back to article So, LOHAN: What's it to be?

The El Reg Special Projects Bureau team is greatly obliged to all of you who chipped in with suggestions as to just what our audacious rocket-powered spaceplane project should be called. If you're not yet up to speed on the successor to the Paper Aircraft Released Into Space (PARIS) project, then you can check out our intitial …


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  1. finnbarr
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    Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator

    works for me!

  2. Ben Liddicott
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    Low Orbit High Altitude Navigator

    The post is required, and must contain letters.

  3. Steven Davison
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    Low Orbit High Altitude Navigator

    Definitely gets my vote... it's almost plausible!

  4. Torben Mogensen

    Low orbit?

    Your "space plane" is not getting anywhere near low orbit -- not in altitude and certainly nowhere near in speed. So how about: "Low Orbit Hopefully Achieved Next" in expectation of you next project.

    But if you want the acronym to be somewhat relevant to the actual problem, I may suggest "Largely Optimistic Hare-brained Aeronautic Nerdgasm". :-)

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Low orbit?

      One word: Ballockets.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I laugh at your shortlist

    Low Orbit Hype Attracting Numpty

    Besides Low Orbit High Altitude just doesn't scan right it should be High Altitude Low Orbit.

  6. annodomini2


    Plane In Suborbital Space Event Drop

  7. Seanmon

    letters and/or digits

    Ludicrously Optimistic High Altitude Navigator?

  8. volsano

    Have some class, fellahs

    Why send up a washed-out celebrity when you can celebrate the first brit in space?

    SHARMAN: Stratospheric High Altitude Rocket with Managed Aeriel Navigation

    1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge
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      I like this ...

      ... give it a lot of consideration, Lester.

    2. Anonymous Coward
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      Plus One

      The post is required, and must contain letters.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Stratospheric Auto-Navigational Tracked-Observation Rockoon Unmanned Mission

    SANTORUM - google it

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      This is the pursuit of knowledge - and explosions

      Don't tarnish it (with political activism nor puerile jokes - giving you the benfit of the doubt there)

  10. Mako

    The mothership/balloon...

    ...should be called;










  11. cdilla
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    Gawd, not LOHAN please

    Pick something beer related ffs.

    And if you absolutely have to go with LOHAN, at least mitigate the awefulness by making it stand for, and hopefully execute, Loft Orlowski High And Nuke.

    1. Shooter

      @ cdilla

      Strange... I thought LOHAN *was* beer related!

  12. Christoph

    More like ...

    Lots Of Headlines Acronyming Norks

  13. Miek
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    "Low-Orbit Helium-Assisted Nerdoplane"

  14. Anonymous Coward


    Lecherous Old Haines' Aerospace Nymph ???

  15. CD001

    Any of the above

    Since all the "half assed" one's would require spelling "correctly" :P

  16. Anonymous Coward

    A few suggestions

    I think the LOHAN - Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator is the best option

    I think you should also commemorate Lindsay's leg wear the infamous The alcohol bracelets — called SCRAM for Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring. I think that this SCRAM device should be the same of the separation system between balloon and space plane.

    SCRAM - Separation of Connection for Rocket Assisted Maiden ??? Ill let the tech boffins thing of something less terrible

  17. Zog The Undeniable
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    Think of the advertising opportunities!

    Krypton-Argon Tubes Orbiting North America.

    Of course, they would be mainly used to pitch cheap frozen food to pram-faced trailer trash, but where there's chips there's brass.

  18. Daniel Hutty

    "Highly Autonomous"

    "Low Orbit Highly Autonamous Navigator" gets my vote because:

    * "Low Orbit High altitude" seems a bit redundant - since "low orbit" rather implies "high altitude"

    * "Helium Assisted", while accurate, isn't really the distinguishing feature of this project over PARIS - which was balloon-launched too. What sets it apart is it's ability to fly itself back home*, so surely that should go in the backronym?

    * Of course, whether it will manage this is another question! Here's hoping...

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First I'd heard of

    "Paris Over, Rev Two. Meeeeaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww: Aircraft Navigation" Brilliant!

    Anyway, my vote's for anything with "Low Orbit" in it.

  20. Bassey
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    Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator

    See title

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward



    Lester's Optimistic Helium Aircraft: Navigable

  22. lpopman

    titular stuff

    Needs moar blue rizla

    1. M Gale


      Real stoners use zigzag.

      Also dunno about the plane, but you could christen any external boosters NORK 1 & 2. I'll think of a backronym later.

  23. Seanmon

    Are we using paper again?

    Lightweight Origami High Altitude Navigator.

  24. b0llchit Silver badge


    Lost On Heavy Aviation Turbulence

  25. James Micallef Silver badge
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    Low Orbit Highly Autonomous Navigator

    Yep, that's the best one

  26. Simon Harris


    We could give our recently retired moderatrix a final send-off with...

    Small Automated Rocket And Helium Balloon Entering Exosphere.

    1. Adrian Esdaile
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      Small Automated Rocket And Helium Balloon Entering Exosphere.


