back to article Boffins brew up formula for consummate cuppa

Here at Reg Hardware, we rely on a regular supply of fresh tea in order to function properly. We'd like to think we're rather good at brewing our bevvies too, but apparently there is actually a science to it. Boffins at the University of Northumbria have come up with a mathematical formula that can be applied to produce the …

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  1. ravenviz
    Alert

    Sod the tea

    Where can I get an El Reg cup?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      ^^^^ this

      Enquiring minds want to know. And I expect this thread to be dominated by similar replies....

      1. lawndart

        Want

        Want el Reg mug. Want NOW.

        Marketing opportunity. You know you want to.

    2. M Gale

      Cash n' Carrion

      The Reg used to have something of a merchandising arm, though it's kind of got a bit fractured these days by the looks of it. Try this link:

      http://www.cafepress.co.uk/cashncarrion

      There's another "Spreadshirt" shop still active but that only seems to do T Shirts. www.cashncarrion.co.uk seems to just redirect to the Reg main page these days.

      At £15 for a large mug though, you'd have to be one to buy one.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Cash n' Carrion

        Blimey. I thought we told Spreadshirt to stop. I had no idea we were ever with Cafe Press.

        1. lawndart

          </mug love>

          Ouch ouch ouch.

          Fifteen quid? FIFTEEN?

          No sale. It isn't the same design anyway, logo too small.

          Fifteen quid?

        2. M Gale
          Mushroom

          Re: Re: Cash n' Carrion

          Well. Will we be seeing an article tomorrow along the lines of "Fake Cafepress shop paid visit by BOFH, detonation audible from France"?

      2. ravenviz
        Happy

        RE: Cash n' Carrion

        Well plus £4 postage, I'll be proud to show this one off round the office! Thanks for the link! :-D

  2. Cameron Colley

    I'd leave out the milk.

    But perhaps add some lemon -- though I'd much rather have a cup of green tea most of the time anyhow.

  3. Pete 2 Silver badge

    The best cup of tea

    is brewed in a pot [tick] BY SOMEONE ELSE

    1. The Alpha Klutz
      Thumb Up

      "BY SOMEONE ELSE"

      this point deserves repeating.

    2. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge
      Happy

      and of course

      with a decent tea, PAID for by someone else

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      *BY SOMEONE ELSE* 2

      ...That someone should be your mum.

      C'mon, admit it - mums *just know* how to do tea.

  4. mhoulden
    Headmaster

    PR + DM = BS

    A couple of years ago Ben Goldacre covered this kind of nonsensical "research" and called it PR-reviewed data: http://www.badscience.net/2009/08/pr-reviewed-data/ and http://www.badscience.net/2006/12/mediaslut-ideas-money-corporatewhore/. The Daily Mail in particular has a weakness for "equations" like this that are cooked up by marketing companies. I know times might be hard for universities but endorsing this claptrap doesn't make them any more credible or advance proper science. I'd have a lot more respect for Cravendale if they just said "Buy our milk. It makes tea taste nice". As it is they tend to be one of the more overpriced milk brands around: generic supermarket stuff is cheaper. Personally I'd improve a cup of tea by throwing away the tea bag and replacing it with a decent freshly ground coffee.

    Oh, and did Ian Brown really mean his "palette"? Most of us use our palate for tasting.

    1. Jamie Kitson
      Coat

      palette

      Yeah, I think he mentioned it in She Bangs the Drum.

    2. MJI Silver badge
      WTF?

      Coffee!

      Disgusting stuff!

    3. Annihilator Silver badge
      Boffin

      Not to mention

      +1 to mhoulden (or specifically Ben Goldacre) as I thought exactly the same when reading the same "news" in a free paper this morning.

      Not to mention the fundamental flaws in the "science" that miss out the environmental conditions - how cold is this milk for example that allows for cooling from 100C to 60C within 8 minutes? Is the bag squeezed or left in? What's the mug made of (ie what are its heatsink properties?) Are we assuming that room temperature is below 60C in order to allow the tea to cool to that temperature?

      Then I realised I needed to get a life and closed the paper.

      1. The Alpha Klutz

        "Are we assuming that room temperature is below 60C"

        I think that is a safe assumption yes.

    4. MarkyG

      Pull your head from your posterior

      Come on, enough with the holier-than-though po-facedness. Are you really so media-illiterate as to genuinely think this kind marketing is claiming to be real science? I think not.

      I find it really hard to believe anyone reading this site assumes this perfect cuppa stuff is an endeavour that's even remotely scientific.

