PARIS team to tackle the ultimate post-pint snack The Register's Paper Aircraft Released Into Space team has been at a bit of loose end since last October, when our Vulture 1 aircraft went down in history as the greatest ever paper plane launch in the history of the known world. Understandably, the bright minds behind the audacious high-altitiude intitiative have been a tad …
That'll be the chips. I think, on reflection, I'd rather eat afterbirth...
But, what's in a name? Just applied for a job here where they use microwave to measure water content of 'biosolids'. Turds, to common folk, from compacted sewage. They call the resulting putty-like 'product' - cake. Shudder.
That looks like it's just been shovelled off the pavement outside a kebab shop.
The last thing to produce the queasy feeling that picture caused was the corkscrew section of the "Colossus" at Thorpe Park.
Until today I thought that selling recently vommed on crap as food was unique to McDonalds......
I prefer the less lower fat alternative:
Slice the pork thin (you could roll it or bash it but I find it quicker and easier to slice), coat with egg and golden breadcrumbs and then shallow(ish) fry them in oil until slightly crispy.
Server with lemon and your favourite vegetables. It is a kind of take on the Wiener Schnitzel idea but without torturing the animal first.
As a Southener (with a 'boro missus) my best tip? Avoid! Although it's hard when you pass pubs with "Thursday nite is Parmo nite!" plastered outside.
They do also have a "London Pizza" (that's kebab meat and chips on a pizza) - but that's a whole other story leading to a North/South fight...
Couldn't agree more. Originating from that mecca of understated culture, Essex, and continuing my missionary work in bleak wilds of Teesside I can confirm that this abomination is best left alone. The basic recipe involves flattening the fillet by throwing on the floor and rolling a fat geordie lass upon it until it acheives the required shape.
God how I miss proper kebabs....
(and yes I'm only this brave because she who must be obeyed - a native - doesn't read el reg...)
Clearly a tourist in Middlesbrough. Which reminds me of this description of a Victorian occupation, long-since consigned to the annals of history....
"*Dung Boy..
This was the lad who swept up animal manure off the streets using a pan and brush. He then slung it into a bin. Locally, these bins were taken to a spot near the coast where they were shamefully allowed to pile up higher and higher. In time, the mountain of stinking ordure grew so big that some bright spark in Whitehall decided to give it County Borough status and call it Middlesbrough."
... called that because it's usually where the invading Scots gave up and went back home?
I know they got a bit further a few times, but the call of the haggis as it roams free (clockwise only, obviously, because the anti-clockwise ones are mute) around mountains in the far reaches of the Great Glen doesn't carry much further than Catterick Garrison ;-)
..is a junction on the Great North Road (A1), where traffic to Scotland had to decide if they were heading to the West Coast or East Coast, due to the fact there weren't that many roads or British Snail/Network Rail around at the time.
Or perhaps its where you asked yourself "Have I still got 300 miles to go? Better have a Scotch then..."
Sounds a bit like something I once had a US diner ... decided I wanted steak but was put off the standard steak by the fact that it came with 3 eggs which seemed excessive and chose and alternative of "chicken fried steak" ... this turned out to be steak fried in breadcrumbs with a white sauce on top ... I rapidly regretted not facing up to the eggs!
N.b. its not just steak that can be "chicken fried" as I believe that "chicken fried chicken" is an alternative.
Given the septics legendary calorific meals, I'm surprised it wasn't a massive steak wrapped in cheese and whole a chicken, then fried. Then covered in cheese. And fried again. Then served with chips and mayo. And cheese. And maybe something called "Salad". With cheese in it.
Did I mention the cheese?
Chicken-fried steak, as far as I know, is a Texan invention, though I used to see it at cafeterias in Colorado. I don't think the white sauce on top is standard.
"Chicken fried chicken" is not in fact an alternative. State health department uniformly require human cooks; shabby as some of the restaurant kitchens are, their hygienic standards are far above those of the coop.
Perhaps the environment we live in makes us immune to the potential aftermath of a pebble dashed toilet. It will certainly be an interesting experiment.
There is a little variety for the more adventurous parmo consumers among you in the form of the Mushroom Parmo, The Hot Shot Parmo, The Bolognese Parmo, or, for the man with a serious death wish, there is the culinary equivalent to a tactical nuke - The Parmo Pizza Pie; a 7" or 10" parmo or your choosing on a pizza base available from Mighty Bite.
I heartily recommend a Hot Shot with galic sauce.
I salute you brave southerners. Rest assured that nearest hospital is only a 5 minute drive from the town centre.
Fire because, well, get a loo roll in the fridge lads.
PS. do not make the mistakes of other visitors to our strange shores and order a full parmo. This will surely kill you. Only get a half :-)
Take 1 large chicken breast and cut it through the center butterfly style so it opens out into a large chicken slab.
Dip chicken into a beaten egg and completely coat with egg.
