entries with other ingredients should be disqualified.

[Richard Cartledge]

Some of that bacon looks minging, that over-salted coarse texture foreign catering type with unpuffed oingy-boingy fat.

You know when you bite that sandwich and withdraw, the chewy bacon will be hanging out your mouth and draped across your chin.

[Andus McCoatover]

One slight problem....

I sometimes make 2 bacon butties for me and the missus. I use about 200g of bacon in each. Then, I have a cunning plan....

I spread Marmite on each piece of lightly toasted bread, then fill it with a grilled Portobello mushroom. She hates both. Lovely jubbly! (Actually, I can save money....loads of edible mushrooms growing in the courtyard outside! Heaven!)

[Palf]

Lord Snooty

has communicated to me his mild disdain that not a single entry employed the most excellent Grey Poupon.

[Lost in Cyberspace]

Perfect day

Bacon on white bread and butter for breakfast.

BLT for lunch

Gammon, egg and chips with bread and butter for tea.

Blood pressure tablets at bedtime (sodium overdose).

[Bradley Hardleigh-Hadderchance]

Recipe for 'VEGETARIAN' bacon sarnie:

First go out and buy some haloumi cheese.

No. I am not taking the P***.

Slice off 4-6 pieces of the haloumi about 5mm thick - enough to cover your bread/bap of choice.

Fry it in your preferred choice of oil.

Extra virgin olive oil is adds too much flavour imho, so I just use Sunflower.

Turn once they start to go brown and harden, so they are fairly equally done on both sides. I find that turning the cooker off once one side is done leaves enough heat to finish the other side nicely. Careful not to over cook and burn them - though some may like their 'bacon' crispy.

Then decant onto your bread source - smother with brown sauce - slice in half - Perfick....

A cup of tea to wash it down with.

Really it does taste like bacon, I've been veggie for about 20 years, and still get the odd call of the wild. Hasn't happened for a year or so now, but, this recipe, texturally and taste wise is pretty close. (Just make sure you smother it in brown sauce). Er.. they may be a clue in that last sentence.

Seriously. Even if you are a carnivore - try it - you might like it!

[Steve Evans]

Re: Recipe for 'VEGETARIAN' bacon sarnie:

I have a veggi friend who has confided that the only thing which could possibly turn him is a bacon sarnie.

I eat a lot of bacon sarnies in front of him.

Oh, and BTW, don't mean to ruin the traditional blighty bacon sarnie, but have you checked where HP is made these days? It might have a picture of the houses of parliament on it, but....

[Pete Wilson]

The Perfeck Bacon Sarnie

I used to work for Ferranti, and we'd have to drive down to Portsmouth to get on our assigned Grey Funnel Line boat, and when 'twas early enough, I always stopped off at a little caff in a little town not far from Portsmouth - alas, gazing at Google Maps doesn't bring back what town that was - who had a bacon and tomato sarnie that was bludy excellent. Thick white bread, real tomatoes (not the puny grape-sized ones), real bacon.

Heaven...

[jon 72]

Nom and thrice Nom

The ultimate bacon sarnie is achieved when either ...

a: somebody else makes it the way you like

b: the wife does not go all CSI on you with grease & ketchup splatter analysis

c: the dogs don't want half

Everything else is just wishful thinking

[Anonymous Coward]

Some of them sandwiches reminds me of..

... the female genitalia.

[Jerome 0]

The bagels and muffins have given even a staunch traditionalist like myself ideas.

The Lipsmacking Lindsay gets my vote though - that thing sounds amazing. Although I have to concur with some of the other entries, in that an egg or two is a pretty much mandatory accompaniment to bacon.

[Juan Inamillion]

Whoa! Just noticed...

...moving the cursor over 'The Register' at the top of the page....

Talk about time on your hands...

(nice though!)

[jools2104]

How do you vote?????

[Anonymous Coward]

The poll is on page 4.

[Toru Nagisa]

Missing?

