back to article Post-pub nosh deathmatch: Bauernfrühstück v bacon sarnie

As long-term Reg readers are aware, it's been scientifically proven that bacon has almost miraculous powers to cure the effects of a night on the sauce. Accordingly, we at the Special Projects Bureau went in search of two world-class sliced pork recipes designed to ameliorate the pain of a severe liver-kicking. Prepare your …

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  1. Mr Anonymous

    First, you didn't fry the bread in the bacon fat and second that's not British bacon!!!

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      Exactly. It seems life in the costa del southerner has ruined some people.

      No butter is required, proper middle bacon is required, absolutely no sauce (especially that turd in a bottle stuff). All you need is bread (at least you got the white part correct) and bacon. If you really want to be fancy you can add a large field mushroom.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Megaphone

        NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

        The bread must be white, as all agree.

        I like the bacon to be pink but just getting crispy at the edges - but that's a matter of taste.

        However the bread must be soft and white, it can't be toasted or fried, it's got to have the fluffiness to complement the chewiness and crispiness of the bacon.

        Finally a little bit of butter should be thinly spread over the bread. So it can melt, and make a mess on your fingers. This is to help with any small parts of bread that aren't accidentally covered with bacon. Obviously this becomes less important if you've taken the precaution of using more bacon than bread.

        Sauce, covering the sacred taste of the holy bacon?!?!? Heretic! Burn him!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      As an Australian.......

      We being the oldest race on the face of the earth... who left the garden of Eden as mentioned in the bible.... now called the UK, some 200,000,000 years ago, just after it seperated from Afrika and the flea eating inlaws....

      Well the "fry up last nights left overs" meals are pretty much the staple the world over....

      Here one of the names for it is "Bubble and Squeak"... cause it bubbles and squeaks....

      It's basically chucking all the shit you can in the pan with what ever can be made to improve it a bit....

      1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        Re: As an Australian.......

        Ah, bubble. Here that's fried leftover spuds and cabbage.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: As an Australian.......

          Ahhh... Bubble and squeak for dinner on Boxing Day. Leftover Christmas dinner veg, especially brussels sprouts fried in lovely goose fat along with lots of potato. Then serve with sausage meat and turkey plus cranberry sauce.

          Finished with left over brandy butter, and Christmas pudding as a vehicle for same. With cream.

          Thinks: wonder why I always put on weight over Christmas?

        2. Anonymous Hero
          Thumb Up

          Re: As an Australian.......

          You sure it's not left-over brussels sprouts, was certainly those in the days of my youth in Scotland.

        3. jake Silver badge

          As a left-coast Yank (was: Re: As an Australian....... )

          Last night's leftover veg (any (mixed, if you like) veg), heated to a sizzle in rendered bacon grease, and then scrambled with eggs is known as a "Hangtown fry". Serve with tomato ketchup mixed with Sriracha (ranging from 100% of one or the other to 50-50, suit yourself). Rumor has it that it should contain oysters, but that's apocryphal.

          "Bacon" here is any bit of pig that has been salt cured & smoked, with a good bit of fat left on. There are no "bad" examples of bacon ... unless they are that abomination known as "watery bacon".

          Personally, I like a side of grilled heirloom tomatoes, wild mushrooms, wild boar sausage & San Francisco Sourdough spread with a little butter and/or marmite/vegamite ... and freshly roasted coffee, of course, which is a must have with breakfast.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: As an Australian.......

        Point of order.

        I think you'll find a triple fried egg chili chutney sandwich is the best thing for a hangover.

    3. Psyx
      Thumb Up

      Nah...

      You need:

      Smoked back (Canadian, for our CONUS cousins) bacon (grilled until crispy at the edges).

      White hand-sliced bread or crispy baguette.

      No butter required.

      Ketchup, HP sauce or black pepper, according to taste.

      And you need FOUR slices of bacon for a sarnie of the illustrated size. Two is just stingy.

      I like to add cheese, fried mushrooms and a fried egg... but that's because I'm a greedy bastard.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Definately

      Its that Euro Bacon you get served up on package holidays, has a sort of darkish colour and strange smoked taste with a slightly rubberised texture.

      It should also be served on lightly toasted square bread.

      The bacon must be thick cut with a rind and a low water content and the fat fried or grilled until it becomes slightly crispy round the edges so that you can sucked soft afterwards and eaten.

      Brown or red sauce is optional.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      HP SAUCE not what it used to be.

      Is an abomination since it became Dutch and followed EU guidelines on salt and spice content.

      The new Dutch Euro Sauce, still sadly called HP is an obomination, it no longer has the zing, the tartness or the flow characteristics of the true Birmingham based HP. Also the less said about its cousin Fruity HP Sauce the better.

      When I become president of the world I will reinstate the original recipe,move production back to Birmingham, which is important because the air an water were part of the flavour, and put all those responsible for making HP a shadow of its former self into a prison camp and feed them semolina.

