I think a NSFW sign is needed for these pages of porcine pornography.
Right, you lovely people, the moment has arrived to settle once and for all that matter of most monumentous moment: just what constitutes the ultimate bacon sarnie. As you'll recall, the porcine polemic kicked off when we pitched German delicacy Bauernfrühstück against the sacred pork-based assemblage in one of our post-pub …
Ah, Grasshopper. You must understand that there are many faces to guacamole. They range from compositions that look as if an avocado had been in a car wreck and taste only faintly of anything other than avocado, to pale, lime-green concoctions with the consistency of thick soup, with delicate hints of lime and cilantro and a pepper bite that will take off the top of your head.
Maybe... Then again, given that we're talking Hangover Control, I feel that the precision engineer is a wee bit too complicated and precise to perform under the circumstances encountered.
Whereas the Morning Eggstacy has ample track record of construction feasibility on an international level, under even more stringent conitions than the usual level of hangover.
The egg yolk hazard is a built-in warning feature that is a good indicator of ready-for-world+dog-ness, making it not only delightfully delicious, but also quite useful.
Justin Bieber — bacon lyrics
You know you love me
I know you care
Just shout whenever,
And I'll be there
You want my love
You want my heart
And we would never, ever, ever be apart
Are we an item?
Girl quit playin'
We're just friends,
What are you sayin'?
Said there's another as you look right in my eyes
My first love, broke my heart for the first time
And I was like
bacon, bacon, bacon ooh
bacon, bacon, bacon noo
bacon, bacon, bacon ohh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
bacon, bacon, bacon ohh
bacon, bacon, bacon noo
bacon, bacon, bacon ohh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
The Horn was one of the reasons I was more than happy to make the trek up the A90 from Edinburgh to Dundee to see customers. I always allowed an extra hour or so for the trip, just to be safe. I do remember thinking the sign used to look more like a leg of ham than a horn though, but that's perfect for this article. Not been there for over a decade though.
1. Crispy fresh white baguette cut to preferred length (actual length irrelevant to overall enjoyment).
2. Plenty of butter.
3. Bacon - Lots of, preferably non-supermarket. I prefer unsmoked, with a decent amount of semi-crisped rind.
4. Fried egg - optional (actually dependent on strength of hangover).
5. Brown sauce.
I can't speak for them all, but it has nothing to do will the slaughter of animals for me. It's the texture and the taste. Both are something that the fake meats haven't mastered.
If it wasn't for meat eaters a lot of breeds wouldn't exist and a lot more hedgerows would be gone which in turn threatens a lot of other species - birds and insects. Eating meat is actually better for the environment than not eating meat. Just a shame I don't like it.
Don't even need butter. However I think it is clear that in any eating situation condiments of all varieties are a matter for a man's personal conscience - the fundamentals of the thing are not affected by them so I'm voting on that basis.
Eggs, cheese and other nonsense is displaying gross disrespect for the fundamentals of this challenge.
Likewise on the favourite, it also has a slightly healthier option for those who only get to eat fried food accompanied by reproachful looks and guilt trips - poached egg rather than fried and grilled bacon. Almost as tasty but usually involve less aggro in the household!
I was heading towards "The Sunny Side Down" and then I encountered "The Improbable Horn Of Plenty"
I must vote for the Horn because it reminds me of the bacon, sausage, egg & cheese on French bread cholesterol fuelled lunches (with the odd pint to dilute the forming arterial clot) that we had when working at a certain TV station some years ago.
Honourable mention for The Sunny Side Down for being a purists heaven though, but I'll get the horn thanks!
Mines the one sponsored by Bupa.
I think I just died and went to coronary bypass heaven.
A 90 Behemoth for me.
But my personal fave is old stylee smoked rasher with the rind on.
Grilled until crispy.
Fresh French Stick.
Lettuce & Tomato
Splash of Heinz Tomato sauce.
Served with a piping hot cup of tea.
Dammit! Just typing it make me want one!!!
