NZ bloke gets eel stuck up jacksie A New Zealand hospital refused to speculate last week on just how one patient managed to get an eel stuck up his backside. According to the New Zealand Herald, the unnamed bloke walked, or perhaps slithered, into Auckland City Hospital's A&E department in need of an urgent jacksie eel extraction. A swift X-ray and scan …
Let's say goodbye with a smile dear,
Just for awhile dear, we must part
Don't let this parting upset you,
I'll not forget you, sweetheart,
Eel meet again,
Don't know where,don't know when.
But I know Eel meet again, some sunny day.
Keep smiling through ,
Just like you always do,
Till the blue skies chase those dark clouds, far away.
But I know Eel meet again. some sunny day
Eel meet again, don't know where, don't know when. but I know Eel meet again, some sunny day. Keep smiling through , just like you always do, till the blue skies chase the dark clouds, far away.
And I will just say hello,
To the folks that you know,
Tell them you won't be long,
They'll be happy to know that as I saw you go
You were singing this song.
Eel meet again,
Don't know where, dont know when.
But I know Eel meet again, some sunny day.
Sounds to me like the Asparagus is a standard measurement for doctors extracting foreign objects from human orifices. Probably along with the Banana, Gerbil and Cucumber.
"Say Pete, could you give me hand with a 2.5 Asparagus patient?" Cue smirks from medical employees and puzzled looks from nearby civvies.
going for a drink with some A&E doctors ... best two I heard of was a guy who turned up with a raincoat, and as he was trying to book in, muffle the woofs from under the raincoat - somehow a dog had bitten and wouldn't let go.
And I never understood how a lightbulb could get up there without breaking ....
This post has been deleted by its author
Aww... c'mon: Don't rag on the guy. It was clearly a genuine accident.
Clearly an eel climbed onto his loo-roll. The guy didn't see it was there when he tore some off for a wipe, and then - mid-scrape- the thing just slipped on in there.
Clearly this kind of accident could happen to anyone. It's unfair to simply assume that he wanted his prostate tickled.
According to one nurse, patients often give the story "I was getting out of the bath, when I slipped and fell on X and it went up my..." only to tell a different as the aesthetic kicks in before the procedure to remove the foreign object. The only bloke who stuck to his story when going under had a tennis ball (?!) stuck where it shouldn't be.
Yes, I knew an A&E doctor once. He had dozens of them.
...had to change my trousers and sat on a crate of cucumbers whilst doing so, which broke under my weight...
...sat down in the bath rather suddenly unaware that the extra fizzy bath bomb hadn't completely dissolved...
...accidentally fell onto the (designer slimline) shower head, which had to be unscrewed as it wouldn't come out without tearing...
But the one that took the biscuit was the guy who needed a parsnip removed. His excuse?
"I shoved it up my arse for a cheap thrill, OK?"
Pretty sure I read about this happening to a guy in China some years ago - in Private Eye's "Funny Old World" section (so may not be true).
However, the circumstances were a bit different. He was a cook and had got massively drunk with his "buddies". After he passed out they thought it would be a jolly jape to stick a spare live eel up his fundament. Unfortunately this eel was bigger than the one in NZ and had teeth. Neither eel nor human survived.
Actually, yes, I think I can see an IT angle to this story.
Think about it - every day across the world, all manner of things are inserted into assholes, from conveniently shaped bodily organs, to pens, to animals. What we need to do is design a future accessory port for computers modelled on the human asshole. We'd never have compatibility issues again!
He bought the elongated piscine from a pet shop but got home to find he'd locked himself out.
So he attempted to climb a handy ladder to get in through an upper floor window, while still holding
the bag containing said eel, and promptly fell; landing on the bag and ending up with the eel in his rectum.
All totally plausible.
Ron White (a Texan-comedian from the Blue-collar Comedy Tour) does a bit in his 'Behavioral Problems' skit (text at: http://www.livedash.com/transcript/ron_white__behavioral_problems/6732/COMEDYP/Saturday_May_01_2010/281227/ )
...only his problem is a ferret and cake is involved....
The Register 
Biting the hand that feeds IT
Copyright. All rights reserved © 1998–2024