      1. micheal
        Mushroom

        Re: HP SAUCE not what it used to be.

        Bring back O.K. Sauce!!!

  2. David Knapman

    I'm not sure what you're doing there - but you've got excess ingredients for your bacon buttie. The bread should be moistened purely by the meat juices - butter has no place here.

    1. RainForestGuppy

      Definity has to have butter.

      Although the whole exercise was pretty pointless because a Bacon Sandwich will beat anything - Food of the gods!!!

    2. graeme leggett

      Marge/imitation dairy spread will do fine though you don't need much - the important thing is that heat of the bacon causes the aforementioned additional layer to melt into the bread.

    3. Richard 81

      @David Knapman: Claptrap! If you're health conscious, you shouldn't be eating bacon.

      Personally I like to butter one slice and put a mixed layer of English mustard and ketchup on the other. I'm not saying it's the only way to do it, but it's damn tasty.

      1. Jim 48
        FAIL

        Butter

        Just say NO!

  3. Tom Wood

    That isn't proper bacon

    Bacon butties need to be made with back bacon. British if you're being patriotic/feeling flush, Danish or Dutch if you're buying the cheap stuff.

    1. Code Monkey

      Re: That isn't proper bacon

      I'd stick with good bacon every time. Danish bacon's just nasty - full of water.

      For me it's good British bacon if flush, porridge if not.

    2. Kubla Cant Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: That isn't proper bacon

      Bacon butties should never be made with back bacon. The fat from streaky bacon is necessary for dipping or frying the bread (no butter involved, either).

      1. IanPotter
        Mushroom

        Re: That isn't proper bacon

        I think we need a Holy War icon...

      2. Frank Bough
        Thumb Up

        Re: That isn't proper bacon

        That is correct.

        White, floured bloomer, sliced relatively thin.

        Dry cure, smoked streaky bacon.

        Merest suggestion of Tiptree ketchup.

        NO BUTTER.

        Fry bacon without oil, remove bacon and wipe good stuff from pan using bread. Allow bread to see ketchup, assemble sandwich.

        Squash. Eat. Repeat.

        1. Mark 65

          Re: That isn't proper bacon

          Thin sliced? No, no, no. Doorstops and 3-4 slices of bacon thanks.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: That isn't proper bacon

            You're all wrong of course.

            The only correct bread for use in a bacon sarnie is half a stottie.

    3. TeeCee Gold badge
      Go

      Re: That isn't proper bacon

      And smoked. Must be smoked.

      Unsmoked bacon isn't bacon, just raw ham with delusions of grandeur.

    4. ian 22

      Re: That isn't proper bacon

      Is that Jamón ibérico? What are those strange round objects to the left of the milk?

      Didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition, did you!

      1. Vincent Ballard
        Unhappy

        Re: That isn't proper bacon

        No, that's not jamón ibérico. It's what they sell as "beicon" in Spain, and the closest available equivalent to real bacon.

  4. Purlieu

    HP Sauce

    Unfortunately no longer British

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Rampant Spaniel

      Re: HP Sauce

      I believe it's been sold as a1 steak sauce in yank land also. Probably because the entire country is devoid of any proper bacon. No matter what the label it is a foul abomination and a waste of bacon. A serious crime, I am sure you agree!

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: HP Sauce

        I know an otherwise perfectly fine American who says that 'vegetarian bacon' (SPIT!!!!) tastes as good as real bacon. I guess this is because it's impossible to get real bacon in the US. They don't seem to eat lamb either for some strange reason.

        What you can buy is baconised cardboard. A bit like those bacon air-fresheners you see in taxis. Only less tasty. I guess the difference between the vegetarian and meat based version is like the difference between drinking meths and bleach. Not worth worrying about.

        Do you think the USA's failure to sign up to the ICC treaties was because of their fear of being tried in the Hague for crimes against bacon?

        1. Rampant Spaniel

          Re: HP Sauce

          After a year or two stateside it is mandatory to return home and make a bacon sarnie with at least 2lbs of proper english bacon washed down with scrumpy.

          amazon.com sells a lot of british products but alas no bacon. I have a cunning plan involving pigs and a knife. America does some food very well, steaks for example, but any country that makes bacon out of turkey or soy protein needs to hang its head in shame.

          1. Shagbert
            Alert

            Re: HP Sauce

            Oddly enough I've not had a problem finding bacon - depending on where you are there are often British shops around who have an arrangement with a local butcher to take pigs apart the proper British way, and some will ship in dry ice too.. I have this place: http://www.bestofbritishonline.com/products.asp?cat=49 more or less on my doorstep, and used to have this one: http://www.ukgourmet.us when I lived on the NY/CT border. Another alternative we had in NY was a couple of Irish Butchers in Queens that did decent middle and back bacon.

