How do I do none of the above? there are many films much worse than that selection.
It's taken us more than a week, but we're finally ready to raise the curtain on the contenders for the worst movie ever title. We're still a bit groggy after days of wading through the most malodorous cinematic effluent as nominated by you, our beloved readers, so while you get on with the voting you'll excuse us if we go for …
Agreed. There should be an entry "Any film sponsored by the National Film Board Of Canada" only surpassed in boredom by those sponsored by "Office National Du Film Du Canada". I know it's the same thing but the French ones take boredom to a new level especially if they are artsy and in black and white.
I was thinking more about:
Miami Vice - for taking a perfectly good concept, great visuals/styling, cool soundtrack, a good basic plot idea, yet managing to abjectly fail to flesh out the story AT ALL and having to fill two hours with the chick taking her clothes off. I genuinely think I could have done better.
Dreamcatcher - when I say it's a shit film, you need to think literally.
Transformers. Oh Dear.
I rented Green Lantern to watch with my 11-year-old nephew. It was truly awful. Even he wasn't keen.
Anyone who didn't vote for Titanic is just wrong.
3 hours. THREE STINKING MISERABLE HOURS!!! And the action starts after two of the most wooden, trite, pointless 'character building' plot that only succeeds in building an abject loathing for the characters and the almost tortuously drawn out farce that ensues when the ship DOES FINALLY HIT THE FRICKIN' ICEBERG. Look, we know what happened - it's not a particularly niche subject matter - why does this film insist on trying to bill it as some kind of surprise? As each minute of the final hour of that film achingly ticks by, you just grind your teeth wishing DiCaprio's 'character' would just die... already (so to speak). Why did they insist on letting him live time and again, when ultimately you know he's going to snuff it. So the derision with which you view the main players just becomes more and more vitriolic, to the point where you literally cheer in the cinema during the faux-emotional scene when Leo sinks to the icy depths.
At least Battlefield Earth didn't get hyped to death. Everyone knew it was Scientology nonsense, so it's just funny. Nearly as funny as 'Birdemic'.
Anyway, Titanic's bad m'kay ;)
There should be an "Other" option with a "Details" box.
I'd vote for Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970): hands-down THE worst film ... [Clarkson voice] in the world.
Seriously, I've seen more entertaining and less embarrassing safety training videos. The film was so bad that Heston demanded he not even appear in most of it, and that his character had to be killed off in the (excruciatingly bad) end. It's all the more galling considering how mind-buggeringly brilliant the first film was. For those lucky enough to have never seen it, here's the summary:
Five minutes after Chuck pounds his fists in the sand at the base of the now derelict Statute of Liberty, a second spacecraft from Earth's past miraculously arrives at exactly the same point in the space-time continuum, for no particular reason. Meanwhile, Charlie is attacked by the worst SpecialFX ever witnessed on celluloid, and falls through an invisible force-field, in a moment of cinematic science fiction so cheesy it would have made Gene Roddenberry commit suicide just watching it. Charlie's mute and intellectually-challenged date scampers off to give the new lead the cliff-notes from the previous film, using the Power of Lassie, and he sets off on a quest to find Charlie, who's hiding from the director in what looks like a Cuban jail, with a rampaging hoard of belligerent monkeys in hot pursuit. Cleverly evading the monkeys by hiding under a rock, our hero traverses an underground cavern via an abandoned subway, straight into the welcoming arms of a bunch of telepathic aliens who worship a nuclear warhead.
Still with me?
OK. But as if this scenario weren't incredible enough, not to mention suffering major plot continuity issues, these all-powerful aliens inexplicably live in mortal fear of the wholly nuclear-incapable monkeys above, and do the telepathic brain-suck on our hero for any tactical info he might have handy, then go off and sing a few hymns to their warhead deity to celebrate. But our hero's having none of that, so he runs off to find Charlie, gets brain-sucked into fighting him (and carelessly gets his date killed in the process), then they come back to destroy the evil, brain-sucking, warhead-worshipping aliens ... by pushing the self-destruct button, thus killing everyone, including themselves.
The (utterly pointless) End.
The plot to the next sequel, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, is nearly as bad. It's based on the premise that, with absolutely no way of knowing the planet was about to be blown to smithereens, Cornelius and Zira hurriedly salvaged Charlie's spaceship from the bottom of a lake, without the assistance of any diving equipment or even a boat (did I mention they can't swim, either?), repaired it using medieval equipment and non-existent components and materials, drew upon their extensive medieval education to somehow learn how to fly it in less than a day, left the planet just in the nick of time, then used the same super-light-speed-travel principle to travel the wrong direction through time - into the past, even though that doesn't make any sense, only to arrive at what appears to be the set from Breakfast at Tiffany's, where apparently the boss from Fantasy Island is now running a circus filled with monkeys.
World plus Dog then debates the improbability of this story, talking monkeys, and the dangers of allowing Zira's baby to be born, ultimately deciding that the best course of action is to kill anything that's clearly not American in origin. Everyone dies. Again. Except Zira's baby, who was cleverly exchanged in a Fantasy Island Circus baby-swapping conspiracy (dun-dun dah!), thus ensuring the film franchise from Hell would live to steal yet more of our precious time and money.
Take your pick, but if at least one of these films isn't the worst film of all time then my name is Dr. Zaius.
Agreed, most of the films in the list have at least some humour value, so you can usually find someone at least willing to grudgingly admit they don't think they were that bad. I'd even watch "Snakes on a Plane" just because it is so laughably bad, but you can at least laugh at it.
My nomination would be "Antichrist" by Lars von Trier for the simple fact I can't find anyone - not even artsy-farsty winebar-dwellers - that will admit to thinking it is good. The whole film is a complete load of cobblers, wrapped in art school "if-you-don't-like-it-you-must-be-thick" intellectual superiority. TBH, the only appeal seems to be to some women (and certain men) that want to see Willem Dafoe's big "talent", Charlotte Gainsbourg not being much of an enticement.