      Ben Goldacre is quite right to point out bollocks masquerading as science, especially when it's big pharma companies and the like, but this tea business - even if it wasn't a milk marketing exercise -is no such thing.

      Thank goodness most Reg readers have a sense of proportion.

      1. Annihilator Silver badge
        Stop

        @MarkyG

        I'm fairly sure most people would see through this, but it's not the point. What's happened is that Cravendale have managed to get some advertising masquerading as news, a University has damaged its credibility by signing on (I don't imagine for a second they actually wasted any resources, just put their name to what they were given). It may not seem much on the face of it, but it's the thin end of the wedge in terms of turning credible science into sheer sponsored nonsense - where would you propose we draw the line?

  5. Richard Fletcher
    Alert

    El reg mug

    1 for me too please

  6. Keris

    It all depends...

    ... as Professor Joad used to say. In this case, it depends on what type of tea, the preferences of the drinker (I know several who find 2 minutes stewing far too long, and others like me who prefer longer), etc.

    For instance, with a straight Ceylon (Sri Lanka) tea, or a Ceylon/Assam blend with at least 2:1 ratio, I prefer it without milk. Less Assam in the mix also means that a stronger tea can be brewed for longer (over 5 minutes with pure Ceylon) without going bitter. On the other hand a high-Assam blend can taste good after a short brew.

    No, sorry, their research is rubbish. They obviously didn't have anywhere near a large enough sample size of either teas or drinkers. 5/10 for effort...

  7. Cerbus

    +1 for the mug

    See title

    Have they tried with different teas? Seems like the job is only half done if they only focussed on breakfast tea

  8. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    great relief

    I am greatly relieved to find that you were not proposing to put milk into coffee, yet consider it borderline false advertising to use "ultimate" and "caffeine" in a headline referring to tea. Perhaps I should have been warned by the Briticism "cuppa".

  9. Paul Renton-Harper

    Any fule also kno

    That if you put the milk in last, you'll scald it...

    1. M Gale

      Scald?

      That's crappy instant coffee, not the sort of "builder's tea" you get from Typhoo et all. A good cup of tea as drunk by many a plumber, joiner or decorator demands boiling water and, as others here have suggested, using the teaspoon to squeeze every last drop of potential out of the bag.

      Or use a teapot, if you like being archaic and using a tea strainer for straining tea.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Surely that's missing a -TB at some stage

    Or do they leave the teabag in like some fekkin merkins?

    1. Tony Smith, Editor, Reg Hardware (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Surely that's missing a -TB at some stage

      I often leave the bag in as it's the only way to get the darn drink strong enough.

      Interesting to note, wherever you go in the world - the US, Australia, wherever - the teabags are woefully feeble. Only in the UK do we have bags capable of making a good, strong brew.

      It's just a shame so few Brits appreciate it.

      FX: Briton waves bag vaguely in the direction of cup filled with lukewarm water

      1. Richard 120

        Always glad to be home

        For a decent cup of tea, everything else might be shite, but after a few days abroad I crave a decent cup of tea, or even just a rubbish cup of tea.

        The stuff over there just doesn't seem to resemble tea as I think of it.

      2. Pete 2 Silver badge

        A quick squeeze

        > it's the only way to get the darn drink strong enough.

        Not if you squeeze the teabag against the side of the mug with the teaspoon you use to fish it out. Though in Pete 2 towers, we just add another spoonful of tealeaves (Keemun) to the pot.

        1. Caleb Cox (Written by Reg staff)

          Re: A quick squeeze

          Keemun tea FTW! I have to specially order mine from Twinings now that the supermarkets appear to have stopped stocking it. Best tea ever.

          1. Pete 2 Silver badge

            Cardews

            Oxford market or www.cardewoxford.co.uk (and a dam' sight cheaper than Twinings! - but then, isn't everywhere?)

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Coat

        US Tea

        As with any rule, there is an exception. Tazo "Awake" black tea is about the best you'll get in the US, and is surprisingly good.

        Even more surprising is that it is the tea served in Starbucks. Their "coffee" may be undrinkable, but they do make a decent cup of tea. With boiling water, no less.

        PS. If you want to annoy a Frenchman, tell him that (contrary to his beliefs) the French *do* have something in common with Americans. Neither can make a decent cup of tea...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          yeah

          couple of points - squashing the teabag is considered bad form, allegedly releases bitter compounds best held immobile within the leaf structure. Mixing milk with teabag is also a bit of a no-no. Tea will not brew properly with milk-in-first, an osmotic pressure thing. Removing the bag before the milk goes in is also recommended since the open cellulose leaf matrix will take some of the fat out of the milk, but then i prefer the full-fat to the semi-skimmed, others don't.

