back to article Red hot chilli peppers floor Bristol shoplifter

A Bristol shoplifter got a shock lesson in the awesome power of the Scotch Bonnet after ill-advisedly deciding to scoff a handful of the napalm peppers he'd swiped from a store, before attempting to leg it from the scene. Marcus Banwell, 39, barely got outside Singh Stores in the St Paul's district of the city, because "within …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Meet ...

    .... MR Pepper Pot.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He should be grateful they came back out of his mouth and not the other end.

    *OUCH*

    1. gaz 7

      May still be time...

      I hope the police will be considerate and pop a bog roll in the fridge for when he'll need it....

      1. Euripides Pants
        Mushroom

        Re: May still be time...

        Maybe he'll do like Orlando Jones in "Evolution" and ask for an ice cream cone...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And the tech angle is.....

    Jolokia used to be the hottest handset, bhut now they are W8íng for their luck to improve.......

  4. Andrew Moore

    Hottest chili...

    ...is currently the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hottest chili...

      Ghost Chilli holds the current record

    2. micheal
      Joke

      Re: Hottest chili...

      http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2916014/Worlds-hottest-chilli-and-comes-from-Grantham.html

      must be true, it's in "the smut"

  5. Shane8
    Trollface

    hmmm

    Stolen Goods - "Give It Away"

    Chili's - "Taste the Pain"

    ...eventually his "Fortune Faded"

    1. BlueGreen
      Coat

      Re: hmmm

      beat me to it you git.

      The one with your wallet in the pocket. And next door's xbox. And that clarinet.

  6. Dante

    Lightweight

  7. AshC
    Coat

    Perhaps...

    he just wanted to start a Hot Lips Page tribute band.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    maybe

    they should have let him keep the clarinet,he may have come out with some red hot tunes !!!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Mushroom

    Pah...

    Blouse of a shoplifter.....Scotch bonnets are chillis for rank amateurs......

    I've done a full bhut jolokia and that was the clearest 20 minutes of my life...Wow, that bugger WAS hot....

    Icon represents what my gob was like and lets just say i had an arse like the business end of the batmobile later!!!

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Pah...

      kornheiser_why.jpg

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Facepalm

        Re: Pah...

        Why do anything???

        Because i wanted to...So i can add myself to the "stupid but unlikely to kill you" things to do list....

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Pah...

          Where did you buy that? i'd love to get it! Scotch bonnets the hottest I can find, but I want hotter!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pah...

      Make way for the internet tough guy! Make way!

    3. miknik
      Trollface

      Re: Pah...

      Post a video of yourself eating a scotch bonnet on youtube please cornz1. I can't wait to see how totally impervious to it a chilli pro like yourself is.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pah...

        My plant has only just produced flowers due to the poor summer, as has my dorset naga...There are plenty of videos of fools like me eating stupidly hot chillis, face is different, discomfort is the same....But scotch bonnets are mild by modern standards......However, watch my YT channel (cornz38)

  10. frank ly
    Coffee/keyboard

    Just wondering .....

    "... who was found to be carrying another four peppers, "crack cocaine and a small amount of heroin", plus a clarinet he'd pinched from another shop.

    Is is wrong of me to have burst out laughing when I read that?

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Just wondering .....

      No. The clarinet is a lovely touch.

    2. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Just wondering .....

      I wondered which shop he stole the cocaine and heroin from.

      1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        Re: Re: Just wondering .....

        Smack'u'Like

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

        2. Trevor 3

          @Lester Re: Just wondering .....

          Superdrug?

    3. AdamT

      Re: Just wondering .....

      The sheer randomness of his "shopping" list is great. Puts me in mind of this old xkcd: http://xkcd.com/576/

    4. JeevesMkII
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Just wondering .....

      There's a "this one time, at band camp..." story in there somewhere.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Unit Conversion question

    "which in 2010 unleashed a deadly pepper cultivar rating an awesome 1,176,182 Scoville units."

    What is that in Lohan Engine's Worth Data , or LEWDs?

  12. Arachnoid

    They should have sentenced him to eat nothing but chilli peppers throughout his incarceration

  13. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    Eh?

    The stolen clarinet was presumably stolen for funds to buy more crack and heroin. But why shoplift chillis?

    I don't recollect dodgy geezers in pub car parks saying "Wanna buy some chillis?".

    1. Alister

      Re: Eh?

      You obviously don't frequent the right pubs...

  14. Fred Flintstone Gold badge
    Coat

    Full marks for planning, though..

    I think this probably the most brutal way known to man to prevent prison rape :)

    1. Player_16
      Mushroom

      Yeah... because...

      ...after he receives his 'back-door-entry', the bloke giving it will think twice!

