Fondle my slab, baby: Inside the tactile world of Apple-fan iDating

Even in the hearts of Apple fanbois, there's room to love another human being as well as machinery. But it's better if the human receiving that love also has an iPad, say those who are presumably experts in the matter. Working on the basis that Apple fanbois/girls will be happier if they date other lovers of fruitchomp-branded …

[Audrey S. Thackeray]

Bewildering dedication to a commercial enterprise

I mean it's not as though it is something important like a football team . . .

[Gordon Fecyk]

Green Bay Packers

...enough said.

[Eponymous Cowherd]

Re: Green Bay Packers

Green Bay Packers?

Are they anything like Fudge Packers?

Certainly no a footie team I've ever heard of......

[Anonymous Coward]

THERE MUST BE

some real riveting conversation when two Apple fanbois/girls or multiples of such date....

[Lamont Cranston]

Coldplay?

Bwahahaha!

[Anonymous Coward]

You see that photo of the guy's fist?

That's his REAL 'girlfriend' that is.

<< Do Apple sell keyboard / tummy wipes?

[Aaron Em]

Sure did

I'm wondering how he stands carrying around such a badly lopsided rendition of the propeller-key symbol. Like a fresh spoonful of shame and misery every time he catches it out of the corner of his eye, I shouldn't wonder.

[Goat Jam]

Well, he still did better than this idiot;

http://www.inquisitr.com/22145/satanic-star-fail/

[Aaron Em]

All right, but

this I gather is about someone who actually calls himself a "Satanist". He's already admitted he's a moron; why would you expect him to get it right?

[Goat Jam]

Re: All right, but

Well, there is stupid and then there is STUPID.

Carving, I say CARVING, a Star of David into your arm thinking it is a "satanist star" is capital letter STUPID.

In my book anyway.

[OpenIndiana]

Creepy.

Strange that they consider it a lifestyle, from anyone else looking in, it just appears to be a cult of consumerism. Are there any other gadget users that post the number of owned products with the same religious fervour as a Mac lover?

[Glen 1]

yes, many

If you see it in someones forum signature it counts

the spec of their gaming rig, to the hi-fi system, car's spec and/or history

thats just of the top of my head

[cocknee]

Good

It'll keep the smug, selfish, vacuous, shallow, gullible and ever so superior (whilst really having an inferiority complex that has to be hidden with designer tosh and need to be wanted by being in a gang) types away from the rest of us.

Though imagine their children........truly frightening. Though I think Strike Vomit has it about right!

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't know what's worse, the service or that someone wrote a 2 page article about this in The Register.

[Mondo the Magnificent]

Cyber squatting opportunity

As below:

www.iCantGetLaid.com the website for those with all the gear and zero idea...

[Baudwalk]

>>> An Android user cannot be described… whereas an Apple user can be described, in many ways. <<<

Love it.

That quote works in so many ways. Whether you're of the droidian persuasion or an iFondler.

[nexsphil]

yeah 'cocknee' above supplies a pretty spot-on description of one of these corporate drone things

[Anonymous Coward]

Q: What type of contraceptive do Apple fans use?

A: Their personalities.

[Zog The Undeniable]

Brings a whole new meaning to "not tonight dear, I'm on the iPad".

Naturally, you are expected to upgrade your iPartner every year when a slightly different model appears on the market. Normally this involves a cosmetic change in colour, although the basic functionality (iNag, iSpend, iWatchVacuousTV) is much the same.

[Ian Ferguson]

Coming soon:

El Reg dating. Prerequisites are sarcasm, an amusing or insightful screen name, lots of free time during the day, technical knowledge of the latest Smart TV systems, and a wildly flunctuating sense of humour/outrage.

[Jonathon Green]

Ian Ferguson: "El Reg dating. Prerequisites are sarcasm..."

You know, there's something horribly plausible about that idea...

[Evil Auditor]

@Ian Ferguson

and in contrast to iDating there are rumours that even some lasses are amongst Reg commentards.

[Anonymous C0ward]

Count me in.

[Cave Dweller]

I'm quite happy that my fiancé and I both disdain apple products and are fans of Windows. Maybe tech product choice is related to compatibility (various puns intended).

There most certainly should not be a dating site for Microsoft fans, by which I mean the entire MSN site should be ripped down.

[Fred Flintstone]

"my fiancé and I both disdain apple products and are fans of Windows"

OK, that's the actually going for "funniest comment of them all"..

[cocknee]

Surely some mistake

Wot not a single thumbs down on a "taking the piss out of fanboi" comments.

Not a single praise of the cult of Cupertino?

Usually there's plenty of them with their sense-of-humour bypass with paranoia at the scientologist levels for all dissent.

Have they run out of wi-fi in the coffee shops? Or is it just too early in the day and they haven't finished stoking each-others ego's, slabs, Jesus phones?