        2. sisk

          American tea?

          "If you want to annoy a Frenchman, tell him that (contrary to his beliefs) the French *do* have something in common with Americans. Neither can make a decent cup of tea..."

          That's because we focus our efforts on the much superior beverage that is coffee, but the French have no excuse.. :)

          Ok, that's a joke. In truth, I can drink neither regular tea nor real coffee anymore. I have to subsist on herbal imitations of each and miss them both equally. Stupid caffine sensitivity...

      4. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        if you want to use a tea bag

        you really need to ty 'Yorkshire Tea' (http://www.yorkshiretea.co.uk/) - from a happy user with no share in the company :-) While they might be marked down for using flash as the only way in to the site, they do blend their teas well and have different variants for different regional waters.

      5. Steve Foster

        @Tony Smith

        "FX: Briton waves bag vaguely in the direction of cup filled with lukewarm water".

        Funnily enough, this is exactly how my stepfather likes his cuppa milky water (I'm not going to dignify the foul concoction with the name "tea"). Frankly, given his background as a plumber, it's an utter disgrace.

        I'm not overly fussed about how strong the tea is, as long as the bag has been in the water for a sensible amount of time (anything from a few minutes up to an hour is fine). Dash of milk and we're sorted.

  11. Al Taylor
    Unhappy

    Even the writers...

    ...don't get Reg mugs.

  12. Giles Jones Gold badge

    Perfect cuppa

    Loose leaf tea in a pot makes the best cuppa.

    There's earlier research into the perfect brew:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3016342.stm

  13. Alan Brown Silver badge
    FAIL

    I seem to get....

    ... something which tastes almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea

    1. Alister

      I claim five pounds...

      for acknowledging the Douglas Adams quote...

  14. Ru
    Boffin

    One thing they did get right, at least...

    ...is the need for English tea to be brewed with boiling water, not just merely hot or (god forbid) warm. Seems like most non-brits don't get that, and seem to think it should be done in the same way as chinese or japanese tea...

    1. Rosco

      Quite right, but needs more emphasis

      Back in my uni days I did a little informal experimentation myself and I found that by far the most important variable was the temperature of the water. The quality of tea flavour was exponentially proportional to the temperature of the water. The upshot of that is that you want to transfer water from the kettle to the teabag/leaves as quickly as possible, before it starts cooling down. Mere seconds of waiting makes an appreciable difference. They should be emphasizing that.

  15. Old Tom
    Pint

    No teabags; no milk; no adjuncts

    Just put the loose tea/leaves in the cup, pour on boiling water. Same applies to black/green/oolong/longjing*/whatever.

    *with longjing, just add more water once drunk for a second brew

    PS. Kudos to your cleaner, that's all amazingly clean, no hint of spilled sugar/water/milk/tea. Even the toaster is looking polished.

    1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Re: No teabags...

      Yes, do what the man says ^

      For green/longjing, oolong and white tea better let the water cool off a bit before pouring it over the leaves.

      "just add more water once drunk for a second brew"

      You can (should) do that with good oolong as well...

    2. johnnytruant

      No no no no no

      Never ever pour boiling water on anything but black tea. Green and white teas especially get ruined by anything over about 75C - the high temperature rinses out the tannins and they develop a nasty bitter taste. Green/white tea should be smooth and almost sweet. Also by brewing over 2 minutes - pour hot water into a gaiwan or teapot, decant, drink, repeat. You can get about six or seven flushes (ie: fresh hot water onto used leaves) from a quality green/white tea, and the flavour develops and changes each time.

      I was shocked, while having a cup of £12-a-go first flush jasmine tea in a certain very famous 3-star restaurant the other week, to have it served at near-boiling.

      1. Dapprman

        Decent green tea is even less than that

        For a reasonable to high quality sencha you're only talking about 20 seconds in the pot. Once the colour of the tea starts to go from light yellow/green to slightly brown you need to remove in a hurry else you'll start to introduce bitterness.

    3. Eugene Crosser

      Pot

      Nah, the water cools too fast in an open cup. Must use a pot, preferably pre-warmed, to get decent flavor. Agree with the rest.

      (where's an icon with a cup of tea?!)

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Slow news day?

    I'll stick to me black tea (lactose intolerance don' cha know).

  17. johnnytruant

    Preparation of a liquor of tea

    Has a British and International standard already

    BS 6008:1980 / ISO 3103:1980

    http://sub.spc.org/san/docs/BS6008.pdf

  18. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Boffin

    Why didn't they just use the British Standard?

