Pope's PR says Vatican in grip of WikiLeaks-style scandal

The Pope's top PR man has declared that the Vatican is in the midst of its own "WikiLeaks" scandal after a flurry of confidential Papal documents were fed to the media by apparently disgruntled cardinals. The leaks have ranged from documents covering allegedly murky operations at the Vatican bank, to an investigation into a …

[Anonymous Coward]

In God's Name...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gods-Name-Investigation-into-Murder/dp/1845294963

[Anonymous Coward]

Catholic church

Isn't it time this rancid, discredited, corrupt international child abuse organisation was dismantled?

[Audrey S. Thackeray]

Absolutely not. They look after a tremendous number of very lovely buildings.

I think a far better approach would be to subsume them into the National Trust.

[c3]

Aren't people who look after other lovely buildings less child-rapey, though ?

Also less people-burny, book-burny, contraception-fighty, ignorance-spready ....

[Audrey S. Thackeray]

I couldn't possibly say; the National Trust seems to have remained relatively free from those scandals to date but whether this is due to a superiority of morals or a superiority of discretion I do not know.

[Anonymous Coward]

Perhaps the Catholic Church would be less objectionable if it followed the National Trust and sold more tea towels?

[Scorchio!!]

I think it's because the only children in National Trust properties are being supervised by appropriate adults. Granted some of them may be a little child rapey and some not, but I think they will do this on a 'take home' basis, rather than in a National Trust building. I mean, *the people*, the *noise*.

[BillG]

Not dismantled, but reorganized. The Catholic Church is a hierocracy (a holy caste) where those on the top have all the power. No consensus, no voting, no democracy. In such an environment, a few small vipers can create complete chaos.

"Devil himself was stalking the corridors of the Holy See and was ultimately behind the wave of scandals convulsing the Catholic Church" = "People are seeking power for power's sake and the Church is just a vehicle"

[Anonymous Coward]

Ahhhhh.....

So that explains Tony Blair's conversion then.... He has converted hasn't he?

If I was a significant member of the Catholic Church of Rome I'd be very careful of your Mr. Blair.

As I'm not then I'd still be very careful because the RC Church is quite a bit more international and powerful than the Labour Party ever was.

[Scorchio!!]

Re: Ahhhhh.....

The sad pity of it all? I didn't see the Hunt for ToniBler. Didn't he and his Catholic wife make a child in Balmoral, and then regale the nation with some of the tawdry details of how this came to be? Then there is Cherie's description of how they became lovers, on a London bus. Oh bliss. A Catholic education from the mouths of unelectable, unrepresentative stupids and their Barrister/Recorder wives, or do I mean bi0tches, I rhetorically ask. From that to ruining a country, and its culture and the thing that rankles most? We're blessed. Pah.

[Anonymous Coward]

Who said Religion was being treated differently than others was clearly wrong

So there PR man is afraid of truth's about them leaking out - oh noe's. This is what happens when your leader (aka the Pope) hides behind diplomatic imunity to call non believers Nazi's.

Kara 1 Pope 0.

[Anonymous Coward]

KarMa 1 Pope 0

oh to be able to edit posts :}

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah. You could fix that "there", as well.

[Pan_Handle]

Re: KarMa 1 Pope 0

What about the apostrophe transgressions?

[c3]

Surely you mean diplomatic impunity

And no, I won't stop calling you Shirley

[Loyal Commenter]

May I be the first to say...

..."It's just been revoked!"

[JohnG]

"...the pope will be bumped off by November this year."

It sounds a bit like the plot of "The Pope Must Die", a film with Robbie Coltrane.

[Steve Evans]

It also has more than a passing resemblance to Terry Pratchett's Unseen University where promotion is via "Dead man's shoes".

[Mephistro]

@ Steve Evans

You hit the nail there!

"..more than a passing resemblance to Terry Pratchett's Unseen University..."

Let's see...

