back to article New monkey species with massive blue arse found in Africa

A species of monkey previously unknown to science has been discovered in Africa: and boffins say that it has an "extensive" bright blue bottom which rivals that of the largest and most colourful known monkeys on Earth. The lesula monkey. Credit: PLoS ONE Feeling blue The new monkey was first sighted by scientists in 2007, …

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  1. cookieMonster
    Coffee/keyboard

    keyboard please ...

    and wipes for the monitor.

    That is a contender for the best headline of 2012

    1. Code Monkey
      Pint

      Re: keyboard please ...

      Especially as other, lesser news sources have been less forthcoming on the subject of the massive blue arse.

      [raises a tiny picture of a pint]

    2. LinkOfHyrule

      Re: keyboard please ...

      I know, I can't imagine George Alogireahhh (however you spell it) saying "scientist have discovered a new species of monkey and bloody hell its got a huge blue arse!"

      I could imagine Paxman saying it, but he is post watershed.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Paxman

        I can imagine Paxman saying it 16 times.

        Have you, or have you not got a massive blue arse? Yes or no?

  2. Jon Press

    Brings an entirely new meaning to the phrase...

    ... "blue moon"

  3. frank ly

    Poor quality pics

    The pictures of the 'blue' area, in the linked article appear to be overexposed and almost white (or is it my screen?). I was promised a blue arse and I feel disappointed.

    P.S. I can't think why anyone would be offended by those pictures. It's an animal in it's natural state. If there is anyone who's unaware that male primates have external genitalia, then it's about time they learned.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Poor quality pics

      That's exactly what I told the judge.

    2. Citizen Kaned

      Re: Poor quality pics

      look on the link at the bottom of the article. you can see the blue arse on there....

      i only wanted to see a blue arse... (that wasnt Mario Balotelli) :)

    3. Lars Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Poor quality pics

      Perhaps I am colour blind too.

    4. AndyS

      Re: Poor quality pics

      Looks pretty blue to me.

      Link, purely in the name of science:

      http://www.plosone.org/article/fetchObject.action?uri=info:doi/10.1371/journal.pone.0044271.g007&representation=PNG_I

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: Poor quality pics

        Just wanted this icon, it looks more like a giant blue arse and scrotum than the photograph.

    5. Pirate Dave Silver badge
      Pirate

      Re: Poor quality pics

      The linked article stated that when dead, the blue arse turns whitish. So you'll have to see a pic of a live one to get your blue-arse fix.

  4. FartingHippo
    IT Angle

    What's the IT angle?

    Although the article was completely IT free, the headline means I don't give a shit (blue or otherwise).

    1. Nev Silver badge

      Re: What's the IT angle?

      They will be trained to play tennis which will then be shown on the PayPerView website www.blue-arsed-monkey-tennis.com

      1. Naughtyhorse

        Re: What's the IT angle?

        BONG!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What's the IT angle?

      potential IT angles everywhere

      They're an endangered group, so naturally will team up with another endagered species and get a Facebook page. IBM may sponsor them. IBM may introduce them to their 2nd Life island. Furries may then buy BAM skins causing outrage in the Daily Mail with stories about the fur trade, rough trade or just furries. The Guardian may suggest the Conservatives adopt it the BAM as a new mascot. Well funded journalists may venture out to ask natives if BAM>Bacon. This may require forensic IT to recover recordings that may show the last words recorded as being 'long pig tastes better'. Fundraising campaigns may be thwarted by porn filters blocking the BAM's distinctive feature, or hijacked by smurf porn producers to bypass those filters.

    3. Grikath

      Re: What's the IT angle?

      IBM = Big Blue.

      Welcome to their new company logo

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    IT Angle: MonkeyVision

    OK, here's an IT angle for you:

    All we need now is to find a monkey with a green ass. We collect 6912000 monkeys - 2304000 red-assed monkeys, 2304000 green assed monkeys, and 2304000 blue assed monkeys. We arrange them as a 1920x1200 grid with one each of the red, green, and blue assed monkeys. We train them to moon (or not moon) on cue.

    and then

    MONKEYVISION!

