back to article Ten... bits of Jubilee tat tech

The Jubilee weekend has landed. All that exists now is junk, drunks, plums and parties. And we've all got an additional 48 hours off from the world, man. Here in London, though, you've never seen so much human traffic. For those in the nation's capital, it isn't just the wave of tourists that are proving hard to avoid. Solar …


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  1. LaeMing

    Mostly tat, to be sure.

    Union-Jack or no, the Mini Cooper mouse looked cute, especially if you know someone who is a mini-nut, though the ergonomics might be doubtful.

    The Pure Evoke Mio used the 'Jack well. Looks really nice, unlike most of the slap-on-a-'Jack themed stuff.

    1. Benjamin 4

      Re: Mostly tat, to be sure.

      That Mini Cooper mouse may look good, but try using it for eight hours straight. You probably wouldn't like it so much then.

  2. jake Silver badge

    Here in Sonoma, CA ...

    ... nobody gives a rat's ass about your tiny little monarchy.


    Carry on all, in theory we'll continue living day-to-day regardless.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

      An American, from the country that has given us junk food, obesity, gun crime, unfair extradition treaties, rendition, poor spelling, grey squirrels and Aids etc......

      Your opinion is..... Not relevant.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

        "An American"

        I'm a Finn, actually.

        "from the country that has given us junk food"

        You are delusional. Junk food has always existed, in every culture.


        Have you not walked down the high-street?

        "gun crime"

        Uh ... guns existed long before the USofA existed.

        "unfair extradition treaties"

        That's your .gov's fault. They shouldn't be bending over ...


        That's French, isn't it?

        "poor spelling"

        Spelling mutates. Get used to it.

        "grey squirrels"

        Out of curiosity, who was the idiot who imported them to England?

        "and Aids etc......"

        I think you'll find that the virus now known as "AIDS" originated in Africa.

        "Your opinion is..... Not relevant."

        Oh. OK. And your opinion is relevant why, exactly?

        1. TeeCee Gold badge

          Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

          "I'm a Finn, actually."

          Hardly surprising. An American would never have made the connection between this lot and our "tiny little monarchy". Actual Americans live under the impression that the "world news" they see on the TV is fictional and made in Hollywood.

          Ratings are heavily down since the scriptwriters canned their hugely popular villain, the Soviet Union, at the end of series 8. The new bad guy, Islamic terrorism, isn't polling well with Nielsen audiences and it's likely that foreign news won't make the cut for the fall schedules.

          1. jonathanb Silver badge

            Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

            I don't know whether the Faux News studios are based in Hollywood, but other than that, their perception is entirely correct.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

          We Didn't have junk food until you imported it to us, we couldn't afford it because we were still paying you back for the lend lease items WW2 until recently. Still you made plenty of money out of us.

          As for rendition, that's what you do to people when they disagree with you.

        3. despicable me
          Thumb Down

          Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

          "I'm a Finn, actually."

          Well, to misquote Max Bygraves, "Finns ain't wot they used to be."

          1. LaeMing

            Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

            Well they don't have an obesity issue at least.

            They are all quite Finnish.

      2. Visible Otters

        @AC 07:48

        Your tautology, overuse of ellipses, implication that the UK government is blameless in agreeing and maintaining the absurd extradition treaty and your claim that "America has given us ... Aids" are all intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

        1. jake Silver badge

          @Visible Otters (was: Re: @AC 07:48)

          "overuse of ellipses"

          No such animal... Herb Caen taught me to type :-)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

      Here in UK, UK very few of us give a rats arse either.

      But manufacturers are idiots, and we like a good laugh at our own expense.

      I'm sure you realise that whatever we screw up at the Olympics, the British will be laughing hardest and longest.

    3. Fihart

      Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

      Few places are more parochial than California - in an LA suburb when offered a UK passport as ID for changing travellers cheques, the clerk stated "don't you have a California driving license ?".

      I did.

      I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when dealing someone from a state where few travel outside its borders, let alone outside the US.

