I see that this year even the government joined in the April fool's frenzy with their new monitor everything everywhere law.
Oh, wait...
The best April 1 gags … or were they?
April 1 has come and gone for another year and as usual the technology industry got up to no good. It’s hard not to like Atlassian’s new product: IRKD. The app does for the real world what the company’s JIRA product does for the real world, namely let you list bugs and make them someone else’s problem. Sony slipped out the …
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Monday 2nd April 2012 06:42 GMT Ilgaz
Even funnier
actually, it is very likely that when it finally ships to 98% one way or another, it will be outdated. Right, android 5 ships this summer or something.
Google team should have used April 1 to disgrace the vendors still messing with their hacks. They could say "section 4.1 in agreement gives us rights to update 2.3 devices to 4.x. We are rolling out updates for all brands! They will run stock android"
You can guess what would happen. Everyone would opt in.
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Monday 2nd April 2012 15:00 GMT Ilgaz
Even vista had better rate
Running on 2% of total android devices. Your asus is also part of the 2%.
It doesn't have backwards compatibility (even google have 2 youtube clients), it needs double of RAM without any explanation, optimized for a cpu which is still a luxury item for majority of install base.
Want me to continue about why people joke about it?
Media is forgiving since you don't want to mess with a gigantic advertising broker. If it was Nokia who dared to ship a symbian like that, you would see the circus.
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Monday 2nd April 2012 08:35 GMT Anonymous Coward
Or that America now requires...
...to authorise British passengers boarding flights that don't even go to America or fly over it.
Yes they can now say whether you are allowed to fly from Britain to another country!
Apparently not an April Foll's Day gag!
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Monday 2nd April 2012 02:09 GMT amanfromMars 1
Losing the Plot and a Nation........ in a very Peculiar Parliamentary Coup with No Vision
I can think of nothing more quickly and inadequately designed to destroy the puppet charade that is Parliamentary party democracy, along with the respect of a nation for the present Queen which will lead to the rapid crumbling of the House of Windsor should ER indoors be persuaded to take any part in such a fantastic fascist plot, which will also make any ISP unwilling or unable to comply with extremely onerous provision of internet traffic information, a probable target for enhanced state surveillance, as would be the result of that phishy proposal for spooky intervention into everyone's lives not being an excellent April Fools joke, and way over the top of decent good taste.
It does have one wondering about an Oxford Five hiding in full and transparent sight in the Cabinet Office, hell bent on outdoing the earlier infamous Cambridge team's effort, with a Bullingdon Bombe political cricket attack of their own, which would appear to be somewhat in dishonourable honourable members DNA, by all Wikipedia accounts ........"The Wisden Cricketer reports that the Bullingdon is "ostensibly one of the two original Oxford University cricket teams but it actually used cricket merely as a respectable front for the mischievous, destructive or self-indulgent tendencies of its members"." ......... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullingdon_Club
IT just aint cricket though, old bean, is it, to use political office for destroying hoods and nations rather than building them. Such steps are well beyond the crease of crass incompetence and ventures more than just a toe into realms of contrived anarchy and ill-advised personal empire building ..... and that is CHAOS quite beyond normal mortal controls, methinks.
How about ......... governments offering peoples that which they need to prevent thoughts of conflicts and mayhem, because of their present situation? Is that future production just too intellectually challenging for those reliant upon taxing and the public purse for their existence and continued survival?
How about the Intelligence Services, both Secret and Security? Is such Future Production, which is also AI and Virtual Reality Promotion and easily delivered nowadays with SMART InterIndependent Networking and Beta IT Projects, beyond their current in-house capabilities too, or do they have an AIMaster Pilot Plan for Special Applications ProgramMING with Crack Virtual Terrain Team Leaders ....... Novel AIPathFinders, already all ready, and already practising stealthy moves, all autonomous and anonymous and astute, on every necessary front?
A simple ....Yes, we do. ...... is all that is required when true. If that cannot, in all truthfulness, be provided, then obviously would there then be a quite surreal and absolutely fabulous fabless opportunity for any and all Great IT Game Players to provide HyperRadioProActive ProgramMING, and which you can be hereby assured, is no April Fool of a joke.
And offered now, as it is here, would it cause something of a quandary for governments and intelligence services, should they continue to choose to studiously ignore it , for what would that tell one and all about the present state of their ability and facilities which are/is bound to be a reflection on the suitability of their mentoring and monitoring of future capabilities.
