Bloke gets wedding tackle trapped in ring

A Southampton man who got his wedding tackle wedged in a metal ring was freed from his todger vice in the traditional local fashion: by trained fire brigade operatives wielding a grinder. Sawbones at Southampton General Hospital called in the professionals after failing to extract the meat and two veg from the ring. Two crews …

[AlgernonFlowers4]

Pleeeaase!!!

Playmobil erection or it didn't happen!

[Anonymous Coward]

Meccano

Surely ?

[Number6]

Playmobil

So where's the Playmobil reconstruction? Especially as on this comment page is an ad for El Reg's 'Playmobil Perversions'.

[The Indomitable Gall]

"Our miniature coverage in full" takes on new meaning in this context....

[Version 1.0]

IT Angle?

I guess he was the system administrator? Those guys never seem to have enough to do ...

Odd that we never seem to see this sort or article about women ...

[Anonymous Coward]

Odd that we never seem to see this sort or article about women ...

If a woman got her penis stuck in a ring I think we would definitely hear about it.

[Anonymous Coward]

I can tell you're in IT if you think that a woman could get into that sort of situation.

[Anonymous Coward]

Because...

we are not that stupid.

Men seem to have a perverse curiosity to stick their willies into places they shouldn't.

[Anonymous Coward]

you

know a woman with a clit big enough to get stuck in a ring?

[Anonymous Coward]

women

Well my woman Would always be in the news with the stuff I can get in there.

[Chris 3]

... or is El Reg running articles like this rather more frequently these days?

[Anonymous Coward]

Ms Bee, Ms Bee! He said...

Oh, right.

<sob>

[Jess]

South HAMPTON

hehe

[LarsG]

Ooooooooooh

How big was the metal ring!

[Lars]

Ooooooooooh

How small was the wedding tackle!

[Anonymous Coward]

Small

or how small was it, the ring that is :-)

[Anonymous Coward]

brigade breaks boner bondage

[Anonymous Coward]

raunchy ring rampage results in red faces

[Anonymous Coward]

peals of laughter after ring-related bell-end blunder

[Anonymous Coward]

Err

What was he doing putting his tackle in there in the first place?

[Anonymous Coward]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cock_ring

[Anonymous Coward]

Cockring

At a guess it was a stainless steel cock-ring - the purpose of which is to keep the wearer hard. Only in this case, perhaps it was too tight hapless man couldn't get soft again.

[jubtastic1]

Angle grinder?

I thought they already used reciprocating saws in medicine that are designed to not cut soft materials, using an angle grinder seems like the proverbial sledgehammer to crack a nut.

[Anonymous Coward]

Really? I can read the Star for this kind of shite.

PS: Anybody who can't operate a cock ring, improvised or otherwise, deserves everything that's coming to them.

[Adrian Challinor]

Not True

You have to buy the Star to not read this in it.

Here, you can not read it for free.

We don't need to know that you didn't want to read it, didn't see the tag line that it is in Bootnotes, and then wasted yours and everyone else's time telling so.

[Robert E A Harvey]

old news

Most old fashioned A&E would have had a bloke "wearing" a wedding ring at least once a year.

Some fire brigades had special cutters for it, like very thin tinsnips!

Paris, cos she likes rings.

[The Indomitable Gall]

A wedding ring?!? Shoorly shum mishtake. I would be very surprised to find anyone with a willy narrower than their fourth finger....

[Andus McCoatover]

Ring, or ringpiece?

Reminds me of my charity fund dare, standing at a bus-stop in Tampere, Finland, holding a vacuum cleaner with the hose stuck down my trousers (attached to nothing!) , asking passers-by "Which 'bus goes to the hospital"? FIM25 (n. €5) for each person that answered. Didn't raise (ooer, missus) much, most people walked swiftly away, or creased themselves laughing.

[Sooty]

did they consider

showing him a naked picture of Margaret Thatcher, that would be almost guaranteed to cause shrinkage!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: did they consider

It was actually a picture of a three-way - Ronnie Raygun, Thatcher and Denis.

He was offered the choice and went for the angle grinder

[Francis Boyle]

Re: Re: did they consider

The idea is to cause detumescence not heart failure.

[Sooty]

A thumbs down? Was that because I used the qualifier 'almost' :)

I mulled it over, but I had to accept there are a few sick people out there for whom it would only exacerbate the situation!

[Tony Green]

A better local rag than mine

Most of the comments on that story would have been rejected by the pathetic prudes who moderate the East Anglian Daily Times. The Southern Daily Echo gets respect from me.

[TeamEvil]

Wasn't this same thing in the very first episode of London's Burning?

