back to article Vatican crackdown at Rome's Playboy Mansion-style monastery

A controversial monastery in Rome – the scene of performances by lap-dancing nuns and "lifestyles that were probably not in keeping with that of a monk" – has been closed down on the orders of the Pope. The Santa Croce in Gerusalemme basilica, home to nuns and monks of the Cistercian order, is one of the oldest and most …


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  1. Mage


    Why does it sound like something out of a Terry Pratchett?

    Or at least what a 18's rated Discworld novel might be like.

  2. ravenviz Silver badge

    As with any religion

    It all comes down to interpretation.

    1. Anonymous Coward


      Somebody finally went back to the original handwritten text and discovered the word was actually "celebrate"

  3. Dumple McWhartingcock


    Playmobil reconstruction or it never happened.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      video of the lap dancing nunn or it never happened!

      1. Steve Evans

        GOT IT!

        Skip to 4:40, unless you speak Italian and want to listen to a nunn talking.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Thanks but ...

          Too weird for me!

          1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

            Bit weird...

            Too right... I'm not sure what to make of it meself.

            Bit irreverent at some parts but honestly, not as pervy as I thought it would be, but nevertheless, I can see why it could be labelled subversive.

            Of course, there have always been somewhat saucy bits in the bible. i.e. Song of Songs.

    2. Anonymous Coward

      Playmobil? We want Real Photos!

      Just that.

      The BBC does favour us with a snap of Sister Nobili in what must be one of the more chaste poses from her dance repetoire.

  4. fixit_f

    Feck, Arse, Girls

    Surely it's far better that senior figures in the Catholic church should be getting their jollies watching gyrating adult women capable of making their own lifestyle choices rather than molesting altar boys? Just putting a bloke in robes and a stupid hat doesn't stop him being a bloke.

    1. Smallbrainfield


      would be an ecumenical matter."

      1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD



    2. ravenviz Silver badge

      Re: Feck, Arse, Girls

      I think they put themselves there!

  5. hugh

    Damm right

    the catholic church is no place for heterosexual adult sexual activity !

  6. George Nacht

    "...island off the Irish coast..."

    As somebody who visited western shores of Ireland (best god damned week of my life), I hereby claim: I´LL TAKE THE ROCK IN THE SEA NEAR IRELAND OVER THE MONASTERY IN ROME ANY FRIGGING DAY OF THE WEEK!!!

    1. Lamont Cranston

      Craggy Island?

      Careful now.

    2. amanfromearth

      baffled ..

      Fraggle Rock?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The country that gave us Berlusconi

    Nuff said

  8. Pavlov's obedient mutt


    So perhaps this is where the Madge Vadge got her training from...

  9. Anonymous Coward

    what he said...

    The catholic church is no place for heterosexuality.

  10. Anonymous Coward


    If there ain't no children, close it down!

  11. relpy

    Isn't it ever thus

    That you only discover your true place in the world when they close it down.

  12. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    A retrograde step ..... is just so typical of out of touch and ancient disorderly orders

    To the adult section of the community, does the new virility and vitality certainly seems like a move in the right direction, and much healthier than the pedophilia the church is so well known for. But what would religion know of the modern world whenever it is such a sad relic and messenger of the past, in all its many disguises and versions .

    Oh, look ...... new icons to help express further meaning. Bravo, El Reg.

  13. seanj

    Down with this sort of thing!

    Careful now!

  14. Lars Petersson

    I could get used to thelife of a monk

    If they kept this up...

    I really should start my own cult...

  15. Yet Another Commentard

    Craggy Island

    The enquiry "found evidence of ... financial irregularities..."

    Isn't the response "The money was just "resting" in my account."

    1. pisquee

      RE: Craggy Island

      Damn you, beat me to it!

  16. Anonymous Coward

    I was raised there!

    Actually I was raised in that parish, many years ago. As a matter of fact my parents are still living in that parish. I did meet the people that "transformed" the parish, some time ago, and I did have a feeling that something was not right. My parents are defending those people and putting the blame on the enviousness of other priests.

    You know what my take is? They have sold, literally sold, the place where I grew up as a child to some hotel. I used to go there and play soccer, and now kids can't do it anymore because of the hotel. The garden was a scam: they re-sold goods as they were theirs. And let's not talk about the stuff about "dancing in the church".

    What did Jesus do to the merchants in the temple? Here we are in front of the very same problem: priests and monks that have sold the church for some money.

    I am happy that the Vatican took measure and shut it down!

    1. BillG

      I wass raised Catholic...

      ...and I can tell you that, for MANY clerics of MANY faiths, the face they put on in public is very different than the face they put on in private.

      When people reach a certain age and become unhappy with their lives, they often adopt addictive personalities - sex, drugs, alcohol. Religious people are also people. You'd be surprised how many priests, rabbis, nuns, imams, ministers, etc become sex-crazed party animals.

      1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

        Likewise to the more cynical amongst you...

        You'd be surprised at how many are not.

  17. stephenjjohnson

    Father Ted reference


  18. Anonymous Coward

    Father Fioraso whereabouts

    Oh, and I forgot one point: "Father Fioraso was busted from his position as abbot (and presumably despatched to a hardship posting on a remote island off the Irish coast)"

    Father Fioraso is still living there. He was supposed to be dispatched to some remote monastery in Italy, to follow a some more appropriate monk life style, but he refused and he now walks all day long around the parish doing God knows what.

    So, you can be happy, he wasn't dispatched off the Irish coast, yet. :)

  19. deadlockvictim
    Thumb Up

    The Church in Rome

    Well, this should start filling the seminaries again.

    1. Mike Moyle

      @ deadlockvictim

      "Well, this should start filling the seminaries again."

      ...or emptying the semen-aries...

