iPhone 5 has 'laser keyboard, holographic images'

US television station Fox 5 New York has aired a report in which it claims the iPhone 5 comes equipped with a laser keyboard and holographic projector. The claims appear in a news report, since posted to YouTube, in which reporter Lidia Curanaj meets fanbois queueing outside a New York Apple store. That part of the segment …

[nuked]

If true...

..which I doubt, it would be a serious game changer.

[Anonymous Coward]

If it was true then

If it were then even the fandroids would dump their Androids......

[Thorne]

Re: If it was true then

"If it were then even the fandroids would dump their Androids......"

Yes we would but since it isn't, we won't.

[VinceH]

Re: If it was true then

"If it were then even the fandroids would dump their Androids......"

This Android user wouldn't.

[Mr Brush]

Re: If it was true then

>> If it were then even the fandroids would dump their Androids......

If it were true, it would have already been around on Android for a year or two before Apple 'invented' it.

[Lost in Cyberspace]

Re: If it was true then

True.

Android would definitely have it first.

Apple would add it 2 years later, and make it work properly and easily.

Samsung would modify the feature and make it work completely differently to the Stock Android version.

[bdam]

Re: If true...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdIWKytq_q4

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: If true...

And it still wouldn't be an Apple innovation as they have been done elsewhere. Wouldn't stop Apple patenting them though with the magic words....on a phone

[Annihilator]

Re: If true...

Erm, if true, you'd think they'd have mentioned it in the keynote.

[nigel 15]

Re: If true...

'..which I doubt,' - are you ill?

[Crisp]

Re: If true...

It would be patented.

Probably already is.

[Thorne]

Re: If true...

"It would be patented.

Probably already is."

Actually laser keyboards are already being made so yes patents for that are out. You can already get mobiles with microprojectors and laser keyboards.

holograms are getting there but are not quiet ready to be built into mobiles yet. They could patent it but in all likelyhood the patent would expire before the technology get small and cheap enough to build in

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: If true...

Honestly?

Really?

S A P! I bet you have your idiotPhone5 already.

[Michael Wojcik]

Re: If true...

If true...

If what is true? That a Fox station took a fan wish list as a product description?

Surely nothing in the article even implied that the iPhone 5 has the laser keyboard or holographic display.

(Personally, I wouldn't find either feature attractive in a phone anyway. And I don't see what "game" would be changed - Apple would still be the Purveyor of Shiny, and if other manufacturers thought those features would drive significant additional sales, they'd add them too. All a big pile of dreary sameness.)

[Ralph B]

In Fox We Trust

With Fox's backing of this standard, Mitt Romney might well win the Presidency.

[Silverburn]

Made to make Fox look bad? So it's genuine Fox footage then...

[Rampant Spaniel]

Very true, it takes no effort to make fox look bad, they do it for you.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ahh but...

..it can't be true, they didn't mention Communist China in every other sentence.

[Bad Beaver]

hahahaha

See, Apple, people actually lust for you to put new and exiting stuff into your products. Take that as a free hint.

[tkioz]

If it actually had those features I'd eat humble pie and queue to buy it as well... but since it doesn't I'll simply mock both Fox and the Fanbois sleeping out in the cold to get a phone

[Anonymous Coward]

Do these people sleeping outside the stores use holiday hours or something? Isn't the release not for another 3 days?

[John Tserkezis]

Ah yes, but can it make phone calls?

[Anonymous Coward]

Not out of the box, but there's an app for that. :-P

[Jason]

Only if you hold it between the index finger of your right hand, and left big toe, to your left ear while standing next to an Apple store

[Anonymous Coward]

Another surprise feature

Error #2035

Looks like Apple won't allow Google browsers to see their phones.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Another surprise feature

Just face facts, chrome is crap.

[g e]

Re: Another surprise feature

You must work in marketing or something...

[Mr Spoon]

Re: Another surprise feature

No Chrome is crap in many ways. It's very nice and fast but the rendering still leaves a lot to be desired and it's pretty buggy.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Another surprise feature

"Just face facts, chrome is crap."

