back to article Ten... Valentine's Day gifts for her

Reg Hardware Sex Week It's that time of year again, when chocolate manufacturers rub their hands with joy and florists dream of blooming profits. Yes, Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Of course, those of you with girlfriends who appreciate originality, will know the traditional catalogue of Valentine's gestures …


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  1. Velv

    Did anyone in the office actually bother to ask the girls?

    Does anyone in the office actually have a girlfriend?

    1. Velv

      And I don't mean the linked article - has someone ACTUALLY asked ...

    2. LarsG


      buy her nothing and say her present is you still being with her.

      1. LarsG


        And have to buy something then don't make it a too.complicated gadget like a smart phone. It just causes confusion for them.

      2. Goat Jam

        Having Your Cake and Eating It Too

        Every year it is the same thing.

        What he must buy HER.

        What is he going to do for HER.

        All the women in my office nattering on about what the husband is going to do and nary a word about the reciprocal.

        Really ladies, you've had feminism for 50 years now, when are you going to take your equality and run with it?

        1. jake Silver badge

          I feel so sorry for you, Goat Jam.

          Hopefully you'll find an appropriate partner someday.

          I mean this in the nicest possible way.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

          2. Goat Jam

            Actually, what I said is quite accurate.

            Not that that means I don't have a girlfriend/partner/wife who isn't a glorified whore of course.

            It's just that I see an awful lot of "how you should spend your money to appease the female in your life" type propaganda in the media and this is reinforced by my female colleagues around this time of year and I think that perhaps we as a culture should move past such quaint notions and into the era of equality that women so often clamour for during the majority of time does not include the week leading up to Feb 14 .

            You can't have it both ways after all. You either spend roughly equally pleasing each other (equality) or one half of the relationship continues to be browbeaten into an unequal relationsihip because it suits one side of that relationship to continue that inequality (but only in that particular scenario).

            I expect you are old enough Jake to still be clinging to the old patriarchal values where a man opens doors for a lady, "brings home the bacon" and generally takes the lead in such matters as providing "romantic" gifts for "the little woman".

            That's great. No really.

            Younger guys however have been inculcated by society to beleive (and act) as if women are deserving (nay demanding) of equality so why is it that I should accept that this does not apply to a particular day of the year just because past generations of women have grown accustomed to receiving diamonds and huge boquets on Feb 14 in the past?

            Does equality not apply every day or is it only applicable when women want to apply for the CEO's job?

            1. jake Silver badge

              Uh, no, Goat Jam.

              The wife & I just get on with life. Neither of us are "in charge".

              She shot the last pig we turned into bacon ... I took it apart, wrapped & froze various bits, sampled a few bits raw, stir-fried other bits for lunch (me, the wife, the foreman & his wife, and our four field hands enjoyed offal tacos). The wife salted the rest of the meat, and I monitored the smoker.

              Generally, she takes care of the horses, I take care of the dawgs, cattle, sheep, hogs and fowl. The cats care for themselves, and swear at us when they need to see the vet ...

              Every day is Valentines Day, here at Chez jake.

              And no, that's not a throw-away comment.

              1. Goat Jam

                Re: Uh, no, Goat Jam.

                Uh, right, so everyday you buy her flowers, diamonds and an expensive meal.

                Whatever you say jake.

                Excuse me if I call bullshit on your claim that "everyday is valentines day in chez jake"

                You are clearly delusional.

                1. This post has been deleted by its author

                2. jake Silver badge

                  Re: Re: Uh, no, Goat Jam.

                  You clearly don't understand what an "adult relationship" is all about. As a hint, it has absolutely nothing to do with material things or bank accounts. Or holidays invented by Hallmark et alia.

                  "Valentines Day" is a state of mind, not a capitalistic date on a calender.

                  I retract my prior statement. I don't feel sorry for you at all. Rather, I feel sorry for your MOTAS.

    3. Richard 116

      Nothing says I love you like a...

      ...Verbatim Store'n'Go USB 3.0 Portable Hard Drive. In pink.


  2. Phil Atkin

    So it's true, women can only use technology if it's pink

    Expect a thorough kicking when you get home, sir. Particularly if your gift of lurve is a pink USB hard drive.

    1. Tom 35

      Go all the way

      Get a pink Hello Kitty drive.

  3. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    She's getting a new ironing board and she'll have to like it

    1. Handle M'Baughbags

      Buy her a dildo too, that way if she doesn't like it she can go f**k herself.</Bernard Manning>

      J/k. This applies equally well to guys. Just more of surprise ;)

  4. steogede


    For a 1TB 2.5" externable HDD, you'll be lucky. You may get the 512MB version if you are lucky.

