back to article Darth Vader mounts defence of doomed empire

Dixons Retail is turning to the dark side this Christmas by hiring jackbooted camp war mongerer Darth Vader to star in a marketing campaign. The parent of Currys and PC World wants to make hard-pressed shoppers aware of improvements in customer service at its chains, though Vader is a strange choice as he couldn't muster his …

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  1. Doogie Howser MD
    Joke

    Shame Alec Guinness Still Isn't Around..

    ..we could have hired him to wear a robe and wave his hand at the screen saying "this isn't the electrical retailer you're looking for"..

  2. Drew V.
    FAIL

    This would have been a fresh and original marketing campaign...

    ...in 1983.

    (Yeah, yeah..."if it worked in the past," the PR guy said, and there are legions of Star Wars fans...still, half of everything that's on Youtube is more original than this.)

  3. Kane Silver badge

    "George Lucas will clearly not be sat in the director's chair so the ads could actually be more meaningful than the last generation of Star Wars films he made."

    Ouch. Not a fan then?

    1. BorkedAgain
    2. bolccg
      Unhappy

      More likely

      He was a fan until the abomination that was Episode One. The constant revisions to the older movies don't help either.

  4. James O'Brien
    Mushroom

    "....though Vader is a strange choice as he couldn't muster his troops to complete two Death Stars on time."

    Wasn't the first one completed on time hence the Emperors line of a fully functional Death Star or something like that in the first movie? Just making sure I remember the films right.....

    *I think the icon speaks for what happened next in the film though.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Yes

      The first one WAS completed and working (it destroyed Alderaan), but was then blown up by some pesky rebels.

      The second one was being built, initially behind schedule until Vader turned up to 'motivate' the troops, but was then blown up by some pesky rebels :-(

      1. Stumpy Silver badge

        Does this mean that, if we're really lucky, a group of pesky rebels will turn up and destroy every single branch of Currys/PC World for us?

      2. BorkedAgain
        Thumb Up

        I hate to be a pedant, but...

        ...quite an important point of the plot was that the second death star was, in fact, already functional (if poorly-defended) - hence the whole "It's a trap!" thing.

        Your homework is to watch the trilogy again, and pay attention this time.

        (Oh dear. I just weighed in to an online argument over Star Wars plots. This is not a good sign...)

      3. Heironymous Coward
        Mushroom

        The second death star was intentionally designed to look as if it was still under construction, but when the rebels attack, the Emperor says something about "witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station".

        So both death stars were completed (at least according to Mr. Lucas, who is I believe the authority on these matters). I won't try to comment on the timeliness w.r.t. scheduled completion time but reflecting on the incentives that Mr. Vader is able to put into operation I very much doubt they were far behind schedule...

  5. Anonymous Coward 101
    Unhappy

    Poor Dixons...

    ...no, really. I just feel sad for them now. There needs to be a place for high street gadget shops - do we just want supermarkets, Argos, and online?

    1. Captain TickTock
      WTF?

      Dixons are better...?

      ...than Argos and Supermarkets? How?

  6. Studley

    "Would you like the extended warranty, sir?"

    ...Darth used to give a stern silence, but now booms "NOOOOOOO"

  7. Jon Lamb
    Thumb Up

    Chad Vader

    Needs to be done in the style of Chad Vader

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I always preferred this one:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A0rwG39Jzk

  8. Richard Wharram
    Facepalm

    Nooooooooooooooooooooo

  9. seanj
    Megaphone

    Darth Vader? PC World?

    Nooooooooooooooooooo!!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "We have invested a huge amount in our staff training and development."

    Yeah a sit down and listen course... Where probably most of them fell asleep.. And what was this course about?

    Cause it wasnt technical!

  11. gautam
    Mushroom

    Doomed Empire !

    Says it all, really.

    What with £ 24.99 USB cables, dumb staff and warranty selling managers, and all that .

    1. TRT Silver badge

      "I want you to take these two units down the 'The Geek Squad' and have their memories wiped..."

      "It's not called the Geek Squad anymore, it's KnowHow."

      "And a more wretched hive... etc etc"

  12. Bakunin
    Trollface

    How Apt

    To paraphrase

    "The bricks and mortar technology retailers are extinct, their fire has gone out of the high street. You, my friend, are all that's left of their religion."