Why is there not a bacon sarnie icon?
OM NOM NOM NOM!!!
Very possibly slightly overdone, but there is an element of spontaneity in the A90 that still retains a hint of excitement - possibly even a feeling of hope.
I scored the Bi-Bacon quite highly but then deducted some marks for the use of 'homemade sourdough bread' which I felt was a bit 90s and didn't reflect these austere times
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Due to health problems, I can no longer partake of these porcine pleasures. But if I could, I'd have to say that the A90 beast wins on simplicity. Slightly overdone for my taste, as previously commented upon.
It could only really be modified with the addition of some lightly fried, wafer thin sliced, lambs liver.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I WANT BACON!!!
Though it's a close-run thing with the Classic Jumbo and the A90 Behemoth for sheer speed of delivery and simplicity of the bread not interfering. Careful toasting can add texture without affecting flavour, so that gets my vote. The rest can GTF, though some marge would be nice. Personally I prefer something like a sunflower spread, as I prefer my salt to come from the bacon (since Fish'n'Chip crisps were phased out) or the sea.
As for the rest? A baguette is fair game - it's the right shape, like that jumbo finger roll at the start. And crunchy, like the toast. But a bagel? Get out. Where's the button to release the hounds?
The Cheezilla looks fantastic, but it is NOT a bacon sarnie. Similarly, if I wanted egg in a roll, I'd do an egg roll. Like this:
Take a large, thick roll and slice carefully into 3 laterally, making sure the middle slice is of a good thickness. Cut a rough round-ish 60mm wide circular hole in the middle slice (use of a tumbler or pastry cutter would crush the bread and reduce the contact area) and lightly fry both sides. Then drop some more oil in the centre and drop in an egg.
Drop the top and bottom of the roll in a toaster for a very light toasting. Then a little butter/marg if you want to, and wait for it to soak down. Then spread around some good ketchup with a dusting of sea salt, a little on both halves.
Flip the eggy-in-the-basket over to cook it over easy, then just re-assemble the roll. Let it cool a little, find a wipe-clean surface to eat it over, and tuck in.
P.S. I just tried Turkey Dinosaurs as they were out of the breaded steaks. I didn't realised they did different species...
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What was I missing?
How comes no one's managed to mention the iphone 5?
You're all slipping...
I'll start one:-
If Apple launched a bacon roll it would be three times as expensive as its closest rivals.
It would be the best bacon roll ever.
People would queue for it although sauce would cost extra and no doubt double or treble the going rate.
It would be slightly bigger than the old one although the bacon would be the same.
The chef would create a 5 minute video extolling its design features - thinner roll, lighter bacon etc.
Oh and the Samsung bacon roll would be sued even if it had Samsung toasted across the top of the roll.
How many down votes do I get?
Sorry, I kept eating it before remembering to take a piccy & submit it, but here's the text only version :-
2 x Rind-on Middle Back Unsmoked (best of both worlds back & streaky) , White Bread, Welsh Butter, Colman's Savora Mustard (or French's Classic Yellow) & either Heinz TK or, if available 1x fresh tomato.
i) Open kitchen window/turn on extract fan & close door - unless you want the smoke alarm going off !
ii) Trim rind from bacon & start to fry in a hot non-stick pan with a dash of oil, the fat from the rind will render down & you get excellent "Fried Crispy Worms" to crunch on.
iii) Add sliced tomato (4 slices) to pan & remove "Worms" before they burn & eat while cooking bacon.
iv) Add bacon, after 1-2 minutes turn over tomato & bacon.
v) Butter the bread and add mustard to lower slice.
vi) Arrange bacon on bread and layer with tomato then top slice of bread.
vii) Eat & Enjoy!
viii) Buggrit, forgot the camera again! ;)
I'm sorry that I have to say this, but the clue is in the name. There is no egg. There is certainly no other meat. I can stretch to condiments, and possibly some cheese. but that's it.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a sausage, bacon and egg sandwich, only that it can not be classed also as a Bacon Sandwich.