Sure, I'm sure everyone has a few pet hates that they consider worse, but that's what the votes have said. Personally I've seen 9 of the 20 in the final list, and 4 of the 13 'nearlys'. While I wouldn't see any of them again, I would only count 4 or 5 of the 13 as being horrendously bad. The others that I've actually seen are "meh" compared to expectation and hype, not "worst ever". Of course I can't comment on the ones that I haven't seen, and certainly won't bother with them in future.
Can I be the first to complain that calling the guy "M Knight Shyamaladingdong" - as so many commentards did - is not funny, it's just fucking racist.
I don't actually blame Lester for quoting them because it shows how neanderthal they are, but even in the article it makes me wince.
It what alternate universe is making fun of some idiotic individual's name somehow misconstrued as racist in any way?
It's an Indian name. He was born with it. In fact, it's a perfectly ordinary Indian name but you're laughing at it because you're not Indian. hahahahaha, look at the funny brown people.
Enjoy Animal House. I do. Just try not to live it.
No, we're laughing at it because he's an uncreative hack and a prick. It's like changing "Blair" to "Bliar" which, considering he's Scottish and has a Scottish name, should also be racist by your definition. Or Bush as Shrub. Bet you also thin "Netenyahoo" is a funny little joke as well, but they'd all be racism if you applied your rule strictly.
I bet it isn't though. You no doubt have some little bit of circular logic that lets you redefine racism depending on the situation so you can be all high and mighty when you want to have a rant at people but still make fun of people you hate with a clear conscience.
Can I be the first to protest about your appalling, scandalous abuse of Homo Neanderthalis? How DARE you use it as a term of abuse. That's racist, sexist, speciesist and probably also failing to celebrate diversity.
Show some respect for a species which lasted 300,000 years and was, if we use cranial capacity as a measurement of hominid intelligence, smarter than us. I can see some diversity training days are URGENTLY needed.
I've (unfortunately) seen about a third of them, and about a third of the 13 that didn't make the final list too...
So difficult to choose - on what criteria? Based on damage to the original? Overwhelming awfulness? "So bad it's good"? "So bad, but fun to take the piss out of when you're drunk with your mates"? How do you pick just one from such a pile of sub-mediocrity?!
And you left out 'Reign of Fire', which should have been on the list for having the best premise in the entire world, but criminally failing to deliver on it.
'Fail' icon... because... well... read the list again!
Title: Modern wedding
Followed by 'Modern Wedding x2' - Which ironically follows mine of 6 years (Can't see it going any longer!)
Think Brad Pitt and Jen Aniston for the bride and groom. Ashton Kutcher as bestman and the gals off sex and the city as bridesmaids.
Maybe have some comic element of Chevy Chase as chef for the wedding.
Finally, director.... Angie Jolie?!
The wedding video, in order to qualify as worst film ever, should be called:
"For Vow and For Never"
Producer - Ed Wood
Director - Jonathan Frakes
Costume - Tim Burton
Cinematography - M. Night Shyamalan
Score - Danny Elfman
The Groom - Mos Def
The Bride - Gwyneth Paltrow
The Matron of Honour - Tilda Swinton
The Best Man - Jack Black
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Can't you SEE? The poor entertainment industry has been so depleted by evil pirates that they can no longer afford to think up stories for themselves, and they have to use the stories of old movies. They try to put a brave face on it by calling it "re-imagining", but unless we go out and buy these movies two or three times in various formats, THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER ORIGINAL STORY AGAIN!
OK, I do get that tastes vary. However, even if you don't think it's particularly funny, you think it is the worst movie ever made? It is slick, polished, good acting - they portray the roles well as intended - not too slow, reasonable plot and a box office success, with good post-box office figures as well.
This is a poll for "the WORST movie EVER", right? Not for "the most popular movie that I didn't like".
"Reminds me, how did any of the "Jackass" movies miss the cut?"
Or how not one single Michael Bay movie made the list astounds me. Every movie buff I've known rates Michael Bay's movies as the worst shit they have ever seen. I was shocked to not see the 2 hour long crappy teen romance mixed in with a car/soda/cell phone commercial wasn't on the list (aka Transformers). I've seen all the movies on the worst list, and thought Transformers easily trumped them (even santa clause vs the martians)
Agreed. Michael Bay should feature prominently on a list such as this.
Also, did I miss the obligatory Uwe Boll entry? A discussion of the worst movies of all time is a sham if he's not included. Yes, I just called this poll a sham.
Also also, Titanic and Avatar? Really? So they're not as good as their box office numbers suggest, that doesn't make them bad. It's just trolling to include them on a list like this. Which means I've just been trolled. Sigh.
Because I hadn't seen most of the movies on the list.
Horses for courses though - a couple of the ones that you had are in my vid collection for the same reason Plan 9 is - they're so bad they have to be watched at the tail end of a boozy evening...talking of which, just 4 hours till Pub O'clock....
"...Critics are saying that Eddie Murphy's latest shitfest 'A Thousand Words' is the worst film ever made and looks set to sweep the Razzies this Sunday."
Now that I think of it, have there been any Eddie Murphy movies made in the past, say, ten or fifteen years that wasn't craptastic?
"permanent damage caused to what's probably the greatest film triogy of all time."
Seriously? The first film was originally only intended as a homage to those old 1940s-era "Republic" serials. And it shows: The sequels changed the central love triangle of the first movie into incest.
And let's not get started on that first movie's slavish adherence to the Vogler's "Writer's Journey" structure. You can literally tick off each element in the exact same order they're covered in the book! This is despite Vogler's explicit instructions not to treat his distillation of Joseph Campbell's books on mythology as a simplistic "formula". Way to go, Mr. Lucas.
Furthermore, two of the three films have the same damned plot: "The Empire has a Death Star! We MUST destroy it!" Never mind the sheer expense and logistics of building two such mammoth artificial planets within the same characters' lifetimes, but why the f*ck would you not at least ensure the Mk. II Death Star you've just spunked trillions on constructing lacks a convenient weakness the rebels can exploit once again? I don't care if it's still under construction: your enemy is clearly nowhere near your level in terms of equipment, so sufficient protection for the work site should be trivial.