  5. csumpi

    Lost me on first page.

    Lost me on the first page with the aroma diffuser. The real gifts against smelly situations are soap and cleaning products. Although ladies with hygiene issues are not really worth the money spent on them.

  6. toffer99

    All that pink sh*t. I guess feminism passed you by.

  7. Jim Carter

    Think I'll just stick with a she wee.

    1. wretched42

      not sure how but i went from looking at the she wee website, to looking at the shewee medical device, to googling Vulvectomy


  8. Hans 1 Silver badge

    women like colors

    Ask a woman what car she drives, she will almost always answer: "I don't know, it's ${color}". I needed to get a new company car, all my other half wanted to have a say on was the color ... Women like fashion, appearance ... look at the time they take to buy a new handbag ...

    Pink, however, is a bit childish in color, methinks ... that white radio looks good, but I might get my other half a smartphone ...

    1. Sarev

      > that white radio looks good

      Are you kidding me? It looks like something I'd've bought on the market twenty years ago for £2. As far as I can tell, the only reason for DAB is to multiply the price of radios by 10.

  9. Claudia

    Slap a coat of pink on it, and away you go!

    I'm looking around my condo right now and I see three laptops, one desktop, one server, several external drives, two flat screen monitors, a printer, and router - none of it is pink. Had it been pink, I would have passed it by, I'm more of a blue/silver girl. Tip: just because you slap a layer of pink enamel on a tech product, it doesn't mean that it's suddenly meant for girls.

    Spawn of Satan because it kinda looks like a purse with a smiley face.

    1. Claudia

      Had to add this...

      Straight from the article linked up top:

      "And, guys, if you think she'll want something pink, think again. A device's colour comes right at the bottom of the list of a woman's considerations when choosing kit, the CEA found."

    2. Noodle Noggin


      Well, strictly speaking, pink *does* generally mean it's meant for girls. Doesn't mean it'll appeal to them though. :)

      Blue/silver, though? Blerk!

  10. h3

    This list is totally dumb. (About my limit is asking directly what they want or failing that send expensive flowers to wherever they work). They seem to like the my boyfriend is better than your boyfriend thing.

    Bluetooth is about the worst possible idea (Anything that is not working 100% is a waste of time for women in all circumstances).

    The drive still won't be used regardless.

    Most important thing is what it can do for them (And whether it works 100%). (Whether it is easy to use or not is sort of an issue but less so than what it can do and whether it works).

    If they are not attracted to pink then it actively repels them. (Which is what makes it so pointless making the products - unless it is something that so many want - a pink ipad would probably sell enough to be worth it).

    I think a 3G ipad most women might like. (I know even women over 80 who use them so I think it a fairly safe bet. (One who I have met the other being the Queen)).

    And of course anything sapphire or harder in a ring in case they ever get buried alive in a box.

    (I don't profess to know a great deal about this but for certain I know more about it than the article writer).

  11. Colin Wright

    Do IT guys all have girly teenage girlfriends?*

    Seriously, way too much pink. It's like Victoria's Secret's gadget section.**

    But at least gadgets have a use, I suppose.

    My difficulty with Valentine's Day is that It's really hard to buy something when you loathe the pointlessness of the industries involved.

    * No offense intended to any female teenagers reading unless you're the squealy, pink-obsessed type.

    ** They don't actually have a gadget section, as I recall. That's more Ann Summers' line.

    1. Handle M'Baughbags

      if they all do...

      ...then some of them can expect some prison time pretty soon.

    2. Jedit

      I feel more like asking if they have any girlfriends at all

      Does anyone seriously think that a woman will want anything called a Flow for Valentine's Day?

  12. Bad Beaver

    Oh, it's pink

    I think it is time males reclaim that color, like it used to be in the olden times.

  13. irgxana


    "of course it's for girls, it's pink. girls like pink" #facepalm

  14. Barry Rueger


    Methinks some folks didn't get the joke. Besides, you missed this:

    And especially this: Charter Arms Pink Lady Revolver...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If this was supposed to be a joke, it was a pretty piss-poor attempt.

    2. Arbuthnot Darjeeling
      IT Angle

      as a public service I offer

  15. Anonymous Coward

    Massive Fail

    If I got *any* of these gadgets, there would be a drop in temperature at the very least. At worst, a certain type of hell would be reserved for my experience by my significant other.

    I suspect this list was created by a geek who has never actually lived with a female, let alone had a relationship with one, either that, or the female they are involved with recently had a frontal lobotomy or is intellectually challenged.