[ThomH]

You're imagining it

This is de rigeur around here - the sense-of-humour bypass allegation simply isn't supported by the facts and most of the comments above are good-humoured jokes; you generally need to cross the line into malicious trolling to get significant down votes or ill-tempered responses.

[cocknee]

nah. Seen plenty of down votes on the tamest of ribbing.

[Aaron Em]

Sod you ThomH

...okay, so I'm just doing it to make a point, so what? Say something controversial, especially about nuclear power, and see how long you go on believing that only "malicious trolling" -- which, incidentally, how'd you reliably identify it as such? How do you know you haven't only spotted the incompetent ones? -- is the only way to make yourself unpopular around here.

[Fred Flintstone]

I would like to see..

"benign trolling" defined. Just as a contrast to malicious trolling :-).

[ThomH]

@Aaron Em

That we've both received down votes would rather seem to disprove me, wouldn't it? Though our totals are tiny compared to the 50 who took the time to vote on the first comment so that's at least positive.

@Fred: directing a rant about tautologies at me might be benevolent trolling?

[Jedit]

"The users come back because they know what they're getting."

Yes - they're getting charged $5 a month to do what OKCupid lets you do for free. That there are also massively fewer potential contacts doesn't seem to matter to them, it's "weeding out the hoi-polloi".

The price of fruitdom is eternal virginity.

[Anonymous Coward]

Paid dating sites

exclude a lot of the scammers and other nasties, and set a slightly higher bar that hopefully your prospective partner gives a sh*t about what they wrote.

[Silverburn]

Happy buyer of the kit...

...but gahd no, this is just a step way too far. That and being married I guess...

[Evil Auditor]

Linux dating site?

"If it were a Linux fan dating site I could swear there would be many more males than females."

Except that Linux guys don't date. Well, probably not that different to the apple fanbois. Presumably, on iDating they are looking for a gal named Fleshlight iPad...

(I wanted to insult Windows lusers as well but couldn't be arsed.)

[ark]

niche dating website with more woman?

If you ever want a dating website, based on a specific technology, to be leaning to wards woman, aim at webtv/msntv/tivo users. You would not believe how many bored house wifes use these boxes.

[Evil Auditor]

Great!

If you wanted to date bored house wives...

[KroSha]

or even bore dated housewives....

[Fred Flintstone]

Nah, I've given up sex on TV

.. I kept falling off..

[Anonymous Coward]

@Fred

Especially with those new-fashioned flat screens

[Jonathan White]

I kind of don't mind this - look, at least they'll have something in common. That's always a good thing, even if what they've got in common is a bit.. unusual.

Good luck to them I say. I'd rather the world was filled with people who want to get on, to whatever degree, than being filled with people whose main kick in life seems to be hurling insults at another group of people on the likes of the El Reg forums.

[Aaron Em]

Not our main kick in life

just how we get through the working day.

PS sod you

[cnapan]

Solution to all of this...

...is a jolly big power cut, lasting perhaps 2 or 3 weeks - enough time at least for all the gadget obsessives to get over the withdrawal symptoms and construct a more meaningful relationship with the world and its people.

(I say this out of love!)

[Fred Flintstone]

Do you have any idea..

.. how much tissue that would cost?

Yes, yes, I'm going

[Anonymous Coward]

Yawn

So this is another vertical dating website like uniformdating.com and others like it that show up on TV..

[ThomH]

Yes, but it's one within El Reg's sphere - per the article, possibly the only one - and Valentine's Day is tomorrow. It's also about a demographic that many have, ummm, strong feelings about.

[Anonymous Coward]

@Metavisor

It's posts like yours that remind us all that Ms. Bee is no longer here to speak her mind people like you. Please stop it. You're ruining our day.

[NogginTheNog]

Vertical dating

PlentyOfFish is aimed more at the horizontal dating demographic ;-)

[Chazmon]

I wonder what the prevalence of STDs among its users is? as everyone know macs don't get virus'

[BigG]

I wonder what aspirational cr@p they'll find to sell to this "particular" market next.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hipster sex.

I'd rather have a cold cup of tea.

That's been spat in.

By a leper.

[Aaron Em]

Now that's how it's done

Just one quibble: you left out "and costs twice as much".

[miknik]

That's unlikely to happen

Considering how many baristas must be on the site...

[Gavin King]

That's not very nice at all.

Lepers have feelings, too, don't ya know.

[ItsNotMe]

How utterly pathetic

And these are the future leaders of the world? God help us all.

[TheOtherHobbbes]

Will no one

think of the polar bears?

[NoneSuch]

Let the inbreeding begin.

[Jean-Luc]

my $.02

I have mostly Mac stuff @ home right now. (no, don't go all "fanboi" on me, I'll easily switch if I find something that suits _me_ better). Being single, I also hang out on dating sites from time to time.

And, yes, there are occasional ladies who put "Mac" under their likes/hobbies. Saw one "Linux", once. No "Windows", ever (sorry, "Cave Dweller").