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Full marks for planning, though..

      I dunno. If it were me I'd offer the mouth and bite hard.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Full marks for planning, though..

        I should have added... "and bugger the consequences"...

    3. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Full marks for planning, though..

      Funny you should mention that....

      Some years ago a company in the US Global Source Advantage (way back archive) created an anti-fouling paint for boats that used "high quality Habanero extract" as the active ingredient in the paint.

      I believe it was marketed for a while in 2004 under the product name Hot Bottom Anti-fouling paint

      Maybe the Bristol shoplifter had just seen the New Mickysoft Logo and needed something to counteract it's blandness.

      Paris, another hot bottom.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @ krankenfahrt

        IT'S = IT IS

    4. Dave 15 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Full marks for planning, though..

      point back to the earlier post by some poor person claiming 'bugger that was hot' .... sorry

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You might have your sums wrong

    > six weeks' jail for the possession and theft raps, and eight weeks for the breach of licence

    This is UK sentencing so being sentenced to six weeks + eight weeks = eight weeks which means he will serve four weeks. So in the UK justice system 6 + 8 = 4.

    1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

      Re: You might have your sums wrong

      " So in the UK justice system 6 + 8 = 4"

      This suggests the UK Justice system was built by former RBS IT staff :)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: You might have your sums wrong

        Fixed it for you....

        This suggests the UK Justice system was built by off-shored current RBS IT staff :)

  16. Mr Young
    Coffee/keyboard

    Silly boy

    He should have dropped the chilli and then slipped on it for maximum claim potential?

  17. s. pam
    Devil

    I rectum

    He really felt the heat for the crime the next AM!

    I'll get me coat….

  18. b166er
    Coat

    If only he'd known that the chilli was in fact doing him no harm whatsoever, he could have enjoyed a bracing legal high for a change, saving his Class A's for later..

    Perhaps stealing musical instruments gives him the horn too?

  19. Byron Langslow
    Pint

    worlds hottest chilli currently for sale in oz

    http://thechillifactory.com/chilli-chili-chile-product-seeds-Trinidad%20Scorpion%20Chilli%20Seeds%2020%20per%20pack

    From the site, Trinidad Scorpion Chilli Butch T

    The heat level in Scoville heat units for the Trinidad Scorpion Chilli Butch T. is an amazing 1,463,700 Scoville Heat Units.

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: worlds hottest chilli currently for sale in oz

      If you watch Man V Food, they often use pure Capsaicin (the stuff which makes chilli hot) which is rated at 16,000,000. I just don't get why anyone would want to do that.

  20. Wind Farmer
    Joke

    Clarinet

    Because he wanted to start a wind section of the orchestra

  21. Michael H.F. Wilkinson
    Flame

    You can't fence that merchandise, it's too hot!

    Sorry, couldn't resist. Flames, well, obvious, init?

    I will stick to my home-made sambal setan (devil sauce) made from Madame Jeanette peppers, some vegetable oil, a bit of salt and vinegar, and a dash of sesame oil.

    Nice and fruity

  22. Silverburn
    Happy

    Lol. What a f*ing muppet.

    Maybe we should give all repeated convicted shoplifters the choice - jail, fine, or eat this scotch bonnet.

  23. Thunderbird 2

    Now that would be a cruel and unusual punishment.

    I wonder how much waterboarding it takes to put out the fire from such a chilli overdose.

  24. Triggerfish

    Full Bhutt Jolokia

    A friend brought one of them round to my house. I eat hot food, I have eaten stuff in places like Thailand which even the locals consder spicey, I've had chilli highs, so I'm not exactly a chilli wimp.

    I cut off a tiny tiny piece and tried it.

    Painful is the best description, I consider it a sign of my manhood that I actually kept a straight face long enough to turn to my friend and say "Its not that bad try some".

    Oh and even if you wash your hands several time thoroughly, be careful when you go for a pee.

    1. Thorne

      Re: Full Bhutt Jolokia

      "Oh and even if you wash your hands several time thoroughly, be careful when you go for a pee."

      Wear gloves. No amount of washing is enough. Been there done that.

  25. hi_robb
    Mushroom

    I'll bet.

    This story made the local peppers down there..

    /gets coat

  26. adam payne

    Sounds like Karma in action there.

    1. Paul Woodhouse

      Certainly wouldn't be a Korma in Action... they are way too mild...

  27. Dave Bell

    A General Warning

    The active ingredients in these things are NOT water soluble.

    This makes pepper spray something really nasty: your tears can't clear it from your eyes.

  28. The last doughnut
    Pint

    I for one ...

    mourn the loss to the musical world of a potentially great clarinetist.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Darwin Award Honorable Mention in

    3...2...1...

    AC/DC

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