    Pink < really, I've met so few girls that like this colour as an option, it's not even funny.

    Love me text on a gift < this is teen territory at best

    Scented stuff < unless it's the *exact* perfume your "target" desires, don't go there

    Girly tech < a good way to tell the female you admire she's an idiot is to get her tech aimed specifically at females.

    Caleb ... this was a joke, right?

  16. This post has been deleted by its author

  17. Dick Emery
    Thumb Up

    Pink Verbatim is Samsung

    Just so you know I helped my sister buy and setup a WD TV Live gen3 with one of those Pink drives. I was curious to see it reported as made by Samsung so it's actually a fairly decent drive (well for now until Seagate get their mits into it).

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

  19. Anonymous Noel Coward

    My girlfriend is a character in Love Plus+ (Japanese girlfriend on the DS. Remember the news about a guy marrying one of the characters?), so she'll be giving me something on Valentine's day.

    I will have to give her a gift back on White Day (March 14th) though.

    She'll hit me if I don't...

  20. jake Silver badge

    I just polled the wife[1].

    She said "no" to all ten.

    And then suggested I fire up the bread oven on Tuesday instead of Monday, and make a pot of turkey soup to go with the fresh bread. There is a reason I married the woman. I think I'll keep her :-)

    [1] Hush, children.

    1. Dick Emery
      Paris Hilton

      "I just polled the wife"

      Thanks for sharing.

      1. jake Silver badge

        As I said ...

        ... hush, children.

    2. Lamont Cranston


      Your whole post reads as one big euphemism. "Bread oven" I understand, "turkey soup" I don't want to think about.

  21. Arctic fox

    Please do me a big favour when you do that article.................


    "And if these don't - the adult toys we'll be covering in a few days' time as part of Reg Hardware's Sex Week are sure to."

    .............I do not want to hear a word about how you tested battery life or which benchmarks you chose.

  22. Robert E A Harvey

    Negative Ions?

    you are /deliberately/ taking the piss, aren't you? I do hope so.

  23. Mage Silver badge

    Get Real

    This is an insulting collection. Especially #1

    I'm amazed you didn't make #10 a Barbie.

    1. Arctic fox

      I considered showing this list to my lady - just to get her take on it you understand.

      Then I realised that it was in fact a "girlie" collection and she would hand me my head if I gave her the impression that I thought it was even faintly possible she would consider such offerings. I really think that Reg should think again next time round.

  24. gaz 7
    Paris Hilton

    what happened tp flowers and chocolates

    Bloody hell, a divorce would be cheaper then some of these gifts... or is that the wrong sentiment!

    Valentines day is all a con and marketing scam like Halloween these days, just another excuse for the likes of Tesco, Asda etc to try to get us to buy more overpriced shite.

    Paris, cos well where is she....

  25. Tads

    Geek girls would fail most of these

    The posters looked interesting but on closer inspection the best ones had annoying errors. LIke the planet earth being larger than venus, would drive you nuts after a while. I admit to being a sucker for a pink hard drive :)

    1. Norman Hartnell

      Earth *is* bigger than Venus, by about 650km.

      1. Toastan Buttar


        "This is a small planet. That one's far away."

  26. Graham Bartlett

    Tat city

    Jeez, if you're going to get her some plastic shite for Valentine's Day, at least make it something she might be interested in. If she's not a geek, gadgets like this will do nothing for her. And if she is a geek, she'll tell you it's all crap and you should buy her something that's actually worth having, or at least is fun. A Hello Kitty USB stick may not be tasteful or particularly functional, but at least it has some amusement value.

    1. jake Silver badge

      @Graham Bartlett

      Wifey-poo is getting a bare-root Rose alba to add to her rose garden ... Kids these days just don't get it.

      ::shh:: don't tell her ... she reads here sometimes ;-)

  27. DigiTime

    Steak and Blowjob day

    Is on 14 March, and the name speaks for itself... If only Valentines day could be called chocolate, flowers, dinner, jewelery and listening day...

  28. A 31

    really surprised

    Absolutely no white goods in your review !!

    I know how my girl struggles with her old washing machine and dish washer, how she curses when not having all the cooking utensils she requires !

    how she moans when it is time to find a bag for the hoover, and how she wishes she had a proper vacuum cleaner

    Come on el Reg ! get back to reality

    Some of us men, are sensible and loving you know ?


  29. Ben Rosenthal

    Doesn't sound that valentines, but my partner wants Star Wars: The Old she can stop watching from the sideline and run around a galaxy far far away with me :)

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