back to article Bloke gets wedding tackle trapped in ring

A Southampton man who got his wedding tackle wedged in a metal ring was freed from his todger vice in the traditional local fashion: by trained fire brigade operatives wielding a grinder. Sawbones at Southampton General Hospital called in the professionals after failing to extract the meat and two veg from the ring. Two crews …


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  1. AlgernonFlowers4
    Paris Hilton


    Playmobil erection or it didn't happen!

    1. Anonymous Coward


      Surely ?

  2. Number6


    So where's the Playmobil reconstruction? Especially as on this comment page is an ad for El Reg's 'Playmobil Perversions'.

    1. The Indomitable Gall

      "Our miniature coverage in full" takes on new meaning in this context....

  3. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    IT Angle?

    I guess he was the system administrator? Those guys never seem to have enough to do ...

    Odd that we never seem to see this sort or article about women ...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Odd that we never seem to see this sort or article about women ...

      If a woman got her penis stuck in a ring I think we would definitely hear about it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I can tell you're in IT if you think that a woman could get into that sort of situation.

    3. Anonymous Coward


      we are not that stupid.

      Men seem to have a perverse curiosity to stick their willies into places they shouldn't.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      know a woman with a clit big enough to get stuck in a ring?

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      Well my woman Would always be in the news with the stuff I can get in there.

  4. Chris 3
    IT Angle

    ... or is El Reg running articles like this rather more frequently these days?

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Ms Bee, Ms Bee! He said...

      Oh, right.


  5. Jess

    South HAMPTON


  6. LarsG


    How big was the metal ring!

    1. Lars Silver badge


      How small was the wedding tackle!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      or how small was it, the ring that is :-)

  7. Anonymous Coward

    brigade breaks boner bondage

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    raunchy ring rampage results in red faces

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    peals of laughter after ring-related bell-end blunder

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    What was he doing putting his tackle in there in the first place?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      At a guess it was a stainless steel cock-ring - the purpose of which is to keep the wearer hard. Only in this case, perhaps it was too tight hapless man couldn't get soft again.

  11. jubtastic1
    IT Angle

    Angle grinder?

    I thought they already used reciprocating saws in medicine that are designed to not cut soft materials, using an angle grinder seems like the proverbial sledgehammer to crack a nut.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Really? I can read the Star for this kind of shite.

    PS: Anybody who can't operate a cock ring, improvised or otherwise, deserves everything that's coming to them.

    1. Adrian Challinor

      Not True

      You have to buy the Star to not read this in it.

      Here, you can not read it for free.

      We don't need to know that you didn't want to read it, didn't see the tag line that it is in Bootnotes, and then wasted yours and everyone else's time telling so.

  13. Robert E A Harvey
    Paris Hilton

    old news

    Most old fashioned A&E would have had a bloke "wearing" a wedding ring at least once a year.

    Some fire brigades had special cutters for it, like very thin tinsnips!

    Paris, cos she likes rings.

    1. The Indomitable Gall

      A wedding ring?!? Shoorly shum mishtake. I would be very surprised to find anyone with a willy narrower than their fourth finger....

  14. Andus McCoatover

    Ring, or ringpiece?

    Reminds me of my charity fund dare, standing at a bus-stop in Tampere, Finland, holding a vacuum cleaner with the hose stuck down my trousers (attached to nothing!) , asking passers-by "Which 'bus goes to the hospital"? FIM25 (n. €5) for each person that answered. Didn't raise (ooer, missus) much, most people walked swiftly away, or creased themselves laughing.

  15. Sooty

    did they consider

    showing him a naked picture of Margaret Thatcher, that would be almost guaranteed to cause shrinkage!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: did they consider

      It was actually a picture of a three-way - Ronnie Raygun, Thatcher and Denis.

      He was offered the choice and went for the angle grinder

      1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

        Re: Re: did they consider

        The idea is to cause detumescence not heart failure.

    2. Sooty

      A thumbs down? Was that because I used the qualifier 'almost' :)

      I mulled it over, but I had to accept there are a few sick people out there for whom it would only exacerbate the situation!

  16. Tony Green

    A better local rag than mine

    Most of the comments on that story would have been rejected by the pathetic prudes who moderate the East Anglian Daily Times. The Southern Daily Echo gets respect from me.

  17. TeamEvil

    Wasn't this same thing in the very first episode of London's Burning?

    1. Richard 45

      Yes it was, though it was a curtain ring the posh idiot got stuck in, in the bath as well.