            No, the main problem I have (at least on the east coast) is finding a decent sausage. Bloody Italian, German and "Breakfast" sausages are the scourge of the US. And the number of times I've found somewhere claiming to sell decent "bangers" only to find they're basically very pale Bratwursts make me cry..

            Buying a house this month - first thing I'm buying for the kitchen is a sausage maker!

            1. jake Silver badge

              @Shagbert (was: Re: HP Sauce)

              "first thing I'm buying for the kitchen is a sausage maker!"

              Recommended!

              KitchenAid 300 Professional, with meat grinder & sausage stuffing attachment, is my choice for home use & testing recipes ... The mixer help you make proper bread, too ;-)

        2. Neil Barnes Silver badge

          Re: HP Sauce

          Vegetarian bacon?

          But, but, but... bacon *is* a vegetable, no?

        3. Tim Worstal

          Re: HP Sauce

          Only decent bacon we ever found in the US was Boar's Head.

          And we did a lot of looking for we owned a deli at the time.

          1. Rampant Spaniel

            Re: HP Sauce

            Ah interesting, I have seen some boards head cooked deli meat. I shall have to investigate! Failing that its a smash and grab the pig raid time.

          2. jake Silver badge

            @Tim Worstal (was: Re: HP Sauce)

            Boar's Head? Are you kidding? That shit should be outlawed ... Plaggy food is never tasty.

            Why do people purchase bacon, anyway? Especially "deli owners"? It ain't exactly difficult to make.

        4. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: HP Sauce

          "They don't seem to eat lamb either for some strange reason."

          Not totally true - it depends upon the region. If you are ever in Winslow, Az., ask the nice girl in the flatbed Ford to give you a lift to La Posada (http://www.laposada.org/), and take a meal in the Turquoise Room. They have (or at least, as of my last visit a couple of months ago had) a platter of locally raised, organic, no-antibiotics given, free range lamb that is unbelievable.

        5. jake Silver badge

          @ IaS (was: Re: HP Sauce)

          "They don't seem to eat lamb either for some strange reason."

          I slaughtered one late this morning ... We did all kinds of offal for lunch & supper. Made proper Haggis and sausage. The bulk of the carcass is in the smokehouse, along with most of the sausage ...

          It's not impossible to get real bacon here. Unless you're too dimwitted to figure out how to make it for yourself ... Preserving food is one of the things that made us human ;-)

      2. SoaG

        Re: HP Sauce

        A1 sauce is also of British origins. Here in Canuckistan it's sold as a steak sauce specifically, which I'm inclined to agree with. I wouldn't put HP on steak, but it's much more versatile in/on any number of other things vs. A1 being single usage.

      3. jake Silver badge

        @Rampant Spanial (was: Re: HP Sauce)

        A1 and HP are completely different critters ... both are narsty, though.

    3. Frank Bough

      Re: HP Sauce

      not to mention disgusting

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No brown bread rule

    I can see where that's coming from.

    Can I suggest Tiger Bread as an extra-crunchy wrapping.

  6. Richard 81

    Surely...

    Surely the latter option is just too complicated to cook after a skin full. It'd be pretty good as heated leftovers though.

  7. ColonelClaw
    Mushroom

    Dangerous suggestion

    At the risk of having my Reg account deleted by a moderator, I must admit I prefer mayonnaise to HP sauce in my bacon sarnie.

    1. peyton?
      Devil

      Re: Dangerous suggestion

      I second the mayo!

      Though in the interest of full disclosure, I like lettuce and tomato on it too. Oh, and I'm not British, so I probably shouldn't be weighing in on this topic at all :p

      Though I'm puzzled by comments suggesting a bacon butty shouldn't have butter. Isn't that what makes it a "buttie"?

      1. Richard 81

        Re: Dangerous suggestion

        Buttie just means sandwich.

      2. Rampant Spaniel

        Re: Dangerous suggestion

        oh god, mayo? on a cold blt yes, but with hot bacon wouldn't it go nasty?

        As for butty, I could be wrong but I thought it originated from and old northern mining term relating to the middle man in a group of 3? similiar to the filling in a sandwich?

        Sandwiches are in fact so awesome they have an entire island chain named after them (and many species bear a deritive of sandwich also). The last best thing the aristocracy did for us!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Dangerous suggestion

          "The last best thing the aristocracy did for us!"

          Apart from being machinegunned copiously in the wars, while attempting to battle Jerry with a revolver and swagger stick?

          1. Rampant Spaniel

            Re: Dangerous suggestion

            it did have a knob on the end!

      3. Rampant Spaniel

        Re: Dangerous suggestion

        sorry, correction, sub species i think.

      4. Jimboom
        Devil

        Re: Dangerous suggestion

        I think you will find that is a BLT (bacon, lettuce and tomato). Which will come with mayo in most places you get it.

        For me, maple cured bacon from waitrose if it is just me eating it, then it doesn't need any sauce. Otherwise if other people then it doesn't matter.

