back to article BOFH: Where's my free fondleslab?

"Well it looks like the Company's doing well," the PFY says, handing over a glossy brochure. "Really - how do you figure?" I ask, giving the Company's annual report the once over. "The bottom line looks pretty flat as far as I can see." "I was just judging by the front cover - the limousine," the PFY says "Oh that!" I say …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Dr. Mouse

    "As a punishment, we have kept all the free iPads and Alienwares for ourselves and given him none."

    You owe me a new keyboard for that!

    1. Laurent_Z
      Paris Hilton

      You own me a new Ipad2 for that

      One can try, isn't it ?

    2. Annihilator

      It's obvious that the footnote wasn't written by El Reg - if it were, then the punishment in their eyes would have been to give Simon the iPads. Sort of in a similar manner where 1st prize is an iPad, 2nd prize is two iPads..

      Unless this is a way to try and get back in to future Apple media events!

    3. Chad H.

      I would think the register...

      Knows what happens to those who keep Simon from his new shiny shiny....

  2. Peter Simpson 1

    Register Management

    should be very careful to insure that there is actually an elevator present when the doors open.

    Perhaps it would be prudent to pass some of the swag on to Mr. Travaglia...who, I'm sure, would hate to hear of any unpleasant accidents...

    1. Disco-Legend-Zeke

      A Friend...

      ...repairs ancient DOS machines because the software, which controls elevators for a NYC skyscraper, won't run on any other hardware.

      He also maintains video walls by noted Korean artist Nam June Paik.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        Today I fixed a paper jam on a dot matrix printer. Because the program that needs to print would require a complete rewrite in order to print to any other printer.

        Technology is clearly growing around this machine- the printer is now physically distant from the machine, and a new device sits next to each end, encoding the serial data into packet data, transmitting it over the TCP/IP network, then decoding it back into serial data into the printer.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Don't really know what to say to that, someone somewhere probably found it amusing but that was the worst BOFH ever.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      wow - the sales and marketing companies must LOVE'll fall for anything they punt

    2. Danny 5

      i think

      this is one of those "love it or hate it" episodes. i was in stiches halfway through, but i can fully understand why someone wouldn't find this funny at all.

      to each his own eh? ;)

      1. Vincent Ballard

        I think it was done better in Wayne's World.

    3. c3

      Hipster BOHF

      Sells out to get some free shit, but does it ironically.

  4. Yag

    the best part...

    was actually the footnote

    1. Steve Gill

      Yeah, the footnote was the core - the rest was the setup for it, nice one

    2. Chris007

      it was funny but it would have been nice if Simon had said at the end of his piece that any footnote by the register staff mentioning keeping iPad / Alienware freebies would be getting a personal visit from the BOFH...

      1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge


        exactly, the editors may expect a visit with a cattle prod.

        or a modded security robot

  5. Rameses Niblick the Third (KKWWMT)
    Thumb Up

    Satire and Irony

    Love it, well done Simon. For anyone who didn't get the jokes, well you can appease them next time with a whole load of knob gags and toilet humour.

    1. Chris Hainey

      Got the jokes

      They just weren't very funny

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Well you can look forward to the string of fart gags and knob jokes which will (might) be the next episode, probably more up your street.

  6. Chris Hainey

    The only thing that can be said here is

    Worst. Episode. Ever.

    1. O RLY

      and THAT can only be said in the voice of the Comic Book Guy.

    2. Chad H.
      Thumb Down

      The only rung that can be said in response is

      Worst comment ever.

      1. Audrey S. Thackeray
  7. Neil Porter

    Tried it, doesn't work (or hasn't, yet)

    I tried it on my blog with a faux award to Cadburys for the Double Decker and yet I've still not been contacted to send me any free chocolate.

    World Chocolate Bar of The Year my arse...

    I had thought about going for Porsche next.

    1. Darryl

      Sorry, Neil, but it has to be said....

      That's probably just 'cause nobody reads your blog

  8. DI_Wyman

    Register Management #

    Should not loiter at the top of the stairs.

    Should not loiter at the bottom of the stairs.

    Should not loiter in the underground car park.

    And should not even think about trying to get home this evening by the Northern Line at Leicester Square.

  9. I'm a programmer get me outa here

    Tier 5 is a complete sell-out bordering on infomercial

    Tier 5 it is then...

  10. The New Turtle

    Sell out?

    Or trade off.

    Even Mr. Berners Lee has acquired a new iPhone.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Sell out? Or trade off.

      Even Mr. Berners Lee has acquired a new iPhone.

      -That sure sounds like a trade off.

  11. Allan 1
    Thumb Down

    Bring back the real BOFH

    Uhhh... Is someone ghostwriting these installments of the BOFH? The last few have all failed to ruin my keyboard with coffee.