  18. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    "It is amazing what situations some people end up in"

    Yeah, because he was just wandering around without pants but with a boner, and happened to trip over something in the tool shed and lodge himself straight through said ring.

    Total happenstance. Unbelievable string of coincidences, honest, guv.

  19. Alister
    Thumb Up

    Firemen bearing grinder tackle Southampton hampton shocker

    You should really win a prize for that

  20. Anomalous Cowturd

    That'll teach him...

    Not to put his tadger in tight "metal" rings.

    Top class commentardery from the local rag too.

  21. Simon 39

    Wait, what?

    The story should be that a man old enough to marry could still fit his gear through the rather confined space of a wedding ring.

    -Or was this "metal ring" a ring of another variety?

    Do tell.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Jewelers have tools

      Even the female ones!

      Cross a pair of pliers with a tin opener related to a tiny circular saw blade. There is a thin guard that goes under the ring (usually on a finger, but...) and the "circular saw" is turned by a thumb screw. Gold is not very hard, but patience would still be required. This, apparently, was of a metal that required a /grinder/.

      Frankly, even pvc pipe wouldn't be much fun. Although... perhaps that what people who are into pvc do? I admit to having led a sheltered life. Even if I do know a bit about jewellers' tools.

  22. Anonymous Coward

    Heat it red hot

    It'll expand enough to withdraw the stuck item.

    Most things can be fixed with heat and hammers!

  23. Cunningly Linguistic

    ## Pink thing in the ring dah, dah, dah, dah, dah ##

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Presumably the second fire crew was needed

    because the first one was laughing so much

  25. Anonymous Coward

    Sadly, this is not just a UK phenominon

    A little old, but...

    One wonders who in their right mind would attempt such an act. And no, I don't think such lifeforms are capable of marriage, no self respecting woman would tolerate such a dimwitted other-half.

    Is there a movie where someone sticks their meat and two veg into a ring? I know the movies were blamed for this incident:

  26. LinkOfHyrule
    Paris Hilton

    Lube - the answer to everything!

    I cannot stress this enough people - lube, lube, LUBE!

    Lube - for all life's little problems!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Lube won't help

      Yes, lube is pretty good, but the point of a cock ring is to restrict the ability of blood to flow out of the penis and keep it particularly erect.

      With a hard cock ring it's not possible to take it off without cutting. This is why a soft cock ring or something such as a shoelace should be used.

  27. FredScummer
    Paris Hilton

    I Imagine.....

    ....that reporting into A&E in Southampton Hospital could have been an embarassing experience for the guy.

    Receptionist: What is the problem?

    Patient: I've got my todger stuck in a ring.

    Other Waiting Patients : Fall about laughing.

    Paris because if he'd have been thinking about her then there never would have been any danger of getting it in the ring in the first place.

  28. FredScummer

    The Same Guy?

    Either El Reg have reported the same story twice, or maybe the same guy didn't learn from the first occasion:

  29. Shagbag

    Arab strap.

  30. Mr Young

    Angle Grinder - ye

    I do like the power tool concept! I also like to make sure it doesn't touch me finger at the very least, never mind pointing it towards my bits! Last time they pointed at something - I had kids! Help

  31. A J Stiles


    Next time a woman claims that empathy is strictly reserved to the female sex, just show her a man reading this article, or one like it, for the first time.

    We're all born with the capacity for empathy. It mostly gets beaten out of boys by primary school. So strong, however, is the instinct to preserve the Family Jewels at all costs (cos those who lacked this instinct, ended up being nobody's ancestors .....) that every grown man winces a little at stories involving the words "todger" and "grinder".

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Every grown man winces...

      Nah. This one just thinks "One slip of the grinder and we could have a Darwin contender.".

      Btw, apropos of another post, "slip hazard" is probably one reason *not* to use lots of lube.

  32. Rob 5

    Ptatchett's new book, Snuff...

    ... has a scene where Vimes, while exhorting some young ladies to pursue careers, lists one of the benefits of nursing as gaining a fund of stories about things people put up their...

  33. Big-nosed Pengie

    Was it the Pope's ring?

    Usually you only have to kiss that.

  34. pwillems

    What a load of bollocks.


  35. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

    Am I the only one that read that as..

    "Firefighters used a meat grinder to free the man"

  36. Andy Farley

    Maybe he REALLY liked it

    and wanted to put a ring on it?

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