        But ketchup over brown sauce any day of the week!

        1. Rampant Spaniel

          Re: Dangerous suggestion

          As you mention waitrose, they (perhaps used to?) do a really nice imported dijon mayo. Well worth a try! I found it much nicer than normal mayo.

        2. Local Group
          Happy

          Re: " a BLT... will come with mayo in most places you get it."

          Exactly how God planned it.

          "Mayo. Mayo. Ueber Alles. Ueber alles in der Welt."

          Sung after the blitzkrieg of the refrigerator, applying mayonnaise to everything in sight. With a trowel.

      5. JeevesMkII
        Alert

        Re: Dangerous suggestion

        Bloody foreign muck. The Britisher uses Salad Cream.

    2. Richard 81

      Re: Dangerous suggestion

      Majo on anything hot is just weird.

      1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

        Re: Dangerous suggestion

        Majo on anything hot is just weird

        I used to think the same, but tuna melts without mayo just doesn't work.You may need to lightly toast the side of the bread that gets the tuna mixture to keep it from getting too soggy though.

      2. Blofeld's Cat Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: Dangerous suggestion

        "Majo on anything hot is just weird"

        Have you not ever been to Belgium, Richard? Chips and mayo from a paper cone. Delicious!

        I'm hungry now

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: Dangerous suggestion

          Blofeld's Cat,

          I used to live in Belgium. Mayo on chips is not nice. Even from a paper cone.

          The paper cones would be perfect for salt and vinegar, if only it were available. However, the delicious curry ketchup is an excellent option instead. Or at least seemed to be on offer everywhere in Brussels. Yum.

          Salad cream is acceptable on chips. Mayo isn't.

          1. jake Silver badge

            @IaS (was: Re: Dangerous suggestion)

            Salad cream is never acceptable. Anywhere.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Dangerous suggestion

          'Have you not ever been to Belgium, Richard? Chips and mayo from a paper cone. Delicious!'

          But chips aren't made from pig.

          Although ........... hmmmmm.

          1. Rampant Spaniel

            Re: Dangerous suggestion

            I like your thinking! stick a pig in a rumbler to get the skin off then straight in the chipper.

            I agree re saladcream, much less oil. (stops it turning clear and going weird) and more tang make it better suited.

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: Dangerous suggestion

              "I like your thinking! stick a pig in a rumbler to get the skin off then straight in the chipper."

              Low and slow is better ... Folks line up for blocks when I do whole-hog barbecue. There is no crunchy-bit better than slowly rendered pig skin.

      3. Andy ORourke
        Happy

        Re: Dangerous suggestion

        Until you've had a BLT on toast with freshly cooked bacon and lashings of full fat Mayo you will never know just how good mayo can be on something hot (almost as nice as usin mayo as a dip for chips (or "French Fries" if you are of that persuasion))

        1. keith_w Bronze badge
          Mushroom

          Re: Dangerous suggestion

          I've never managed to get a BLT that was hot. OTOH, BLT are the only thing besides egg and chicked salad that I add Mayo to.

      4. jake Silver badge

        @Richard 81 (was: Re: Dangerous suggestion)

        "Majo on anything hot is just weird."

        You've never had proper crab cakes, then ... Mayo is the binder.

        It's an old-wives tale that aioli goes "bad" when it gets hot ... in reality, it's an acid-rich condiment that retards bacteria growth. It's the REST of the food that is mixed with aioli that promotes bacteria growth between 40F and 140F ... If your aioli splits/separates with temperature, you're not making it right.

    3. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Dangerous suggestion

      You are indeed dangerously close to expulsion ;-)

    4. TeeCee Gold badge
      Flame

      Re: Dangerous suggestion

      "At the risk of having my Reg account deleted by a moderator..."

      That's the least of your worries. Being repeatedly pelted with rotten fruit and subsequently burned at the stake for heresy should be your primary concern.

  8. Martyn 1

    IT angle time....

    I once Emailed in to the Alex Leicester radio show for a comp and mentioned I worked at HP, he replied back t

    AL: I used to work near there can you still smell the sauce from a mile away?

    Me: It's HP the computer company not the Sauce company!

    Anyway there was too much bacon in that pan, it lowers the temperature and doesn't fry properly.

    And another vote for dipping the bread in the fat, rather than Butter/Marge/I can't belive it's not butter/Bugger me it's Marge

    1. Richard 81

      Re: IT angle time....

      "Anyway there was too much bacon in that pan, it lowers the temperature and doesn't fry properly."

      Indeed. That bacon was hardly cooked at all.

      1. Simon Harris Silver badge

        Re: IT angle time....

        'too much' and 'bacon' should never belong in the same sentence!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Re: IT angle time....

          "'too much' and 'bacon' should never belong in the same sentence!"

          Not quite, since the sentence "You can never have too much bacon!" is correct and accurate, too.