And Yoda was over 800 years old, had mastered The Force, and risen to the top of the Jedi hierarchy, yet he *still* couldn't speak the most common language properly? What the hell? It's no less grating than Jar Jar's speech difficulties, but at least the latter's actually made sense given the character's background.
Greatest film trilogy "of all time"? Please! It's been hyped out of all proportion to its merits and George Lucas has been coasting ever since. Not that he ever rose to any great heights to begin with: his two most successful film franchises were both "homages" to old "Republic" serials. Originality clearly wasn't his strong point.
And, yes, I did go to see the first movie as a kid in the late '70s. It was a good kid's movie, but that's all it ever was. It certainly hasn't deserved all the praise people have been piling upon it ever since.
I agree with you Mr Spoon, alas when it came to voting not even Jar Jar Binks, the introduction of midichlorians (thereby dispelling the magic) or annoying Anakin shouting "yippieeeee" could tip the scales against the utter piece of shite that was Highlander 2.
At least Star Wars had a semi-decent plot which the original trilogy could follow on from... But it might come a close second :P
... I watched it knowing it was going to be crap; any injury it caused to my brain my thus entirely my fault. I am an adult and I am responsible for my decision.
Personally I think that films that should be good but aren't, or needless remakes or sequels, are more deserving of the crown of raspberry-studded turd.
Perhaps they should be the subject of their own poll?
Terminator 3 & 4
Alien 4 and AVP
Matrix 2 & 3
There are quite a few on this poll that I think are good films.
As far as your remake offerings are concerned, Alien 4 works for me, but I like Jean-Pierre Jeunet's films anyway. It's Alien 3 that is truly a mess.
AVP, which is a silly concept at best was actually a far better film than I was expecting.
Each to their own, I guess.
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Arguably isn't that worse? A terrible film per se just disappears into the depths of the subconscious unless something stirs it up. But a dreadful sequel (or remake) to a much loved original isn't just bad in itself, it also detracts from the memeory of the original, polluting what was otherwise a valued experience...
Had to clinch it for me out of that list.
Surprised Battlefield Earth is leading. That was enjoyably laughable in parts. H2 had no such redeeming feature. I guess it's the anti L Ron vote. Quite partial to Scientology bashing myself but I have to be honest about the relative horrors of BE and H2.
I saw it at the cinema when it came out. A terrible mistake, which I have regretted ever since.
It was utter shit then and it hasn't got any better over time.
Still gets my vote as the greatest stinker I have ever seen and yes, I did see "Phantom Menace" when that came out too. Not a good film, but nowhere near as godawfully shite as Highlander II. Comparing the two is a bit like comparing rotten apples with putrifying pears in a barrel of shit.
Highlander 2 did have *one* redeeming feature. After McCleod had killed one immortal and the Quickening was doing its electrical stuff, for a couple of seconds it suddenly reared up like an enormous beast which was actually pretty good. Unfortunately it only lasted a couple of seconds, so the weight of the rest of the crap in the film buried it.
As it is, although I was tempted to vote for Highlander 2, I had to go for the abomination that was the Hitch Hikers Guide film because it promised so much, but absolutely failed to deliver and, even worse, spoiled my memories of the excellent radio series.
Yeah - here too. Loved the original, even enjoyed most of the Adrian Paul TV series (well, up until series 5 - after that it seriously jumped the shark) but the H2 movie was for me the biggest drop-off between original and sequel of all time.
I mean I really really wanted to like it, spent money going to the cinema to watch it, gritted my teeth and stayed to the end just in case it had a single redeeming feature that I could point to and say "well, it wasn't all bad" - but no. It *was* all bad. It made party political broadcasts seem like masterpieces of erudite film making.
God it was awful.
I also ended up voting for Highlander 2. I was torn between that and Phantom Menace, but then I realised I've actually watched PM more than once, and there were the occasional parts of it I enjoyed, whereas I saw H2 only once and it will never disgrace my eyeballs and ears again.
I realised the main reason I wanted to vote for PM was my anti-feminist ideology lashing out at the misandrist aspect of Anakin not having a father ("who needs mere men when you have midichlorians?") So I put aside my political judgements and decided that H2 was in fact the viler pile of shite.
My reasoning is actually because of one scene on Highlander where Connor asks Ramirez, "How did it happen for God's sake?", to which Ramirez replies, "Why does the sun come up? Or are the stars just holes in the curtain of night? Who knows?" And that sets just the right tone for the mystery behind the immortals' existence, a mystery that does not need further explanation.
Then Highlander 2 tries to get all "realistic" and makes them into aliens from the planet Zeist. Quite beside the dismal name, it completely destroys the mystery that is supposed to be behind the immortals. I detested Indiana Jones 4 for the same reason: you aren't supposed to know what the nature or cause of the power in the Ark of the Covenant, the Sankara Stones, or the Holy Grail is. That's the mystery. So when they "explained" the crystal skulls as belonging to "aliens" it completely ruined the mystique for me.
This is why I voted for Highlander 2 as the worst movie ever. Some things just don't need logical explanations. Or half-arsed attempts at them.
I haven't seen ST2, and don't intend to. However, Starship Troopers 3 reprises the satire of the first film, but with a contemporary twist. Not amazing, but good fun! Plus nudity, exploding heads, the brain bug and the return of Rico. The special effects are a bit shoddy, but it is a true companion to the first film, IMHO.
If you want to play intellectual medium trumps - the books are the only true version.
I enjoyed the TV series, it has a bit of charm to it.
The movie was alright, wouldn't say it was the worst film of all time, its a nice way to spend a couple of hours.
Independence Day is down as the worst movie plot ending.
Seeing the cities blown up, forcefields, aliens, as an audience willing to suspend belief to get into it, for mid 90s at the cinema the effects were quite spectacular.