Only the first page offerings actually qualify as all the rest include eggs, cheese etc and are therefore more than bacon sandwiches so are ineligible. I had to vote for the A90 as that is essentially the basic bacon sandwich and it looks well made with nicely cooked bacon.
Given a free choice of bacon based sandwiches I like the look of several of the others and would even contemplate the peanut butter version as I can be a bit adventurous. The bacon choices in some of the others look pretty good as well and addition of black pudding elevates the end result to stratospheric levels, but the poll is clear and therefore all others must be disqualified.
I guess it must be an anti-fraud system, but my colleagues and I eagerly started voting for the sublime Ungilded Sourdough from Salvation Jane - and the number of votes registered actually dropped. So did the penny - I suspect that we all appear to be on the same IP. Fsck.
Never mind. Sod the vote. But do yourselves all a favour and get down to Salvation Jane - it's well worth it. As for most of the other sandwiches (well, some of them anyway) I shall try them out. They look delicious! But seeds, nuts and cheese will always be an abomination in my mind, at least as far as a good butty is concerned!
Good effort Lester, by the way. This is exactly what The Register should be all about!
I'm on a diet and this morning I had bacon, egg, onion and haggis slice, all fried in butter. Unfortunately no bread or roll allowed, or tomato sauce sadly. Like ghostbusters you cant mix the streams together or bad things might happen.
Cant beleive I get to eat this every morning and still lose weight, yay!
And there is no such thing as overdone bacon, the crispier the better. The A90 is a bit under-done in my book. Just as long as you dont use that waffer-theen merkin rubbish!
Lester, It may be against Data protection Act, but please can you release the details of anybody that votes for a Bacon Sandwich that contains cheese.
Now I enjoy a bit of fermented curd as much as the next man, but in a bacon sandwich!! It's just unholy, and for the sake of humanity and our survival as a species we must seek out and destroy these freakish mutants that insist on combining dairy and cured porcine products.
there are plenty here who deserve it....
red hot pokers and the rack are the very least that should be used on those voting for any of the ba*..*te/cheese/wholemeal/egg/peanut butter aboimnations!
I like Lester's plan though - get them to confess so they can be rounded up so we can protect the children from their madness.
A90 got my vote.
Come on El Reg, at least try and get your facts straight.
1) Sarnie - (UK, informal) a sandwich.
2) Sandwich - A snack formed of various ingredients between two slices of bread.
So NOT a roll, muffin, baguette or bagle.
Removing these ineligible, non-sliced bread options brings the list down from 26 to 13.
3) Toasty (Toastie) - (Cookery) a toasted sandwich.
4) Toast - Bread browned by exposure to radiant heat.
As such you can not use Toast to make a Sarnie, as you are no longer using bread but toast. you are creating a Toasty.
Removing these ineligible, not-bread options bring the list down from 13 to an actually list of bacon sarnies of 6:
- The Bi-bacon Bounty
- The Sunny Side Down
- The Norn Iron Soda
- The Trearddur Bay Black Ops
- The Black, Brown and White
- The Cheezilla
Rolls etc. are also bread.
However a bacon sarnie simply isn't a bacon sarnie unless it only contains bacon. That automatically disqualifies much of the list.
Also any "bread" made from what looks and tastes like chicken-feed (i.e. "health" crap) should be disqualified on the grounds of obscenity. That disqualifies most of the rest of the list.
According to the results so far, it looks like "The Precision Engineer" is going to win, but that's a toastie, not a sarnie, so it should also be disqualified.
An actual bacon sarnie is ... bacon fried only in its own fat, then placed between two slices of white bread (as in real white bread, not that not-really-white bread with chicken-feed bits) which has been quickly fried on one side in the remaining bacon fat (thus absorbing it all), with the fried-side toward the inside.
That's exactly what "The Gourmet Toasted" is (no, that's not "toasted"), and thus it should be the winner.
Anyone who disagrees with this assessment must be burned as a witch, by order of The Knights of The Grand High Lodge of Bacon Sarnie Defenders.