    2. hplasm Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: IT angle time....

      You're going to need a bigger pan...

  9. Blofeld's Cat Silver badge
    Pint

    Where's that frying pan...

    Not quite the recipe for Bauernfrühstück I recall from my student days, but still excellent.

    A German flatmate would whip this up at the drop of a hat. There were a lot of variations depending on what leftovers were in the fridge, how much beer we had drunk etc..

    He also used to demonstrate the other way* to cook sausages.

    Bacon sarnies still have the edge though. Where's that shopping list.

    *It involves two forks, some jump leads and a 14 kW generator set.

    1. Mike Richards

      Re: Where's that frying pan...

      '*It involves two forks, some jump leads and a 14 kW generator set.'

      I remember a stag night along similar lines.

  10. chris 143
    FAIL

    not enough bacon

    I'd like to point out that you don't have enough bacon in your sandwich.

    There should be approx as much bacon as bread (one pack per two slices of bread usually works well)

  11. Ross 12
    WTF?

    what the hell?

    That bacon is criminally underdone!

  12. Simon Ward
    Flame

    Something to upset the purists ;-)

    Crispy(*) bacon on rye bread with Tabasco Habanero sauce(**) - Brown sauce is the work of Satan

    (*) - For best results, fry the bacon normally then crisp it up in the microwave.

    (**) - You may substitute another chilli-based condiment if you so wish.

    Flame away :-)

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Devil

      Re: Something to upset the purists ;-)

      "Brown sauce is the work of Satan"

      It certainly is! You can't imagine the po-faced heavenly types coming up with something that wonderfully self-indulgent.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Flame

      Re: Something to upset the purists ;-)

      Simon Ward,

      Did you just use the word 'microwave' in discussing appropriate methods of cooking bacon?

      Guards! Seize him!

      Prepare the bonfire. Heretic incoming.

      1. Simon Harris Silver badge

        Re: Something to upset the purists ;-)

        It's a Marco Pierre White thing apparently.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Something to upset the purists ;-)

      Not sure about the rye bread, but for the Tabasco sauce, I salute you sir.

  13. Steve Evans

    HP Sauce...

    As manufactured in the Netherlands.

    Another great British institution sold off to Johnny Foreigner.

    It can't be long before HM Queen is sold off to the Germans... (Yes, I already know she's part way there genetically already!).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: HP Sauce...

      re: queen

      And has been for hundreds of years.

    2. Rampant Spaniel

      Re: HP Sauce...

      as long as they don't touch salad cream. It really is sunshine in a bottle!

      1. Mark 65

        Re: HP Sauce...

        "as long as they don't touch salad cream. It really is sunshine in a bottle!"

        Nah, salad cream is just mayo filled up with vinegar. Horrible stuff.

        1. Aulty

          Re: HP Sauce...

          They did touch salad cream, some years ago mind. it wasn't as nice as the original, but after so many years I've got used to it.

          Bacon sarnie for me is smoked streaky, fried so crisp, that the frying pan stops sizzling and the bacon crumbles. Topped with Heinz salad cream or HP fruity sauce on nice thick fresh bread or crispy baguette.

  14. Trollslayer Silver badge
    Devil

    Nearly perfect buttie

    1. Chris is right about not enough bacon - it looked like really good bacon though!

    2. Brown sauce!!! You heathens!! Ye canna tak oor ketchup!!

  15. Cocktaillion

    Crisy bacon, blue wensleydale and lime marmalade on rye.

    That is all.

    1. Code Monkey

      Sounds nice but it's no bacon butty - too much frippery.

      Bacon, butter, bread, sauce. Resolve to never drink again.

  16. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Brown sauce?

    Neither "HP" nor "brown sauce" conveys anything to [most of] us on this side of the Atlantic.

    1. Carrawaystick

      Re: Brown sauce?

      You need to watch the film ( or is that movie) Intermission

      All you need to know about Brown sauce

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Re: Brown sauce?

      A food product identified simply as "brown" would rightly be treated with suspicion here in the antipodes.

      1. Richard 81

        Re: Brown sauce?

        "A food product identified simply as "brown" would rightly be treated with suspicion here in the antipodes."

        Only because Vegemite's name isn't sufficiently descriptive.

        1. Tim Worstal

          Re: Brown sauce?

          A1 steak sauce isn't quite the same....more liquid, more vinegar in it.

        2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

          Re: Brown sauce?

          "Only because Vegemite's name isn't sufficiently descriptive"

          Quite right, it should be called OMG. That should cover everyone's reaction to it.

    3. Tom 38 Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Brown sauce?

      Have you heard of this new thing called google, you can find out about all kinds of things. There's even a helpful guided tour.

      PS: Merkins call brown sauce "steak sauce".

    4. Rampant Spaniel

      Re: Brown sauce?

      a1 steak sauce to americans :-)

    5. Psyx
      Unhappy

      Re: Brown sauce?