Then they ruin it by having "I'm a mac" Goldblum plug a Powerbook into a totally alien interface, have it send and execute a virus, then display a laughing man on the monitors.
- Lazy script writing. "Hey aliens use computers, we use computers, and viruses kill computers! Bingo! Apple will pay us $x billion for product placement! Ding ding!" while the rest of us see a machine that could barely talk to a contemporary PC, never mind an intel OSX machine, connect, execute a virus on an extraterrestrial computer.
- Aliens which live light years away, millions / billions of years in advance to us used all of their technical knowledge in building spacecraft, and never got their computer tech past 1st generation PowerPC architecture, Appletalk, ethernet cabling and VGA screens, making them susceptible to mac attacks.
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You simply watched the thing in the wrong country. The Dutch subtitler was apparently unaware of a certain English idiom, and so the US became the proud owner of a battleship named Row. And the Japanese keep sending more planes after her, because they hit Arizona, they hit Missouri, and so on, but whatever they do Row is still there.
...So you imagine earlier on the Row sailing into port, sailors on the deck dressed smartly and the music is "Row, Row, Row your boat"...
This sort of thing can make up for a lot in the movie proper.
"remove the special effects and what are you left with?"
Would the same not apply to e.g. Star Wars?
Yes and no ... the original Star Wars has a very old, tried and tested plot with a "dashing" pirate, a princess, her magician brother and their evil father... without the space opera setting or the special effects there's still a (fairy) story underneath.
The same cannot be said of Avatar really; generic bad people are chopping down the forest... stopped by magical blue elves with the help of Dian Fossey. It's not a terrible film, just hugely over-rated... you could probably get the same effect from getting drunk and staring at old Yes album covers.
Avatar was my nomination. It's not even a real film but is a mashup of EVERY FILM CLICHE IMAGINABLE.
The dialogue is awful, every character has been plucked straight from another film, and as for the love story element, "Now we are mated for life", after one roll in the bushes, COME ON, thats not love, that's a scary-blue-stalker-lady-who-one-day-will-boil-your-bunny.
Oh god yes... never before had I seen a film in which I'd wanted "the bad guy" (who/whatever the hell it was) to murder the whole bunch of whining, snivelling, annoying fecktards quite so much... plus "shakeycam" fake documentaries really, really annoy me and this was probably the first - would have probably enjoyed Cloverfield had it not been for that.
That, my companion in taste, says it all....the only film that I've ever walked out of..GF wasn't amused to say the least, she was a BIG fan of that sort of tripe - shortly thereafter she became ex-GF.
I'm a typical, thrifty (mean) Scot, and I've sat through some dire films in my time, just because I'd refused to admit that I had effectively shoved my entrance fee down the toilet - but this one had me silently begging for someone to firebomb the cinema...then I broke and ran.
"...the only film that I've ever walked out of..GF wasn't amused to say the least, she was a BIG fan of that sort of tripe..."
I very nearly walked out on "Moulin Rouge" back in '01. Jeezus, what a stinkburger. Nicole Kidmon singing... Christ, that should've been against the Geneva Convention. And, yeah, my wife thought "Moulin Rouge" was adorable. I damn' near left her alone in the theater while I went to a bar across the street and tried to kill off the brain cells storing the memory of that wretched pile.
Seriously, if you don't vote for this film you literally have not seen it! :) A few highlights:
It stars Debbie Gibson!
The megashark jumps out of the water and catches a jumbo jet!
The giant squid eats a bridge!
A scientist mixes coloured liquids for absolutely no reason!
This film is stuffed to the gills with so much incomprehensible ridiculousness as to render all other films ever made into potential oscar winners! Seriously you have to see it and even then you won't believe what you are watching :)
I got this out to watch on DVD about a year ago after hearing it might be in the "So bad it's good" category.
The only 2 hours of my life that have ever felt longer were 7-9pm this last Tuesday evening when I had to sit through my 5-year-old's end of term school concert. I've barely slept since.
Yes, I voted for that! I watched it mostly disbelieving that my eyes could have betrayed me by letting this travesty be seen! The torture ended somewhere towards the "middle" of the film.
Perhaps these films should carry a new pre announcement warning saying:
"Warning: the following film is so bad you will want to poke out your eyes with cocktail sticks then eat them! Seriously, do not watch this film if you value your (in)sanity!"
None of these films really counts as "worst", they're simply bad films that managed to salvage something (not a lot, but something) by spending their way out of awfulness.
To get to the truly bad films, you have to go down a couple of levels to films that had neither the money, not the script or acting talent to produce anything of worth. However, since nobody watches anything that bad, knowledge of their existence is, mercifully, highly restricted. If you do want to discover the real worst of the execrably worst just have a look at the UK Syfy Channel's filmic offerings for any randomly chosen week.
I think the point is that the films listed here are mostly big-budget films and many have high reputations. Though I haven't seen them all, most of the ones I have seen have been well-made - but bad.
the exception is Blair Witch Project - deliberately badly-made, boring, annoying, and ultimately pointless.
The other group that should be included is a raft of well-regarded arty films from several decades ago. Directors like David Cronenberg, Eric Rohmer, and even Ingmar Bergman.
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Simply because Doom's not a film, Doom's a game. What they sold off as a film was some resident evil bastardry. I sat through this flick with a couple of Doom co-vets; we had some fun or rather made fun of it and therefore it disqualifies for the worst film. The only other member of the audience were two ubernerds who babbled something about a written Doom story - they took it seriously serious.
Surely the question to ask is what is the best film ever? The number of worst films is far too large a sample to use. Ease of use would mean that all films not on the great list are considered utter kack by default.
My personal view is that one should condemn in terms of years...in other words the last good film was in 1982 - Blade Runner (for example) and everything since was as watchable as anything by Tom Six or Takashi Miike.
Pint - its bloody Friday right ?!?!
Hmmm. The Matrix is a damn good and thoughtful sci-fi film made after 1982. Just like Bladerunner it defined (even if it didnt really invent) a lot of things we now take for granted (bullet time etc).
