back to article Alcohol DOUBLES LIFESPAN, helps resist stress

Pour yourself another one, quickly, as scientists have proven that alcohol can double life-span. Moderate levels of alcohol delivered an increase in longevity among test subjects in a recent study that Steven Clarke, UCLA professor of chemistry and biochemistry and senior author on a study published yesterday in the journal …

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  1. EddieD
    Thumb Up

    I love you, you're my besht mate...

    Please, please, please, keep these stories coming...seeing the horror stories on the BBC fair turns my evening drinkie into vinegar - but tonight, I can savour my tankard of scrumpy, and raise a toast - long live research worms!

    Have a good night

  2. BernieC
    Thumb Up

    At last

    I've been telling people this for years to general ridicule but I knew I was right and secure in that knowledge I'm now off down the pub to try some more life saving nectar. It's great being right for a change.

  3. Darryl
    Pint

    " the alcohol in one beer diluted into a hundred gallons of water"

    So a typical American beer then?

    1. Trainee grumpy old ****
      Pint

      Re: "the alcohol in one beer diluted into a hundred gallons of water"

      Homeopathic beer then.

      No thanks.

      1. Mage Silver badge
        Boffin

        Homoepathic Beer?

        Not Homoeopathic beer. In Homoeopathy each dilution is diluted. There is small probability of there even being one atom left. Homoeopathic Beer is indistinguishable from water.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          And the circle is complete

          So, homeopathic beer = American beer then...

    2. lyngvi
      Pint

      because 5% ABV is a "strong" beer?

      As a yank, on my first trip to the UK I was quite excited to try a few English brews that'd been so harped on about. In the pubs I visited, the tap labels would include the ABV - very informative. After three or four pubs, the strongest drink I'd seen on tap? Budweiser, at 5%. Typical ABV's ranged from 3% - 4.5% (higher end for stronger ciders). Talk about disappointment.

      A typical decent beer in the US usually has about 5-8% ABV. The < 5% range is dominated by dinner-in-a-bottle porters and Sam Adams Lager. Budweiser, with Miller and Coors, are the crappy beers we export - American mass marketing at its finest. Most of our good beers are seldom exported out of the state, even more rarely out of the general region. The best I've had came from Washington and Oregon, but have had some good brews in various parts of New England as well. I'm not so well-traveled as to be able to speak much for other states.

      If you can recommend me to some decent, common beers at greater than the piddling 5% ABV of the piss we export, I'm all ears - I'm likely to end up in Southampton again in the not-too-distant future. (I'm partial to ales, particularly IPAs, but will try anything once.)

      1. veti Silver badge
        Pint

        There's a lot of rather silly digging at American beer on the spurious grounds that it's weak. Truth is, it's not particularly weak. It's just that the export versions, at least, taste like industrially produced piss. But that's an effect of their recipe and manufacturing processes, not their alcohol content.

        Good beer is not distinguished by its alcohol content. A beer can be perfectly delicious at 4% or less ABV. A beer with more than 7% is probably trying too hard, in my view; anyone drinking it should seriously consider if their needs might not be better served, either by a glass of wine, or a bottle of meths.

      2. Goat Jam

        The much vaunted aussie beers

        Beer in Australia was in the 4.6-4.9% for many many years.

        Then the government decided to stick a tax step at >4.0% which lead to many of the mainstream brewers to drop the alcohol content down to so they had to pay less tax.

        These days I've taken to drinking wine because the beer in Australia is either overpriced, shitty pisswater or extremely expensive boutique stuff from microbreweries in tiny 330ML bottles.

        $60 bucks for a slab of beer? Welcome to the "lucky" country.

      3. LesC
        Pint

        5% ABV?

        Next time you're in Birmingham try the Wellington - a few pints of Coastal Erosion Dark at 8% should have the desired sliding under the table effect., there'll be a few dotted around the southwest that also sell this stuff.

        Failing that Fraserburgh outfit Brewdog sell Tactical Nuclear Penguin in all of its 32% liver pickling goodness.

        LC

        1. Gio Ciampa

          I believe the Wellington sells Tactical Nuclear Penguin too - or at least has done at some point

      4. Sir Sham Cad

        If you're down in Southampton

        You're likely to get a decent pint of Ringwood Old Thumper. Also, since Fuller's bought Gales you'll get a nice pint of ESB if you go into a Fuller's pub. From a bottle you can get some lovely strong ales of which I have just devoured a Morland "Old Crafty Hen" and tonight will tuck into a Fuller's Golden Pride.

        It all went wrong a few years ago when beers over a certain strength got hit with a higher rate of tax. This meant beers like Old Speckled Hen being nerfed from 5.2% on draught to 4.5% which ruined the beer. ESB got knocked down from 5.9% to 5.5% but that's not had such a detrimental effect on the flavour. Stella Artois got nerfed from 5.2% down to 5% as did just about every "premium" or "export" lager.

      5. graham_
        Pint

        Sure

        Depends on what you're drinking, been having a few American pale ales lately and they tend to be fairly strong (6-7%) as well as being a pleasant surprise to people who think American beers are all Bud or, horror of horrors, Bud Light.

