El Reg, please please do a Playmobil enactment of this, to the tune of Yakkety Sax.
Police and spooks in charge of security for tomorrow's royal wedding have planned for every possible eventuality - including that of Kate leaving Wills at the altar. The top-secret contingency plan for a "runaway bride" scenario has been dubbed "Operation Pumpkin", and if put into effect would see hundreds of operatives switch …
... will be in any state to make use of this windfall. I also think that he did very well on his own.
"If I could have all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink! "
And, was Viv buried upright beneath a giant marrow? Enquiring minds want to know!
Mind's the one with Hubert's plasticene in the pocket....
But there'd better be a PlayMobil recreation of tomorrow's gushtastic events for those of us who are naturally intolerant of wall-to-wall fawning and cringing from the likes of Nicholas Witchell and Vernon (I am so not making this up) Kaye*.
Feel free to add velociraptors and shape-changing robots to the guest list if it promises to make things more interesting.
* Memorably described this week by Marina Hyde as the missing link between the BBC and the vegetable kingdom.
she looks like she could be a husband-beater, and he looks like he was fathered by a horse. (Seriously, everyone goes on about how handsome / smart he is; if he was just a stock broker from Sloane Park, everyone would say "upper class twit with big teeth" and move on).
The thought of anyone running in a dress that probably has a practically mile long train is just too funny. She'd be winded by the time she got to the church doors!
Still, I think Clarence House missed an option. They should've requested the moving corridor of security use the confusion to funnel her around and back up to the altar ;)
The only thing which could possibly be funnier than this scenario would be for the secretly pregnant Ms Middleton to go into premature labour at the altar and then grunt forth a *black* infant into the arms of the archbishop on live TV just *after* being pronounced married.
We can but hope...
 Yes, I know, it's amazing what a *really* good couturier can disguise isn't it....
Well I'm sure that our forefathers who made the ultimate sacrifice so that we could live, would be proud that such a morally upstanding individual as yourself would walk in their footsteps... NOT.
If anyone's mother could have chosen a better father, it would be those whose offspring are those lowliest of individuals who mock and demoralise their own kind.
"You have got to be kidding .... "Defense of the Realm" this ain't." ... Pet Peeve Posted Thursday 28th April 2011 11:38 GMT.
Quite so, Pet Peeve, it is Right Royal Protection in Action and Virtual Reality for Defense of Dream Realms and their Promotions in Future Programs as Present Realities ....... for AI Heavenly Views in Beta Paths to Travel.
A Quantum Leap is no Small Step for a Wild English Rose with Bewildering Magic in Insatiable Passions and Abuse of Process is the Tower Route for the Mal Phormed and Uninformed in other Outcomes with Programming.
When Life is a Game whose Code XSSXXXX Scripts does one follow to realise/energise to present future intelligence and completely new views on everything for collective learning with personal experience experiments an attractive and addictive Power Control Driver for Leading Applications with Hot Assets and Critical Needs/Vital Feeds.
It's a little more than just a wedding, methinks, whenever so much is presently at stake.
Quantum Control BetaTest XSSXXXX1104281340.
This post has been deleted by its author
Right lads! Listen up!
I need PCs Dixon and Dibble to take Maud The Dinner Lady's white Fiat, and PCs Tubbs 'n Crackpot to filch the keys from That Pratt In Accounting's Honda Fireblade.
You'll need to move a bit sharpish lads, cause the bint's done a runner...and yes Doyle, i do know who's won the pool, you jammy git!
Anyway...enough of that cheering cobblers...get your fat arses down to the underpass pronto!
and remember......be careful out there.
This is a very in-depth sneak peek into the thought processes involved in the UK government.
The concepts put forth detail s on planned public subterfuge, ringer to call things in the crowd....
I have not before seen such frank quotes about government plans to affect a persons behavior.
I know this is just some officials in the U.K. wanting to put their best face on for the world, which is understandable. However it smacks of Nazi/Dictator tactics and makes me think this must be how big brother started out.....
Yes, but surely if it *had* been liberally covered with semi-naked girlies the Wehrmacht would have headed en masse straight for it, regardless of any outflanking orders in place and generals throwing their rattles out of their prams. Then it would have been smashed on the defences and WWII would have been rather shorter.
A very cunning plan, save for it being 70-odd years too late.
You mean they didn't use the right kind of bombshells to suitably stiffen the Maginot line? I'm not sure about that, it was thick and strong, stiffly erected and quite intimidating. But size and stiffness, although important, are not all, you also need to stick it in the right spot. Although one could argue that the stiff Maginot line was deliberately placed in the front, to trick the Wermacht into penetrating through the Belgian backdoor, thus luring the UK into joining in the fun.
Imagining cliché-costumed actors roleplaying the whole thing in fast-motion, to the tune of Yakety Sax, is left as an exercise for the reader.
If you were to hop on police bands mid-ceremony tomorrow and start shouting helpful things like "The Pumpkin has left the patch!! Repeat!! Pumpkin has left the patch!! Use of rubber rounds and non-lethal restraint is authorized!!!" :)
And seriously, Westminster must have a room somewhere (and another one for the prince) that the cold-footed bride and jilted prince could wait in while the guests are told that the wedding will not be held today and are shown out without adding the farce of toffs running down the street followed by hundreds of cops, cameramen, wellwishers and other hangers-on.
The media coverage of this wedding has been overkill: photo-ops, tame press conferences, clip shows, mindless documentaries, etc. It's been educational. But something's missing. When's the video of the wedding night going on the interweb? We've paid for the fucking wedding so it's only fair we should get to see the whole show.
Paris icon because she knows how important it is for her public to see a right royal shagging.
..there should be an "App for That"™
Or a game. Call it "One Angry Bird". Basic idea: Said A.B 'flies' out of Westminster Abbey, identified in the multitude only by a long, flowing white dress.
Spunky Prince prances to Clarence House, nabs his ol' man's Austin Martin*, has to goto RAF Valley as quick as can be whilst avoiding green pigs strategically placed, to grab another 'bird', fly back and use his massively powerful chopper to rescue her before James Hewitt gets his wicked way...
Nah. Probably get a 'super-injunction' just for thinking about it.
*Unlocking the wheelclamp first, natch, given a series of clues.
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