back to article Modern-day ninja in epic battle with riot police, robot

A man who was plainly an invincible ninja warrior or similar tangled with police in Maryland recently. The sword-wielding scofflaw successfully resisted ordinary meatbag cops, a police robot, gassing with a "chemical agent" and a volley of low-velocity cosh projectiles from a SWAT team before finally succumbing to the crippling …

COMMENTS

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  1. Sabine Miehlbradt
    Pirate

    You disappoint me

    no pirates?

    I'm cancelling my subscription forthright.

  2. Remy Redert

    Clearly not a ninja

    As the police were able to find him in the first place when he obviously did not want to be found, he also failed to escape using smoke bombs or some similar diversion.

  3. Ru
    Flame

    That's no ninja

    1) He didn't disappear in a puff of smoke

    2) He was using a sword against people with guns

    Sounds more like a boring old Samurai to me. Real ninja were quite keen on the whole 'common sense' thing.

    1. serviceWithASmile
      Thumb Up

      samurais used guns

      they just weren't considered the pinnacle of honour.

      a proper ninja wouldn't *need* a gun, just the sword. or failing that, their sharp ninja senses could be used if no blade was to hand.

      i agree he isn't a ninja because a ninja would have killed the swat team by deflecting their non-lethal projectiles back at them with lethal velocity using only ninja chi, crushing the cops' pathetic meat-encased skeletons, and subsequently disappeared in the confusion, covering their retreat with caltrops and a hail of shurikens.

      doubtless had a real ninja be involved, either there would be no headline or it would read:

      NINJA DECIMATES ENTIRE CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT

      "he brought a sword to a gunfight, bemoans surviving multiple amputee"

      1. FozzyBear

        Title required

        You have been watching those 1980's "C" grade ninja movies again, haven't you?

      2. Dave 15 Silver badge

        Sword vs Copper

        Especially true for an American copper, all of those donuts would render most swords insufficiently long to inflict the necessary perforation of important organs.... they would just get swallowed by layer upon layer of blubber. At this point the nija would have to launch a devasting but accurate kick to push the sword further in but would probably end up with their feet encased in the large quantity of lard.

  4. Colin Brett

    Playmobil or it never happened!

    As above

    1. Alpha Tony

      @Playmobil or it never happened!

      Here's a jpg of the playmobile ninja:

      .

      .

      .

      .

      .

      .

      .

      .

      .

      .

      Happy?

  5. Jacqui

    PCP

    evidently a big problem in some parts of the US

  6. Alex Walsh
    Joke

    cunning ninjas

    I looked up Ninja on dictionary.com the other day but got a 404 not found message. Clever ninjas, very clever.

    1. Eden

      @Alex Wash

      Oh dear me....you do realise you just raise a big red flag above your head?

      Hope you sleep with one eye open, not that it will do you much good!

  7. Huey

    New Rules

    Ah so sword beats beanbag & gas but loses to electricity I always wondered.

    1. Darryl

      but

      Does it beat Spock or Lizard?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    One more wackjob off the streets

    Ship him off to be Assange's cellmate.

    1. laird cummings
      Coat

      Eh. It's Edgewater

      Lived down the road a bit from there... Nothing BUT whackjobs* to be found in Edgewater.

      Well, that and Rednecks. But I repeat myself.

  9. NoneSuch Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Hmmmm...

    "the obstreperous Beach, whose evident proficiency with a sword and ability to shrug off the effects of robots, gas and riot-gun projectiles could easily be ascribed to mastery of one or more exotic Oriental combat philosophy disciplines."

    Is this what the kids call beer today???

    Also in order to qualify for "intent to murder in the second degree" in the USA you don't really need to hit someone with a katana (No legless or armless police were reported), you just look like you are going too.

    1. laird cummings
      Thumb Up

      'Is this what the kids call beer today???'

      Ah!

      I see you've been to Edgewater!

  10. Peter Kay

    Ninja skillz.. or something else?

    'whose evident proficiency with a sword and ability to shrug off the effects of robots, gas and riot-gun projectiles could easily be ascribed to mastery of one or more exotic Oriental combat philosophy disciplines..'

    Alternatively, perhaps he was as high as a kite on various illicit pharmaceuticals..

    1. John Sturdy
      Boffin

      Or had bought something from Mr Hurtubise?

      Perhaps he had bought some armour from Troy Hurtubise? But I would have thought that would contain enough metal to short a taser.