  12. Danny "Wasps" Boy

    Work of art Simon !!

  13. Ben Norris
    Thumb Down


    This seems as if it should be a joke about product placement but someone forgot the joke.

  14. Daniel 31

    Worse BOFH ever!

    ??? Honestly. Maybe its time to put the BOFH into retirement if he resulting to this crap...

    1. wibbilus maximus

      bit harsh

      I didn't find it funny either but i think you're being a bit harsh. Everyone is entitled to drop the ball occasionally

  15. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    SMART is as SMART does

    Do I detect more than just a hint of HyperRadioProActive IT, El Reg. Would you dare care for a free share of a package with more of it than Blighty can safely handle with its excuse of a Future Virtual Intelligence Service masquerading in their various spooky and officious guises and in their myriad dodgy cyber security office locations?

    Ps ... Who needs freebies whenever you control pots of money and fools' gold.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Normally not a bad word to say about BOFH, but c'mon....

  17. mark 63 Silver badge

    wrong audience

    maybe apple and alienware realise that the people reading this are not gonna have thier opinions and tech purchases swayed by a funny story ,. hence no pressies.

    If somone in the daily mail had done it, they'd be swimming in I-things

  18. Jimmy Pop

    movie rights?

    Check out "The greatest movie ever sold", a movie satirizing product placement in movies, paid for by product placement, clever.

  19. mark 63 Silver badge

    S: This show is awful!

    W: Terrible!

    S: Disgusting!

    W: See you next week?

    S: Of course.

  20. Mustango

    Was this deliberately timed to go out on 4S Day, one wonders?

    Only thing that really cheeses me is that I remember how Simon threw out the PFY's first iPhone for being too.. gimmicky, or whatever his excuse was.

  21. MartinBZM

    This story is...

    wait for it....


  22. Unkown cow heard

    Inspired by The Greatest Movie Ever Sold?

    A film about product placement coming out shortly?

    Posted from my Alienware*

    *Well it will be if you send me one....

  23. Wombling_Free

    Is it just me....

    Or have the screen names of every journo at elReg now got a qualifier that reads "total knob-head"? Looks like someone has been fooling with your servers, guys

  24. Jon 84


    It had me laughing out loud, while also thinking "I bet a lot of people just don't get it".

    Reminded me of the semi-satirical product placements in Billy the Fish.

  25. ukgnome

    Waynes World, Waynes world

    Party time, excellent

    1. Annihilator
      Thumb Up

      "You can stay here in the big leagues and play by the rules, or you can go back to the farm club in Aurora, it's your choice."

      "Yes, and it's the choice of a new generation."

    2. PaulW

      Indeed... it made me spill my Pepsi (I was once part of the new generation*), all overy my Rebok shell suit. Time for some Pizza. Party On!

      *I think! Maybe? Once? Well I'll claim it anyways.

  26. ElReg!comments!Pierre

    That time of the product cycle again...

    But no hard feelings, getting plagued with iPad 2s is punishment enough.

    Now about these Alienware laptops...

  27. Anonymous Coward


    I won't comment on the quality of our latest (and dearly beloved) BOFH installment, other commentards have done that extensively. I just missed a tad of mindless violence.

    However, the graphical representation of the BOFH and PFY leaves much to be desired. I have a couple of BOFH books (from Plan9 publishing), artwork was a bit shabby but in a way fitting. But hardly up to snuff nowadays... Have a chat with Paul Kidby, I would love to see what he does with the BOFH and the PFY.

    For PTerry/Pkidby fans : yes, the "snuff" mention was pun intended. In line with the subject I'm hoping to get a free signed hardback copy mentioning snuff online as much as possible. If you don't like it, well snuff it.

    Pint icon because I have a couple inside me right now, so be gentle.

  28. sisk


    I got the jokes, but it wasn't funny. It was actually painful to watch Simon and the PFY (off topic: surely that acne's cleared up by now?) sell out like that. Even if it was just for satirical purposes.

  29. Richard Jukes
  30. This post has been deleted by its author

  31. maxillius

    Give him a break...

    ...he's been writing BOFH since 1992(ish), non-stop since 1995. Do you want new material or recycled episodes again?

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm sorry I got confused, for a moment I thought I was reading about the House of Commons again.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Haha, loved it - the punch line was gold.

  34. Alden Stradling

    Am I dreaming?

    Was this or was this not the first time that BOFH has mentioned an Apple product without dripping distain?

  35. Jesthar
    Thumb Up

    Perhaps not a classic...

    ...but I giggled my way through it :D

This topic is closed for new posts.

Other stories you might like