I'm disappointed to see that a key ingredient is missing. None of the entrants have a hash brown (or similar potato concoction) added to absorb the grease and sauce. It's a pity submissions are over!

[GitMeMyShootinIrons]

Some good options, none of which I'd reject...

...except the Peanut Butter monstrosity. Don't get me wrong, I like peanut butter, with jam (as an Englishman - we don't *do* 'jelly'), but as an accompaniment to bacon is just plain wrong.

However, I should point out that none of these include fried mushrooms, which is a let down. Of the list, I'd go with the killer tomato option. However, my personal weapon of choice would be:

- Best quality lean bacon, smoked (obviously) - not that watery cheap crap of questionable origin.

- Mushrooms - pan fried in butter - and take plenty of time on this.

- Tinned tomatoes, with a splash of worcester sauce.

- Crusty cobs (or baps to you uncivilised folks elsewhere) - Adds texture and absorbs the fat/tomato juices nicely. Baguette is not a substitute - wrong consistency and shape.

All rounded off with a decent cup of tea. NOT coffee. Coffee is for work, when you're breathing life into a failed server or trying to get through the drone of a project manager during a meeting.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hmmmmm Bacon

I would like to vote for all of the above. Anybody else relate to this chap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T_obaO46Bo

We now demand a Bacon Icon, it is after all the not against the law and as such without one you may very well be breaking the law :).

[Cornholio]

Spoiled ballot

Where is the 'none of the above' option? I thought everyone knew that the requirements are:

- Soft white bread

- Lightly fried bacon

- Lashings of butter

- Large lumps of BRIE

- A steaming hot mug of tea

Unless I'm missing something, brie doesn't seem to get a mention?

Ketchup can be applied sparingly, or even black olives on occasion.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ishtiaq

Bread with seeds? peanut butter? bloody baquettes (or however the French spell the word) and f*****g, lettuce? Lettuce? In a bacon buttie? Let's get real here. The only place for lettuce is in a rabbit hutch.

Are these people insane? Or smackheads?

And whilst I am at it, HP sauce tastes shit. It used to be Nectar of the Gods until some shit European company got their hands on it.

Now how about a Spam buttie contest.

Cheers... Ishy

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: The only place for lettuce is in a rabbit hutch

Actually lettuce isn't good for rabbits, neither is living in a small wooden box. Spring greens are good rabbit nosh, to complement the fresh hay.

[LesC]

The Horn Cafe A90 behemoth has been a lifesaver for us dental IT contractors when coming from the wastelands around Aberdeen, when I'm doing dental IT in the many practices scattered around there! An excellent mention.

[Anonymous Coward]

If I'd known cheese was allowed

I'd have submitted the traditional cheese and bacon Staffordshire oatcake, but that's not really a bacon sarnie any more than a pork bap is, or the muffins and other odd concoctions.

[SuperTim]

Re: If I'd known cheese was allowed

I didn't think it was. Cheese is an ingredient, rather than a condiment. A bacon sarnie with cheese tends to be classed as either a bacon and cheese sarnie, or a bacon melt. If we were all allowed to make sarnies using bacon as an ingredient, my entry would have been substantially better than the already tasty one submitted.

[Anonymous Coward]

I've gone a step further. As a hangover cure at university, I did eggs, bacon and sausage, in co-op sliced white. Gorgeous.

[Chz]

Streaky? Back? Middle!

In my house, the perfect bacon sarnie uses middle bacon. Why buy both back and streaky when there already exists a cut that has both? Usually into one of those supermarket mini-baguettes that you pop in the oven for 10 minutes with some fried mushrooms and brown sauce.

[David Cantrell]

They are all wrong

None of them contain tabasco. None! Therefore they all fail.

[Pedigree-Pete]

Oh Lindsay dear....

There are many marvelous constructions based on various types of bread & bacon (& other stuff), but this is a bacon sarny contest to Bread, Bacon, (Opt butter/marg & sauce KT or brown).

Sorry A90, I'll definately be around next time I'm up there & were this a bacon bap contest things may have been different for me.