Actually...A toastie is formed by toasting a sandwich once constructed to brown it and cook the filling. The precision engineer is a sandwich made with toasted bread. It isn't a toastie as it was constructed after all parts were cooked. No cafe press was employed, no autocutting of the bread by hot plates. No a sandwich with toasted bread is not a "toastie".
PS...Vote for the Precision Engineer!
I call foul.
You can't put anything other than bacon (and sauce) on a bacon sandwich.
Otherwise it's not.
Name ONE other sandwich with other ingredients, with bacon on it, that's called a bacon sandwich?
For crying out loud, even a BLT is its own monster, let alone all of these other travesties with eggs, or cheese, or black fucking pudding.
THEY ARE NOT BACON SANDWICHES.
Bread - Bacon - Bread
That's all you have to work with...some sauce if your sarnie is a bit dry.
Everything else, ANYTHING else, makes it not a bacon sandwich.
A bacon sarnie can _only_ contain bread, bacon, and condiments.
Anything other than bread is an immediate disqualification and it becomes a roll, bap, etc. Toast gets in under a technicality, but is not in the spirit of things.
Adding X as a secondary ingredient would make it a "bacon and X sarnie". Not the same.
Condiments can be any sauces, and include butter or margarine, but they must not overwhelm the bacon in any way.
Under these perfectly normal restrictions, my favourite is white bread with butter and ketchup.
I was thinking this vote would be more about white vs granary vs brown, or brown vs ketchup, not just showing a large selection of breakfast rolls - many of which look tasty in their own right but really aren't bacon sarnies.
They're bacon & something else sandwiches.
With the possible exception of cheese adding anything that you would ordinarily have in a sandwich on its own to a bacon sandwich stops it being a bacon sandwich. Yes, tastes vary and tomato or not, brown sauce or not, etc. are valid arguments but adding black pudding, egg or anything else stops it being a bacon sandwich.
Would you include a McThungumy with bacon or a King Watsit with bacon also? How about if it's vegetarian bacon?
Myself: I voted The Classic Jumbo.
However, I prefer bacon, egg, sausage and brown sauce. I'm also partial to the full English (black pudding in there too and perhaps beans) but they're not bacon sandwiches, for fuck's sake.
Oh, and bacon and brie in a baguette is a fine sandwich. Not an English "bacon butty" though so not really relevant.
All those pictures have a bacon "sandwich" with brown sauce!!!! Where the f* does the Register come off? This isn't a valid poll of the perfect bacon sandwich, it's a travesty!. Does the term dictatorship by the unwashed masses mean nothing to you? Get a grip, and put up pictures of "proper" bacon sandwiches. (Baps don't count - well they do, but in other contexts).
I've said it before and I'll say it again; There's nothing wrong with putting an egg or black pudding on a sandwich with bacon, but once you do they are no longer bacon sandwiches, they are bacon and egg / black pudding sandwiches. All of the entries with other ingredients should be disqualified.
I sometimes make 2 bacon butties for me and the missus. I use about 200g of bacon in each. Then, I have a cunning plan....
I spread Marmite on each piece of lightly toasted bread, then fill it with a grilled Portobello mushroom. She hates both. Lovely jubbly! (Actually, I can save money....loads of edible mushrooms growing in the courtyard outside! Heaven!)
First go out and buy some haloumi cheese.
No. I am not taking the P***.
Slice off 4-6 pieces of the haloumi about 5mm thick - enough to cover your bread/bap of choice.
Fry it in your preferred choice of oil.
Extra virgin olive oil is adds too much flavour imho, so I just use Sunflower.
Turn once they start to go brown and harden, so they are fairly equally done on both sides. I find that turning the cooker off once one side is done leaves enough heat to finish the other side nicely. Careful not to over cook and burn them - though some may like their 'bacon' crispy.
Then decant onto your bread source - smother with brown sauce - slice in half - Perfick....
A cup of tea to wash it down with.
