back to article BOFH: Moon landings, Pong and the case of the smoking server

"It's about your assistant," the Boss says, looking around carefully as he nods me into his office. "Yes?" "He told me something yesterday. Something disturbing." "Oh, I wouldn't believe everything he says, he's prone to making outrageous statements. I mean the goat lived and the charges against him were dropped." "What …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    Sounds like another war ...

    ... starting between the BOFH and the PFY. Be interesting to see how far the collateral damage spreads.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    is it just me?

    or does anyone else remember when this used to be good?

    1. Danny 5

      Re: is it just me?

      sure, i laughed 30 seconds prior to responding to your post.

      Do you work in IT (i guess not, otherwise you would've laughed too) ?

      1. Mike Flugennock
        Thumb Up

        Re: Re: is it just me?

        Yeah, AC, I think it's just you. I'm not technically in IT, but I _do_ use computers extensively in my work and have to be familiar with them, and so I totally howled my face off at this one.

        Btw... I never knew that about the moon landings -- they really did do it, but had to cover it up with conspiracy rumormongering because they... well, I'll be goddamned. It all makes sense now.

    2. IglooDude

      Re: is it just me?

      You mean, last week? Sure we do.

      This one isn't exactly going to show up in the BOFH Greatest Hits album, but it was still a good start to my Friday.

  3. Jedit Silver badge
    Black Helicopters


    Everyone knows the moon landings weren't faked.

    It's the MOON that is fake.

  4. Fred Mbogo

    Oh ho ho ho!

    This is a bit saddening but also very funny. My smartest chum has gone down this road. The bloke is the smartest guy I know, can troubleshoot and diagnose software/hardware faults and complex issues with his eyes closed.

    Then he got married and I lost track of him. We got in touch again and boy was I surprised!

    For the love of Asimov, he is turned into a nutter! Not only he buys into every single conspiracy there is, including but not limited to, moon landing fakings, 9/11 truthism, chemtrails, everything involving Nikola Tesla, the Biefeld-Brown effect and I could go on., but he is also heavily into fringe science. ORMEs, Plasma Cosmology, if it's not part of the mainstream he believes it. Because the evil Akkademic Internationalsch Kommuniten is suppressing all the advanced science.

    Mine's the one with ORMEs dust in the pockets.

    1. Lee Dowling Silver badge

      Re: Oh ho ho ho!

      Tell your friend that I have an amazing deal on a water-powered car if he's interested...

    2. c3

      Akkademic Internationalsch Kommuniten sounds cool

      How do I join ?

    3. Gerhard Mack

      Re: Oh ho ho ho!

      I had a friend like that but luckily the problem turned out to be caused by his taking Zoloft while smoking pot. Turns out antidepressants and THC don't mix.

  5. nichomach
    Thumb Up

    So THAT'S...

    ...where the Pinch went...

    Excellent stuff.


    I sympathise with the BOFH...

    it sounds like he is in a similar mood to me today.

    Why can't a prominent company like APC make a web page that you can download software from by clicking on a link to the software you want to download? How do they make such a basic function into so difficult a problem?

    Come to think of it, it seems this is an endemic issue. The web is so laden down with all this Web2.0 'you bum me and I'll bum you back' rubbish that no-one can make a web site that actually works for simple things like a discussion forum or downloading files any more.

    VMWare's web site doesn't work either.

    "Sorry, you are not authorised to download that software because you don't have a key for it in your account"

    "Here is your key for ESXi 4.1"

    "Sorry you can't add that key to your account because that key already exists in your account"


    1. skeptical i

      As one of the last dialup users on the planet, I concur:

      Almost any time I pull down "view source" to read a news article -- the flippin' eyecandy, adverts, link partner clusterbungle junk, and so on holding up the works -- I note that the actual text of the article will contain perhaps three inches of text amidst two or three pages of just bleedin' crap. Some news sites have an "&mode=print" or similar variable I can kludge onto the end of the URL to lighten the load (and my mood) but too many sites just have a link that calls up the 'print' dialogue box. Once upon a time we were taught to write webpages "lean and mean" and aim for most fastest download times and simplest navigation; alas, no more.

      (Note that this rant does not apply to YouTube, websites for video producers, or other places where ginormous video and/or other files is to be expected. Straight up news should be straight up fast with LINKS to the video or other beefy supplements.)

      OK, I'm done now, kindly belay the cattleprod.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I sympathise with the BOFH...

      You forgot to mention that APC don't use .p12/.pfx certificates, they use the .p15 formatted ones. Which means you have to find the cd that has the Security Wizard, or fight their website to download the program....

      I don't even remember what the trick was, something about ignoring the fact that I don't have a distributor login, or that I'm already logged in and why to I have to re-enter the same credentials again.

  7. Morphius
    Thumb Up

    Ahhhhhh, Friday

    Now, who agrees that next weeks episode will start with a line close to the following:

    "Now, I am not one to hold a grudge..."

    Please feel free to complete this line in typical BOFH fashion...

    "... so I shut off the cameras in the lift before it broke down, after all, no-one needs to see what happens to a PFY when left in the lift for a weekend"

    1. Rameses Niblick the Third (KKWWMT)
      Thumb Up

      Now, I am not one to hold a grudge...

      ...which is why the PFY was surprised to find he had his passport in his pocket, when he awoke on the 747 bound for America. What he was less amused by was the worryingly new looking stamps for Iraq, Iran, North Korea and Syria contained therein. And it would be a full 4 hours before he found out the soles of his shoes had been stuffed with suspicious-looking plasticine"

      1. Morphius

        Re: Now, I am not one to hold a grudge...


        ... "It was only when the "Americas Funniest Home Videos" came on for the 3rd time that he realised he was really in trouble. Those videos are of course enough to make even a sane man scream "to hell with this American nonsense", luckily Kate who used to work reception was now a dab hand with her standard air hostess zip ties and the gitmo style hood"

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Now I'm not one to hold a grudge

    " ... a cattle prod on the other hand, can be pressed into the groin of a PFY singlehandedly whilst pouring a coffee. This is rendered easier by the suspension of your enemy/colleague from the stairwell, by their feet."

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ahhh.. the old ones are the best

    Irish guy: How's the craic?

    Answer: Sore, but I needed the money

    As for "privacy clause" maybe it should be the "Santa Clause". Cos he knows when you've been naughty, etc.

  10. Dave Ross

    Didn't you know, conspiracy theorys are just a conspiracy theory!

    The US government invented them purely to keep the nut jobs happy and to keep them from finding out that there really is nothing happening!

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      "there really is nothing happening!"

      How so? Maybe if the real world is compared to 2-hour relentless shoot, rape and torture Hollywood dross. And even then...

  11. Trygve Henriksen

    Anyone in the market for the triple PSUs for the old HP Proliant 1600?

    Nice idea, right?

    Slide out the original PSU and install a triple.

    If one starts sending smoke signals, the server will run just as happily on the two remaining ones...

    Until you restart the bl**dy server!

    Then it hangs and waits for you to press [F1]...

    There's a reason you never set up a HP server without ILO activated...

  12. Richard Bragg

    Why pay for the flight

    when putting the right information in the right places would mean an all expenses paid trip.

  13. Herby

    Now I understand why productivuty is up in the USA

    We here run at 18% faster than those 50Hz power people in Europe.

    Of course that doesn't explain Latin America. Japan on the other hand can go either way, as they do both 50 and 60 Hz.

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