back to article Viz Profanisaurus

First published in 1998 Roger’s Profanisaurus is a compendium of words and phrases inspired by the lexicon and philosophy of Viz comic’s foul-mouthed northern TV reporter Roger Mellie. Thirteen years later and "the man from the telly" can now spice up your descriptive and euphemistic powers through this handy app. Never before …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I bought this the other week.

    Definitely the best £1.50 i've spent in a while.

    I recommend 'California tan' and 'You can't piss in the sink when it's full of teabags'.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reports to ParentPort

    1. countd

      ^^ Hand wringer, terrible troll, or just plain unfunny?

  3. Anonymous Coward 101

    At my work...

    ...I used to email round an entry from the Profanisaurus every Friday afternoon to select people in our firm (i.e. most of them), typically without self censorship. I dare say in other companies it would have resulted in instant dismissal. Most of the entries are indeed about masturbation, excretion and anal sex.

  4. countd

    £1.50 well spent. Favourite listing so far, "Attenborough's passport, fanny like". :D

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Or perhaps

    Re Hello Cleveland is from Spinal Tap

    Who plays in Cleveland?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I have my very own entry in it and have done for a few years now...

    "Deal or no Deal"

  7. John I'm only dancing
    Thumb Up


    Was in the original profanisaurus (A 32-page A6 wrap around Viz circa 1997). "Wiping your dick on the curtains after sex at a posh birds house). After I bought this particular Viz (in WH Smith in Amsterdam), I proceeded to pee myself laughing all the way home on a one hour car ride where I was a back seat passenger.

    It changed my life forever.

    1. thesykes
      Thumb Up

      Still got mine...

      It's tucked away from the kids.. still remember getting it, around half a dozen of us all in WH Smiths, then proceded to take it in turns to shout out various entries... closely followed a few seconds later by laughter as we read the definitions, much to the bemusement of the rest of the office.

      May just have to invest in this version now.....

  8. Tom 38 Silver badge

    Also on itunes

    Oh wait, snap.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Also on itunes



  9. Craigness

    Phone number

    I don't want to sound like a tin-foil hat wearer, but I don't see why they need to know my phone number in order to provide me with these gems. I'm out.

    1. ChrisC Silver badge

      The app may be reading the IMEI for authorisation/activation purposes, or it may be checking the phone state to avoid interfering with calls. It's unfortunate that the permission system isn't finer-grained so that apps could just ask for the exact permissions they need without getting others they don't thrown in for free, but as it currently stands having that particular permission doesn't mean the app *will* read your phone number, it only means that it *could*.

  10. Cthulhu

    "Fist published"

    I see what you did there...but I have no idea why.

  11. Nev Silver badge
    Thumb Up


    That is all.

  12. a.4

    o rly~

    Now you have to add "A quick tap on Rodger" as well.

    (My favourites from the printed version were 'SPAD' - Signal Passed At Danger, and Red Wings.)

  13. Tom Servo
    Thumb Up

    Golden Ticket....

    golden ticket 1. n. In Roald Dahl's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", the magical token which allowed Charlie Bucket and his aged grandfather to visit Willy Wonka's fantastic confectionary works and thus

    2. n. In a sexual relationship, permission to enter the wife's mysterious and exciting chocolate factory, though preferably without an elderly relative in tow.

  14. Blubster

    Have one's arse in one's hand

    Had me pissing myself.

    euph. To be in a bad mood, to have a strop on.

    'Arnie's back!.... and this time he's got his arse in his hand!' (Advertising poster for Terminator 3)

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    For the non

    Fanbois and fandroid users out there, its also on Ovi.

  16. Anonymous Coward

    I for one am grateful that the PM announced ParentPort today to save me from this and other corrupting filth that infests the Intertubes. Oh wait - the Great Wall of Cameron only deals with the Web - not App Downloads. Damn You Cameron! And your leaky Wall!!

  17. Robert E A Harvey

    From tonight's news

    We can expect TalkTalk, Sky, and BT to block this then?

  18. Graham Lockley

    >For anyone who doesn’t know what Viz is

    Who is this person ? Name and shame the humourless git !

  19. Wombling_Free

    iDevice version please.


    1. countd

      But there *is* a version for iDevices. Not sure how it got through or if it's here to stay though.

  20. Harvey Trowell

    I am shocked, horrified, outraged, and appalled.

    Gibraltar, a famous Spanish rock? I think not.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    ...about nearly a third of the office staff have bought the Profanisaurus. My personal favourite if the Horizontal Payment System (HPS)

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Hello Cleveland....

    Did anyone else think this refered to the "Familly Guy" character, laugh when you read the definition then had an "oooohhhh" moment when reading the real explanation?

  23. GrumpyJoe


    and trying to explain to my work colleagues why I'm crying... it's not easy in a way that doesn't get me fired for lewd conduct.

    Anne Franks' Drumkit - FFS!!

  24. Neill Mitchell

    Only fly in the ointment

    Is that it's not Honeycomb friendly - portrait only :(

    All these phrases can probably be found in the app ;)

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