[Richard 45]

Yes it was, though it was a curtain ring the posh idiot got stuck in, in the bath as well.

[Pascal Monett]

"It is amazing what situations some people end up in"

Yeah, because he was just wandering around without pants but with a boner, and happened to trip over something in the tool shed and lodge himself straight through said ring.

Total happenstance. Unbelievable string of coincidences, honest, guv.

[Alister]

Firemen bearing grinder tackle Southampton hampton shocker

You should really win a prize for that

[Anomalous Cowturd]

That'll teach him...

Not to put his tadger in tight "metal" rings.

Top class commentardery from the local rag too.

[Simon 39]

Wait, what?

The story should be that a man old enough to marry could still fit his gear through the rather confined space of a wedding ring.

-Or was this "metal ring" a ring of another variety?

Do tell.

[Anonymous Coward]

Jewelers have tools

Even the female ones!

Cross a pair of pliers with a tin opener related to a tiny circular saw blade. There is a thin guard that goes under the ring (usually on a finger, but...) and the "circular saw" is turned by a thumb screw. Gold is not very hard, but patience would still be required. This, apparently, was of a metal that required a /grinder/.

Frankly, even pvc pipe wouldn't be much fun. Although... perhaps that what people who are into pvc do? I admit to having led a sheltered life. Even if I do know a bit about jewellers' tools.

[Anonymous Coward]

Heat it red hot

It'll expand enough to withdraw the stuck item.

Most things can be fixed with heat and hammers!

[Cunningly Linguistic]

## Pink thing in the ring dah, dah, dah, dah, dah ##

[Anonymous Coward]

Presumably the second fire crew was needed

because the first one was laughing so much

[Anonymous Coward]

Sadly, this is not just a UK phenominon

A little old, but...

http://gallery.longlandclan.yi.org/gallery.cgi/humour/spanner.png/photo.html

One wonders who in their right mind would attempt such an act. And no, I don't think such lifeforms are capable of marriage, no self respecting woman would tolerate such a dimwitted other-half.

Is there a movie where someone sticks their meat and two veg into a ring? I know the movies were blamed for this incident:

http://gallery.longlandclan.yi.org/gallery.cgi/humour/pie.png/photo.html

[LinkOfHyrule]

Lube - the answer to everything!

I cannot stress this enough people - lube, lube, LUBE!

Lube - for all life's little problems!

[Anonymous Coward]

Lube won't help

Yes, lube is pretty good, but the point of a cock ring is to restrict the ability of blood to flow out of the penis and keep it particularly erect.

With a hard cock ring it's not possible to take it off without cutting. This is why a soft cock ring or something such as a shoelace should be used.

[FredScummer]

I Imagine.....

....that reporting into A&E in Southampton Hospital could have been an embarassing experience for the guy.

Receptionist: What is the problem?

Patient: I've got my todger stuck in a ring.

Other Waiting Patients : Fall about laughing.

Paris because if he'd have been thinking about her then there never would have been any danger of getting it in the ring in the first place.

[FredScummer]

The Same Guy?

Either El Reg have reported the same story twice, or maybe the same guy didn't learn from the first occasion:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/07/steel_pipe_drama/

[Shagbag]

Arab strap.

[Mr Young]

Angle Grinder - ye

I do like the power tool concept! I also like to make sure it doesn't touch me finger at the very least, never mind pointing it towards my bits! Last time they pointed at something - I had kids! Help

[A J Stiles]

Hmm

Next time a woman claims that empathy is strictly reserved to the female sex, just show her a man reading this article, or one like it, for the first time.

We're all born with the capacity for empathy. It mostly gets beaten out of boys by primary school. So strong, however, is the instinct to preserve the Family Jewels at all costs (cos those who lacked this instinct, ended up being nobody's ancestors .....) that every grown man winces a little at stories involving the words "todger" and "grinder".

[Ken Hagan]

Every grown man winces...

Nah. This one just thinks "One slip of the grinder and we could have a Darwin contender.".

Btw, apropos of another post, "slip hazard" is probably one reason *not* to use lots of lube.

[Rob 5]

Ptatchett's new book, Snuff...

... has a scene where Vimes, while exhorting some young ladies to pursue careers, lists one of the benefits of nursing as gaining a fund of stories about things people put up their...

[Big-nosed Pengie]

Was it the Pope's ring?

Usually you only have to kiss that.

[pwillems]

What a load of bollocks.

Seriously?

[Field Marshal Von Krakenfart]

Am I the only one that read that as..

"Firefighters used a meat grinder to free the man"

[Andy Farley]

Maybe he REALLY liked it

and wanted to put a ring on it?