    It's what it's there for... BS 6008:1980/ISO 3103/1980

    Preparation of liquor for use in sensory tests: sub.spc.org/san/docs/BS6008.pdf

    1. johnnytruant

      spooky

      even the timestamps are the same.

  19. Evil Auditor

    Perfect cuppa?

    As any other fule kno, that depends! However, I discovered the worst cup of tea: freshly brewed tea from a tea/coffee/hot chocolate machine (other means of teamaking were not allowed in the office). It took the machine almost 60 seconds to complete a cup and the tea tasted like hot, caffeinated water. I was hooked on this stuff within weeks (2 cups an hour? bah! That wouldn't make me type one word).

  20. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    This is not tea

    First of all, the "tea" itself is just some scrapings from the factory floor at Twinnings or Lipton. The official trade name for the "tea" used in "traditional" teabags is "dust". If you're lucky they will put some "fannings" in the bags too...

    And second - if you put milk in tea you get soup, not tea.

    1. rhydian

      Au contraire...

      Considering that 80%+ of tea drunk in the UK is in teabag form, the process for creating the >20% of loose tea must be seriously wasteful to provide enough "scrapings" for all those teabags. That, or you are talking rubbish.

      Give me a properly brewed MUG of good, solid breakfast tea, with a dash of milk. No more, no less.

    2. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge
      Pirate

      not necessarily

      As a Yorkshire Tea enthusiast, I was fascinated to read about the work their blenders have to do. They claim (and I don't have any reason to disbelieve them) that the tea they choose for their teabags has to be extremely good and well chosen as the bag 'dampens' (my summary not theirs) the tastes

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        It's very simple

        Just tear a teabag apart and see what's inside...

    3. bitmap animal
      Thumb Down

      re This is not tea

      The UK teabags are not 'dust', they contain proper selected tea. I think in America tea bags use dust which is one reason why the tea there is not as we'd like it (to be polite....)

      Water temp is a big factor. Pour in just as the kettle has finished boiling then here in London(ish) the tea will be ready in 30-60 seconds.

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        Tea "strength"

        You need to understand that fannings and dust make the "strongest" tea quickest. That's why they are being used for teabags.

        You cannot use proper tea leaves in small paper bags because the restricted flow of water in combination with the smaller surface area of loose tea leaves (BOP, OP and higher) will make them ineffective. Also, larger tea leaves are highly hygroscopic, they will absorb water, expand and fill the volume of the teabag, further restricting the water flow.

        Because of this, expensive teabags with more or less proper tea in them use larger volume nylon mesh bags instead of paper...

        Dust and fannings contain more caffeine (which is produced through oxidation) because of their high reactive surface area. For the same reasons they release the soluble substances more easily and quickly. So a small pinch of fannings will make your a "stronger" (more bitter and with more caffeine) infusion than a larger (and more expensive) pinch of leaves.

        The problem is that the "strength" was not the original idea of tea. As sometimes happens, Europeans imported something from a different culture, misunderstood the purpose and the recipe and came up with a drink which is completely different from what was intended in the first place.

  21. Martin Gregorie Silver badge
    Boffin

    Bzzzzt! Missing information

    If the amount of milk (10ml) is critical, then so is the size of the cup, which was not stated.

    it seems likely that this experiment was conducted and reported by sociologists or the equivalent. A real scientist would not have omitted such an important measurement.

    1. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge
      Thumb Down

      or alternatively

      it is just another cheap bit of publicity (a la Goldacre per previous posts)

  22. Arkasha
    Facepalm

    Centigrade?

    What? Have we gone back to 1948? Celcius, surely?

    1. Your Retarded
      Headmaster

      Celsius

      Actually, spelling as above if you're going to be particular.

      1. Arkasha

        Nice spot Retarded

        Keyboard dyslexia today. I blame not having enough tea.

        I just thought though, there's no adjustment in that formula for altitude. What happens if you can't get boiling water at 100C? I lived in Mexico City at ~2,200m altitude so water boiled at about 90C. By the time you poured it in a teapot it was probably down to about 80C.

        In the end I found that putting the loose leaf tea straight in the kettle (one of those whistling stove kettles rather than an electric one of course) just as it came to the boil, turning off the heat and leaving it to brew for about 5 minutes seemed to work.

    2. Stuart Archer
      Childcatcher

      Tsk...

      If this were done by real scientists, the temperature would be measured in Kelvin!

  23. andy gibson

    simple

    Mug, boiling water, 1 Yorkshire Gold tea bag, bit of tinfoil on top of the cup, brew for 5 mins, splash of skimmed milk and you're sorted.