      "Neither "HP" nor "brown sauce" conveys anything to [most of] us on this side of the Atlantic."

      We are sorry for your loss.

      1. Trokair 1

        Re: Brown sauce?

        I've seen HP in some higher-class grocery stores over here. Figured it was for steak as it sat amongst the worcestershire sauce.

  17. Captain Hogwash

    Bread - just say no!

    Two large flat mushrooms make an excellent burger bun substitute.

  18. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    Correct ingredients:

    1) Smoked dry cured streaky bacon. Back bacon has too little fat and a tendency to curl. It must be dry cured, rather than that crap pumped full of water, and being smoked goes without saying. At least 4 rashers.

    2) Lightly toasted white bread. Buttered.

    3) Ketchup, not brown sauce. Yes I know this is a religious issue.

    Fry the bacon until the fat bubbles up through the top of the rashers. Turn and repeat. Assemble the sandwich, making sure the fat that has come out of the bacon is included. Add ketchup and cut into four pieces.

    1. Graham Bartlett

      Re: Correct ingredients:

      Amateur! The tendency to curl is easily mastered by turning regularly, as any fule noe. But yes, bacon without intraporcus injection is definitely the way to go.

      1. jake Silver badge

        @Graham Bartlett (was: Re: Correct ingredients:)

        The tendency to curl is easily mastered by making a couple slits along the fat edge, just to, but not into, the actual meat. Think "strain relief". Works for most chops, bone in or not, too.

        Watery bacon is evil.

        1. Psyx
          Thumb Up

          Re: @Graham Bartlett (was: Correct ingredients:)

          "The tendency to curl is easily mastered by making a couple slits along the fat edge, just to, but not into, the actual meat. Think "strain relief". Works for most chops, bone in or not, too.

          Watery bacon is evil."

          I can only assume that a cat wandering over a keyboard downvoted your post. I can see no other logical reason.

          1. jake Silver badge

            @Psyx (was: Re: @Graham Bartlett (was: Correct ingredients:))

            "I can only assume that a cat wandering over a keyboard downvoted your post."

            That's just my fanboi. I think it's trying to intimidate me. Sad, isn't it?

  19. Richard Morris
    Happy

    Perfect Buttie

    White bread, no butter, smoked dry cured bacon (both back and streaky) and ketchup.

  20. Lamont Cranston
    FAIL

    Oh dear.

    None of your test audience were hungover - you don't make the bacon sarnie whilst still drinking beer, you make it in the morning*, to replenish your lost nutrients.

    With this in mind, cooking up a Bauernfrühstück whilst hungover looks like too much hard work, so the bacon sarnie wins with ease.

    @disgruntled yank: I think you know it as Steak Sauce, for some reason.

    *better still, someone else makes it and presents it to you, and that way you'll know she's a keeper.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nigel Slater

    I agree with Nigel Slater -

    1. Streaky bacon

    2. a lttle fat if the bacon is lean

    3. 2 rounds of medium-sliced white bread.

    Fry bacon, dip bread. Eat while very hot.

    (For sausage sandwich butter is OK, but bread must be 'of the worst possible kind')

  22. G R Goslin

    Bauernfruhstuck, I love it!

    I was first introduced to this filling dish when posted to a remote radar site in North Germany. The local Cafe Bauernschanke, run by a couple of hefty girls, not far from the gate of the local RAF camp, would run you up a steaming plate of the stuff in the small hours, to offset the effect of the local beer, before the bus picked you up for the long drive into the hills where the radar site was (and still is). Their other speciality was their version of oxtail soup (Ochsenschwanzsuppe). Oh, happy days

    1. Simon Harris Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Bauernfruhstuck, I love it!

      There I think we have it...

      Bacon Sarnie: very much the preserve of the post-pub DIYer.

      Bauernfruhstuck: best left to the professionals with more coordination than you can muster post-pub!

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ick

    I hate untrimmed bacon!

    Fat is awful.

    1. Brian T
      Alert

      Re: Ick

      Sounds like a closet vegetarian.....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ick

      "Fat is awful."

      Then grill it 'til crispy.

  24. This Side Up
    Paris Hilton

    OMG, it's August

    The silly season has hit El Reg.

    Paris because she's got a nice pair of baps.

  25. This post has been deleted by its author

  26. Cubical Drone

    Both look good, but...

    While both dishes look very tasty, I live in San Diego California and any alchie here knows that the perfect food to grab while staggering your way home, or in the morning is a Carne Asada Burrito which is marinated chopped up beef (not ground), guacamole all wrapped up an a flour tortilla (tortilla must have lard as an ingredient!). The combination of grease and fat coats the stomach beautifully. This is also a great breakfast treat (although I can make the argument for a Machaca Burrito for 'the day after').

