back to article First Irish-speaking virus holds bloke's computer to ransom

Crooks have created what's reckoned to be the first computer virus featuring the Irish language. The malware – dubbed Gaeilge – is a strain of ransomware that locks up an infected computer and attempts to extort €100 from the user for an unlock code. The demand for cash reportedly appeared in poorly written Gaelic, and the …

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  1. Select * From Handle
    Go

    Póg mo thóin!

    Póg mo thóin! = Kiss my ass. WIN :D

  2. James 47

    Translated at runtime

    Probably with Google Translate or something

  3. Wize

    Ah, the old Irish Virus...

    http://www.coll3ctive.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/irish_virus.jpg

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ah, the old Irish Virus...

      Just type "feck off" to neutralise it.

  4. frank ly

    " ...only about 60 per cent of the virus makes sense in Irish."

    I didn't know that x86 assembler code has close similarity to Gaelic.

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: " ...only about 60 per cent of the virus makes sense in Irish."

      Try it after a few pints of the black..

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Ah...

    Is that the one that says (in true Mrs Brown style) "Give me the fecking money"?

  6. Kevin Johnston Silver badge

    Meh...

    nothing like as good as the classic of the email asking you to type 'del c:\*.*' at a command prompt

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Knowing this place...

    Knowing this corner of Ireland/North/Province/Ulster, there will soon be some talking head coming on giving off:

    "THEMINS HAS A VIRUS BUT WE DONT! URR COMMOONITY DEMAWNDS AN ULSTIR SCATS VERSHIN"

    (AC as I like my kneecaps etc)

  8. Jim McCafferty
    Happy

    More Father Ted

    The Virus was only resting on my hard drive.

    1. Simon Harris
      Happy

      Down with this sort of thing

      Careful now!

  9. Kristian Walsh

    Argh.. the G-word again :(

    In the English language, the language is called "Irish", not "Gaelic".

    ...when used here, the word "Gaelic" most commonly refers to "Gaelic Football": a type of violent affray involving thirty men and a football. (c.f. Australian Rules Football, a similar riotous assembly that seems to have arisen from a dispute about wanting to play Rugby during a cricket match).

    1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

      Re: Argh.. the G-word again :(

      Also used by 'merkin tourists who insist on pronouncing it Gay-Lick

    2. David Dawson
      Happy

      Re: Argh.. the G-word again :(

      (c.f. Australian Rules Football, a similar riotous assembly that seems to have arisen from a dispute about wanting to play Rugby during a cricket match)

      --

      Thanks for the chuckle, I might need one less coffee to be functional now.

  10. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    Warning - national stereotyping ahead

    Shouldn't an Irish ransom virus zip and encrypt the contents of your waste basket/trash can?

    1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
      Coat

      Re: Warning - even more national stereotyping ahead

      No No, we only dumb things down so you English can understand us

      1. Peter Johnstone
        Facepalm

        Re: Warning - even more national stereotyping ahead

        Now, I'm not one for racial stereotyping, but sometimes, on occasion you find that some people are not doing their fellow countrymen any favours by perpetuating these myths. Take for example this gem:

        http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=510_1344196881

        Sports coverage at it's finest, not.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Sports coverage at it's finest, not.

          Because Francs Higgins is well known as a sports commentator, and not at all for satirical comedy, of course.

        2. Kristian Walsh

          @Peter Johnstone

          Yeah? But what about that Alan Partridge, I can't believe the BBC gave him a talk show...

          For the avoidance of doubt: you've been had. It's a sketch, and the "commentator" is a comedian.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Warning - national stereotyping ahead

      No it should quickly tarmac your drive while you''re not looking then start negotiating a price

  11. tkioz
    Pint

    Only 60%? Pfft all the Irishmen I know wont touch anything less then 80% proof... wait we're talking about booze right?

  12. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

    Clearly a fake

    The virus claimed the lock-down was a result of Irish government detecting that the user had accessed online pornography.

    Quite clearly a fake as the Irish grubberment couldn't find their own arses in a dark room.

    1. Peter Johnstone

      Re: Clearly a fake

      I don't think the Irish Government is alone in that respect.

      1. Rockyroadtopoland

        Re: Clearly a fake

        Ireland brings An uncompromising level of stupidity (or corruption?) to everything she does.

        it could be just a conspiracy theory BUT....

        Word in the fields and across the townlands is that The Irish Garda's new cyber intelligence division is behind these attacks in Donegal, trying to destabilise the region a la Mossad in an effort to bring the six counties back into the fold and secure valuable oil fields off the north east coast.

        The virus spreads via infected USB keys to be carried across the border and into Derry, And from Derry threatens to infect all of northern Ireland. Currently the virus is stuck in "burnfoot" waiting for the town to buy its first computer. The code was deliberately obfuscated ( written in 60% Irish 30% English and 10% Shelta and compiled in MS paint) to hide it's political motives.

        While the virus acts as nagware, in the background, it replaces google maps with a bitmap file showing Ireland as one political boundary. Hearts and minds.

        Unfortunately the cyber Garda didnt get a budget for new computers (and the unions refused training) but did manage to salvage some evoting machines. Pending adjustments (upwards) to the croke park agreement , the unions will allow its members train up on the new system. Next module: ms paint level 2

        www.theregister.co.uk/2009/04/23/ireland_evoting/

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Paddy

    Paddy is always going to fall for it. I'm surprised I didn't think of it myself.

  14. Seele

    Re: Clearly a fake

    They should have signed it 'Der German government!' for greater credibility.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Teideal ar bith

    mar a ndeireann siad "Is fearr víreas gaeilge briste na víreas béarla cliste!"

    [Caithfidh mé mo chóta]

    1. Peter Johnstone
      Joke

      Re: Teideal ar bith

      Proof that Irish only makes 60% sense here's the English translation:

      as they say "Better broken Irish virus the English virus smart!"

      [I have my coat]

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Teideal ar bith

        They should try a Welsh version next, maybe with some Finnish thrown in as a trap for the unwary :P

    2. Rockyroadtopoland

      Re: Teideal ar bith

      This is written in the style of an Irish Sean focail (old sayings) and it rhymes for a double win. GG Madra.

      For example

      PHRASE: Is minic a gheibhean beal oscailt diog

      MEANING: An open mouth often catches a closed fist

      So a direct translation "It's better to have a broken Irish virus, than a clever English one"

      For more Irish Sean focails see here www.ireland-information.com/irishphrases.htm

  16. Arachnoid
    Thumb Up

    Well al I can say is: Your F**CKED to be sure!

  17. dssf

    Can not resist... This type of con job is a

    Digital leprechaun... And the prose from it might be digital le prose, tho not very rosey, you see.

    Consideratioon might be to allow the victiime to choose a red jacket or a green jacket before pressing key number one or key number twoo.....

    Momentum-gaining, limeric-spewing digital leprechauns may become the new lepers of the computer era, even surpassing Nigerian scam artist, no?

  18. Charles-A Rovira
    Happy

    Is there anything dumber than a scammer?

    We used to have printers that emailed their diagnostic health and consumables status back to a central maintenance server.

    We once had a laugh as some Nigerian 419 scammer was sending emails to "Remote Printing Unit 10420" of the bank where I was working.

    The scammers were trying the "kiddy porn" angle to shake people up too.

    If I had had the time I would have Stolled the scammers.

    I can just imagine the fun of getting the Irish techie I worked with to go in on the scam with me.

  19. Radiodoc
    Unhappy

    Ah, 'tis "the luck of the Irish" - begorrah!

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