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: IT Angle: MonkeyVision

      How are you going to control brightness? Curry?

    2. Code Monkey

      Re: IT Angle: MonkeyVision

      If it's touchscren I'd want a stylus.

    3. TRT Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Re: IT Angle: MonkeyVision

      Do we house them on the moon too?

      Ack. It'll be bought up by media moguls or Cola-Cola corp or some such and used to beam more advertising at us. You'll be there with your arm round your girl under the stars, glance up at the romantic full moon above only to be greeted by an advert for Durex or Skyns or what-have-you...

      I can see the reg headline now...

      Mad men monopolise moon-mooning monkey matrix.

      It'll all end in tears you know.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IT Angle: MonkeyVision

      And, if you want to get meta: once you have MonkeyVision, you can show "Dance MonkeyBoy Dance" on it.

      Just think: a gigantic ass of a monkey shown on a gigantic screen of monkeys' asses!

      Now THAT'S an IT angle.

  6. Pete 2 Silver badge

    The hazards of monkey parties

    > The blue perineum, buttocks and scrotum displayed by adult males

    Good to know it's not just humans that take advantage of passed-out drunk partygoers.

  7. Ken Hagan Gold badge

    The challenge for conservation

    "The challenge for conservation now in Congo is to intervene before losses become definitive," say John and Terese Hart, who led the investigation team, in tinned quotes.

    (@El Reg: Nice comma you've got there. That sentence could so easily have gone wrong.)

    Wishing no disrespect to the noble aim of keeping these critters alive in their natural state, would it not be prudent to catch a few whilst they are still numerous and stick samples in a frozen zoo? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frozen_zoo) It may be defeatist to assume that most of the interesting animals on this planet are doomed in the near future, but you'll thank me in 2100 when they are gone, and even more so at some point in the future when we can trust ourselves enough to bring them back.

    1. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: The challenge for conservation

      "..It may be defeatist to assume that most of the interesting animals on this planet are doomed in the near future..."

      I don't think it's defeatist. I think it's a myth put about by conservation groups to justify their existence....

  8. Pete the not so great
    Thumb Up

    Some new punters for

    Windows 8 ?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Question

    I find the timing of this article to be more than a little bit suspect. Is this story somehow a veiled commentary on the unveiling of the iPhone 5?

  10. JeffyPooh
    Pint

    "New" Primate species "discovered" by Western Science

    Fail.

    Humans, as a species themselves, continuously underestimate their ignorance. The boundaries of human (in this case Western Science) knowledge need to be explicitly considered at all times. A "new" primate species in 2012 is a classic example that proves the point. Sometimes...

    They. Just. Don't. Know. (TM)

    1. Elmer Phud
      Alien

      Re:ignorant?

      Dunno about ignorant - we are pretty curious as monkeys go and like to find new stuff and give it funny names before we destroy it (usually). Bunch of westerners 'find' (possibly first recorded sighting by westerner') monkey with coloured bum and balls and are surprised. They are 'new' to us but coloured monkey bums are not new to evolution.

      'Terrible Lizard' is really naff when compared to 'Blue Arsed Monkey'.

      where is the Homer icon for 'look a the funny monkey!'?

  11. Ketlan
    Thumb Up

    Classic Register

    "New monkey species with massive blue arse found in Africa"

    Absolute fucking classic! :-D

  12. Dave 32
    Devil

    DNA

    Obviously, we need to get a sample of their DNA. Then, we can begin experiments involving the incorporation of the appropriate genes in human DNA. Any bets on how long it'll be before we have massive blue arsed programmers?

    Dave

    P.S. How's that for an IT angle?

  13. An ominous cow herd

    Yes, yes, very fine blue arse...

    But what about it's face?

    http://9gag.com/gag/5353138

    OMG!!!

  14. Some Beggar
    Facepalm

    "comparable in extent"

    It's a fairly simple phrase. I'm not sure how you misinterpreted it.

  15. LeQuickBrownFox

    Elsewhere in Africa

    I am pretty certain that these monkeys exist in the Vumba mountains in Eastern Zimbabwe.

