back to article appToyz appWheel

“For fuck's sake, Mum. I asked for the appBlaster; not the fucking appWheel. You've totally fucked Christmas. No wonder dad's shacked up with that 26-year-old stunner. I fucking hate you!” I can picture it now. Christmas morning 2011 – surly, ungrateful teenager versus distraught, nonplussed mum. Not that I've even tried the …


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  1. dotdavid

    Wii Wheel

    This looks a bit like my Mario Kart Wii wheel thing, I used it for all of two races before ditching it and just using the Wiimote by itself as it provided no utility.

    Still, as you say, I can see this being a popular stocking filler regardless.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      And those pseudo-wii wheels that can be obtained in the pound shops for the princely sum of - £1!

      For £30 I'd expect pedals too!

      1. Geoff Campbell

        And for a tenner....

        ....I expect someone who could tell the different between a percentage rating and a price.

        Just saying, like.


        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          When I grow up

          I want to be you, Mr Geoff Campbell.

          1. Geoff Campbell

            Most kind.

            But I wish I hadn't put a typo right in the middle of a criticism of someone else's cock-up. One day I shall learn to proof-read.


  2. Mondo the Magnificent
    Thumb Up


    Now the saucer / bluetack combo absolutely rocks, it made this article worth voting up

    I will most certainly be furnishing my son with the porcelain positioning device and blue goop in the hope that he will use the saucer when eating and use bluetack to hold up his girlie posters instead of Sellotape

    Hell, if I restrict him to one saucer, he may even wash it after eating from it.

    You dear sir are a genius...

    As for the crappy plastic device from China.. pffft, it's shite

  3. James Yeomans 1

    Crap device, crap review

    So yes, the device is rubbish but then so is your review. Your language is no better than that of the teenagers who will receive the device and the pictures that aren't stock are presumably taken on your Jesus phone? I hope the rest of your work is better than this tripe - go out and review things properly, or can't you be bothered to be a proper journalist?

    1. andy mcandy

      but but but...

      it's a plastic fake steering wheel that is uncomfortable to hold. seriously, what more of a review is needed?

  4. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

    "enhanced virtual reality"

    As a young lad, "you're living in a fucking fantasy world", was more a put down than celebration of technology. "Enhanced virtual reality" was dragging a torch under the bed before you pulled the bed covers over the sides of your spaceship or whatever it was that week.

    In my day you didn't need blu-tack nor £800 quid of technology to have fun; just the saucer would do, and if your folks actually loved you, maybe dad would get a genuine steering wheel from the scrappy for your birthday.

    They don't know they're born. I'll get my coat.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down


    Is that all you wheely had to say on the matter?

  6. Ralthor


    This where mum beats the ungrateful little shit into the middle of next week?

  7. bdam
    Big Brother

    You've missed the point entirely here.

    It's finally the contraption which allows the iPhone to make calls without needing Steve "rubber accessory" Jobs to tell you how you should and shouldn't hold it..

  8. David Haig

    Remember ...

    ... when Sellotape came in a tin? And the ZX-Spectrum was the gaming machine of choice? Well an F1 racing game's controls were set up so you could use the tin to act as a steering wheel over the Spectrum's rubber keys.

    Didn't improve my score though ......

    1. William Towle

      Re: Remember...

      For the record, this was Formula One Simulator.


      "Mastertronic (unwittingly hilariously) included this little gem in the instructions:

      'Steering wheel - Use a sellotape tin or similar object, about 4 1/2" indiameter and 1" deep, hold it at the top and position it at the centre of top row of keys so that it nestles against the ridge at the back. Roll it to theleft or right with moderate pressure to steer. To begin with, a rocking motion on the wheel may help get the feel of the car.' - Priceless!"

      See also

  9. Geoff Campbell


    It's just occurred to me that this device should make it possible to throw an iPhone *really* far away. Result!


  10. Lord Elpuss Silver badge


    So let me get this straight. You bought a dumb, plastic saucer-sized steering wheel for your iPhone, then were disappointed when it turned out to be a dumb, plastic, saucer-sized steering wheel. For 10 quid, FFS.

    Seems to me the product works as advertised, and provides value in proportion to the asking price. If you'd paid 100 quid you'd be entitled to feel ticked off, but giving it 30%?

    By this measurement you'd give a pencil 10% because it doesn't recognize your handwriting or upload to your computer.

    1. Marvin the Martian

      I'm more interested in how the 30% was gained than the 70% lost.

      But what were the good features distinguishing this from a 10% or 0%? "Got rid of that pesky tenner" or so.

      1. Lord Elpuss Silver badge

        How they arrived at 30%

        1. It's round, like a steering wheel (=10%)

        3. It provides an authentic rotation(*) experience (=10%)

        4. Battery life is excellent (=10%)

        (*) Rotation feature may require user intervention

    2. Annihilator
      Thumb Down

      re: Alternatively

      "By this measurement you'd give a pencil 10% because it doesn't recognize your handwriting or upload to your computer."

      Not really, the pencil would perform a task, do it usefully, and probably still cost less than a tenner.

      By your benchmark, a review should be based on "does it work as advertised"? Surely most things would get 100%, or referred to the ASA for false advertisement.

      £10 still gets you a lot these days, so to think that getting an injection-moulded piece of tat is good value for money probably means advertisers should target you specifically.

  11. LuMan
    Thumb Down


    Andrew - did your review version of the peripheral come with a bar of soap to wash out your foul mouth? Don't get me wrong - I'm not a prude, but I expected something slightly more professional for an opening gambit. I can perhaps see why you did it, but a prime example of 'good idea - bad execution'.

    Leave the bad language to those of us who don't write professionally and can't think of anything smarter to say.

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