Pete

Oh! Lester, how about a roadside (UK) Breakfast Bap contest. Must include at least Bacon, Egg & Mug of Tea.

[Miss Lincolnshire]

Red Sauce? Have some respect for the Pig for Christ's sake

[Spoon Monkey]

Dodgy voting

Each bacon based submission would likely have at least one vote, ie that of the one who submitted it, however there seem to be a strange lack of votes overall. I count only 36 votes amongst 26 candidates so far. Is this going to be a florida style election, with hordes of votes discarded? I recommend that that the A90 Behemoth be investigated for vote fraud!

[IGnatius T Foobar]

BRIT FAIL

You brits have got it all wrong. Over here on the correct side of the pond we top our bacon sandwiches with mayonnaise, not brown sauce.

[figure 11]

Re: BRIT FAIL

HERETIC!

*Goes to assemble the lynch mob*

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: BRIT FAIL

We should forgive those less fortunate than ourselves, it sounds like he has Belgian ancestry.

[Mike Flugennock]

Re: BRIT FAIL

A matter of taste, I think, rather than outright Fail. I've never been nuts about mayonnaise myself, as it's a bit sweet for me to use on a sandwich, and everybody over here seems to use too much of it.

I've just recently gotten into bacon sandwiches -- see my earlier post -- and I'm really digging a straight-up plain bacon on toast with a fair-sized application of the hot brown sauce. I'm going to take a crack at one with egg soon, when I get a chance.

[J0015]

“"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"

"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"

"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.

Pooh nodded thoughtfully.

"It's the same thing," he said.”

[Philip Bune]

Brown Sauce

Doorstop white bread, loads of bacon with a good amount of brown sauce. Cannot beat that.

[Mike Flugennock]

speaking as an American...

...I'm rather new to the whole bacon sandwich thing, but began following the debate after it was featured in the Post-Pub Nosh Deathmatch.

Looks to me like the "bacon sarnie" is basically the British equivalent of your classic American BLT (Bacon, Lettuce'n'Tomato), which is popular here as an easily-made light lunch item. After reading a couple of the bacon sandwich debates in the comment threads, I decided to try one. Mine was a variation of the Precision Engineer -- two slices of regular white sandwich bread, lightly toasted, with a generous layer of bacon slices and a light slathering of "brown sauce" which, I discovered with a bit of research, is your name for a sauce which is a kind of thick Worcestershire similar to the "A-1" which is popular over here. The "brown sauce" I used, however, is something made by Lea & Perrins (which, I assume, is a British company, or used to be at least) which my wife recently introduced me to, and which I actually prefer to A-1 as it's a bit hotter.

The verdict? Mmmmmmmmm, nummy! I'm already hooked after only having had a couple, and already prefer them to the BLT. Unfortunately, neither of my British expat friends were available for comment.

For the record, though, my vote went to the A90 Behemoth, as I've always believed you just can't have enough bacon. Mmmmmm, it's meat candy!

[Dave the Cat]

Re: speaking as an American...

"Meat Candy"... An intriguing and delicious sounding snack.... I like it!

Question: You Americans are renowned for your love of bacon and bacon based food accoutrements (bacon bits and the like), why hasn't anyone over there invented Bacon jerky yet? Or have they? I am most intrigued!

[Tom 11]

Re: speaking as an American...

Bacon Jerky is freely avaibable from most supermarkets, I use it as a garnsih for butterscotch fairy cakes :D

(unfortunatley, I am not playing up to my previously unveiled stereotype)

[Dave the Cat]

Re: speaking as an American...

Interesting... I shall take a look next time I'm in the local supermarket.

[SuperTim]

Re: speaking as an American...

I am glad you found my recipe nummy , but am disappointed that you chose a non-tested sarnie with which to align yourself. :(

[Dave the Cat]

Peanut butter.... seriously??? WTF??

