back to article Threesome ends in arrest as wife struck by pair of TVs

A Miami man's attempt to conduct a threesome with his wife and another woman ended in a spell in the cells after he was accused of assaulting his spouse with a brace of TVs. Deputy sheriffs were called to a kerfuffle at a home in Naples Florida, the Naples News reports, where they found Jorge Daniel Silva, 22, his wife, …

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  1. PaulyV

    I thought this referred to Transvestites...I prefer my version of events,

  2. PaulyV

    I thought this referred to Transvestites...I prefer my version of events.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Me too

      I kept wondering why he had a couple of transvestites handy to assault his wife with.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you can't stand the heat...

    Go solo. If your monster is more green-eyed than one-eyed, you can't go wrong with a onesome.

    1. Greem

      But...

      Never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, and vice-versa.

  4. Anonymous John

    That's the downside of flat screen TVs.

    If they'd had CRT ones, nobody would have been arrested.

    1. laird cummings
      Terminator

      :: ...nobody would have been arrested. ::

      'Cause they'd have been dead. Those old CRT-based units are heavy and solid!

  5. Lallabalalla
    Holmes

    concluded all three were under the influence of alcohol.

    that's it.

  6. Mondo the Magnificent
    Coat

    Porno!

    Always a hit on the big screen TV!

  7. Matthew 25
    IT Angle

    icon says it all

  8. Chris Miller

    Errata

    For 'Naples' read 'nipples' throughout.

  9. Rich 2 Silver badge
    WTF?

    'tis often said...

    ...that this sort of thing never ends well.

    But this is ridiculous!

    1. Franklin

      Well, of course it's said that this sort of thing never ends well. Those of us pervs who know how to have group sex without turning it into a police matter are more busy doing it than talking about it! (Well, some of us, anyway. I like doing both, meself.)

      Plus, it's more socially accepted to talk about the Threesome That Went Horribly Wrong than the Threesome That Totally Rocked. The Threesome That Went Horribly Wrong reaffirms the cultural narrative about how sex is "supposed" to be.

  10. Mike Smith
    FAIL

    Should have said tellys

    There was me thinking it was a different sort of TV.

  11. auburnman
    WTF?

    How the hell...

    ...do you swing a TV "Like a bat"?

    1. Audrey S. Thackeray

      1) Hang upside down from ceiling

      2) Swing TV (which is quite possibly the channel they were watching).

  12. b166er

    Evidently there was nothing good on TV either!

  13. Your Handle, my Handle, it's all good
    Thumb Up

    All articles should end with a quote as good as this ...

    "and concluded all three were under the influence of alcohol"

    1. perlcat
      Facepalm

      No, this one should have concluded:

      "...concluded all three were under the influence of horny & stupid."

  14. Wize

    Two TVs in the bedroom?

    Maybe thats why their sex life sucks

    1. sabba
      Paris Hilton

      @wize

      I am guessing from the fact that he swung 'em around that they weren't 42 inches - once again, size is everything!!

      Paris - cos' she would settle for nothing less than 50 inches

    2. David Cantrell
      WTF?

      ANY TVs in the bedroom, surely

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This sort of behaviour is just not acceptable

    Behaving like this is only likely to make it even harder for the rest of us pervs to persuade our reluctant other halves to engage in a little extra frolicking if they feel that this could physically endanger them.

    Can't these people think of anyone but themselves for a moment!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Errrrrmm...

    ... when you say "TV's" ...?

  17. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    What a freak

    Wants a threesome and can't stand to see the women kissing???

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Sounds to me like he couldn't perform then got jealous when they carried on without him - happens all the time with insecure men (I'll bet he'd not have been so keen if his wife had wanted 2 guys either).

      1. A J Stiles
        Coat

        On that subject

        Why do so many "über-straight" guys want to go with two women? Surely you just end up with more holes than you can fill .....

        Now, two guys and one girl still leave some holes unfilled, but there are at least more possibilities. Especially if you factor in a strap-on!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          I believe this covers it

          http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1023#comic

        2. This post has been deleted by its author

        3. laird cummings
          Facepalm

          :: Why do so many "über-straight" guys want to go with two women? ::

          If ya gotta ask, you'll never understand.

      2. perlcat
        Facepalm

        Yeah, that.