Really it does taste like bacon, I've been veggie for about 20 years, and still get the odd call of the wild. Hasn't happened for a year or so now, but, this recipe, texturally and taste wise is pretty close. (Just make sure you smother it in brown sauce). Er.. they may be a clue in that last sentence.
Seriously. Even if you are a carnivore - try it - you might like it!
I have a veggi friend who has confided that the only thing which could possibly turn him is a bacon sarnie.
I eat a lot of bacon sarnies in front of him.
Oh, and BTW, don't mean to ruin the traditional blighty bacon sarnie, but have you checked where HP is made these days? It might have a picture of the houses of parliament on it, but....
I used to work for Ferranti, and we'd have to drive down to Portsmouth to get on our assigned Grey Funnel Line boat, and when 'twas early enough, I always stopped off at a little caff in a little town not far from Portsmouth - alas, gazing at Google Maps doesn't bring back what town that was - who had a bacon and tomato sarnie that was bludy excellent. Thick white bread, real tomatoes (not the puny grape-sized ones), real bacon.
...except the Peanut Butter monstrosity. Don't get me wrong, I like peanut butter, with jam (as an Englishman - we don't *do* 'jelly'), but as an accompaniment to bacon is just plain wrong.
However, I should point out that none of these include fried mushrooms, which is a let down. Of the list, I'd go with the killer tomato option. However, my personal weapon of choice would be:
- Best quality lean bacon, smoked (obviously) - not that watery cheap crap of questionable origin.
- Mushrooms - pan fried in butter - and take plenty of time on this.
- Tinned tomatoes, with a splash of worcester sauce.
- Crusty cobs (or baps to you uncivilised folks elsewhere) - Adds texture and absorbs the fat/tomato juices nicely. Baguette is not a substitute - wrong consistency and shape.
All rounded off with a decent cup of tea. NOT coffee. Coffee is for work, when you're breathing life into a failed server or trying to get through the drone of a project manager during a meeting.
Where is the 'none of the above' option? I thought everyone knew that the requirements are:
- Soft white bread
- Lightly fried bacon
- Lashings of butter
- Large lumps of BRIE
- A steaming hot mug of tea
Unless I'm missing something, brie doesn't seem to get a mention?
Ketchup can be applied sparingly, or even black olives on occasion.
Bread with seeds? peanut butter? bloody baquettes (or however the French spell the word) and f*****g, lettuce? Lettuce? In a bacon buttie? Let's get real here. The only place for lettuce is in a rabbit hutch.
Are these people insane? Or smackheads?
And whilst I am at it, HP sauce tastes shit. It used to be Nectar of the Gods until some shit European company got their hands on it.
Now how about a Spam buttie contest.
I didn't think it was. Cheese is an ingredient, rather than a condiment. A bacon sarnie with cheese tends to be classed as either a bacon and cheese sarnie, or a bacon melt. If we were all allowed to make sarnies using bacon as an ingredient, my entry would have been substantially better than the already tasty one submitted.
There are many marvelous constructions based on various types of bread & bacon (& other stuff), but this is a bacon sarny contest to Bread, Bacon, (Opt butter/marg & sauce KT or brown).
Sorry A90, I'll definately be around next time I'm up there & were this a bacon bap contest things may have been different for me.
Oh! Lester, how about a roadside (UK) Breakfast Bap contest. Must include at least Bacon, Egg & Mug of Tea.
Each bacon based submission would likely have at least one vote, ie that of the one who submitted it, however there seem to be a strange lack of votes overall. I count only 36 votes amongst 26 candidates so far. Is this going to be a florida style election, with hordes of votes discarded? I recommend that that the A90 Behemoth be investigated for vote fraud!
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A matter of taste, I think, rather than outright Fail. I've never been nuts about mayonnaise myself, as it's a bit sweet for me to use on a sandwich, and everybody over here seems to use too much of it.