[Tom 11]

WTF!!! I was away fro the mail in, but no one has posted the obvious GIANT SLAYER

Smoked streaky bacon served crozzled with maple syrup, inbetween two slices of egged bread.

[Dave the Cat]

Re: WTF!!! I was away fro the mail in, but no one has posted the obvious GIANT SLAYER

Interesting option but, no, just no... too sweet! Are you an American/Canadist? ;-)

[Tom 11]

Re: WTF!!! I was away fro the mail in, but no one has posted the obvious GIANT SLAYER

Haha! I was born North of the border indeed. Have lived in the UK for 26 of my 30 years though, strange how everyone always acuses me of that when I profess my love of bacon & maple. Oddly, I also must be the only man in the UK who eats pecans by the fist full. I think they put something in the water in Vancouver...

[Dave the Cat]

Re: WTF!!! I was away fro the mail in, but no one has posted the obvious GIANT SLAYER

That makes two of us on the pecan front! Did you ever reside that side of the pond? I did for a few years and developed my love of pecans there.

Still can't agree on the maple though! :)

[Tom 11]

Re: WTF!!! I was away fro the mail in, but no one has posted the obvious GIANT SLAYER

No, not since birth to age 3.5, One of my earliest distinct memories is the flight back to the UK! I have been feeling the pull to go back home and become a Mounty or Lumberjack for quite some time though, so maybe seen as this country is now flat on its arse I should do one post haste!!

[Mike Flugennock]

Re: WTF!!! I was away fro the mail in, but no one has posted the obvious GIANT SLAYER

Smoked streaky bacon served crozzled with maple syrup, inbetween two slices of egged bread...

Now, I know better than to criticize someone else's personal tastes, but... a bacon sandwich with maple syrup? I mean, if you dig it, then more power to you, but maaa-aan, that sounds nasty.

I couldn't say if that's really a Giant Slayer or not, but I'm sure it's probably some kind of Slayer...

[poxyboxy]

Perfect Bacon Sandwich

Generally better when made for you by someone else, preferably when hungover in the morning :)

[Mike Flugennock]

Re: Perfect Bacon Sandwich

Generally better when made for you by someone else, preferably when hungover in the morning...

I can't comment on the bacon sandwich's effectiveness as a hangover remedy as I've only had a hangover twice in my life, the last time being thirty years ago... when I then learned why that stuff is called "John Courage".

[Nasty Nick]

There is only one qualifier - the Bi-Bacon - all the rest are interlopers

The "Bi-Bacon" is the only real pukka bacon sandwich - all the rest are artifically enhanced interlopers. Toasties, egg / tomato, bacon on french/baps/bagel, banjos etc don't count as bacon sarny in my book.. Adding cheese and the rest also disqualifies. Guacamole& peanut butter? Totally against the bacon butty ethos.

The only permitted additives should be the sauces, such as braan sauce and red sauce (AKA ketchup). Chillie sauce or the mustards are borderline but anything more solid (apart from butter/marge) makes it something more than a bacon sarny. I'd make an exception for Black Pudding mind.

[Mike Flugennock]

Re: There is only one qualifier - the Bi-Bacon - all the rest are interlopers

...The only permitted additives should be the sauces, such as braan sauce and red sauce (AKA ketchup)...

Ketchup? M'eh. Not spicy enough for me. I don't know about the quality of ketchup you get over there, but over here, your average major brands of ketchup (Heinz, etc.) are pretty bland stuff -- good for dipping your fries (chips) in, but they pretty much ruin the taste of burgers or hot dogs for me.

I suspect I won't like it as much as the hot brown sauce, but I might try some really strong dark mustard -- not that bland yellow crap most of us Americans like -- on my next bacon sandwich.

I need to get out of this thread, now. It's just after 1pm here on the East Coast, and I can't stop thinking about lunch...

[Anonymous Coward]

I had a bacon roll at the horn cafe Perthshire today and can honestly say it was awful! The bacon was cold,hard and very salty. And at £5.25 for a bacon roll and a cup of tea its not cheap either!