You do realise that Chrome and Safari are basically the same thing? Go lookup 'webkit'. Fanboooiiii!!

[0_Flybert_0]

Re:Re: Another surprise feature

Safari renders like crap too .. or was that your point and I missed it ?

[Rick Damiani]

"...someone has gone to a lot of trouble to make Fox look bad..."

It doesn't take much effort to make Fox look bad. All you have to do is turn it on and wait a few minutes.

[JaitcH]

Someone, somehwere will be broken hearted ...

when they turn on their little iPhone 5 and find their laser keyboard and holographic projector don't work, will take it back for 'repairs'..

That's the problem with promising the world and not delivering.

Still, there is always Samsung's Galaxy Beam with a built-in projector. That actually works. Maybe a keyboard later?

[Peter 48]

Re: Someone, somehwere will be broken hearted ...

just buy the galaxy beam and this laser keyboard: http://www.amazon.com/Celluon-Magic-Projection-Keyboard-Touchpad/dp/B005ES6E6W and you too can experience fox news's iphone 5 "magic"

[TraceyC]

Re: Someone, somehwere will be broken hearted ...

Even if the phone doesn't deliver, people will *think* it does. After all, some folks were handed an iPhone 4S, told it was a 5, and talked about how much more awesome it was than their own 4S.

http://www.maximumpc.com/article/news/jimmy_kimmels_iphone_5_prank_hilariously_depressing

[Anonymous Coward]

Interviewer: Thursday Why?

Interviewee: Well you know, iPhone 5 is the most amazing.. BEST Apple product everrr!

I feel sorry for him, I truly do. I hope that they would release an App to help me get along with his life!

[g e]

He's right, it is the best Apple phone thing everrrrrr

Just not the best phone thing everrrrrr

[Andrew Moore]

Reminds me of South Park

Cartman: "It does email and web browsing and s**ts in Kyle's mouth? This is the greatest thing ever invented."

HumanCentiPad.

[Anonymous Coward]

So what?

Even the supposed-to-be-cynical El Reg falls for fake Apple stories. (E.g. The screw story)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: So what?

You mean this one?

http://www.reghardware.com/2012/08/09/apple_said_to_be_redesigning_idevice_screws_again/

Which part does The Reg fall for it?

[wowfood]

How many americans

Are now going to go "holy shit" buy an iPhone and then attempt to sue either Apple or Fox for not delivering the laser keyboard and holographic images.

[g e]

Re: How many americans

Popcorn icon still needed!

Pint instead

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: How many americans

Let's do a little calculating on the back of this envelope:

Republicans watch Fox and they constitute approximately 40% of Americans,

Of Republicans, some 50% are impoverished religious fanatics unable to afford an iPhone,

And 30% are tinfoil hat wearing paranoids unlikely to use mobile phones,

Which leaves us with (at most) 7% of the population, or about 21 million who will believe this broadcast equivalent of the Sun.

Anon because the Republicans are also gun-totin' NRA members.

[teapot9999]

WTF

Is there anything you will not publish if it has iPhone5 in the title?

I have an iPhone 4, I want an iPhone 5, but I do not want to read ever piece of crap about it

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: WTF

yet you did..... and you even took the time to comment on the article!

[Asiren]

Re: WTF

Is there anything you won't read if it has iPhone 5 in the title?

You want an iPhone 5, and will read every piece of crap published about it, but it's the Reg's fault that you're wasting your time.

Riiiiiiiiight...

[teapot9999]

Re: WTF

yeah, good point :o

[Anonymous Coward]

Fox would not have been caught out like this ....

... had they used the iPhone 5's built in Internet bullshit detector

[Peter 48]

Re: Fox would not have been caught out like this ....

Nice idea in principle, but seeing as this is fox news, the bullshit detector would have burn't out after one day anyway, rendering it useless.

[Robert Helpmann??]

Re: Fox would not have been caught out like this ....

That would have been as helpful as a compass at the North Pole.

[Robert E A Harvey]

Re: Fox would not have been caught out like this ....