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well, shows what the managers dream of

    In the absence of "Death Grip", "Performance Management" most likely serves as a close approximation...

    Is the emperor forgiving or not is not relevant - you ain't seeing any raise ...

  14. thefutureboy

    Camp? Camp?

    I find your lack of faith disturbing.

  15. Whitter
    Boffin

    Point of (geek) order!

    Of course, the second one was completed on time: it was meant to look incomplete.

    But yes, what he said anyway.

  16. Joefish
    WTF?

    "They will take out extended warranties

    or die, my master".

  17. TRT Silver badge

    I find...

    your lack of faith disturbing.

    1. Captain TickTock
      Headmaster

      I find...

      your lack of revenue disturbing...

  18. Flatpackhamster

    By Grabthar's Hammer....

    ...What an amazing deals.

  19. Lush At The Bar
    Alien

    Won't somebody think of the younglings!

    The first one was complete, it just had the small matter of the exhaust port that was "no bigger than a womp rat". The second one was "fully operational".

  20. fiddley
    Facepalm

    Our Business Model is *Broken*...

    ...let's ADVERTISE more, much more, let's get the biggest most expensive ADVERTISING slot there is. That will save us.

    Morons.

  21. Sooty
    Joke

    The money would be better spent

    on a new staff training regime.

    This is an arse, and this is an elbow...

  22. Andy Watt
    FAIL

    PC World / Currys superstore just opened in Reading!

    First time in ages, I ventured out yesterday to look for some RJ45 bits. Maplin first - got most of it. Then, I though I'd look inside Comet and the new PC World/Currys in Reading (at the stadium).

    Place was tumbleweed-empty, echoing chamber full of bright shiny things in tight rows you couldn't see over, at right angles to the door. Mezzanine floor so low the downstairs felt claustrophobic.

    I'm checking over the networking "area" (overpriced heavy plastic cables and nothing else) when an "assistant" who looks slightly desperate to do SOMEthing today asks if she can help.

    "I'm looking for an RJ45 doubler which echoes the lines through. I don't think you have any, it was probably a bit of a stretch for PC World."

    "I'll just ask someone if we have something like that" she says.

    Out of courtesy, I stick around for 10 minutes looking at Kindle (which I'd buy online anyway were I getting one). She never returns.

    It used to take ages to scare off the assitants. I think they're getting flightier.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      The floor assistants at said sales group are oddly familiar...

      "Ooh mooey mooey I love you! "

      "You almost got us killed! Are you brainless? "

      "I spake! "

      "The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Now get out of here. "

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First Scheduled Air during X Factor

    A lot of people won't be seeing the advert since X Factor is a load of crap.

    Viewing figures are still dropping.

  24. Chimpofdoom!
    Meh

    Dixons...

    know as much about customer service as I do quantum physics..

    Unless they were bought over by John Lewis?

    But I may have to see if it's improved.. as they say, curiosity *may* have killed Schrödinger's cat

  25. Graham Bartlett
    Joke

    Oh, the opportunities are endless

    "I find your lack of giving a shit... disturbing."

    "Asteroids do not concern me. I want up-to-date games, not excuses."

    "Depressing, most depressing."

  26. John Lodge
    Holmes

    I eagerly anticipate the demise of this ersatz techie retailer. For at least 20 years now DSG have excelled at supplying crap to customers who wouldn't know a tape drive from sonic screwdriver. Lord help the customer who had a problem, the Sale of Goods Act didn't seem to apply to them. They deserve every shade of shit they get.

  27. Patrick O'Reilly

    Contractors

    I think you'll find he had to sub-contract out the job of building the second Death Star, whom all perished when it was attacked by those rebel terrorists.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I last used Currys

    In the late 90s. I went into a store wanting a surround sound system. I told the sales assistant which one I wanted and politely explained that if anyone tried to sell me an extended warranty I would walk out. The guy at the till tried to sell me an extended warranty and I did walk out. Bought the same item for less online - just had to wait a couple of days for delivery. I've never been back, and can't say I miss it.

  29. Eradicate all BB entrants

    So wrong it hurts....

    ... as Grand Moff Tarkin was the imperial in charge of the first Death Star, not Vader, hence Vader being nice and not killing his sub-ordinates when requested.

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