    2. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
      Pint

      you mean...

      he was an assassin?

      Where's the hashish leaf logo when you need it?

  11. John Dougald McCallum
    Thumb Down

    I wonder

    what was the original Court Order for?

    1. Sir Barry

      Guilty of...

      If I've found the right info, speeding, 68 in a 55 zone.

      http://xmcwa.ci.xenia.oh.us/pa/pa.urd/pamw2000*o_charge_sum?56182227|1|1

    2. laird cummings
      Coat

      The order was for...

      ...being a redneck in the first degree.

  12. Hooch181
    Coat

    Don't know about...

    all the rest, but this guy should be kept around for the war with the machines!

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Jacqui - Indeed.

    That man tried to have sex with me!

  14. Uncle Siggy
    IT Angle

    ARM'ed combat

    I for one welcome our Ninja overlords.

  15. Pirate Dave Silver badge
    Pirate

    their mistake

    was sending in a robot to do a Terminator's job...

  16. David 66
    Happy

    hehe

    I love the story and all the comments. Nice way to end the working day. Thanks ninja, thanks vulture, thanks swivel-chair warriors

  17. Disco-Legend-Zeke

    In Las Vegas...

    ...he would have been shot. Dead. in the first 5 minutes.

    The inquest would have determined the 8 cops that fired 27 rounds into him were justified.

    1. Justin S.

      Re: In Las Vegas...

      Yes, but of course 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.'

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      In New York...

      ... the cops would have reloaded multiple times.

    3. Dave 15 Silver badge

      oh come now...

      Only 8 coppers, only 27 rounds.... thats the sort of response you get for 'hello', weilding a sword must more than treble those numbers

  18. Martin Usher
    Unhappy

    He should thank his lucky stars...

    ... that he doesn't live in Los Angeles. He's likely to have been killed immediately, and if that failed and he retired to his house the PD would have brought in their remote control loader and smashed his house to pieces around him to get to him ("and kill him").

  19. ~mico
    Coat

    Evidently....

    ...He forgot his tinfoil garment.

  20. Muckminded

    Go west

    He was obviously on the wrong side of the US for this kind of behavior:

    http://www.theonion.com/video/ninja-parade-slips-through-town-unnoticed-once-aga,14181/

  21. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Meanwhile...

    ...brave police in British Columbia use a taser to fell an 11-year-old child.

    To be fair, said child may have stabbed someone. But still...

  22. Getter lvl70 Druid
    Boffin

    I wonder.....

    ...how a chain mail shirt would do against a taser? And could you create a feedback loop to send the charge back to the holder? hmmmmmmmm....

    ...why do they send a robot in to see if it doesn't have circular saws all over it so you can't mess with it? Robots are easy without some kind of self defense, just the application of a large enough hammer. Second thought: use a wireless jammer - thing just stops or they lose control of it - how interesting....

    ... pepper spray is what they use and believe it or not, you can get used to it. They don't use mace anymore due to possible permanent blinding and scarring from a liberal application.

    ... why a 12ga.shotgun beanbag round? They are notoriously hard to place a shot where it's most effective because their ballistic path cannot be predicted after 20 yards. Knee-knockers are hella more effective - six 40mm hardwood plugs in a gas gun that HURT and bounce all over a room striking everything at least once. Beanbags yes, knee-knockers no - I give up/take me in if I see/hear of a gas gun loaded with those things lol.

    Good one though, I've been purposely avoiding what passes for the news lately - too damn depressing and then... from out of the blue....

    NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

    god love Monty Python.... world's gone bloody crazy when they make more sense than wtf is going on nowadays.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sounds like Vegas has it right

    No point in wasting time on braindead fools, just take them out and move on to the next waste of humanity.

  24. M7S

    Where is this person....

    ....on the Chuck Norris Scale?

  25. George Nacht
    Happy

    Only two hours later...

    ...police managed to bust into bathroom...

    Sorry, but this sounds very much like an ancient Czech joke about the Wehrmacht reports from Battle of Stalingrad.

    "Monday: We took the hall.

    Tuesday: After artillery barrage we took control of the kitchen.

    Wednesday: With severe losses we stormed the living room.

    Thursday: We invaded pantry, but were stopped by minefield.

    At this rate we are down the toilet by end of the week..."

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Man wins an award

    for starting in a small hole and digging himself a very deep one. It's not stated what the original court order was for, but if it was as serious as an arrest warrant the article would have said so.

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