    1. Dave Murray
      Thumb Down

      Skimmed Milk?

      Ugh! Philistine!

      You need proper full fat milk or the tea won't form an emulsion properly.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        You should never...

        you should never be able to use the phrase "This tea has not formed a proper emulsion". Tea should not emulsify!

  24. Southern
    Pint

    Tea's all well and good...

    ...but a coffee never fails to disappoint. Or a beer.

    +1 for the Reg Mug as well, very smart. Got the envy something rotten after looking at my own non-descript Ikea cup.

  25. nyelvmark
    Pint

    I love the way

    ...that the kettle's spout is pointed directly at the mains outlet. It would be even cooler if it was balanced on top of a server.

    Who needs tea when you can have beer?

  26. Erroneous Howard

    Errr

    So how does this account for people with different tastes? I like my tea much stronger than quite a lot of people I know, some of whom barely want the teabag dipping in the water. One man's ambrosia is another man's poison.

    1. Annihilator Silver badge
      Meh

      Or in the case of my mum

      She would prefer if you just added milk to hot water and then show the cup a picture of a teabag. No accounting for taste.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    I'm guessing but ...

    ... that's the first time in weeks you've cleaned the el-reg mug, right ?

    I mean, specially tarted-up for the photo ... and not the usual tannin-encrusted-abomination ...

  28. Richard 120

    Tea, also known as brain juice

    It has become routine to the possible extent of OCD that I must have tea at least 3 times in the working day, more usually 4 or 5. This may seem a small amount, but the cups are the larger kind of paper coffee cups, plus I try to keep down the quantity, mainly because I've always thought that no matter how good something is, in large enough quantities it will harm you. The bag MUST be placed in the cup prior to having the water from the hot water dispenser, approximately 2cm gap is left to the rim, the lid must then be placed immediately on the cup, then it is queued and paid for, I get irritable if the queue is too long or too short as I rely on having just a few people there for brewing time. Once paid the lid can be removed and the sugar placed ONTO the floating teabag, the bag is then pushed down and stirred between 3 and 6 times (depending on how long the queue was) with a stick rather than a spoon, the stick allows the bag to be wrapped around it and satisfyingly squeezed to ensure the maximum flavour is extracted. Once complete the bag is removed and milk is added to the brim, it's not to weaken the flavour but to enhance it and also to reduce the temperature. A small amount is drunk immediately to reduce spillage, but then I allow the tea to cool to an almost tepid temperature in order to drink it swiftly.

    It's just my taste, I know it's not to everyones, particularly my wife who insists that tea must be drunk whilst it has the capability to scald your mouth and cannot contain more than about 5 drops of milk. We do both agree that it should have 1 teaspoon of sugar though.

    I despise coffee.

  29. deshepherd

    Milk?

    "I'd leave out the milk"

    Yes but the hint is in "research - funded by dairy Cravendale Milk" .... missing out the milk would get the same reaction as I had couple weeks ago at the Bath&West show when I asked for a black coffee at what I hadn't realized was the Jersey GoldTop drinks bar!

    "One thing they did get right, at least is the need for English tea to be brewed with boiling water,"#

    As opposed to a cafe in Portugal which responded to my wife's request for "tea with milk" (in our best approximation of portugese) which arrived as a tea bag floating in a cup of hot milk!

  30. Steven Raith
    Terminator

    Mmm, hot caffienated beverages

    Must admit, the research here sounds a bit lax - have they never read Douglas Adams' opinions on tea making?

    Anyway, crappy instant coffee for me, two spoons, quarter spoon of sugar, no milk, ta.

    If I want decent coffee, I break out the cafetiere - I'm not so prissy as to grind my own beans (requote at will) but it makes a better cup than fecking Nescafe.

    As for tea - gotta be loose leaf, in a teapot - accept no substitutes. Brew it up, then serve to taste.

    Steven R

    Where the 'ooh, lovely brew' icon? Terminator instead, as vending machine tea and coffee is clearly a plot to kill the human race with poison.

  31. beerandbiscuits

    If it's with a bag, it's not perfect tea,

    Loose tea (my preference is nilgiri leaf, but not everyone has taste) in the pot. Boiling water poured on whilst stirring, Cover with a cosy for no less than four minutes. Full fat milk in the cup. Pour tea onto milk. Replace cosy to keep the warmth in for seconds.

  32. Ian Ferguson
    Thumb Down

    Oh ffs

    Another crappy piece of 'research' funded by the marketing department of a tenuously-linked otherwise-dull corporation.