I have a mental picture of people walking through the door at Fox and their phones exploding in thier pockets.

[Anonymous Coward]

If True.....

Tim Cook would have crowed about it at launchtime and announced that the holographic image of St. Jobs could be projected anywhare and anytime a fanboy wished to offer worship, like a prayer mat .

[Toastan Buttar]

Portable St. Jobs prayer booth app

"My time is yours..."

"Excellent...."

"Could you be more.....specific?"

"Let us be thankful we have commerce. Buy more. Buy more now. Buy more and be happy."

[Thorne]

Re: Portable St. Jobs prayer booth app

You forgot "Release the hounds!"

[Anonymous Custard]

Laser Keyboard

http://www.gizmag.com/ctx-bluetooth-virtual-keyboard/24077/

There, now you can all have one...

[Melonfarmer]

Typical American News Story ...

They make shit up and report it as the gods honest truth

[Peter Storm]

Re: Typical American News Story ...

How very true. They do the same with their version of history.

[Anonymous Coward]

Fox News is great....

...but The Onion has more reliable sources

[Rukario]

Re: Fox News is great....

Like this one...

http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-introduces-revolutionary-new-laptop-with-no,14299/

[sebacoustic]

genuinely funny

i think this bit of obvious-to-everybody-but-the-most-deluded parody has more merit than most of the rest of Fox's output (The only thing that's better are Chocolate Creams). On a par with yesterday's register piece about iphone5 delays (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/09/17/apple_iphone_5_shortage/).

[CmdrX3]

Sadly though

There are many in the US that take Fox's reports as gospel, and will be pretty pissed off when they can't figure out how the get the laser keyboard and holographic images working.

[g e]

Re: Sadly though

They have their own theme tune, though...

Dumb, dumb-dumb dumb DUUMMMMMB

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Sadly though

"There are many in the US that take Fox's reports as gospel, and will be pretty pissed off when they can't figure out how the get the laser keyboard and holographic images working."

They'll probably be too busy buying more assault rifles to protect the unborn of that great nation from the lieral sodomite abortionist atheist plague, so won't worry for too long.

[Norm DePlume]

Re: Sadly though

To be honest, the proportion of Americans taking the gospel as gospel is worrying enough.

[Jash]

Its a blatant FOX FUBAR (Again)

There's even a watermark in the corner of the video segment from Aatma Studios (http://aatmastudio.com):

"We are driven content for television, film, advertising and interactive media". a 3d animation and digital content shop based in San Francisco. We specialize in producing animation

Youtube link to the original 'CGI': http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=lzsBwnv_dAg

[Crisp]

Someone has gone to a lot of trouble to make Fox look bad

You don't really need to go to that much trouble to make them look bad!

[Anonymous Coward]

Guffaw

lmfao - so what's the "projector" projecting onto eh?

Got to love the isheep :

Iphone makes women WANT YOU!!! It performs better than viagra!!!

isheep: Swallows hook line and sinker.

Thanks for cheering up my Tuesday.

Maybe I will see this on Fox soon - then again I do not watch it so I won't :)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Guffaw

In what way are your comments regarding "isheep" relevant? The story is about how FOX news were duped, NOT people who are buying iPhones.

Also, I guess your use of the term "isheep" is supposed to be derogatory towards people who buy an iPhone thereby highlighting your assumption that people only buy the iPhone because Apple tell them to and because everyone else does and therefore it's a bad thing because they are all just following the crowd.

Just like all those people who think they are being clever by using the term "isheep" (or even worse - "sheeple")

[Gil Grissum]

The studio Footage is actually a leak about the iPhone 6. So the model number mentioned in wrong.

[Destroy All Monsters]

"Help me, Apple i Fanobi."

"You are my only hope!"

[Anonymous Coward]

and the iFools will believe it, the iDiots!

[Unicornpiss]

Fox news needs no help to look like idiots

Fox news needs no extra help in looking like idiots. The general quality of their reporting and their bias ensures that.

[ForthIsNotDead]

Balls

I call balls on this one.