I've just recently gotten into bacon sandwiches -- see my earlier post -- and I'm really digging a straight-up plain bacon on toast with a fair-sized application of the hot brown sauce. I'm going to take a crack at one with egg soon, when I get a chance.
“"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.”
...I'm rather new to the whole bacon sandwich thing, but began following the debate after it was featured in the Post-Pub Nosh Deathmatch.
Looks to me like the "bacon sarnie" is basically the British equivalent of your classic American BLT (Bacon, Lettuce'n'Tomato), which is popular here as an easily-made light lunch item. After reading a couple of the bacon sandwich debates in the comment threads, I decided to try one. Mine was a variation of the Precision Engineer -- two slices of regular white sandwich bread, lightly toasted, with a generous layer of bacon slices and a light slathering of "brown sauce" which, I discovered with a bit of research, is your name for a sauce which is a kind of thick Worcestershire similar to the "A-1" which is popular over here. The "brown sauce" I used, however, is something made by Lea & Perrins (which, I assume, is a British company, or used to be at least) which my wife recently introduced me to, and which I actually prefer to A-1 as it's a bit hotter.
The verdict? Mmmmmmmmm, nummy! I'm already hooked after only having had a couple, and already prefer them to the BLT. Unfortunately, neither of my British expat friends were available for comment.
For the record, though, my vote went to the A90 Behemoth, as I've always believed you just can't have enough bacon. Mmmmmm, it's meat candy!
"Meat Candy"... An intriguing and delicious sounding snack.... I like it!
Question: You Americans are renowned for your love of bacon and bacon based food accoutrements (bacon bits and the like), why hasn't anyone over there invented Bacon jerky yet? Or have they? I am most intrigued!
Haha! I was born North of the border indeed. Have lived in the UK for 26 of my 30 years though, strange how everyone always acuses me of that when I profess my love of bacon & maple. Oddly, I also must be the only man in the UK who eats pecans by the fist full. I think they put something in the water in Vancouver...
No, not since birth to age 3.5, One of my earliest distinct memories is the flight back to the UK! I have been feeling the pull to go back home and become a Mounty or Lumberjack for quite some time though, so maybe seen as this country is now flat on its arse I should do one post haste!!
Smoked streaky bacon served crozzled with maple syrup, inbetween two slices of egged bread...
Now, I know better than to criticize someone else's personal tastes, but... a bacon sandwich with maple syrup? I mean, if you dig it, then more power to you, but maaa-aan, that sounds nasty.
I couldn't say if that's really a Giant Slayer or not, but I'm sure it's probably some kind of Slayer...
Generally better when made for you by someone else, preferably when hungover in the morning...
I can't comment on the bacon sandwich's effectiveness as a hangover remedy as I've only had a hangover twice in my life, the last time being thirty years ago... when I then learned why that stuff is called "John Courage".
The "Bi-Bacon" is the only real pukka bacon sandwich - all the rest are artifically enhanced interlopers. Toasties, egg / tomato, bacon on french/baps/bagel, banjos etc don't count as bacon sarny in my book.. Adding cheese and the rest also disqualifies. Guacamole& peanut butter? Totally against the bacon butty ethos.
The only permitted additives should be the sauces, such as braan sauce and red sauce (AKA ketchup). Chillie sauce or the mustards are borderline but anything more solid (apart from butter/marge) makes it something more than a bacon sarny. I'd make an exception for Black Pudding mind.
...The only permitted additives should be the sauces, such as braan sauce and red sauce (AKA ketchup)...
Ketchup? M'eh. Not spicy enough for me. I don't know about the quality of ketchup you get over there, but over here, your average major brands of ketchup (Heinz, etc.) are pretty bland stuff -- good for dipping your fries (chips) in, but they pretty much ruin the taste of burgers or hot dogs for me.
I suspect I won't like it as much as the hot brown sauce, but I might try some really strong dark mustard -- not that bland yellow crap most of us Americans like -- on my next bacon sandwich.
I need to get out of this thread, now. It's just after 1pm here on the East Coast, and I can't stop thinking about lunch...
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