A metric I use amongst friend for films is "how quotable is it?". Films like Aliens, Bladerunner, Highlander, Terminator and The Matrix score really high on this, with Matrix topping out for me with so many memorable lines (I bought the script).
Well Aliens is a given (1979)...
However Highlander (in my humble yet fascistic view on film...people like Mr M. Bay should be kept away from anything film related or shot) was in no way equal to Blade Runner or Alien.
You do however make a valid point with the first Terminator and I hate to say it yes even the first Matrix film was pretty damn good. I am happy to conceed these points.
My point though is that it is it (or feels like) that it is decades between decent films and then you get a whole slew of films that are really rather good.
Then again I thoroughly enjoyed Rambo's latest outing so what the hell do I know?
Pint - in praise of Rambo - First Blood and Rambo
I agree, I enjoyed Rambo (4).
And I hope you'll enjoy the Onion News article, worth looking up for the whole thing:
Michael Bay Signs $50M Deal To Fuck Up 'ThunderCats'
"I couldn't be more excited to completely fuck this up," said Bay, who plans to begin production on destroying the live-action adaptation next month. "ThunderCats has a great story, endearing characters, action, adventure, space-travel, and fantasy. It will be an honor to run it into the ground."
I couldn't agree more. "The Room" was properly awful in a way the others can only aspire to.
i) the acting was so very, very bad
ii) the lead (& director) couldn't speak properly - his intonation was all over the place
iii) the characters were ridiculous
iv) the storyline was ludicrous
v) why were they throwing that football around while stood so close to each other?
vi) seriously, nothing happened!
vii) (spoiler alert) I was so mind-numbingly bored by the end of the film that when the lead committed suicide I was unable to feel relief
viii) did I mention how bad the acting was? It does warrant at least one more mention
Blimey, only four votes so far for that abortion of a film.
Never heard of it until I went looking after seeing this list. It is truly abysmal and plausible to think the director truly thought he created a masterpiece. It is utter trash even for its meagre budget.
Apparently he drove up and down hollywood boulevard promoting his film during the sundance festival or something, played annoying sounds from the film and had crappy bird graphics adorning his car, he spelled the film wrong on the crudely written banner!
The rest of the movies on the list (with a few exceptions) at least had slight redeeming moments such as interesting action sequences or watchable sfx. Birdemic is all out unintentional comedy.
P.S. How come no movies that have shown on Sci-Fi UK Channel are on here? They're bad in a really bad way too.
Well, you want a big-name director, and you're going to have to turn a script-doctor loose on the screenplay.
How 'bout James Cameron? So the groom becomes a disenchanted researcher into robotics, biology, and physics (especially temporal plication), so some humanoid-looking cyborg killing machine arrives at the wedding to commit mass murder, and the movie climaxes with an H-bomb detonation at the reception?
[You *would* *not* *believe* some of the stuff that got cut from the first draft screenplay of "Titanic"; Sarah Connor's grandmother on the boat, iceberg under the control of Skynet, nuclear bomb plus kill-droids hidden in the coal bunkers, etc etc etc.]
Out of every film ever made people are nominating WOTW, Avatar & Titanic? That's equivalent to asking a teenager "who's the greatest black man ever" and being told "Obama".
You're confusing "not liking" with "bad". A 'worst film' should be terrible in every possible department - no redeeming graces AT ALL. Terrible music and SFX must be included in that.
For "worst recent popular blockbuster" which is what most of these are, I nominate the remake of "Day the Earth Stood still" even though nominations are shut :)
Having watched most of the movies that didn't make the cut, and considering that they were, by and large, worse then the ones that did, and none of them come close to being the worst I have seen, I have to conclude that "worst" means different things to different people.
Take Eyes wide shut as an example. Beautifully made and lit, includes Nicole Kidman's arse and various other bits of tasty totty, but a completly meaningless storyline. So bad, I walked out of the cinema before the end. Worst ever? Not even a contender. How about the Postman? Kevin Costner at his self important best? Drivil certainly, but worse then Waterworld or Dances with Wolves? Perhaps, but not by very much.
How many have sat through Eraserhead and only realised that nothing was actually going to happen when the credits rolled up? (Thats the David Lynch one, not the Swarchenegger one).
Bad remakes of bad movies? Rollerball, DeathRace2000, Fame, Posidon, Taxi, Get Carter all have to be considered. All are brutal, but worst ever?
Bad sequals? Jaws2, Back to the Future 2, too easy (see what I did there? 2, too? forget about it?)
Bad Franchises? Fast & Furious, Matrix, Planet of the Apes, National Lampoon, Dumb and ...
I think this competition should start again, but this time with a debate about what makes a movie bad. I am now off to root out my copy of "Wombleing Free!". The true life retelling of the famous storey of the Wombles of Wimbledon Common.
Saw that recently. Terrible, but in a so-bad-it's-good way, like Plan 9.
It's so, so tempting to vote for the execrable dreck that is Highlander 2. But I'm not sure I've actually ever watched it all the way through without giving up.
The Matrix Reloaded and Phantom Menace, however. Both appalling followups to brilliant, inventive originals. Both made to milk as much lucre out of the franchise as possible. It's got to be one of them, but which...
I'd like to nominate, (only a week late and with no hope of making a difference) the worst SciFi film ever made -- Walt Disney's "The Black Hole". From the horribly portentous soundtrack to the cutesy robots...I'm speechless... I'll quote a review from IMDB
"...if the FX are exemplary, the flesh and blood on display are not. Each actor supplies their own black hole; empty, dark voids where there once was talent but now serve only to suck away all the life and energy surrounding it. A shame, since actors like Forster, Mimieux, Schell, Perkins and even Roddy McDowell (in voice only) have all done good deeds on film prior and since..."
There aren't many films on that list where I thought "My God, I've just wasted 2 hours of my life."
Mind you, during Avatar - I walked out of the cinema because I deemed a low priority task to be more important that watching the end.