      1. jake Silver badge

        @Fihart (was: Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ... )

        California "parochial"? Bwahahahahahahaha!

        That's the biggest horse-laugh I've had in ages ... Ta :-)

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

      Thats an interesting perspective, considering all of your history originally came from this "tiny little monarchy".

      Typical bloody Merkin.....Ever wondered why most of the developed world hates you?

      1. jake Silver badge

        @cornz 1 (was: Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...)

        No. Just no. Look up "Bear Flag".

        We accept all cultures. Yourself?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @cornz 1 (was: Here in Sonoma, CA ...)

          Youghurt has a more appealing "culture" than America....

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: @cornz 1 (was: Here in Sonoma, CA ...)

            So you don't accept all cultures, cornz 1?

            I feel ever so sorry for you. And even sorrier for those around you.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              IT Angle

              Re: @cornz 1 (was: Here in Sonoma, CA ...)

              I really dont need your platitude...Just the atlantic ocean...Good day...

              1. jake Silver badge

                Re: @cornz 1 (was: Here in Sonoma, CA ...)

                Sadly cornz1, you don't see why your attitude is parochial.

                But whatever. Carry on.

                Me, I prefer a more worldly view.

                1. Anonymous Coward

                  Re: @cornz 1 (was: Here in Sonoma, CA ...)

                  I'm not arguing with an idiot. You'll beat me with experience...

                2. Colin Millar

                  Re: @cornz 1 (was: Here in Sonoma, CA ...)

                  Yes - we can all see you take a worldly view from your first post:-

                  "... nobody gives a rat's ass about your tiny little monarchy."

                  I expect that an inbred Tennessee redneck could just barely exceed the carefully thought out worldly view which you display with all the erudition of a brain dead catfish.

          2. Chris Miller

            Many US citizens of my acquaintance exhibit an interest in the minutiae of monarchy that goes far beyond my knowledge, bordering on the obsessive. I suppose that when you look at the sorry succession of individuals that have purchased the US Presidency in recent decades, a subconscious yearning for a more civilised and effective form of government is understandable.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @cornz 1 (was: Here in Sonoma, CA ...)

          > We accept all cultures. Yourself?

          Thank you, but we have our own,

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

    5. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

      > ... nobody gives a rat's ass about your tiny little monarchy.

      Fair enough. At least you've heard about the Monarchy, here in the UK hardly anyone's ever heard of Sonoma, CA. Your showy neighbo(u)r Napa is much better known.


    6. YARR

      Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

      "Here in Sonoma, CA ... ... nobody gives a rat's ass about your tiny little monarchy."

      In that case, can we have the Queen Mary back?

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

        Is Sonoma in Computer Associates?

        That is what CA stans for in the OT world.

    7. 1Rafayal
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

      Its that lovely, endearing attitude that just fills me up with love and abandon etc.

      I always thought that the Finnish hated to be called the 'Finns'. Dont suppose you are one of those Americans who pretend to come from some other country, even though they were born in the US of A because they are secretly embarrassed about the country, by any chance? Instead they cling on to some other culture or nation just because their great-granddad came from some other place?

      God bless America, and all who sail in her etc.

      Paris, as even she is not a knob on the same scale as yourself.

    8. This post has been deleted by its author

    9. JohnG

      Re: Here in Sonoma, CA ...

      "... nobody gives a rat's ass about your tiny little monarchy."

      It may have escaped your attention but The Register is a website from the UK. This means that it sometimes covers topics of interest/amusement to people in the UK and these are probably not as US-centric as you may be used to. However, nobody is forcing you to read El Reg. I'm sure a quick search would find some other websites discussing equally tacky products covered with stars and stripes, eagles and other stuff with which you could feel right at home.

    10. Gav
      Thumb Down


      I can't remember when I last saw such blatant old-school trolling on The Register. Isn't this following the original template that invented trolling?

      Step 1 : Open article you have no interest in, but that you know others will.

      Step 2: Post comment on how you are not interest.

