back to article iPhone users get iJustHadAShag bedpost-notch boast app

iOS users who fondle more than a slab now have an app to help them report the fact instantly, without having to compose the previously-requisite 140-character double entendre. I Just Made Love lets the user select the kind of relationship, and positions explored, then geotags the entry with a Google Maps mashup so everyone can …

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  1. Arctic fox
    Trollface

    May I be permitted to correct this report a touch?

    "iOS users who fondle more than a slab now *and then* have an app to help them report the fact"

  2. DAN*tastik
    Paris Hilton

    Already have so many ideas to market it...

    Grindr plugin is the first!

    With geotagging it would help you remember which neighbours you have already had a coffee with, so you can avoid them and make new local friends

  3. Metz
    Paris Hilton

    I'm sure there's another article...

    ... somewhere around here with the comments filled by fanbois berating the quality of the Android market place. Really? REALLY?!

    Paris, because...because....oh I give up.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I want to make a comment

    But for some reason I just can't find the strength

  5. Mike Hunt 1
    Paris Hilton

    Fornication foibles

    The question on Gizmodo asks "Can somebody tell me what kind of helpless imbecile wants to broadcast where he or she just have had sex, down to the GPS location and sexual position?" is surely answered thus:

    An iPhone owner

    Nuff said!

    (Paris: Well there is one download guaranteed)

    1. Error Message Silver badge
      Holmes

      Seconded

      That's consistent with the fact that there are only two kinds of "lovers": those who actually have sex, and those who talk about having sex.

  6. Robert Ramsay
    Alert

    Arrrgh

    CIVILISATION IS OFFICIALLY OVER

  7. Robocat
    Joke

    Reminds me of the College Humour sketch

    Odd how real life follows comedy...

    NSFW

    http://blog.collegehumor.com/post/3068719109/foursquare-for-sex-dont-check-in-without-her

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    hmm...

    Fail for the lack of camera integration because, as everyone knows, the internet's response is likely to be 'PoiDH'.

  9. Chris Miller
    FAIL

    There's a word for people who would want an app like this

    And that word is 'virgin'.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      Says the guy...

      Posting on a technology websites forum at 10 o'clock in the evening.

  10. Bakunin
    Trollface

    Missing option

    It seems to lack the mostly like used position for that user base; the five finger shuffle.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The accelerometer

      The built-in accelerometer detects the activity and shos you a different menu of positions to choose from.

  11. Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face

    There's two people in most of those "positions" icons. I'm sure that's one two many for most apple fanbois.

  12. leeph
    WTF?

    Wow, another pointless, stupid 'fucking' app. Is this newsworthy? I'll answer that for you. NO.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Did you do it on a boat?

    Or did you do it with a goat?

    (with apologies to Dr Seuss)

  14. Anonymous Coward 15
    Paris Hilton

    There's a song

    about this sort of thing...

    1. Jimbo 6

      Will that be Transvision Vamp, "I Don't Care" ?

  15. eSeM

    Whats The Point?

    Doubt this app will get used very much, masturbation doesn't count.

  16. John G Imrie
    Joke

    iJustMadeLove

    to Rosie Palm and her 5 daughters.

  17. Stuart Castle Silver badge

    Maybe in the future

    they could get Siri to rate you based on how loud your other half yells, and what he or she yells?

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nice iconography

    Is that the London 2012 Olympics logo I can see on there? Oh no, wait...

  19. zb
    FAIL

    Wankers

    They do not have a box for Mrs Hand and her five lovely daughters - by far the most likely activity of anyone downloading this app.

  20. Tchou
    Joke

    Was this app made by Samsung to make iPhone users look worse?

    Or was Samsung right in the first place with their adds?

    ( Hard time to decide between "Joke" or "Troll" icon d:^° )

  21. Ian North

    How the hell did that get past Apple's censors?!

    1. Mike Hunt 1
      Facepalm

      Re: How the hell did that get past Apple's censors?!

      Easy!

      There are words in the app that they just don't comprehend. They are:

      I + just + had + a + shag

      None of them understand it when used in this context.

  22. Hollerith 1

    Call me a cynic

    I think this will mostly be used by sad dweebs who aren't doing anything. Or at least with anyone but themselves. It will be the latest version of the imaginary girlfriend.