    To find a properly prepared Carne, or Machaca Burrito, you will want to find a mom and pop Mexican place that should meet the following 3 criteria:

    The name of the establishment should end in "erto's" (e.g. Alberto's, Ruperto's, etc)

    Perferably the building should be painted in stripes of two colors (yellow and orange or white and blue tend to be the more authentic places).

    Lastly, the grimier the better (if you cannot believe you are about to eat food prepared there, you have found the perfect spot).

    (Note: you can find good beacon here, you just need to go to a proper butcher shop and yes, veggie beacon is a sin against nature)

  27. Olafthemighty
    Happy

    Blue cheese.

    Gotta have blue cheese. And brown sauce.

  28. voice.of.reason
    FAIL

    Aaargghh!! Painful memories of "bacon" on european holidays.

    That is merely bacon-resembling ham, and it's ruined dozens of holiday breakfasts for me.

    A travesty for such a serious and important article...

    1. Joefish
      Holmes

      Re: Aaargghh!! Painful memories of "bacon" on european holidays.

      Word, brother. That's not bacon, that's dodgy factory cured ham from a flat foil pack. I've had that uncooked in sarnies before for want of anything better. Now whilst in Corfu I discovered the locally produced village sausage. Split one down the middle and fry butterflied in olive oil, then add an egg soft-boiled in the stove coffee-pot, one-sided fried bread and genuine Heinz beans. I'm glad they didn't have that Hitchiker's thing where they weigh you on the way back...

  29. Don Bannister
    Coat

    Don Pita

    I must say I reckon that Don Pita bears a _remarkable_ resemblance to a certain Michael Barratt (he of BBC Nationwide, many years ago) ! Wanders off in nostalgia ....

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Don Pita

      It's true - I hadn't noticed before.

  30. earl grey Silver badge
    Flame

    No ketchup on anything i eat

    Period....well, that's what it reminds me of..

    1. Trokair 1
      Flame

      Re: No ketchup on anything i eat

      That may be a by-product of your "ketchup". In my time in Europe I learned to enjoy mayonaise as a primary condiment because of how terrible the tomato-paste-in-dirty-water that Europe's "ketchup" is. Once I returned to my side of the pond I continured my use of ketchup.

  31. scrubber

    The Contender from Glasgow

    While not strictly a morning after snack, the fact you consume it the night before means there is no need for a hangover cure.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present, The Scooby Snack!

    The Scooby Snack consists of a hamburger, a sliced sausage, a bacon rasher, a potato scone, a fried egg and a slice of processed cheese, all contained within a floured hamburger bun and accompanied by tomato ketchup and brown sauce.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scooby_Snack

  32. Trokair 1
    Go

    Scrapple

    I'm courious as to if anyone across the pond has tried their hand at Scrapple? It is a delcious breakfast meat (of sorts) that I dare say trumps the holy bacon on taste. Indeed, a well made Scrapple Egg and Cheese sandwich is vastly superiour to the plain Bacon Sarnie.

  33. Eradicate all BB entrants

    I have an alternative to offer

    Take large frying pan, one pack of smoked bacon (middle or back), and a carton of 6 large eggs.

    Heat large frying pan, add all the bacon (i find no cooking oil/fat/lard gets rid of most of the water in the bacon).

    Once bacon just shy of how you like it add the eggs at equal spacing.

    Cook until eggs are at the state you usually like fried eggs to be (bacon binding makes it easy to flip). Serve. Eat.

    I quote my son on trying it for the first time 'The eggs taste like bacon!!!!!!'

  34. SteveE
    Devil

    An enhancement to the Bauernfruhstuck...

    Bauernfruhstuck looks pretty tasty. But those of us from the Southwest USA know it would be greatly enhanced with a good salsa. And maybe some Anaheim peppers...

    1. skeptical i
      Happy

      I thought it looked like a giant tortilla-less brekkie burrito ...

      ... and yeah, either Anaheims or the fire-roasted ones from Hatch, NM -- yum! -- and a pot of campfire coffee.

  35. Local Group
    Meh

    Closet Noshers

    It seems finding the Grand Unified Theory is not as popular here as finding the Grand Unified Smorgasbord.

  36. Craig 2
    FAIL

    Sauce is what you put on food you don't like the taste of...

  37. David 45

    Microwave (faints)

    This will probably be regarded as sacrilege by many, but when I buy bacon, I freeze individual rashers and for a quick sarnie (or roll, come to that), I shove them in the microwave in a modified el-cheapo microwave dish (holes drilled in the bottom, so the fat can drain out into another dish underneath), and zap them at full tilt for about two or three minutes per. rasher from frozen, depending on thickness. Works OK provided you don't over-do them, otherwise they can go a bit rubbery. Arrange the rashers radially, thin ends in the middle. One advantage I've found of freezing is that most of the fat can be broken off before cooking, if you're not a fat person, if you get my drift.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Microwave (faints)

      I freeze my bacon in freezer bags of 2, as I can never eat a whole packet and the other half isn't big into hangover grub.