        Maybe he should have rented the movie "The Green Man" first to see what can happen.

      3. The Original Ash
        Thumb Up

        Can't "perform"?

        Grab a camera.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      As a freak

      I have to say the whole point is

      > to see the women kissing

      Now please can we have an icon for a cold shower

  18. Turtle

    And. . . . ?

    And. . . . ?

  19. Camilla Smythe
    Coat

    Oh... Televisions

    I'll get me coat.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    If ever you need a playmobile reenactment...

    1. SirTainleyBarking
      Thumb Up

      Be sure to use a video projector instead

      Problem solved!

  21. Arctic fox
    WTF?

    Am I being impossibly oldfashioned here by suggesting.................

    ...........that he might have concentrated on keeping his wife happy in bed without "assistance"? As in showing the lady a decent amount of enthusiasm and consideration - consistently? I have to say that if you have to "call in reinforcements" you have rather lost the plot with your other half.

    1. Franklin

      Bit like saying "if you have to use sex toys you've lost the plot" or "if you have to use positions other than missionary you've lost the plot," really. It's not about what you "have" to do, it's about what's fun to do.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You're assuming that the threesome was the husband's idea. That's not neccessarily the case. Speaking as a man married to a bisexual woman I've got to say that it sounds to me like maybe this bloke was in a similar situation. Granted we both believe that exploring the idea of a threesome would be nearly as damaging to our marriage as cheating and so have never done so, but barring that mentality she would be more likely to suggest bringing in a second woman than I would be.

      Anon because she'd be pissed at me for outing her otherwise.

      1. Arctic fox
        Thumb Up

        RE: "You're assuming that the threesome was the husband's idea"

        Indeed I was and concluded that his reaction was (to paraphrase St Theresa) an example of "more tears shed over prayers that are answered than those which go unheard" because he discovered he could not cope with his fantasy when he experienced it in reality. However, you do indeed have a point in the sense that if it *was* his other half that, so to speak, put him on the spot and he just could not handle it then I have rather more sympathy for him. Under those circumstances it may well have been the case that the emotional fall-out of a situation that he did not ask for provoked the violence. Whatever the truth is here I am relieved that nobody was too badly injured - such situations have led to far worse outcomes.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          @ Artic Fox

          That reminds me of a comment from the Ex

          "Why do women like threesomes" (meaning FMF)

          "Because it gives us someone to talk to when the bloke falls asleep"

      2. Andus McCoatover
        Windows

        ...married to a bisexual woman...

        You lucky, lucky sod!

        At least you can get a bit of peace on a Friday night, wathing the telly!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Nah. She doesn't cheat for the same reason we don't have threesomes. Our marriage is more important to her than whatever woman has caught her eye. The only real advantage over any other married guy I have is that if she catches me checking out another woman she looks also instead of getting mad at me.

  22. Atonnis
    Stop

    Doesn't matter!

    Had....oh....wait...

  23. Willington

    It's a trap that men are easily reeled in by. Your girlfriend will only ever allow you to have a threesome with another girl involved if she has some lesbian tendencies - it's never for your benefit no matter how good it sounds in theory.

    I agree with A J Stiles, it's just logical.

  24. sabba
    Paris Hilton

    That reminds me...

    ...of the time I went into a TV bar in Frankfurt expecting to watch a match. That was definitely the wrong kind of TV. A 'girl' should not have stubble and an Adam's apple.

    Paris? Well just because she is always on TV.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How the hell...

    ...did that guy ever get 1 woman to agree to get knobbed, nevermind 2 of them...

    Or wait, is that why he was enraged, because he was engorged but they'd realised he was an ugly f**ckling and decided they'd concentrate on each other.

    Ahhh, when the trash go out to play = black comedy.

  26. Steen Hive
    Facepalm

    Felony Battery?

    Did he end up in a Dura Cell?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      if he did

      i hope his cell mate was not Ever Ready

      for his sake

  27. N_Wanzer
    Coat

    Planning?

    I think the planning went a bit skewed. Obviously the wife wasn't think the same as the husband. This just shows it's always good to have a detailed outline before starting any project....

    1. laird cummings
      Boffin

      Correct, actually...