There's another category film - when a friend mentions it to you and you completely draw a blank. You're sitting watching it on telly and only at a point approximately 45 minutes in, the entire plotline dawns on you and you realise you've watched it at least 5 times. US Marshals/Double Jeopardy (or was it idemnity - the one with Tommy Lee Jones), anyone?
Yep, it reminds me of early Peter Jackson films, like Bad Taste and Braindead. Superb! I think the sheep are getting their own back for having been blown up by a bazooka in Braindead.
Don't bother looking at the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes (69%) because the reviewers can't resist ovine based puns.
The list contains a couple of true stinkers, but overall it's far better than the worst of the worst. I suspect the method involved in picking the movies for the list is to blame for the overall lack of movies deserving of this vote. With the exception of Plan 9 you'd have trouble finding 10 people amoungst us commentards who've all heard of the same true offenses to cinema.
The only hope you'd have of getting the requisie nominations for the truely horrendous movies out there are the MST fans, and lets be honest. They're not paying attention to whatever cinematic crime is happening in the current episode. The robots making fun of it are much more interesting.
I blame myself for not nominating Bicentennial Man.
I agree with Paul Smith above, there should have been a debate on what makes a bad film. I didn't particularly enjoy Titanic and I know people that didn't enjoy Terminator which is one of my favourites, I think an inability to recognise the difference between a bad film and one that you just don't like is a major failing here as shown by there being two chick flicks in the list.
Having said that, I've only seen 8 of the 20 for various reasons. I've studiously avoided Hitchhikers simply on the grounds that having been brought up on the radio series I have the voices in my head and I knew I'd have hated it even if it had been good.
If we took the criteria as being technically bad movies, meaning poor acting, poor effects, bad backstage work, and a poorly written script, most of those movies wouldn't be on the list. There are a couple I haven't seen and several that I actually enjoyed. One in particular is only bad when compared to 2/3 of the truely great series of which it is a part. On it's own, it's only slightly below par for Hollywood.
Everyone seems to have missed the truly-crappest-movie-of-all-time (so far) which was "The Avengers (1998)" directed (hah!) by Jeremiah S. Chechik. Starring (if that's the word for it) Ralph Fiennes & Uma Thurman.
Utter pants. I paid good money and saw it in a cinema too. I hung on in there in the hope that it might get better - but it didn't. However, it seems so few people voted for it that it didn't even make the "nearly" list.
Compared with "The Avengers", there's no way "Titanic", "Phantom Menace" nor "Avatar" should ever have made the finals.....
I think that one should separate the concept of 'worst' from the concept of 'most disappointing'. For example Avatar was not the worst film ever made, but is a candidate for 'most disappointing' because it could easily have been so much better. The cinematography and special effects were really pretty good, but the triteness of the script was enough to really spoil the film.
The Phantom Menace and The Matrix Reloaded were deeply mediocre films that followed a much better predecessor, but 'mediocre' is probably a better definition than 'crap' (OK Jar Jar Binks was actually crap and some of the antagonists in TMR were pretty rubbish as well). This makes them contenders for 'most disappointing', but not necessarily 'worst'.
I haven't seen Battlefield Earth, although I'm told it is really pretty terrible. Of the ones I've seen, I think Highlander 2 is comfortably the worst on that list in terms of absolute production values. It really was poo - crap script, crap production, crap acting, crap premise, tenuous and contrived link to the first that completely bastardised several the major tropes. Michael Bay would be proud.
How could Highlander 2 be the worst movie when it doesn't exist? It can't exist because it was so bad it would ruin Highlander, which was a damn good movie.
Ok, putting aside my stubborn refusal to believe in it's existance for a moment and tormenting myself with painful memories, it was bad. Really really bad. Easily a valid contender for this list. But I have seen worse. Legend of the Rollerblade Seven, for instance, makes Highlander 2 look like cinematic gold. As do many of the dishonorable mentions I've seen.
There are some that I've never seen that make me shudder on the title alone. "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians"? What much Webster have been smoking when he came up with any concept that could result in that title?
I can only imagine that the only reason that 'The Happening' isn't gathering more votes is that anyone that saw it is now sobbing uncrontrollably and can't pull themselves sufficiently out of despair to click on the button.
I've seen terrible films. Films I've laughed at for being terrible, films I've been angry at for being terrible, films I have just dismissed and moved on. The Happening is one of the few that has left me personally offended that the entire movie industry - script writers, producers, actors, editors, publishing houses, advertising agencies and cinemas - all lined up to do that to me.
IDK, the film had it's moments, started well but if you ask me it fizzled out from the middle onwards - as though MNS started it, couldn't think of a Totally Unexpected Plot Twist and therefor the lack of TUPT became the TUPT which turned out to be an unsuspensful anti-climax based around the flimsiest of root causes*.
So whilst it's a stinker, I couldn't put a vote to it because it did at least have the basic elements of a thriller.
*If you want to see a movie like The Happening when all the 'thriller' element has been removed watch Contagion, or rather don't. Watching that movie I had the same feeling as sitting in the waiting room at the hospital for hours on end reading all the noticeboards because there's no magazines. Equally stupendous and over-hyped by a misrepresentative trailer.
Respectfully, I think you may have got your cause-and-effect back to front. We had a lot of FastFord-reading 'Boy Racers' round here for years before The Fast and Furious... Amusingly, by the time those film came out higher insurance premiums had started to cut into the number of dubiously-tricked out hatchbacks on the roads.
I haven't heard the sound of a Renault 5 dump-valve for years!
Oh, my fucking gawd/ess ... What an awful piece of shit. I'll be shocked if it's not available on the proverbial "DVD" six months after cinema release.
Anyone who walks away from this one thinking they know anything about war, horses, or the human condition in general, has been completely corrupted by Madison avenue, probably to the point of no return.
I was just over at my Foreman's house ... his Wife was watching "The Food Network".
According to the commercial, "War Horse" will be released on four DVDs or blurays on April 3rd ... That's just over three months after initial theatrical release.