      I usually defrost in the microwave for a couple of minutes, just before cooked, then fry in a pan.

  38. gaz 7

    Black Pudding?

    What makes a great bacon sandwich tremendous is a few slices of fried black pudding on top of the bacon...

    None of this red/brown sauce crap.

  39. Tim Brown 1
    FAIL

    You never used the milk...

    I'm sure you did, but you never told us when :)

    (I suspect it went in with the egg)

  40. Retired Spy
    Pirate

    And Next...

    I'd like to see a faceoff between a Scooby Snack and a Theta burger...

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Holmes

      Re: And Next...

      Theta burger? Something to do with Scientology?

      Personally, I can't wait for Special Projects to take on the Bacon Explosion

  41. keith_w Bronze badge
    Thumb Up

    Where else in the world

    can you find 3 pages of comments on a 2 page article on Bacon sandwiches in an IT based publication.

    PS, I like my bacon sandwiches with HP sauce, which according to the label on my bottle is made locally by HJ Heinz, who also make my favorite ketchup.

    1. Fred Dibnah Silver badge

      Re: Where else in the world

      It has to be Daddies sauce for me, rather than HP which is too fruity. Now back to watching the Olympics......

  42. Andus McCoatover
    Windows

    You're 'avin' a giraffe!

    Only way to fix a bit of 'liver bashing' is:

    Bacon. Sausages. Big Portobello mushroom. Baked beans. Fried tomatoes. Fried eggs (2). Fried bread. Fried kidneys. More bacon. Another sausage.

    (The only possible substance to use for the frying is, as every Englishman knows is lard. Lots).

    And a tin of Tennants Extra 'tramp-juice' beer to wash it down with (some woosers use tea as an accompanying drink. Tossers, that lot. I'd classify that group alongside bankers).

  43. Andus McCoatover
    Joke

    Found an 'ethnic' shop here...

    It sells (gasp) Spam!! Don't even need a firewall to use it (IT angle)

    Now, let's see how Girlie reacts to Spam Fritters, chips and beans. I'll kep my keys in my pocket, and my running shoes on, just in case...

  44. Wensleydale Cheese
    Thumb Up

    Bauernfrühstück is a great hangover cure

    We were recommended this for brunch in a German pub after a very late party the night before. It did not disappoint and the top quality German beer we washed it down with was the perfect accompaniment..

    It set us up perfectly for the football match we went to see afterwards.

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Soda bread

    Pan white bread?

    The Belfast way would be to use a big whack of Soda bread.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soda_bread

    Basically a big stodgy bread made with baking soda.

    Toast or fry a farl (frying preferred to soak up the bacon fat).

    Add your bacon, sausages (denny or cookstown), fried egg.

    Lashings of red sauce (aka Tomato Ketchup. Sauces are named after their colour - Thousand Island being known as the Pink sauce).

    Wash down with a big mug of milky tea.

    1. Andus McCoatover
      Windows

      Re: Soda bread

      Wuss!

      Tea?? Tennants Extra, natch!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Soda bread

        You'll take a tin of Harp...

        Mind you, I remember drinking Tescos own brand Special Brew as a hardup student...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Re: Soda bread

      Agreed. But if you're going to all that trouble, you might as well add a farl of fried 'tatey' bread [Ormo], a fried doorstop or two of Veda loaf, a bit of black pudding [again Denny's or Cookstown are recommended], some mushrooms & tomatoes and a good mound of meal-a-crushy [fine ground oatmeal, fried in the leftover fat] and make a proper Ulster Fry out of it. Leave these effete "sandwich" things to our more delicate bretheren across the water.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Soda bread

        Agreed.. mostly

        Mushrooms can go jump.

        I hate it when people ruin an otherwise edible meal with the mushy grey edible fungus.

        Wee bit of veggie roll on the side instead though :) (For our water seperated cousins, it is actually mostly meat with a token bit of scallion (spring onion) through it. It is called Vegetable roll to make it sound like you are actually attempting to get at least 1 of your 5 a day.... )

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Thumb Up

          Re: Soda bread

          Upvoted for Veg Roll. I'd forgotten about that epicurean delight.

  46. Andus McCoatover
    Windows

    In all seriousness (if that's possible...)

    Bauernfrühstück - looks damn good, I'm gonna make it for Girlie tomorrow. Thanks for the recipe, Lester!

  47. Martin Budden Bronze badge

    The Hungover Cookbook

    I can highly recommend "The Hungover Cookbook" by Milton Crawford.

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Hungover-Cookbook-Milton-Crawford/dp/022408657X

  48. Andus McCoatover
    Pint

    Heaven!!!

    Girlie 'brought home the bacon'.

    Now to get the hangover to scientifically test the theory that a bacon butty will cure it.

    Sheee yous later (hic). (Falls off bar stool)

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