    Next on the Daily Mail / Reg: Scientists 'discover' the equation for taking the perfect dump, research sponsored by Andrex.

    1. HP Cynic

      Milky milky

      Once I saw this was funded by Cravendale I was surprised not to see them recommending LOTS of milk to drive up consumption and sales of milk.

      I remember when Kellog's Corflakes Ads said "Just a splash of milk" until the Milk Marketing Board got at them and it changed to "DRENCHED in ice-cold milk".....

      At least that's how it happened in my mind :)

  33. Volker Hett

    Desaster is imminent!

    Or did they separate Eddie from the Nutrimatics Drinks Dispenser?

  34. Zog The Undeniable
    Coffee/keyboard

    I'm a miffie, and proud of it

    You may sneer, but putting the milk in first means the milk can never get hotter than the final mixed temperature. Putting milk into hot tea overheats the first part of the milk which goes in and gives a less creamy "UHT" taste. Try it and see.

    Obviously you must use a teapot, and take the bags out of the pot as soon as it's brewed. Loose-leaf tea is also good, but you must (a) pour the whole lot at once; (b) use a very fine strainer and (c) give it only 1 minute or so to brew, because it goes waaaay faster than teabags.

    New keyboard icon, because tea is responsible for most such incidents.

  35. defiler

    Brewing time

    One thing that everyone appears to have missed is that brewing time is heavily dependent on the water you use. I'm well-versed in the water we have here in Edinburgh. In London, though (apart from having a kettle full of scum), you only need to let the teabag *see* the water before it's ready. And in Glasgow it seems that you have to beat the shite out of the bag to get anything approaching colour or flavour.

    Shoddy research.

    Assam. Black, no sugar, ta!

  36. pear

    nonsense

    The fact that this is sponsored by cravendale makes a mockery of it really.

    For starters good tea does not come in a bag, and personally i prefer it without milk.

  37. Rafael Moslin
    Coffee/keyboard

    My perfect cup of canteen tea

    According to my friend Charlie the story goes like this:

    Bag + Cup

    Cup tilted at alarming angle and inserted into oversized hot water dispenser unit (with undersized dispenser tray)

    Note water temperature at a maximum of 83 degrees. Some say, sub optimal, I say you’ll be lucky

    Push and hold water button

    Assuming approximately 30ml per second flow rate, count to 10.

    Realise flow rate is slightly higher today as water isn’t running uphill and Anglia Water have another pump on

    Watch water pour over the top of cup and dribble down the counter top.

    Mop up = Brewing Time

    Prod mechanical cow to dispense anywhere from 5-50ml of milk

    Spend approximately 1 minute fishing around with a half melted and weak stemmed plastic spoon attempting to extract tea bag.

    Add sugar, x2 sachets of fair-trade brown sugar, realising that x1 sachet equates to one third to one half a tea spoon

    Stir feverishly with the remnants of the melted spoon.

    Decamp to the office and enjoy. Ahh.

  38. hamsterjam

    Tea-bagging? Yes! Drinking tea-bag water? Not so much!

    My wife is German. When we were first together, I schooled her carefully in the correct procedure for making tea and she in turn showed me how to make drinkable filter coffee, something that one simply didn't get to learn in the UK in the 70's. It's a rich exchange it seems to me, it's a warm arrangement. (Anybody recognise that?)

    In any case, the correct way to make tea is to use first flush Darjeeling* leaves, place them in a warmed china pot, add freshly-drawn, freshly-boiling water, cover the pot with a cosy or tea-towel and leave to brew for five minutes.

    My wife's initial reaction when I showed her this was suspicion that I was pulling her leg. Only the quality of the final result convinced her that it was worth the effort.

    Much like the Japanese, the British require a measure of ritual in the preparation of tea. Otherwise, well, it's not tea.

    As for all those correspondents who admit to indulging in "tea-bagging", I aver that that is a practice best indulged in in private...

    *Or your choice of suitable tea, bearing in mind that Darjeeling is the best...

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Porcelaine teapot and tea leaves

    Oo-aa tea

    Requires a porcelaine teapot, Twinings English Breakfast tea leaves.

    Put a dollop of tea leaves into porcelain teapot, wait a while then pour into beaker.

    Establish whether or not the tea was too strong/weak, too milky or not and adjust accordingly next time round.

    Interesting asides

    replace tea leaves by either a couple of sprigs of fresh thyme or a couple of stalks of fresh mint scrunched a la Jamie Oliver style. Dispense with milk and wonder why you never tried fresh herbs before

    1. M Gale
      Thumb Up

      Sage tea

      Unexpectedly gorgeous.

