Global strategic maple syrup reserves hit in Canadian mega-heist Commodity markets worldwide and pancake-gobbling North Americans have been left reeling by the news of an audacious theft which may have seen as much as five thousand tons of maple syrup burgled from planet Earth's "global strategic reserve" of the sticky gunge. A searing announcement from the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup …
How the fuck do you steal *five thousand tons* of maple syrup? You'd think someone would notice the fleet of tankers being driven by guys in balaclavas? Actually scratch that, how the fuck do you *fence* [five thousand tons of maple syrup without anyone being any the wiser?
Reality is really bad for my brain at times. X_x
yeah, but, have you actually tried it on bacon?
I was of the same persuasion as yourself, until recently. I went to a pub for breakfast, got myself some pancakes with bacon, admittedly, the stuff in the jug they gave me was only maple 'flavour' syrup, but I figured, what's the harm in trying just a little bit of bacon in the syrup, and you know what, it was really rather good.
(beer to wash it all down with, who says there's something wrong with beer with breakfast)
"Do they do proper bacon?"
No. Its paper-thin stuff that ends up resembling tasteless brown papadums no matter how you cook it.
I once tried some american 'bacon' that had apparently been cured in maple syrup. That made the frying pan smell of maple syrup while I was cooking it but there was no detectable difference to its taste.
Not so fast with the slagging off of US beer. True almost all of it is ghastly as you say, but there are a few small brewers in the US who do make some very nice ales, especially in Milwaukee. Probably they once worked for one of the big burps that dominate the city, but then decided that what they really wanted to do was brew beer. BTW I would strongly advise against visiting any Milwaukee micro brewery just before flying back home to Blighty. Jet lag + bad hangover isn't what you would call pleasant.
'...Not so fast with the slagging off of US beer...'
I was in Boston MA when over dinner I got to discussing American beer. My US host told the story of some wag who sent a sample of American beer for lab analysis. The lab report stated that 'This horse died from diabetes.'
Actually, I find that a properly made galette (buckwheat pancake, Bretonne style) with crispy fried bacon and maple syrup works very well. It is a culinary version of the Dutch "spekpannenkoek" (bacon pancake) which is usually served with treacle. Despite the reputation of Dutch "cuisine" in general, the spekpannenkoek can be really nice.
Perhaps the Canuks will remember the reuslts of *every* invasion launched southwards from Canada? Y'all got some catching up to do.
Besides - We don't need to cross the border - we've got our own maple syrup region. Indeed, it's located in exactly the region where every south-bound invasion has foundered. Coincidence?
Now, if only they could find the burglarizationist who did this! Not, of course, to be confused with a burglarizationoligist, who is someone who studies burglarizations. And of course, a burglarizationectomy may be required, to remove the buglarization. Unless you wanted to get rid of the burglarizationoligist, in which case you'll need a burglarizationoligistectomy. If you only wanted to speak the language of buglarizations, you'd need to speak with a burglarizationolinguist.
Burglarization... burgl... buglari... No, see, now it doesn't even sound like a real word.
yes, it is a little bit suspicious....
When the USA producers of Maple syrup have a failed harvest, but just a few miles to the north they have business as usual sounds a little suspicious to me.
I bet the crop was just as bad as in the south so they just pretended it was business as usual and are going to claim on the insurance.....
the remaining harvest will retail at a premium, they get the money back for the lost harvest, they are in a win win situation.....
Yep, store your non-existent syryp in barrels, buy options on the futures market, wait a while, claim it has been nicked and watch your options skyrocket in value.
I don't know if they subsidise production at all, but if so you could finance your options purchases by claiming your gov't subsidies for producing non-existent syrup from non-existent trees as per southern European olive oil scams of years gone by.
It seems barely credible that you could 'burglarize' that much material without anyone noticing. Especially if you have to offload it barrel by barrel in to something else. Maybe they aren't little wooden barrels but giant industrial tanks, but they story seems to suggest the former?
In any event, if the missing sticky stuff was really there the global supply will not go in to meltdown, since the same amount of syrup exists today as it did yesterday, and whomever nicked it will still want to sell it.
Unless it is another state-sponsored resource grab by the Chinese government of course? Maybe the new jPhone 5 has its back cover stuck down with syrup and they want to ensure that nobody else has access to this scarce resource?
Yep. A barrel, a tonne, even a dozen or so tonnes on a truck would be a theft - but thousands of tonnes of the stuff is a different setup entirely. Someone delivering trucks of mixed full and empty barrels over the course of months, or similar.
I take it someone has checked those barrels were genuinely supposed to be full, it wasn't just an accounting error recording inventory being higher than it should be?
(Pint - another sweet, tasty golden substance they like there!)
It's really fucking expensive.
Would be nice to have a wooden 200 liter barrel of it.... cream buns, or donuts, with real cream, dipped into a deep bowl of it....
No make that several 200 liter barrels of it...
No make that 2 or 3 hundred liter barrels of it....
I know, I just down the pub just asked me if I'd like to buy a truck full of it, complete with the truck - $50, just park it around the back in the shed where no one can see it.
Done deal.
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