I was off by three months or so. Oh, well ;-)
Quite like all of the above with the exception of hitch hikers but that's because it might as well have been a film of every tosser going shitting over Douglas Adams grave. And as pointed out previously tarnishes with shit the diminishing returns of every thing after the radio series
That said i do seem to be a bit of a masochist when it comes to films as my collection includes such delights as:
The nostril picker (bought for the tagline alone, "He picks his nose, He turns into a woman, He kills people" its so bad even sci fi (sorry sy fy :-/) or movies for men wont air it.
Sexy Scary Movie (from the makers of the erotic which project) not scary and not sexy but does feature a scene where a stapler orbits around a bored office workers head
Hell Ride so shit tesco's flogged it to me for 50p basically an ego wank of some jerk who blagged tarrantino into being credited as executive producer and features vinnie jones as a biker bollox in a word
Reign of fire nuff said
Any of the Michael bay Transformers films
I could go on but probably should have suggested some earlier....
....except Dances With Wolves. He had so few speaking lines because there was nobody to talk with because most of the characters did not speak English. Robin Hood (boring, liked the Mel Brooks version MUCH more) and Message In A Bottle (stiff, unbelievable) both really bad. Fortunately I avoided seeing Waterworld.
Nice list. However to be the list of worst movies ever, you need to have the worst listed. I can tell you that as far as movies go, the absolute worst ever made or seen hands down is Dragonball Evolution. Worst pile of gorilla crap ive ever seen. Story wasnt true to its anime predecessor, characters werent great, effects sucked. Id rather watch barney and teletubbies all day than watch that.
Oh, why? am I wasting ever-more precious moments of an old life to respond?!? I know these "Best", "Worst" etc. etc. ad infinitum, ad nauseum lists are akin to trolling. They exist only to generate much heat and light signifying nothing. But I'm sucked into this meaningless void like a moth to its death in the flame (please pardon the unintentional pun).
I freely confess, the fool is me.
End mea culpa. On to the business.
I am baffled by the presence of a couple of entries on the penultimate list. I don't disagree with the final list.
But, I cry out, where o where on the final list are Heaven's Gate and Ishtar?!?
I voted without a moment's hesitation for "Manos" not because it's (to my embarassment) the only movie on the list that I've seen, but because as bad as the other movies on this list are (to be sure), I can assure all of you that "Manos, The Hands Of Fate" is -- with the exception of "Plan 9" and Bill Rebane's "Monster A-Go-Go" -- one of the worst goddamn' movies you'll ever see in your life.
What especially distinguishes "Manos" is the fact that its producer/director/writer/star, Harold P. Warren, was not a professional filmmaker at all, but an insurance and fertiliizer salesman from El Paso, Texas. If you need any further proof of what a stinkburger "Manos" is, consider that it was given the MST3K Treatment in Season 4. (For you completeness freaks, the MST3K Shop offers a DVD of that episode in a twin-pack with a copy of the original movie)
"Manos, The Hands Of Fate" -- see it, and vote early and often.
...I'd have nominated "Moulin Rouge" (2001) a musical with no original songs, just a bunch of pop songs strung together over glitzy overwrought effects with only a minimal connection to the Paris "bohemian" scene of the Lautrec era. And, if that isn't bad enough for you, then just three more words: Nicole. Kidmon. SINGING.
How the hell did The Crystal Skull escape this list? Matrix Reloaded isn't even the worst Matrix!
Some of those choices are purely just to stir up a bit of controversy as it gets the readers in... I don't like Titantic but it's hardly the worst film of all time. The Other Guys, not a single fucking joke, or 30 Days of Night should be very much up on that list. I don't think many people would argue with To be honest, I can't vote for H2G2 because Zoey Deschanel is lovely.
Hmmm... Out of those I've only seen Blair Witch, Matrix Reloaded, Phantom Menace,
Snakes on a Plane and Sunshine. Whilst they are all awful in their own way, Blair Witch is the only one for which I left the cinema shaking my head and laughing so it has to get my vote.
Sunshine is a close second though, if only for the amount of time I spent banging my head against the brick wall of my mates' confusion at my contempt for it. I lost so much respect for one person's taste in particular. In my book you're only allowed to be a movie snob as long as you're actually right.
Phantom Menace shouldn't really be on the list. As knuckle-chewingly awful as it was, the next two were (imnsho) infinitely worse. I actually fell asleep towards the end of AotC - the only time I have ever done so in a cinema. I wasn't even tired.
Personal favourite awful movie? Armageddon. I was asked to leave because I was laughing so hard; a request to which I gladly complied.
One of the most important things that makes the WORST movie is how much money was wasted in "polishing the turd".
As for me, I voted for "Snakes on a Plane". Imagine sitting in the production meeting, and people actually agreeing to that premise. Although, perhaps there should be a separate category for movies that involve the most improbable scenarios on an aircraft.
The problem with this piece of trash, was that for half of the film, It was pretty brilliant. I really really was loving every second. Then they found the second ship, and it just went so so wrong. There was a point, where the picture of the other crew flashed on screen for a fraction of a second with a big shriek noise, and my brother and I looked at each other, totally mortified because it was INSTANTLY ruined. They turned a pretty great hard sci-fi film into another Blair witch clone and I have never been so horribly horribly disappointed by a film in my entire life. So I vote sunshine, because of the emotional whiplash. The fact that parts of it were good made the rest of the film worse than they could ever have been if they were separate films.
Also, How the hell isn't House of Wax on this poll?
They missed listing my favorite worst movie: The Conqueror starring John Wayne as Genghis Khan. I'm a John Wayne fan and that movie was so bad I couldn't make it more than 30 minutes before I had to change the channel. And Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was pretty damn bad too, but at least it was so bad it was funny.
Sure it pales in comparison to the BBC version, but considering it's a Hollywood movie it got pretty good.
Complaining about it seems like complaining about a 8 year old trying to re-shoot "2001 - A Space Odyssey" who just found out which side to look into the camera, and it turns out mediocre. It's still a lot more than what you'd expect. And you can see that the Hollywood movie had something that's rare, effort.