- Funny hats (check)

- Robes (check)

- Mystical powers (check)

- Hidden/captive books (check)

- Misanthropy (check)

- Gluttony (check)

- ...

I wouldn't be surprised if the next Pope's name was Mustrum

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't forget the orangutan running the library

I'm pretty sure they have more than a few of those in important positions.

[Sir Runcible Spoon]

Sir

"remaining capable of using our reason."

..and ending over a thousand years of tradition.

[Graham Wilson]

Nuh, not possible.

"The Church's top exorcist, Father Gabriele Amorth, declared two years ago that the Devil himself was stalking the corridors of the Holy See and was ultimately behind the wave of scandals convulsing the Catholic Church".

Nuh, not possible. Devil's actually stalking the corridors of M$ and Google!

(We IT types all know that.)

[Anonymous Coward]

@Graham

And has already got an inside member or two on the inside of the Ubuntu design team from what I can tell.

[TeeCee]

Bollocks! The Devil doesn't skulk corridors these days, his minions do that. He wears a suit, has an office and heads up Apple's legal team.

[Graham Wilson]

@TeeCee -- Right, I stand corrected.

Yuh can't even blink these days w/o all going topsy-turvy. Blink twice, and you'll be a has-been.

Advise when he moves elsewhere.

[Peter Simpson 1]

In the US

Dick Cheney's right here, planning more mischief, not stalking the corridors of the Vatican

[Paul Crawford]

Suddenly it all makes sense

Devil + "the dark arts of selective press leaking"

I wondered what Mandelson was doing these days...

[Peter Rathlev]

Yeah, Father Gabriele is right. The devil's been walking those corridors for the last millennium and a half, m-kay.

[Anonymous Coward]

Shock horror!

Leaks to reveal that god does not exist, and they knew it all along, sneaky fuckers...

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

"The steady stream of embarrassments are being seen as evidence of a power struggle within the church as one group of elderly men pits itself against another group of elderly men to replace an even more elderly man. Possibly with an elderly Italian."

Loved that bit to bits! It almost sounds like the bad old days at the Unseen University (dead men's shoes and all that).

On the plus side, if we wait just e bit longer, maybe nature will take its course and all these elderly men will start falling over from old age. Whether or not they will meet the maker they would expect (or would have us believe to expect) is another matter entirely

[Anonymous Coward]

Hmmm...

So the Devil himself is stalking the corridors of the Holy See... Hmmm, Can anyone remember how long it is since Tony Blair became a Catholic?

[Anonymous Coward]

So what you're saying is that the old posters were true?

http://politics.guardian.co.uk/election2001/images/0,9350,449562,00.html

[M7S]

Ah, the James Murdoch defence is deployed

"Maybe somebody’s sending things to me in emails and so on, but I don’t read those things"

[Anonymous Coward]

Baroness Warsi for Pope!

Please read her article in today's Telegraph if you're wondering why.

[Flugal]

Given the pope is apparently going to pop their clogs later this year that sounds like a great idea.

[Pan_Handle]

Their clogs?

That is all

[Oninoshiko]

"The possibility that the very personification of evil has now extended his armoury to include the dark arts of selective press leaking is truly terrifying."

Now extended? I thought he wrote the book on it!

[Alex C]

Is it just me?

Or does it seem like the church has started really missing all the attention Dan Brown was giving it? A wise man once said there's no such thing as bad publicity.

It's almost like they've got him working with them to heighten intrigue.

It's better for them than the otherwise endless trickle of kiddy-fiddling after all.

[Anonymous Coward]

Burn them all as witches

/joke

I never understood the difference between witchcraft and miracles. If they can prove the difference I would love to see it...

[Peter Simpson 1]

Turnabout

*is* fair play, in this case, certainly!

[Paul Crawford]

Re: difference between witchcraft and miracles

I think it went a bit like this:

It helps the church's image = miracle

Thinking woman, or unpopular = witch

[Syldra]

RE: Burn them all as witches

Miracle power is granted by God to one who prays fervently and live a holy life respecting God's commandments.