      On a (slightly) more serious note, OTOH, the detail of the ex-lap-dancing nun reminded me of Anatole France's story "Our Lady's Juggler" (,Anatole-OurLadysJuggler.html). It *could* simply be that -- whatever others may have made of it -- like Brother Barnaby, she was praising Heaven in the only way she knew how.

  20. Michael H.F. Wilkinson

    Monastery of the Holy Crotch

    rather than Holy Cross.

    Easy mistake to make

  21. Fr. Ted Crilly Silver badge

    You couldn't make this up...

    Somehow I think Father Fioraso needs a 'Kick up da arse' Brennan stylee. Come to think of it, Len may well have a suite there.

    Ah, my coat with 'that' tape in the pocket.

  22. Anonymous Coward

    Feck! Drink! Arse!

    That would be an ecumenical matter!

  23. Winkypop Silver badge

    Forgive me Father, for I have sinned


  24. copsewood

    Seems a bit mild compared to Pope John XII

    A man with a nasty reputation, whose controversial reign as Pope was from AD955 to AD964 . .

  25. The BigYin


    ...are human too. Who'd a thunk it?

    Give up the dogma, recant the hypocrisy and start enjoying life.

    1. Geoffrey W


      If they give up their position in the church they will have to work for a living like the rest of us and have less opportunity to enjoy life at the level they were enjoying

  26. Pete 2 Silver badge

    So that's what they mean

    by monky business

  27. Munchausen's proxy

    Relics, eh?

    Bad, wicked, naughty Zoot!

  28. georgeclooneylookalike

    Old news...

    Epic fail El Reg

  29. Kubla Cant

    You'd think 2000 years was long enough... establish that this celibacy thing doesn't really work.

    1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

      2000 years?

      The (Catholic) church has not always been celibate thru' history.

      Nor does it need to be exclusively, imho.

  30. Peter Simpson 1
    Thumb Up

    a new and flamboyant abbot...Father Simone Fioraso

    For those of us who remember the old, classic, Saturday Night Live...perhaps this is where Father Guido Sarducci finally landed?

  31. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    IT angle?

    ... wonder why no one yet inquired about thissa one.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Among the "holy relics"

    from the BBC...

    "They include ... ... ... a bone from the finger St Thomas pushed into the wounds of Christ."

    Am I the only one who wants to vomit?

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Oh come on!

      I grew up watching that bone, and there nothing wrong, beside it being some singer bone!

      Actually all over Italy you can watch some bones: , though in Italian, it is a (small) list of places where you can go "human bones" watching. Some are quite well preserved as well!

  33. Mike Moyle

    A bit of meta-humor...?

    Am I the only person amused by the fact that the article that talks about lap-dancing nuns has an advertisement at the end that offers "... a free... consultation with an Agile expert"?

    How agile...? Trained by Sister Anna?

    Okay... I'm really leaving, this time...

  34. alwarming
    Paris Hilton

    There is something complex about a Nun Lapdance...

    Where do you stuff the $ bills in the habit ?

    1. Anonymous Coward

      that depends...

      Who needs a habit? By the time the bills emerge, that habit will have been kicked long ago. Where the bills go depends upon your tastes in storage. Depending on the dancer's exact physiognomy, you could tuck them under * 2, tuck them between * 1 ... or roll them up.

      And let me just add that anybody who spends any amount of time envisioning that is an absolute pervert -- I should know!

  35. fLaMePrOoF


    You couldn't rite this stuff...

  36. atomic jam
    Paris Hilton

    New Religion

    Sign me up to Catholicism, I'm cumming to Rome!

    Paris, because she knows what I'm talking about.

  37. Anonymous Coward

    Sealed report. Taxi!

    "Investigators from the Vatican's Congregation for Institutes of Consecrated Life moved in, and delivered their sealed report in March – one so sizzling that it will never be released to the public"

    Now THAT is a matter of opinion a year , two .. a leak .Somehow someone looses a USB key containing that very file on it.I beleive the public should have the right to know what the , pardon the expression, bottom of the story is and if criminal charges should be laid so be it.It dosen't feel like justice is being done keeping this story under the covers. ... Good night. .. Taxi !

  38. Steven Roper
    Thumb Up

    Investigators from the Vatican's Congregation for Institutes of Consecrated Life

    Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

  39. FozzyBear
    Thumb Up

    Title Required

    Nows thats a Sister act I'd like to see.

    After the imagery of a couple of lap dancing nuns runs through your mind you have to ask yourself wonder what those "Holy relics" were

  40. Craig 28

    Re:What those holy relics were

    Depends how old the nuns were...

    That said there's got to be a comedy sketch in there somewhere. Crucifix shaped lap dancing pole anyone?

    Icon purposely set to "none" for the irony.

  41. Michael Dunn

    I am amazed

    I presume these monks are not the Cistercians of the Strict Observance!

    I am amazed at the news: in my youth I always admired the Cistercian order, since they appeared to embody the very best of coenobite community life, and were amongst the most austere of the religious orders. An Englishman, Stephen Harding, was one of the three rebels against the decline of monastic discipline they observed among the Benedictines at Clairvaux, and they set out to re-establish the pure rule of St Benedict.

    The British Isles have a number of ruins of former Cistercian Abbeys - Fountains Abbey is one - and many years ago there were at least two in Britain - Mount St Bernard at Charnwood Forest, and Caldey Island off Tenby. Also Mount Melleray in Ireland; don't know if they are still extant.

    Otherwise known as Trappists, they had a very strict life, living in Silence. An American Cistercian, Thyomas Merton, wrote a number of books about life in the Cistercian houses in America.

    The Belgian Trappists, of course, made some of the best beer in the world, so perhaps the mortifying of the flesh had abated somewhat byt 19th - 20th centuries!

    Yeah, it's a white scapular I'm wearing!

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