        Same goes for our beers, with bitters traditionally being a low 3.5% to porters at a nice winter warming 6-7%

      6. Tim 54

        Southampton Beer

        If you're after decent beer in Southampton your best bet is the Guide Dog in Inner Avenue or the South Western Arms in St Denys, who between them always win the the CAMRA awards in the city.

        Decent beer tends not to be in the centre of the city as they go for fast turnover which mostly means commercial lagers.

        Having said that most of the beers tend to be in the 3.5-5 range as it's taste that matters. Winter "warmers" (usually stouts or porters) can be 6+.

    3. Matthew 25
      Coat

      Or Kaliber

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thats it then- Im going teetotal

    Im giving up drinking, since all the worms in my gut will live twice as long and Ill feel feeble because of this.

  5. Roger Stenning
    Pint

    I somehow think...

    ...that if I were to show this to my boss, he'd tell me to **** ***, but then I do drive for a living ;-)

    1. Shakje
      WTF?

      How does he talk in asterisks?

      hunter2

  6. ItsNotMe
    Coat

    DOUBLES lifespan?

    Really? After how many liver transplants?

    Cheers everyone!!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    one beer diluted into a hundred gallons of water

    So it's going to be added to water like flouride?

    1. Aremmes
      Boffin

      Unlikely - mixing water and flouride results in bread oxide and hydrogen.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Very cool

    So if you start drinking at the age of 10, you'll live to be 20 and die from liver failure.

  9. Beelzeebub
    Flame

    As I said......

  10. Geoff Thompson
    Happy

    "a tablespoon of ethanol in a bathtub full of water or the alcohol in one beer diluted into a hundred gallons of water" - well, they are only diddy - 1mm long. I'm 17,500mm long so I reckon 6 pints is about right, being very conservative.

    1. Ian Stephenson

      17.5m?

      1. Dr. Ellen
        Pint

        You'll have to pardon him. He had a bit of ethanol, and the decimal point got loose.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Sounds like a tall story!

    2. Dropper

      Conservative

      I reckon for someone 50 feet tall, 6 pints is pretty safe.

  11. Jesse G
    Pint

    objective reporting

    Funniest thing I've seen all day:

    The test subjects in this case were worms, though the scientists, and indeed the Register editorial team..

    Great time to post this story.

  12. NemoWho
    Pint

    I for one...

    ...am awaiting the hilarious Google Ads that will rotate at the bottom of this article. I bet we'll all need "help".

    1. Atonnis

      Would bring a whole new angle to the 'I got ripped in 3 weeks' stories...

  13. Lars Silver badge
    Pint

    Double lifespan

    Not so sure, or would a absolutely no ethanol person living to the age of 70, I don't know any such persons, but I bet there are such ones too then live to become 140 due to an occasional visit to the pub.

    Still my grandmother who lived to become 97 used to have a glass of read wine about once a week and told me she felt it was good for her.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    YAAY!!

    Right now, I'm fucking IMMORTAL!

    [small]Tomorrow, I shall read the fine print.[/small]

  15. Anonymous John
    Happy

    I've already added two monshs to my lifeshpan thish evening. Hic!

  16. Curly4
    Pirate

    DOA

    You might be correct if a person survives his own driving (or someone else's!

    1. Eric Hood

      I would rather die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

  17. Bush_rat
    Pint

    An apple a day keeps the doctor away

    Apple or beer..........

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      But two could kill ya

      You never know what chemicals are in apples or beer...

    2. skeptical i
      Pint

      Mmmmm, cider'd be good right now.

      Luvs me some apples, ayep.

    3. MJI Silver badge

      Apple

      Pressed and fermented please.

      And not the horrid mass produced ones.

      Nearest to a mass produced I like is Westons Stowford Press or Healeys Cornish Rattler.

  18. Big Al
    Go

    Old folks

    There definitely seems to be a pattern of the latest "world's oldest man/woman" being interviewed and putting their longevity down to things like a daily glass of red wine... so this makes perfect sense to me!

  19. nexsphil

    wait wait wait wait *sheeeek*

    In the article it says the tested worms were 'under stress'. It gets more specific later and says 'starvation stress'. These scientists do know that animal cells can metabolise ethanol as fuel, in the same way as glucose, surely?

  20. Graham Wilson
    Facepalm

    ...And has your liver been told these facts yet?

    Better warn your liver that when sclerosis strikes it can no longer use alcohol as the excuse!

  21. Alan B
    Joke

    What little hair he had left...

    ...was snow white. His skin was thick, dry, and deeply creased, the texture of screwed up leather, and his eyes were yellow. When he smiled, it was clear that he had long since lost all his teeth.

    Interviewer: "Sir, to what do you attribute your old age?"

    Man: "I drink 20 pints of lager, a litre of wine, and a litre of whiskey every day!"

    Interviewer: "And exactly how old are you?"

    Man: "I'll be 24 next month!"

