Never mind apologising for this security lapse.......
how about apologising for my recent stay at your Brentwood East Hornden pseudo hotel? Where it was my extreme misfortune to come across the most alarming new concept in UK "culture"- THE ONLY WAY IS ESSEX TOURISM. (No, I'm not bullshitting, it exists, deal with it.)
Parties of already arseholed young women, dressed in what can only be described as "Transvestite Chic" miniskirts (1/2" below minge base), hair and make-up, complete with the latest over-powering Katie Price fragrance, screeched and clumped their way through the corridors on their way out and also on their way back from a nearby nightspot that appears in chavtastic "The Only Way is Essex". They explained that they were there in the hope that they would appear in an episode, or meet some of the "stars" of, the mocumentary itself.
The bizarre, unintentional talking tunnels that run from your bathrooms on the ground floor to the bathrooms on the first floor, provided such perfect acoustics that you could almost be in the shitter with them, as they vomited, cried, pissed, swore and shat away the small hours. Now, if you could somehow tap into the business of the type of perverts that get off on this sort of thing, you could charge premium babestation type chat line rates on top of the room rates and make an absolute killing. Hey, if this idea works out for you, I want a cut of the profits!