A little something, El Reg, for Team UKGBNI Shoreditch to Woodstock Venture capitalise for remote spooky ÜberMensch control should government fail to understand and surmount future obvious hurdles?
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Monday 2nd April 2012 09:46 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Losing the Plot and a Nation........ in a very Peculiar Parliamentary Coup with No Vision
I don't think this will destroy the coalition at all. No, it will be far stronger under the leadership of David Davis who is, after all, the only senior tory who is neither a toff nor pro-snooping.
He already owns the leadership because he won it first-past-the-post in 2005 and we know how much the Tories believe in the sanctity of FPTP. Cameron only stole victory in the third round of an AV-style election.
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Monday 2nd April 2012 03:29 GMT Grumpy Fellow
Floating Wanda (the Fish)
Wanda the Fish who has been swimming happily in my Gnome panel for years suddenly was still and floating belly up (not sure a fish has the tits required to go tits-up). When clicked upon, instead of a random fortune, I got a message that the water needed changing. Once into April 2nd, GMT?, she resumed her normal swim. That was scary.
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Monday 2nd April 2012 04:07 GMT Anonymous Coward
People don't think things through anymore :(
Which is my main gripe. Over here in Holland some idiot (personal opinion of course) though it to be fun to construct a sea-bomb (the WW2 thingie) from foam and dump it into a pond. Needless to say; it attracted quite the attention; from police, explosive experts and the lot.
Call me old fashioned if you will but those aren't jokes anymore. People who are planning a joke should try to think about the consequences. What maybe fun for you might be a nightmare for others.
And well; to me the jokes are getting lamer, more shallow and plain out dumb by the year. You don't have to overdo it in order to fool people in a fun way you know.
"OMG, Halleys comet is going to land RIGHT HERE" just doesn't do it these days...
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Monday 2nd April 2012 07:40 GMT Andy Miller
Industry Standards
Forget these marketing led consumer gadgets. How can you overlook real progress in the industry standards these fripperies are based on?
The NULL packet http://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc6592
Service Undiscovery Using Hide-and-Go-Seek for the Domain Pseudonym System (DPS) http://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc6593
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Tuesday 3rd April 2012 07:47 GMT AdamWill
xkcd. Yes.
yes, xkcd wins. no-one else was even in the running.
there's no 'they', really, when it comes to xkcd, remember. xkcd is Randall. well, he has some logistical support, but he draws all the cartoons.
he drew a cartoon which expands and shrinks and moves panels around as you resize your browser window. he drew cartoons specific to your browser agent. he drew cartoons specific to particular referrers (going from twitter to xkcd gave a special cartoon, so did going from 4chan to xkcd). he drew cartoons specific to people coming from IP blocks owned by specific companies (Google and Microsoft at least). he drew cartoons specific to particular geographic locations - certain states (california, alaska...), countries (canada, germany (specifically berlin)), even references to very specific tech conferences occurring at the time. it was a freaking herculean effort. there's threads still trying to catalog all the different strips.
winner, by a country mile.
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Monday 2nd April 2012 13:38 GMT Christian Berger
Re: I thought the Gmail Multitap was awesome!
Actually you'd think one button would work, however for that you need proper morse keys which aren't just pressed like a button, but moved up and down in a precise manner. I doubt it's possible to emulate that on a touch screen.
Also there are less experienced operators. They might not get their timing right at decent speeds. So having 3 buttons certainly makes sense.
They did think that through and it actually is a fairly interesting idea.
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Monday 2nd April 2012 14:45 GMT Identity
You missed
this missive from EFF:
View as a web page
https://supporters.eff.org/civicrm/mailing/view?reset=1&id=169
EFFector! Electronic Frontier Foundation
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MPAA Announces Kickstarter Campaign for Film Decrying Internet's Impact on Creative Works
In a statement posted on its Wordpress blog this week, the MPAA announced that it will respond to the Internet's "destructive" effect on creative works with a new PSA, to be funded on the crowd-funding platform Kickstarter. "Rampant content theft -- or as we call it, creativity murder -- makes it impossible to promote ideas online," according to a Tweet from MPAA chairman Chris Dodd. "For a pledge of $50, backers will receive an exclusive DVD copy of 'Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked' in 3D."