      Step 3: Say how much it sucks/blows/fails/whatever

      Step 4: Await responses. Yum, yum, food for the troll.

      The added twist of the American vs Rest of the World playground battle is guaranteed to deliver, but is a really, really tedious dead horse flogged to death around 1997.

      Over all 8/10 for nostalgia. 0/10 for originality.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Dammit, Gav ... (was: Re: DNFTT)

        Thanks for blowing my cover. I rarely indulge myself anymore. As you say, it's getting old. But it's fun to wind up the kids once in a while ... On the other hand, judging by the down-votes, I succeeded far beyond my expectations.


        This round's on me. Be well, all :-)

        1. Anonymous Coward

          Re: Dammit, Gav ... (was: DNFTT)

          Dont try and kid everyone that this was an old school trolling by an old school troll. Your arse was well and truely "whooped".....

          Now, scurry off back to your rock.....The adults have things to do....

          1. jake Silver badge

            @cornz 1 (was: Re: Dammit, Gav ... (was: DNFTT))

            Spit the hook, little fish.

        2. Christine Hedley Silver badge

          Re: Dammit, Gav ... (was: DNFTT)

          "Thanks for blowing my cover. [...]"

          Ah, the classic "lol I troll you!" when things go pear-shaped. I'm sure everyone is convinced.

  3. Robert E A Harvey

    Basically Junk

    I agree with LaeMing, the mouse & the radio (both wireless, of course...) are worth a second look, the rest are ghastly.

    So are the mouse & the radio, after a second look.

    1. LaeMing

      Re: Basically Junk

      Well yes, I wouldn't be actually buying them either. "Not Ghastly" is probably the best recomendation you could get for any of this sort of tat (whatever country - the Australia Day tat is just as bad: often the same stuff but for 3/4 of the image used).

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    available by mail order from the Mrs Middleton 'mother of Kate and Pippa' World of Tat Empire.

    By Appointment to Her Majesty the Queen.

  5. Cyberelic

    Whilst getting a haircut for an entirely separate event...

    I happened to remember that I have a smallish pirate (skull and crossbones) flag lying around.

    50p later for rhe roof mounting stick, and the union duster consigned to the bin, and I have been driving around happily showing 'my' true colours.


  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Geri Halliwell once made it sexy.

    I find that less sexy than hippos in coitus.

    1. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Re: Geri Halliwell once made it sexy.

      that's not a good pic - try the newer version on this page

    2. Francis Boyle

      I have to agree

      Geri Halliwell never made anything sexy. Some things should never be spoken of even in jest.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I draw the line at...

    Jubilee panty liners

    Jubilee condoms

    Jubilee corn pads

    Jubilee stretch pants

    Jubliee steel spanking rulers


    Jubilee ear spoons

    I will, however, take a set of his and hers Jubilee thumbscrews.

    1. 1Rafayal

      Re: I draw the line at...

      personally, I wouldn't mind a few jubilee condoms.

      1. Cheshire Cat

        Re: I draw the line at...

        Well, they're OK, but only if you come once every 60 years

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I draw the line at...

      Actually I'm quite interested in those "Jubliee steel spanking rulers" but can't seem to find any, a URL please?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I draw the line at...

      Jubilee condoms - as endorsed by the queen and tested by Camilla.

      I may be ill.

  8. TheProf

    Mini Mouse

    So I followed the link and found this example of patriotism:

    £29.01 + £8.00 UK delivery

    In stock. Sold by ALB Computer Germany

    1. Matt_W

      Re: Mini Mouse

      Isn't that appropriate, given the current owners of the Mini brand? ;-)

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The yanks

    Let's be fair to the yanks, they've done a lot of bad things over the years, but booting out our unelected inbred parasites wasn't one of them. I mean, you can't exactly say things have gone downhill for them in the 200 years since, can you?

