Dog didn't work?
Should have had curtains as well.
A 94-year-old Queensland woman came off worst in an encounter with a rogue kangaroo which piled into her in the garden of her Queensland home. According the the Courier Mail, Phyllis Johnson was hanging out washing at her Charleville granny flat when the battling beast bowled her over and gave a her a few kicks. She recounted …
Hands Edward I a book entitled, "Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses and Lichens of Terror Incognita", Vol 39C, Part 3, and a list of the harmless creatures thereof, being a short note reading "Some of the Sheep".
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Johnson, meanwhile, was reluctantly whisked to Charleville Hospital. The battling nonagenarian said: "I wasn't going to go but I was pretty bruised and scratched up. My son made me. I'm okay, although the roo took a chunk of flesh out of my leg and there's a chance they'll have to operate."
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Seriously?
That's one tough old bat... and I mean that in a respectful way :)
"Death held out a hand, I WANT, he said, A BOOK ABOUT THE DANGEROUS CREATURES OF FOURECKS—
Albert looked up and dived for cover, receiving only mild bruising because he had the foresight to curl into a ball.
After a while Death, his voice a little muffled, said: ALBERT, I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL IF YOU COULD GIVE ME A HAND HERE.
Albert scrambled up and pulled at some of the huge volumes, finally dislodging enough of them to allow his master to clamber free.
HMM . . . Death picked up a book at random and read the cover.
DANGEROUS MAMMALS, REPTILES, AMPHIBIANS, BIRDS, FISH, JELLYFISH, INSECTS, SPIDERS, CRUSTACEANS, GRASSES, TREES, MOSSES, AND LICHENS OF TERROR INCOGNITA, he read. His gaze moved down the spine. VOLUME 29C, he added. OH. PART THREE, I SEE.
He glanced up at the listening shelves. POSSIBLY IT WOULD BE SIMPLER IF I ASKED FOR A LIST OF THE HARMLESS CREATURES OF THE AFORESAID CONTINENT?
They waited.
IT WOULD APPEAR THAT—
'No, wait, master. Here it comes.'
Albert pointed to something white zigzagging lazily through the air. Finally Death reached up and caught the single sheet of paper.
He read it carefully and then turned it over briefly just in case anything was written on the other side.
'May I?' said Albert. Death handed him the paper.
' "Some of the sheep," ' Albert read aloud."
'Queensland Parks and Wildlife Services and police eventually trapped the animal, and are pondering just what it was doing in the area'.
Wondering what it was doing in the area? Jees, Charleville is halfway to the back of beyond, there are more roos than people out that way. Ponder? No need, it was living in the area.
For those who don't know, the back of beyond is about where the Black Stump is and it's a long way from nowhere. Charleville is about nowhere.