Google's New "Nude View" Program Raises Privacy Concerns
Privacy advocates are calling foul on a new partnership between Google and the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) that would index the backscatter x-ray images taken at airline security checkpoints. "This will help singles get a first look even before the first date," said a Google spokesman. "Google Nude View," as the program is called, represents the first major initiative for the company since it changed its venerable slogan from "Don't Be Evil" to "Mwahahaha!"
RIAA, ISPs Introducing New "Hunger Games" Penalties for Infringers
RIAA chairman Cary Sherman has announced a new agreement between his organization and some of the largest American ISPs that would require subscribers accused of infringement to compete in a televised gladitorial battle to the death. Sherman responded this week to concerns about the severity of the program saying, "Obviously we don't think that all of the infringers selected as tributes should meet their death in the arena. Presumably one of them makes it out alive."
Patent Office Sued Over Patent on Issuing Patents
The US Patent and Trademark Office has been forced to halt the issuing of new patents after being sued for violation of patent number #4608919, "System and Method For Granting Limited Monopolies On Inventions."
Reddit Rolling Out "Real Names of Chuck Norris Only" Policy
In a misguided attempt to stifle anonymous speech while "preserving the culture" of the service, the popular social site Reddit recently announced it would institute a "real names only" policy that only allows user to select the name Chuck Norris. While we applaud their ingenuity in avoiding the pitfalls other sites have encountered in determining what does or doesn't look like a "real" name, we remain concerned over the closure of another venue for pseudonymous speech.
New Zealand Leaks New IP Chapter of TPP, Includes Mandate to Give All Alleged Copyright Infringers Free Puppies
The leaked draft of the Trans-Pacific Partnership has not been confirmed by the negotiating parties, but a highly-placed source claims to have overheard the US Trade Representative saying, "Who wouldn't want to snuggle with a puppy while watching their pirated copy of Season 1 Game of Thrones?"
EFF Issues New Guidelines for Mobile Privacy
A new whitepaper on mobile privacy, co-authored by Technology Projects Director Peter Eckersley and Activism Director Rainey Reitman, is one of the most concise yet published by EFF. Titled "Protecting Your Privacy in the Mobile Era," the report consists entirely of the five words "Don't use a mobile phone." This complements EFF's 1991 report: "Don't use electronic mail."
Job Seekers Getting Asked for Farmville Passwords
In an alarming trend, job seekers are increasingly reporting that prospective employers are requiring Farmville passwords or "neighbor" requests from prospective employees. One job seeker, speaking on the condition of anonymity, expressed serious privacy concerns about the trend: "My virtual crops and livestock are sensitive information, and none of my boss' business. I think he's just looking for somebody to harvest his tomatoes."
Karaoke Machine Vendors Must Adhere to "Know Your Customer" Policies
EFF calls on karaoke machine vendors to "know their customer" when selling equipment to governments and the very drunk. While karaoke is "dual use" technology and may be used for legitimate purposes, EFF condemns its use by oppressive over-singers, divas, and Journey fans.
miniLinks
Researchers discover critical flaw in snowflake generation algorithm
Security researchers at the McMurdo research station in Antarctica have published alarming results about insufficient randomness in the generation of new snowflakes. As many as 2 in every 1000 snowflakes is reported to be neither beautiful nor unique.
Bruce Schneier develops security system so clever he can't imagine a way of breaking it
In a nod to his eponymous law, security expert Bruce Schneier has reportedly developed an encryption technique that is so clever that even Bruce Schneier can't figure out how to break it.
Drones: Drones, drones drones, drones?
In drones today, drones drones droney droney drones. According to EFF Activist Trevor Timm, "Drones and drones drone droney drone drone. And nanodrones."
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Newfie Swallows Intern
EFF-ers mourn the loss of beloved intern Dewey Cheatum, mistaken for a chew toy by resident Newfoundland and Canine Outreach Coordinator Kodi in a lunchtime incident gone horribly wrong. "I keep warning people, he's fast. He can eat a ham sandwich well before a grand jury even thinks of indicting it," said EFF's Legal Director and guardian ad litem for Kodi. Kodi could not be reached for comment, as he was sleeping off his meal.
EFF Releases New Firefox Extension HaTTiPS Everywhere
In order to complement our work in making the Internet more secure, today EFF is releasing a new Firefox extension designed to make the Internet more polite. By forcing the user to send the HaTTiP header to friendly sites, a similarly pleasant header will be returned by the server. "We hope this leads to an uptick in the adoption of civility," says Senior Staff Technologist Seth Schoen.
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