Coat the egg/chicken completely with breadcrumb.
Heat a fryingpan with a small amount of oil and cook the chicken completely browning both sides.
Once cooked, apply bolognaise tomato paste to one side of the chicken, add a piece of bacon (and if so desired a ring of pineapple, it's optional) and top with shredded cheese.
Put the resulting pile in the oven and cook until cheese has melted and started to brown.
Serve immediately with a side of chips, vegetables or salad.
is still quite bad for you, the breadcrumbs soak up quite a lot of fat
bacon and cheese aren't that bad for you as it's "natural" fats, where as most people will probably fry in "vegetable" oil which is high in trans-fats which are the new satan sauce apparently
ditch the breadcrumbs, keep the bacon (my new motto)
The reason I posted this recipe is it's a damn sight healthier than the Deep Fried, mass of cheese stodge mentioned and pictured in the original article. It's also what you get for the most part in Australian pubs.
The bacon on top is not a whole strip of bacon, just the eye piece, it has little fat, lays flat and is smaller than the chicken portion.
The cheese is to taste, if you want a lite healthy parmy, use low-fat cheese and a smaller amount.
As for the breadcrumbs soaking up the oil, I use olive oil when I cook it, no need to use any of this heart-clogging vegetable oils or lard, fat or dripping. You DEFINITELY do not deep fry it.
I was under the impression that this was a South Australian thing. The rest of the country regarding us as "schnitzel eating freaks" to quote a bar manager of my aquantaince who hailed from New South Wales. Mind you, the last time I was in Melbourne I spotted a sign outside a pub advertising "parmas" so it may be spreading. The same pub advertised Coopers on tap.
If you are in Adelaide, get yourself to the Earl of Leicester Hotel in Parkside. They do one of the best in town. Don't order a liar size unless you are mad - one of those fed three of us.
Oh, and don't use bacon, use ham.
They have poutine - greasy chips covered in cheese curds and then gravy. It's hard to describe, except that similar things, only less fatty, were being washed ashore along the Gulf of Mexico last year.
There's a horrific close-up on everyone's favourite fact-free zone:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine
Yes, poutine is arguably the best post-pint(s) snack ever. Anyone pretending to the contrary has clearly never been drunk in the street at 4 AM by minus 40. It's not a matter of taste, it's a matter of survival! For taste, you can have a poutine with added bacon or "pepperoni" saussage, or even, in really "fancy" places, a lot of other things (ground beef, chicken, etc).
Of course it's consumed mainly during the winter.
Also, about "parmos", I thought the name came from the town itself, not the cheese... I could be wrong.
[you are now arriving in Reykjavik, please ensure your seat is in the upright position]
Follow Miklabraut westbound past the city airport until it turns to Hringbraut; the BSI bus terminal is on your right. Take the short road to the car park behind the terminal where you will find a small take away (offering a drive through service if you are very lazy) selling burgers, pylsur and the like. But you want to go for the special...
Half a sheep's head with chips and cocktail sauce.
No, that's not an onion in the eye socket...
I had the pleasure of trying this one out two or three summers back.
Ediburgh style cheeseburger and chips:
Take one frozen beefburger, one cheese slice, dip in batter, then deep-fry the resulting frankenstein creation.
Then when done, serve with chips. (The chips are properly beef-fat fried.)
http://www.lalbadoro.com/
Hmm, I remember many moons gone buying chips in Scarborough. Those were fried in proper beef dripping.
There was a slight chill in the evening air and the bloke I was walking with ahead of the group held up a chip, turned to me and said: "I particularly like the way that it forms dendrites of fat as the cold air hits it.". <eats chip>
Me: "Mmmmmmm. Yummy." <eats chips>
Group within earshot behind: "OMFG!" <Retch. Vom. Chips in bin. Etc.>
The local chip shop cooks all their fish and chips in beef fat (or dripping). They have a small domestic deep fryer at the back with Veggie oil in just in case a vegitarian comes in but I don't think it gets much use.
The batter on the fish comes out a lovely deep brown colour and tastes devine.
Their portion sizes are huge and I think they get more daily trade than all the other chippies in the town put together.
The beef dripping way is the only way. Mmmmmmmmmm.
Shame in on a diet. I now fancy fish and chips for tea tonight. Going to have to convince our lass.
As fun as such a domestic north-south conflict may be - i've been served so much bad food all around (it's not grim up north only) that I don't really care. Let me bring in a continental and, from my point of view, more desirable recipe: the Cordon Bleu.
Take either two thin veal schnitzel or cut a pocket in a thicker one and fill it with two slices (or one folded) of smoked ham and in between the ham some cheese (Gruyère or Emmental), press it together, turn it over in flour before dipping it in egg and bread crumbs. Then deep fry as usual.
On the plus side, it's delicious. On the other plus side, it looks delicious too.
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