  40. b166er

    I knew there was a reason for reason

    +1 for the mug,

    -1 for the council coffee next to it

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Canning Town cuppa

    The researchers clearly haven't taken all tastes into account. My own 25 year investigation into variations in tea and fry up qualities across east London reveals substantial variations on "perfect" between areas only a few miles apart.

    Canning town scores very well for supreme bacon sarnies but, for my own taste, very, very badly for tea. The requirements seem to be:

    Brewing time: all day (all week in one case it would appear)

    Tea bag strength: Weapons grade

    Milk: enough to make it roughly the colour of dark mud

    Sugar: around 25 percent of total volume

    The resultant liquid is tested for deployment by pouring a small quantity on sheet steel. If it burns a hole in less than 3 minutes, it's ready.

    Coffee, funnily enough is the exact opposite; off white water with lots of sugar.

    Anyway, the perfect cuppa can only be had in north India's Haryana state in any small roadside chailwallah's. Essential ingredients include a dubious looking pan with 50 years worth of tea and milk welded to the side, some small glasses, fresh ginger, a rag that always looks remarkably like someones used t-shirt for straining, a top notch local cow and a bloke with rather less than a full set of teeth, but 20 odd years practice making chai. Cheap and best, as they say.

  42. Graham Bartlett
    Pint

    Quality of final result?

    It's tea from a teabag. Whatever you do with it, whichever brand, it tastes like rat urine and pencil shavings. Add milk and it'll taste like milky rat urine and pencil shavings.

    A Malaysian friend introduced me to jasmine tea. That's really good stuff if you want to spend half an hour sipping it whilst chilling out. Mint tea is also not bad. Anything else, just point me at the coffee instead, losers.

    Or beer...

  43. G R Goslin

    It's the bag as is the problem, guv

    The bloody teabag was the death of proper tea. The stuff you could tell your fortune in when you got to the bottom of the cup. It was a triumph for the tea industry in that they could now sell the 'dust' that they previously had to throw away. (They didn't throw it away, of course, they just sold it in a less discriminating market). Unfortunately, the demand for these bloody teabags dominated sales, so you no longer can get from the 'proper' loose tea unless you pay an enormous markup, and the loose tea now sold is simply the rubbish 'dust' but without the paper bag. I personally, still use loose tea, but instead of the traditional pot, now make it in a coffee filter machine, and get as near as possible to the proper 'cuppa'. It comes in a pot, but without the irritating dust carry over. Pity about the fortune telling bit, though

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Secret

    After 36 years of teamaking and drinking, I can share the secret to the perfect cup of tea, as experienced and agreed by the c. 100 people I have ever made tea for:

    1. Boil kettle

    2. Immediately poor boiling water on to a standard PG Tips tea bag, only up to 1.5 inches from rim of cup

    3. Fan the tea bag ten times against the inside of the cup so that the water pumps through the tea

    4. Leave for 20 seconds while you fetch some whole milk

    5. Fan the tea bag ten times against the inside of the cup again

    6. Remove the tea bag, squeezing the last drops of teay goodness into the cup

    7. Add sugar if desired and stir until dissolved

    7. Top up to just below the rim with milk and stir

    Perfect strong yet creamy nectar-like tea.

    Job done!

  45. bluesxman

    Tea

    Warm the mug.

    Make it as strong as possible (double bag if they are those shitty catering tea bags or an oversized vessel is employed)

    Remove the bag(s) -- I can't stress this enough -- before adding plenty of milk until the correct shade of lighter orange is achieved.

    Sod the sugar.

    Get it down your neck.

  46. FrankAlphaXII

    American Tea

    It may be due to the large number of British Ex-Pats in Florida, but we have a grocery chain called Publix which has (surprisingly) good, and strong tea bags. If you ever get a chance, check them out. Hell, I'll send you some if you give me an address even. American tea is on the whole extremely piss-poor though. And Twinnings American sold teas are nowhere near as good as the UK versions, or how they were prior to about 2002, though if you're in the US Armed Forces they do sell the real thing at the PX/BX.

    I like my tea really strong though, so I dont think the University's equation would apply to me, and Milk in my tea is like Milk in my coffee, I simply cant drink it that way.

  47. Dom 3

    Warm pot, boiling water.

    If you make tea in a mug, you've already lost.

    The key is keeping temperatures as high as possible; that means a teapot as hot as possible before the (furiously boiling) water goes in. And then slapping a good thick tea-cosy over the pot. Which should be made of good thick insulating china. Or clay, or whatever it is.