  16. TRT Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    I'm sure I read a hypothesis somewhere...

    that women slap on the red lippy to make their faces resemble a baboon's arse in heat.

    Ah yes:

    http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2012/04/red_genitalia_study_testing_the_sexually_salient_hypothesis.html

    Well, now we can expand the hypothesis to cover goth chicks.

    Paris, because it's obvious.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How the heck could you do an article on the monkey's rear-end, and not show a picture?

    Given the rude word arse liberally speckled over your article, not showing the picture is a bit coy...or perhaps it was an attempt not to embarrass a female monkey.

    Sexism in action? Or some subtle form of psychological transfer? Where's Freud when you need him?

    The picture would make a great wallpaper!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      Re: How the heck could you do an article on the monkey's rear-end, and not show a picture?

      He's dead, Jim.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I like blue butts and I can not lie

    You other monkeys can't deny

    That when a male walks in with an itty bitty waist

    And a round thing in your face

    .

    .

    Apologies to Sir Mix-A-Lot.

  19. Albert Hall

    Well, I'll be a blue-arsed lesula!

    Now I've seen everything...

  20. ted b
    Joke

    Monsanto

    GMO Smurf Prototype class 1??

    All experiments go to crap in the first stages, followed by many balls ups ( Blue balls is a well documented phenomenon)

    It only adds to weight of argument from the anti GMO quarter, that these types of experiments always end arse up.

    Maybe this is the missing link in evolution? Monkey with blue cold arse evolving to Man in pants??? ie Man did come out of Africa after having African cold bum syndrome?

  21. This post has been deleted by its author

  22. James Anderson
    Happy

    Are they sure its a monkey?

    Looks like an escaped member of SLADE of "Merry Xmas" fame.

    The boffins should conduct a DNA comparison with Noddy Holder.

  23. Goat Jam
    WTF?

    When Did El Reg Become A Bastion Of Sensitivity?

    I must have missed that memo.

    Note to editors. It is a fucking monkeys butt for chrissake!.

    If we are at the point where we are too precious to even witness the nether regions of an animal then I have to say that I am terribly disappointed, not only in The Register, but in humanity in general.

    Should I be grateful that you managed to muster up enough courage to post a picture at all without Photoshopping some trousers on the buggers first?

  24. Nasty Nick
    Happy

    It's ........

    Look at those little faces in the RH pic - surely it's Dobby and his mate! He didn't peg out after all! Now to find the long lost Emma Watson monkey - mmm tasty!

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I have met a blue man - actually REALLY blue...

    Another genius that took lots of colloidal silver lives nearby. Same colour as Stan Jones - see article.

    http://santacruz.hubpages.com/hub/Smurfs-Among-Us-Real-People-with-Blue-Skin

    He has a scar across his nose, where the skin grew back - a slightly tanned pink... but that REALLY contrasts the blueness of his skin in general.

    Uhhhhh UFO's, pyramids and levitation through mind powers "please".

    Back to the blue arsed monkeys.

  26. stevor

    Where's the blue ass photo?

    So, you talk of a monkey with a blue ass and don't even show it? Geez, that's stupid!

    1. diodesign (Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

      Re: Where's the blue ass photo?

      It is too distressing to show in this family newspaper.

      C.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Where's the blue ass photo?

        Family newspaper? My big hairy blue arse!

        We want big blue arses!

        Whadda we Want?

        Big Blue Arses!

        When do we want 'em?

        NOW!

        In fact, I think this would be the perfect time for a little logo change. To reflect this momentous moment in scientific discovery... I give you, the blue-arsed-vulture.

  27. mhenriday
    WTF?

    Interest never lies !

    I've read several articles on Cercopithecus lomamiensis sp. nov, but the only author I've seen who has chosen to dwell on the «massive blue arse» (which is not strictly true, cf the photos in the PLOS ONE article) is the Reg's Lewis Page. Why am I not surprised ?...

    Henri

  28. myhandlethat commentsareattributedto

    LMF B AO

    LMF B AO

    has to be comments page of the year

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well,

    that's the end of them, then.

  30. Equitas
    Coat

    They'll clearly be users of ......

    the new i-phone with backside illumination, then!

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