    And any chap (it seems to be aimed at chaps) who pauses to notify the world of his, erm, situation, risks joining the sad dweeb club about 5 seconds afterwards.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shurely IJUSTHADALOBOTOMY would be far more appropriate.

  24. laird cummings
    Thumb Down

    Kiss-n-Tell for geeky cads...

    Seriously - Do cads really need a new way to brag?

  25. Mike Judge
    Stop

    strange

    There was me thinking all iPhone users were total wankers

  26. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  27. Kevin Reilly
    Thumb Up

    this is definetly one for the jokers

    Just think where you could go to and post ! Blackpool Tower, The o2, Spaghetti junction, The White Cliffs of Dover. Parliament Square, Buckingham Palace, The White House, The Vatican, Alcatraz, Wembley stadium @ the cup final. the possibilities are endless.

  28. Matt Piechota

    That's it.

    Android just can't compete with high quality apps like this, I'm switching.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the winpho port adds

    ...and I'm all by myself....

  30. Aaron Em

    Frat boy bullshit

    That is all.

  31. Richard 81

    We've come a long way

    ...and this is humanity's zenith.

  32. Wize

    ...options limited to one partner...

    So it won't handle those flying solo when joining the mile high club.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    What? No threesome button?

    How the hell are you supposed to brag properly without buttons for things like "Threesome" and "Famous person"?

  34. JimC
    Headmaster

    Don't worry you're not really

    " at risk of quoting Tina Turner "

    'cos it was written by Terry Britten and Graham Lyle...

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thanks for the inspiration

    I'll go start designing iMaginaryGirlfriend, which sends you "texts" and sometimes phones you - according to your schedule - to make your 14 year old friends think you've pulled.

    Exclusive to iPhone! Because that's where the market is.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    frequently bought together

    Does it show recommendations a la Customers Who Did This Here Also Did That There?

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm all for a laugh and definately for taking money from suckers prepared to pay for this sort of shite, but is this what the human race has come to? Making time to use an expensive gadget to record positions during your list of horizontal dance moves?

    At this rate I don't think the human race will ever rise above that 37% we managed to get down our evolutionary path!

  38. LarsG

    COULD LEAD TO

    Legal action. If you are faffing with your phone you are not giving 100%, a not so satisfied lady might object to the publication of your 'GOAL'.

    It's true your honour, he was always playing with his phone.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why is...

    ... one of the figures pink and the other blue?

  40. Ben Rosenthal

    Where is my...

    "iJustDroppedAMassiveSteamer" app?

    I'm a happily co-habiting man so I don't get too much use for the one in the article :D

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    iJustHadAShag - Translation

    I just watched Top Gear while wanking

    Rating out of 5: Didn't shoot my load until

    1pt - After the credits

    2pts - Saw the first red car that wasn't a Ferrari

    3pts - Any colour Ferrari except red

    4pts - A red Ferrari

    5pts - Caught a glimpse of Jeremy Clarkson

  42. TRT Silver badge
    Holmes

    Well...

    I wondered how to record my purchase of an Axminster. Now there's an app for that.

    1. Jimbo 6

      I was mistaken, then

      I foolishly believed this was aimed at gourmands, who may recently have dined on a seabird of the North Atlantic related to the cormorant

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shake in awe

    at the quality of apps on the Apple store...

    Anyone that claims Apple has a higher quality of app is clearly a braindead moron. (or considers this to be a quality app).

  44. Atonnis
    Devil

    Surely...

    ...instead of all the options of positions there should just be a big button that says 'Doesn't Matter'

  45. TRT Silver badge

    But...

    If I visit a prostitute, do I have to pay Apple a cut?

    1. Error Message Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Only if

      You hired her though the iHo app.

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just wait...

    For the younger readers who still have them, just wait till your grandparents get this app.

    Enjoy the mental image. :)

  47. <shakes head>

    people on here really don't interact with most of the 12-16 yearold who have iphones who are happy to record all their exploits no matter how silly for postarity on the interwebs.

  48. ManiK67
    WTF?

    Assumedly

    there will be an "..and then she turned into a donkey M'lud" for Nigerian iPhone owners!!!

  49. Andy99
    Trollface

    Do you think it gives achievements?

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Loners could always hook it up...

    ... with Siri, I suppose...

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