I have mixed feelings about this: I find it rather pathetic to list an OS as one of your dating criteria. Especially with the "too cool for school" attitude of the Cupertinorati. Snobbish, basically.

On the other hand, it does denote interest in computers, albeit potentially in a most superficial way.

To date, I've only seen this as a curiosity, but there are people who care, apparently.

[Craigness]

I thought the whole point of getting Apple stuff was that you didn't have to care about computers. Not that this differentiates it from Windows in reality, but in the marketing that's what they're going for. Apple owners care more about fitting in than about computing.

[Craigness]

FANBOY

As per the image on the first page, it's FANBOY. I don't know where the reg's "Fanboi" came from, but I think it must be French.

[JEDIDIAH]

The origin of boi

I think it is supposed to be some sort of homosexual reference.

[Anonymous Coward]

'There are more boys than girls, but it's not a problem'

because half of them are botty-botherers.

[LB45]

So, no real income then?

"designers and creatives"?

Is that code for nothing really productive and meaningful being produced?

Meh. I do so hate the new terminology.

[Anonymous Coward]

Dude, they're baristas!

[PatrickEB]

Damn, you beat me to it...

but here's the video :))

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvmtCQhvrkM

[Doogie1]

Maybe they tried dating Analdroids but they were too busy rooting their phone

[Markl2011]

"In my house, we have 1 MacBook Pro, 1 PowerBook, 3 iMacs (of various generations and shapes), 1 iBook, 3 iPod Touches, 2 iPod videos, 1 Apple TV, 4 iPhones, and a G4 Tower

I'm probably missing something."

A life perhaps?

[Anonymous Coward]

A partridge in a pear tree.

[Fred Flintstone]

.. a lot of money by now? :)

[Anonymous Coward]

"and are physically healthy."

"...but I'm less concerned about you being mentally healthy."

Mind you, wouldn't a TRUE Apple fan have installed pancreatic cancer by now? (Oh, look, the 'Post anonymous' checkbox has selected itself. Damn this terrible Windows computer...)

[Euchrid]

It's almost as if this is just linkbait

From this article:

"And let's face it, the statistics are in the fanboi's favour: iPhone users are famously more generous with their sexual favours. A survey proved it."

This was somewhat disputed by a recent El Reg article entitled "Android users more likely to put out" (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/02/02/android_owners/) - perhaps Anna should have compared notes with her colleague who wrote that piece... oh wait, it was Anna.

[Sceptic Tank]

Compare Apples with Apples

Last time Eve handled the Apples things didn't turn out so good. But that's beside the point.

What I wanted to ask: Does the size of your equipment count on this dating site? I mean, what if you meet and her's is bigger than yours? How will you ever become an AppleInsider if she doesn't respect you?

Are the guys on that interested in girls generally?

[Putonghua73]

Paid vs free

I used to hold the view that:

1. more genuine profiles on paid sites

2. better quality profiles

3. better service

After spending many years online dating (in-between long/medium term relationships), I took a hiatus last year and have recently dipped my toes in. I decided to test my assumptions. I used Dating Direct and Match as my test pay sites and ran the following filters on them:

1. Age: 30-44

2. Location: within 30 miles of Central London

3. Smoking: no

4. Last logged in: 1 month or less

Dating Direct: c133 profiles

Match: c233 profiles

If I ran the same filter last year I would have returned 40 pages of profiles. Now 7.

So what are the paid sites actually offering? First up, they do not indicate who is a subscriber i.e. who can receive and reply. Match used to allow non subscribers to receive emails. Not anymore. Secondly, if you want to use the site on a mobile device, you have to pay significantly extra. Seriously. Thirdly, in my experience, the number of genuine profiles has slipped dramatically.

Ok. Free sites. PoF: used for 6 weeks in 2010 before I went to China. Forums are hilarious, but full of fakes or angry, bitter people. Too much of a cess-pool IMO.

OKCupid: free, good interface, novel/annoying (take your pick) way of matching people (you can use the standard search filters), tonnes of users, and so far, am surprised by what appears to be genuine people. Admittedly, I am quite picky with my filters (Oriental) and who I would contact but seems to be better than the paid sites.

At the moment, I'm scratching my head and wondering why on earth I didn't use OKCupid sooner. That said, it's only been 4 days and the real test is replies that lead to dates.

I've decided to commit to relocating to Asia-Pacific to resolve my dating issues. Dating in London is just a massive PITA whether online / offline.

[Anonymous Coward]

Good grief.

It's the male version of Jacqueline Kim.

You know, some people just deserve to be single.

[Wombling_Free]

Meet an Apple user...

... or why not just have their latest bank balance on display?

Because thats what this is all about, right? Are you wealthy enough to afford Apple?

Either that or you have to wear tweed & ride a fixie.

fscking hipsters