  22. Richard Crossley
    Pint

    Stressed Worms?

    Do they suffer from hypertension?

  23. Cadence

    Don't you all see what is happening

    It's so obvious - to me at least - that these "studies" are full of shit. Why do we keep trying to find health benefits to drinking a toxin?!? Could it have something to do with the fact that the majority of the world LOVES to drink every fricken day? We are constantly looking to justify the vices we all enjoy. Instead of scientists actually spending their time on a worthwhile research study they waste their time trying to prove that a toxin actually benefits our health. Here they are now saying it will DOUBLE YOUR LIFESPAN. Are you fucking serious? If it makes the alcoholics the world over sleep better at night then it's mission achieved? Double your life span pffffttt. So if someone were going to live to be 70 years old w/o consuming alcohol, if they drank alcohol everyday from the moment they were born would they live to be 140 years old? The longest living people in the world are the Sardinians, the Okinawans, and the California Adventist. There is a Nat. Geo. article on the subject and they show similarities b/w the three groups to correlate life longevity with several main points. Diet, exercise, sense of life purpose, and a close and supportive community. Of the three only the Sardinians drink alcohol. Maybe the Okinawans do occasionally but they do not consume anything in excess. Double your life span ... what a joke. Horrible science. In the same vein this is why we always see studies on coffee, or medicinal cannabis. It's all BS. Caffeine is horrible for you and chronic use of cannabis is as well.

    1. Tubs

      Chocolate is another toxin they keep trying to say is good for you...

      1. Anonymous John

        Chocolate comes from beans, so it's one of your Five a Day. Two of them, if you eat a chocolate orange,

        1. perlcat
          Trollface

          Uhm, Cadence?

          The research doesn't apply to you, sweets.

          It's *my* worm that will live twice as long.

    2. lyngvi

      Cadence: Please read the article before posting.

      Let's not feed the troll...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I'll feed the troll

      So you're obviously some kind of substance abuse addict who's in recovery, why else would you be quoting chapter and verse from the addicts recovery manual?

      For the most people moderate substance abuse is no more dangerous that getting up out of bed and walking to work. Most people know their limits, they know when enough is enough, sadly there are those who do not, those are the people who need your "advice". This sort of survey, which I must add like most of these are mostly full of crap, applies to a general populace who know how to take things in moderation not at-risk substance abusers in society.

  24. Juan Inamillion
    Coat

    I, for one....

    ...welcome our C elegans worm overlords...

    /hic

  25. Mr Young
    Thumb Up

    Alcohol? With some luck included!

    Engage warp engines now please Scotty

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is it the alcohol or the social aspects of having drink and a good time with friends? I like a couple of drinks but only when it's with a few mates and a few laughs, then yes I can well believe it has some very good health benefits.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It doesn't sound like the worms were, "having drink and a good time with friends" in the experiment.

  27. steven rector
    Pint

    Worms - alcohol

    Reminds me of something I have not drank in a very long time, but that drink could not have been adding days to my calendar, just happy to have survived those years.

    1. Shakje
      Thumb Up

      If it comes back up green

      You're doing it right.

  28. Mips
    Childcatcher

    "indeed we share half of our genes"

    Oh c'mmon we share half out genes with every living creature.

  29. min

    cadence?

    looks like you lost your cadence there my man...probably too much of that ethanol stuff.

  30. Graham Bartlett

    @lyngvi

    There's plenty of good British beers at 5% or stronger. Speckled Hen, Hobgoblin, Old Peculier, Tanglefoot, Bishop's Finger and Absolution are all great beers. Greene King's Abbot Ale is perfectly acceptable, although most Greene King pubs are incapable of serving a decent pint of beer. With real ale, you don't necessarily need a lot of alcohol for it to taste great though.

    The bad rep that American beers have got mostly isn't their alcohol content, it's their complete lack of taste. Better American beers for sure can be OK - I liked Killian Red during my stint in Detroit. But the mass-produced stuff like Coors is all really *really* bad.

    Interestingly, brewpubs are a particularly American phenomenon as a reaction to the insanely poor quality of the mass-produced stuff. They never happened in the UK. Partly perhaps it's due to Americans having more disposable income and tending to go out more. Partly though it could also be that the "average" beer in the UK is reasonably OK taste-wise. Or maybe us Brits have just got lazy...

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Brewpubs

      First came across mentions of them in a game.

      Didn't realise they were different to a normal American Bar.

      BTW it was in St Louis.

      No searching - what is the game?

    2. Giles Jones Gold badge

      Firkin pubs used to brew their beer in the back of the pub, or at least it looked that way (it may have been a gimmick).

      1. graham_
        Pint

        Also..

        there's a few brewpubs/brewery restaurants appearing across London. Brew Wharf up near Borough Market and The Botanist in Kew

  31. Giles Jones Gold badge

    Worked wonders for Georgie Best.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    SHANDIES FOR ALL

  33. richardh

    I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that some parasitic bacteria living on the worms, which was shortening their lifespan, was simply killed by the alcohol.

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