      Having done this a few times, yes actually, a 'plan' of sorts is very appropriate. Mostly, it involves open and honest discussion of limits and scenarios, to make sure no one is crossing anyone else's red lines, and everyone is willing to play.

      That, actually, is why we don't really pursue threesomes any more - they're too much like work, making sure everyone is OK with which acts, and making sure no one goes home feeling negrlected or with their feelings hurt. The fantasy of it is enticing; The reality, rather less so.

      Yeah, I know - I'm a kill-joy. Tough - better to be a wet blanket, than someone get a Sony upside their head.

  28. Rocket
    IT Angle

    Pictures or ... never mind. It was in Florida. I'll keep my imagination in LA

  29. Adrian Coward
    Stop

    Will nobody think about....

    ...the poor innocent TV's?

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Go to the article and check the photo...

    <-- It's Guy!

  31. Keep Refrigerated
    IT Angle

    @threesome = ("wife","friend","man");

    $thirdwheel = pop(@threesome);

    print $threesome[3] || `bash -c TV1.sh && TV2.sh`;

    1. sabba
      Thumb Up

      Erm!

      I think I am a little scared that you took the time to write pseudo code for an orgy. It just goes to show that nerd brains just do not work the same way as normal ones. RESPECT.

  32. Johan Bastiaansen
    Alert

    How do you arrest somebody ...

    Who probably would enjoy having the cuffs slapped on him?

    1. alwarming
      Angel

      Re: How do you arrest somebody

      Totally different things!

      Wanting a m.a.trios is a pretty much a mainstream fantasy really. Whereas enjoying cuffs, while not rare, would probably come under deviant fantasy. Though chances are people will try cuffs before the trios is simply because cuffs are much easier to find (than a willing thirdwheel + wife).

  33. Henry Wertz 1 Gold badge

    Wow...

    He watches two chicks start going at it, warming each other up for a 3-way, and his reaction is to start swinging TVs and punching? Wow.

  34. Richard Pennington 1
    Coat

    Optional

    Better a TV with a battery than battery with a TV.

    And without the battery he never would have been charged.

  35. Dana W
    FAIL

    No shock.

    Another guy who's idea of what a threesome is comes from straight porn.

    He assumed a threesome meant two women pleasuring HIM! It probably never crossed his mind that he and his unit were not the automatic center of attention. "After all it always is in porn"

    These are the same guys who think Lesbians are women who make it with each-other and them as well.

  36. Wupspups

    Hard to visualise him swing 2 TVs

    Playmobil re-enactment please.

  37. genome

    playmobil reconstruction or it didnt happen!

  38. Turtle

    Point taken.

    Another sad tale about the evils of alcohol.

    Point taken.

  39. JDX Gold badge

    The enraged ... Silva then struck his wife

    Should that read 'engorged'?

  40. Richard Pennington 1
    Coat

    TVs

    As in the Silva screen ...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Silver screen = cinema

      Small screen = TV

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Alcohol how you failed me

    Only twice in my life I've been asked to join a threesome, and twice I've been too pissed to participate. It's no wonder I don't drink any more.

    Both times in my early 20s...

    I picked up a couple of girls in a bar, they were totally up for it ... but unfortunately on the way home I had to stop the cab to be sick and when I got out and puked they closed the cab door and drove off.

    One of my flatmates was shagging his very attractive fiancé and shouted for me to join him, when I opened his bedroom door she was bouncing up and down on him and I was tempted ... but I'd been boozing and stuff all evening and was in no fit state for such exersions so had to say "not now, next time" but that was never offered again.

    Sigh.

    1. perlcat
      Paris Hilton

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

      I have enough class *not* to brag about fish I couldn't catch.

  42. Nick Gisburne
    FAIL

    His next threesome

    ...will presumably be a little different, if he's put away in prison for a year or two.

  43. Kirstian K
    Happy

    Figures

    a few years back my missus and her mate (an ex of mine from before) regularly had a 'good' time quite regularly, (practically living together, ahhh memories, married with kids and no chance of that these days..anyway) i wont go into to much details, but they had a go alone a few times (and it didnt worry me), and it was ok, but when i had a go alone (once) with the ex, i was being unfaithfull..... (and thats what eventually led to our break up)

    bloody women.. double standards if you ask me..

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