Witchcraft power is gained by a mix of orgies, sacrifices of virgins, using all kinds of drugs and worshipping the Devil.

I for one prefer the latter, much less hassle...

[Wombling_Free]

viddy well then:

Man did it = miracle

Woman did it = witchcraft BURN HER! BURN HER! And the LIBRARY over there, just to be safe!

come get me God; I ain't afraid of bullies, especially make-believe ones!

[Anonymous Coward]

All these Hundreds of years

And the RC church has not changed at all

[Shagbag]

The Pope should go on trial for his despicable, conscious disregard for the victims of child abuse while he was in charge of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. He is an enemy to anyone who believes in the criminal justice system.

[Anonymous Coward]

"...He is an enemy to anyone who believes in the criminal justice system..."

Believing in the criminal justice system is nearly as silly as believing in God.

[TimeMaster T]

Criminal Legal System. The rare trace of "Justice" it may contain is just a fluke.

I'm still wondering whether the Pope may have killed the investigations because anyone following the trail of child molesters in the Church would have ended up at his doorstep.

[ukbabz]

Murky banking deals

Bit father ted isnt it? "The money was just resting in my account" excuse comes to mind..

[Pan_Handle]

Re: Murky banking deals

Beautifully rigorous logic there

[David Haig]

@Burn them all as witches (AC)

Miracles - Boring stuff about raising the dead, visions of fully clothed virgins, occasional wedding with water cabernet sauvignon.

Witches - Fully undressed virgins in the flesh, significant amounts of herbal stimulants, boring stuff about raising the Devil ...

[Anonymous Coward]

"The Cabinet minister has warned that British society is under threat from the rising tide of “militant secularisation” reminiscent of “totalitarian regimes”

To think this bitch has the nerve to call atheists intolerant.

This type of thinking is exactly why we need to keep religion out of public life.

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Dear Mr. Bank Manager

I was quite shocked to read your letter describing your problems balancing our bank account. I suggest we meet up to discuss same. How does Blackfriars Bridge on the 18th sound?

So mote be it!

PS please bring some bricks, if you can, on the off chance that we may chuck them at the ducks.

[Winkypop]

Hello, the 21st century called

You, the men in dresses with pointy hats and invisible friends.....time to grow up.

[c3]

Damn Satan, disguising himself as hot altar boys to discredit the church

I mean, a holy man can only take that much hotness till he breaks and rapes someone.

As for fraud, how would they get the money to pay off the families while hiding traces, as god intended them to ?

[BigUglyDean]

Let's all sing along...

... With Tim Minchin:

http://www.secularnewsdaily.com/2010/04/30/tim-minchins-pope-song-fuck-the-motherfucker/

[John H Woods]

Absolutely ace ...

... O/T - don't forget to check out 'Storm' by the same genius

[This Side Up]

Just pontificating...

"a flurry of confidential Papal documents were fed to the media by apparently disgruntled cardinals."

Does that make it a cardinat sin?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Just pontificating...

I've always wanted to know: just how many elements are there in the set of all cardinals? If they were to line up would they become ordinals?

[This Side Up]

For 'create confusion' read 'reveal truth'

"There is something very sad in the fact that documents are dishonestly passed from the inside to the outside in order to create confusion..." he added. "We must, therefore, stand firm, not allowing ourselves to be swallowed up by the vortex of confusion, which is what ill-intentioned people want, and remaining capable of using our reason."

[Loyal Commenter]

You have to watch out for that Vortex of Confusion

It can really sting.

[Anonymous Coward]

".....seen as evidence of a power struggle within the church....."

Or may be some is genuinely shocked at the Church's actions, they wish to expose them!

That can only be a good thing!

[Psmiffy]

Wikileaks

Oldest documents mistranslated: it said CELEBRATE, not CELIBATE!!

[Field Marshal Von Krakenfart]

"One Australian Archbishop told a Catholic blog that he was not aware of any crisis" -

"Paedophilia in the church, no, never heard of that!"