      Speedily Ascending Rockoon Aircraft Held-together-by Beery Engineering Expertise

      either way,

      SARAHBEE is my vote!

  27. Anonymous Coward
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    It's never too late to save WILL & KATE!!!!!

    While we seem to be marching down the LOHAN road, I'd like to alter my previous submission for WILL & KATE to something that, fittingly, stresses their symbiotic nature while recognizing their unique and separate roles in the project!!!










  28. Anonymous Coward

    Meanwhile, climbing on the LOHAN bandwagon!!

    Since I have a keen grasp of which way the wind is blowing, I (not so) humbly submit:






    Perhaps a little mean-spirited, but Lindsay's daddy would want it that way....

  29. Harvey Trowell
    Paris Hilton

    SO, LOHAN: is a somewhat lazy anagram of Han Solo.

    More pertinently though... C'mon Lester, this eRag is all about the science (well, mostly all) and you're going with Low Orbit for reasons of hype and/or backronymic convenience? Why not call it Lightspeed Over Hispania Accomplished Nonchalantly while you're making claims? Won't somebody think of the pedants?

    If you've already composed a fistful of smutty puns and LOHAN it must be (although as a gentleman, I remain fond of the none-more-blonde Playmonaut Audaciously Rockooned Into Space but hey, series of disappointments and all that, we move on...) I beseach you to replace this Low Orbit fallacy with Launch Of in the name of accuracy.

    And another thing... it's a small spaceplane, not a map reading dude, so how about calling it a Nanoplane? Launch Of High Altitude Nanoplane seems to describe the project fairly well.

    /Grumble. Good luck with the project, whatever it's called.

    1. Martin Budden

      not Low Orbit anything

      I agree with Harvey T, it's not going into any kind of orbit, not even a low one, let's not get the name so completely wrong. We're better than that.

      It's got a camera or two, so:

      Lightweight Observational High Altitude Navigator

      1. Seanmon
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        +1 for "Launch Of..."

  30. Rattus Rattus

    British Object Of Blinding Speed

    Because BOOBS as an acronym seems just about right if it's going to make it into a Spanish paper again. And if it gets wider attention, it'll be hilarious watching more strait-laced publications bend over backwards to avoid using the acronym.

  31. Grendel
    Paris Hilton

    British Rocket Experimental Amateur Space Test => BREAST

    After all they did say that "BREAST was BEST"??


  32. Hein-Pieter van Braam

    Low Orbit Highly Autonomous Navigator

    Has to be it!

    After PARIS, LOHAN is really the only option, and with that backronym you guys might actually fool some people in thinking it's a proper acronym :)

    Go reg go!

  33. Poor Coco

    Skip “Low Orbit”...

    ...because we’re not doing anything like orbiting, we’re strictly aiming for altitude, not horizontal speed. However, the craft (on liftoff) will be lighter than air:

    Lighter than





    Or, aiming for more 1337 points through recursion:






    (“Navigator” also works, but “Namesake” is a nice wink at the recursion.)

  34. Iron Chicken
    Big Brother

    Will it be dropped from the Sun?

    Paint it hi-vis ginger and call it REBEKAH.

    Rocket Enhanced Balloon Elevated Kite And Hardware

  35. Poor Coco

    Oh, also...

    ...I have drafted up some rough plans for a design concept; starting with an R/C foamy flying wing (1500mm span), saw it in half and insert a cylindrical body which bears an uncanny resemblance to a “personal massager” (for obvious reasons) and which contains the avionics. This connects at the nose to a carbon-fiber mast to a pod containing cameras (which will be lost, so they record onboard the plane) and either four, six or eight Aerotech E15 ammonium perchlorate composite rocket engines (details at in a conical configuration. The wings will be hinged at midspan with a passive elastic tensioner that will deploy them after the engines burn out; there will be aluminum covers over the leading edges that will protect the servos etc from the engine gases and which will fall off as the wings unfold. This means the wingspan is only 600mm or so while the engines burn and 1650mm after unfolding. If you’d like to see a .dxf, email and I will send it out.

  36. DZ-Jay

    Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator

    Das ist alles.


  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No room for NAOMI

    Navigable Aerostat Observes Much of Iberia.

  38. Poor Coco

    Concept plan

    Here is a rough sketch of my aforementioned concept with a drop-off thrust tower, a foamy folding wing and a “personal massager” fuselage design. Comments? [warning: 212 KB PDF]

  39. the enemies of god

    falling in with the crowd

    well, since most seem to be ignoring the choices of the given selections, it would be rude of me to do otherwise, so i humbly submit three entirely new yet not nearly original and under no circumstances to be considered seriously entries:

    1. for the sake of diplomacy, complacency, and stuffed-shirtedness:

    Least Offensive Handle Available Nearby

    2. for the interests of gentlemen of normal appetites and good taste:

    Leer and Ogle Happily Alcoholizing Nymphette

    3. and finally, for the pleasure of the mean-spirited who started drinking before i did:

    Laugh Over Hardly Acting Naughtynaut

    thank you.

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