    There is only one problem here - as you whip your cordless kettle out of its stand just before boiling point is reached, in order to pour very hot water into the pot, the contacts will arc and destroy themselves. You must turn the bugger off *before* removing it from its stand. I think I destroyed about three or four kettles before I finally figured this one out.

    And a +1 to Yorkshire Tea bags.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Perfect cup of tea

    1) Place loose leaf tea in cup or tea strainer

    2) Boil fresh water (never reboil, as the oxygen content has been removed by previous boiling)

    3) Pour boiling water over tea leaves

    4) Allow to steep for 3-5 minutes

    5) Pour in milk and sugar to taste

    6) Throw the whole goddamn thing out and brew some goddamn coffee! What the fuck is wrong with you?

  49. WaveyDavey
    Boffin

    Perfect Tea

    Caveat: $wife is of the opinion I make the worst tea in West Yorkshire. I fear she may be correct. Anyhoo...

    Tea for her: In *her* mug (approximately the size of a dustbin), put 1 Tetley's tea bag. Add still-boiling water (bugger the kettle contacts, she needs tea *now*). Stir, wait, return, stir ... repeat until you cannot see the teaspoon handle thru the liguid to a depth of > 1mm. Squeeze and remove tea-bag. DO NOT add milk with tea bag still in: "I can taste the difference, I WILL know, and there will be trouble".

    Add milk, volume approximately one sparrow-fart.

    Give to $wife, and await verdict. Repeat about 8 times per day.

    Tea for me: Normal mug, add bag of any old tea. Sling on boiling water. Give it a quick swiddle, slosh in plenty of milk, chuck teabag in direction of bin. Repeat once per week. Tea really only necessasy after fried breakfast, or fish and chips.

    Coffee for me: Odd this, I prefer instant at the moment. One heaped as full as possible teaspoon (using biggest teaspoon in drawer) coffee. One spoon sugar. Off-boiling water. Stir, plenty of milk. Repeat ~12 times per day.

  50. Fryerman

    art not science

    I have to agree with Mhoulden's post about this. Cravendale are obviously looking for publicity, and the uni need funfing. Great. But the only way this is science is that it uses scientific method, maybe. The sample is small, so there are no great revelations. Interesting to see that the formula has a crucial ommission too; there is no figure for the amount of water to be used.

    At the end of the day though, this only helps get us in the ball park for a 'good cup of tea'. Each one is a work of art that should be made to suit an individuals tastes. Some people like no milk, some may like 30ml, some may like it barely brewed, or over brewed. Who's to say what's right. Maybe we'll see manufacturers of oil paints sponsoring research into the perfect oil painting.

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My approach

    Fresh water, just that instant boiled, poured from a fair height (to get some air into the brew - you can see tea-tasters slurp the test brew to get the flavour) .

    A white (or at least light colour on the inside) mug - otherwise you can't see the tea colour and when you add the milk (by eye) it comes out wrong.

    I gave up sugar several years back, used to have 3 spoons but I can never understand those that have lots of sugar and loads of milk but next to no tea.

    PG Tips are my preferred blend, but if you get the water right even Tetley decaff (it's what they buy from Makro for work) tastes reasonable.

    I have a special mug at work - its a 500ml glass beaker with a handle - you can make very consistent brew but it's too much to drink before it goes cold.

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Correction

    According to my own research, the equation is in fact:

    enjoyment = f (taste)

    where:

    anything < taste < everything else

    Now how do I cash in my research grant?

  53. Broseph
    Facepalm

    you're a doing it wrong

    camilla sinensis seeds, 2x 400watt hps grow lights, 1 light diffuser

    Gyokuro and kabusecha use this method, and are among the most expensive teas you can buy, however my homegrown is a serious cuppa (no milk, you damn heathens)

    Goes nice with a smoke of my homegrown virgian tobacco

    1. kissingthecarpet
      Go

      No, you're doing it wrong

      a) If you're going to go to the bother of grow lamps, where's the cannabis indica seeds?

      b) If you're going to smoke homegrown, see (a)

      My Tea - Pint mug (warmed by filling with v.hot water) , 2 good strong teabags(low on assam if poss. - Waitrose used to do Ceylon+Kenya (no assam) which was nectar) , 4 to 5 sugars. Leave to brew 5 minutes & give teabags a damn good thrashing. Splash of full-fat milk (skimmed is shite in tea). Drink as fast as possible.

      What I want to know is, when will teabags with added ephedrine be available in Tescos? Ideal for first thing on a workday.

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