    As for the chap in California... honestly... people of Britain - look at the rain streaming down the windows in your 3-bed suburban semi, and your small family car outside with modestly sized engine that you cannot afford to run thanks to petrol at £1.40 a litre. And tell me honestly, would you really rather not be *anywhere* in California even if it meant you had to endure watching stupid sports like baseball and basketball?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The yanks

      > really rather not be *anywhere* in California

      I get to visit California regularly, and nice though it is to visit I would really rather not, ever, in my life, live there. Even without the rain (which is why it's so brown^H^H^H^H^H golden). Apart from anything else, it's either overcrowded and frenetic, or stultifyingly boring, with nothing in-between.

      And it is parochial, in that few people execpt recent immigrants have, or desire, any knowledge of anywhere outside CA.

    2. John A Blackley

      Re: The yanks

      If there's anything more pathetic than trolling it can only be an effort to resurrect someone else's troll.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stuff the Jubilee.

    Stuff the Jubilee. Fight the cuts

    John Cooper Clarke is trendy again.

    Party like it's 1977.

    "would you really rather not be *anywhere* in California"

    Maybe, if all the Americans had left e.g. gone to Montana to join the survivalist training camps etc (apologies to the few decent ones who would also have to leave California, but the needs of the many, etc).

  11. DavCrav

    There was going to be one...

    ...of these pieces of tat that had the Union Flag on the wrong way up, and it's the Mini.

    1. mfraz

      Re: There was going to be one...

      10/10 for giving it the correct name rather than the incorrect "Union Jack" that every single manufacturer of tat seems to call it!

  12. Stevie


    When a flag gets as "distressed" as it appears to be as depicted on the majority of these so-called "patriotic" products, the proper course is to burn it or bury it.

    'Nuff said.

    1. Robert E A Harvey

      Re: Bah!

      Only in the superstitious countries, like the USA. There is no significance to an old flag in the UK, and no reason not to cut it up for boot polishing rags.

      Snopes has a piece on the USAnian regulation:

      without touching on the rest of the world.

      makes interesting reading

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bah!

      nah, better to flog it.

    3. DavCrav

      Re: Bah!

      I thought the common idea was to nuke it from orbit, etc.

  13. b166er

    Xbox and Pure radio look swell.

    Oh and I'd definitely bone Geri Halliwell in her Next dress.

    1. Robert Forsyth

      Doesn't 'to bone' mean to remove bones?

  14. deadlockvictim

    National Flag

    ... weary of the national flag ...

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the Union Jack the *state* flag. Each of the 4 nations within the Union of Great Britain & Northern Ireland have their own flag. Otherwise the strips of Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England would all be variations of the Union Jack. And for those who aren't aware, the Union Jack is a composite (more or less [1]) of the 4 national flags of the Union as it stood in 1801.

    [1] The Irish state flag at the time was a harp on the dark blue background, if I remember correctly.

    1. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Re: National Flag

      The UK is a nation. England, Scotland etc are "consituent countries", and also nations. Hence you can say "the English national football team is forever letting its fans down". But the UK is a "sovereign state".

      The Union Flag/Jack is the national flag of the UK. The red cross on a white background is the national flag of England, the white St Andrew's cross on a blue background is the national flag of Scotland etc, etc

  15. deadlockvictim

    Nation vs State

    @graeme leggett: I think that you're wrong and it may depend on how one defines a 'nation' and a 'state'. The definition of a nation is, at any rate, not something that is commonly agreed upon. We will have to agree to disagree.

    I tend to think of the U.K. as a composition of nations, partly because of the Five-(now Six-) Nations championship and partly because the citzens of the U.K. whom I meet tend to identify themselves as 'Scottish', 'English' or Welsh' but rarely as 'British'. Indeed, almost the only U.K. citizens who do identify themselves as 'British' are the very ones who aren't, namely Unionists from Northern Ireland.

    BTW, are you a member of the European nation?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yes, It's Tat,

    So why did you bother?

  17. Shonko Kid

    Is it just me...

    But, if I'm not going to buy something, decorating it with a national flag isn't suddenly going to change that - unless I'm in the market for a national flag - even Ginger herself isn't made any more lovely with the addition of a union jack!

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