There should be an option in the poll for >
This is the worst example of a list of worst films ever.
Seriously some of the films on that list are very good, critically acclaimed, box office hits and well rated on IMDB and other sites that rate films.
Having completely atrocious films like Legend of the Roller Blade Seven (IMDB 1.7) alongside films like Avatar (IMDB 8.0) Eyes Wide Shut (IMDB 7.2) The Italian Job (IMDB 6.9) or anything else that scores over a 6 just makes a mockery of your list and highlights the fact that it must have been devised from a very a small sample size.
"Ohh 2 people voted for avatar so that definitely gets on the list I guess"
If you measure awfulness in sheer tedium, as opposed to irritation, then you couldn't do much worse than "The Last Station". Christopher Plummer [as Leon Tolstoy] spends almost the entire film, lying in bed, waiting to die... with a beard.
Occasionally his slumbers are interrupted by the arrival of one of either of two visitors; his wife [Helen Mirren], who berates him for toying with the notion of leaving his money to The Siberian Beard Research Collective, instead of her; or a young representative of The Siberian Beard Research Collective, who likewise berates Tolstoy for potential betrayal of beard-dom, should he leave the cash to the missus.
The film continues in this vein for what seems like several days, with Tolstoy contemplating the ceiling and [presumably praying for death] while Mirren and whoever the hell the other bloke is, rotate in and out of his room on a carousel, repeating their demands that they cop for the eventual loot.
There may have been some flashbacks, featuring Tolstoy looking out from behind the different lengthed beards of his youth, but I'm not sure as, by this stage, I was watching my own whiskers grow, as a more action-packed alternative.
I can't, in good conscience, level my mouse pointer at those in anger. Especially when other filmic car crashes have robbed me of my cash, and more importantly those precious hours of my life that I can't get back via a refund. I put forward a few examples.
Hudson Hawk - I like Bruce Willis films, but what guff!
Soft Top,Hard Shoulder - Chris Rea should stick to crap music and stay away from crap cinema
Sucker Punch - skimpy clad girls and sci fi, HOW did they manage to make me hate that normally winning combo?
Late to the party I know, but you just can't have Matrix:Reloaded in there.
That movie gave us the Merovingian character and the immortal line:
Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculer ta mère. It's like wiping your arse with silk. I love it.
And The Architect, also using a wonderful vocabulary in his dialogue.
Oh and I quite liked The Italian Job, I just ignored the title and enjoyed a decent action movie.
Shame they killed Donald Sutherland off so quickly though.
Perhaps not as high-brow as some of you would enjoy, but variety is the spice of life, no?
Blair Witch definitely though, and Jar-Jar
I read your post Sokolik and the warmth of human kindness came upon me :D, for I too confess I've been trolled by Uncle Reg yet again. At least Lester is man enough to do it tongue-in-cheek unlike some of the other hacks here.
How can Hook possibly *not* be on this list?
It's the only movie I've ever walked out of. And bear in mind, I was about 10 at the time, and reliant on people who had not yet walked out for transportation. Yes, I considered hanging around a cinema lobby for an uncertain period of time to be a more promising prospect than enduring any more of that godawful bloody film.
Some of the movies on the list aren't really that bad. Sunshine was fine.
Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy? Really? I seem to remember that one being pretty good, they even added a few very Adams-like additions to make it a little less predictable to the millions of people that read his books, watched the TV show or listened to the radio series. I've definitely been forced to endure far worse movies than several of the rest. Matrix Reloaded and Highlander 2 score special marks of course, but then that's sequels for you, after all witness the rest of the Highlander debacle with progressively worse movies released one after the other. But Phantom Menace.. poor and annoying I grant you, but for any "new" Star Wars movie you can place on the table, I will raise you one Ewok travesty. I have two for your viewing pleasure and no number of Jar Jar Binks can trump either of them.
living in a house with 3 females (wife and two teenage daughters), I obviously voted for the vile turdsplurt that is Twilight.
Vastly disappointed that M Night Shamawhatsit's pile of puke "The last airbender" missed the cut. Crap script, crap acting, crap casting, Even fails the "so bad it's good" test. It's just mind-numbing garbage from beginning to end.
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Twins 2, AKA Triplets, where Eddie Murphy is the hereto undiscovered co-product of the "Twins" experiment from the so-bad-it-was-vaguely-entertaining-when-I-was-5 Danny DeVito/Arnie Schwarzenegger flick.
Apart from the racist undertones of the mother "forgetting she had a black baby too" retcon of the first movie...
Quite possibly IMHO the worst raping of a fantastic book series, radio series and TV series of all time, at the same time. Surely, evil as the others are, none of them bar this piece of shite come close to hitting all three good media respresentations in one 'fail' swoop?
To call this utter rubbish is extreme kindness. It's a perfect re-enactment of the gobbling of a dogs breakfast only to climax in the regurgitation of said breakfast, in slow motion (possibly HD or even 3D if we are unlucky) with sound and smello-vision.
Poor Douglas is probably still spinning away in the only place you can be sure of not being subjected to this travesty of a cash-in upon great material - he's the lucky one.
So Htich Hikers gets my vote because they messed up miserably by shitting with the story, the characters, the feeling, the point and the comedy of a series previously successful over three media types over many years.
Now I understand that it changed halfway through. Completely. To an awful, totally unrelated to the first half movie. Believe me, I understand that. But... didn't it seem like that was a producer's fault anyway?
Anyhow, I can put enough of a spirited defense of the first half that I don't think it qualifies as "worst movie ever" unless you count the horror of finding an excellent movie ruined by its own direction/production. Even then, has anyone here ever seen a film by Ewe Boll? There was one time he actually said something to the effect of, "Do you know what this movie needs? More explosions. Lots more explosions. And gun fights. And cars. And cars in gun fights with lots more explosions." ...Because that's honestly what he thinks everyone wants. Do you know how his films have been financed? MASSIVE tax breaks from the German government that basically subsidize half the cost of production.
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