Projected keyboard? Sure. They've been around for a while.

Holographic projector? Pull the other one.

As far as I know (not very far) it's impossible. The emitted light has to hit a surface in order to be reflected into your eye. That's how we see. What is there in the thin air for the image to be 'projected onto'? Nothing. So the light continues to travel until it hits a surface, and gets reflected (some of it) into your eye.

Oh... Why am I even bothering...?

You can stick your projected keyboard, holographic projector, teleport, and warp speed travel up your arse. Call me (on my Android) when you can change the batteries, and insert an SD card.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Balls

Holographic projectors do indeed exist, here is just 1 example

http://www.eyeliner3d.com/

[Uplink]

Re: Eyeliner3D

Still requires a projection surface though. Anyone who manages to project into thin air, without any invisible projection screen, will be undoubtedly very very rich as a result.

[Thorne]

Re: Eyeliner3D

"Still requires a projection surface though. Anyone who manages to project into thin air, without any invisible projection screen, will be undoubtedly very very rich as a result."

http://tokyotek.com/aerial-3d-true-3d-hologram-projector/

[Michael Wojcik]

Re: Eyeliner3D

http://tokyotek.com/aerial-3d-true-3d-hologram-projector/

If Burton's own description [1] is to be believed, their "true 3D hologram" system actually uses multiple lasers to excite oxygen and nitrogen atoms in the air into fluorescence. It's not a true hologram; it's basically a fancy laser version of waving your lit cigarette lighter around. As of last year, they were apparently claiming to be able to illuminate on the order of 50 000 points per second, with a frame rate around 15fps.[2]

It's a cute technology and has some applications, but it must be hugely inefficient, and hardly up to Apple's "retina"[3] display standards. Not useful for a phone.

Free-standing hologram displays have been a staple of sci-fi and pop-sci for decades. I wouldn't expect them anytime soon. That said, of course you can always fill the volume you want to project into with particulates or vapor or something else that will reflect, and light that up with your spiffy hologram - no one said the projection surface has to be a solid. It'll look rubbish, but then so do most display technologies, really. We got along for years with lousy broadcast TV, lousy computer monitors, etc.

[1] http://burton-jp.com/en/product.htm

[2] http://www.mobilemag.com/2011/11/18/burton-creates-true-3d-technology/

[3] Ugh.

[An0n C0w4rd]

Faux News

proves their name YET AGAIN.

[phlashbios]

Oxymoron ?

Fox and news. Surely the very definition of an oxymoron.

[Anonymous IV]

Re: Oxymoron ?

That doesn't *define* an oxymoron; it is just a *good example* of one!

</pedant>

[Andy Enderby 1]

Take home lesson.....?

Is that a lazy, dumb journo is both lazy and dumb, and unlikely to be taken seriously again.

[Stevie]

Bah!

Obviously faked since there is no mention whatsoever of "quantums", and as any fule no lasers can't work properly without quantums.

[Anonymous Coward]

Shiny example of Faux News

... so, nothing new. Move along.

[Adam Nagus]

Very poor news reporting as normal

That video has been around since before the 4S came out. It was a fan video posted to YouTube over a year ago. Major fail by Fox

[Anonymous Coward]

What, you people overseas don't have that option?

Sent from my holographic Iphone.

[billlandon]

What they really need to invent now is an expandable screen of some sort...anything bigger than the Galaxy S3 would be a tablet.

Maybe we should think indifferent...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DUziSVvUp8

[Arachnoid]

About as much chance of this happening as the US winning in Iraq

[Destroy All Monsters]

Actually, as Iraq has not renewed the SOFA in spite of prodding of all kinds, they are outta there (though Team Obama and the Progressive Blogosphere has spun this as a wise decision by the Leader to move out of the country after liberation "head held high". Yeah, right.)

This doesn't mean that the situation has improved, people might end up in Maliki's torture dungeon, be shot by some Shia armed outfit, be shot by Kurdish Peshmerga or be gunked by well-armed Sunni Fanatics in the sandy western part (if they are not busy rioting in Syria).