back to article Wanted: Nude female web coders

A Buckinghamshire company is looking to recruit "a number of female web coders" who are prepared to work as nature intended in a "warm and private" naturist office environment. Nude House provides software which creates "hot-spots" on website photos, as explained here. As well as naked sales people tempting customers to buy, …

COMMENTS

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  1. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Customers don't know?

    "...since they'll "never know that the provider is nude""

    Well, now they do, don't they?

    1. Blue eyed boy
      Coat

      Since they'll never know that the provider is nude

      As a home naturist myself I frequently have nothing to hide when taking a call on the works hotline. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "If they only knew......"

      (Coat? What's that?)

    2. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  3. Sean Gray
    Grenade

    Only females allowed?

    Surely this is sexual discrimination. Why can't any male naturists take this job? I can see no reason why they'd be any worse at it.

    Might we worth popping in a CV and giving a lawyer a ring.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Linux

      RE: Discrimination

      Though legally they would be required to take applications from males they will probably bin it.

      It's not like advertising that type of thing publicly is shunned. I've seen "Female Only" positions in the Job Centre.

      1. the spectacularly refined chap

        RE: Discrimination

        That isn't the point: male/female only positions are permitted by various exceptions when there is legitimate requirement for a person of one gender - say the personal care of a particular individual which may be quite "sensitive" at times. Web coding is not one of them.

        It also invalidates their assertion that the naturist environment is not of a sexual nature. If it was simply about (literally) letting it all hang out then gender would be an irrelevance. The fact that positions are being advertised specifically for females indicates that this is nothing to do with a "relaxed" environment and all about the proprietor saying "Let's get some naked totty in here".

        1. Bill B

          Age discrimination

          When I last looked its also illegal to discriminate on the grounds of age, so the idea that someone can advertiise for 'young females' to do a job where the person doesn't need to be young or female is a bit off

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Flame

            yeah, b***cks...

            I go to the same beaches where naturists go. My dad used to refer to them as "my favourite marine mammal". They are the best indicator that the beach is clean and not crowded.

            Anyway, back to subject - if the naturist beach population is to be taken as representative of the "marine mammal" species, than the age discrimination is opposite -it is a "no young females" environment. It is all grannies, granddads (and on the beach - their grandchildren). The 10-40 age bracket both male and female on a naturist beach is usually wearing something.

    2. '); DROP TABLE comments; --

      Re: Only females allowed

      Par for the course. Here in Australia, Sections 34 - 35 of the so-called "Equal" Opportunity Act allow for discrimination where there is a "genuine occupational requirement" that a person be of a particular gender.

      What that translates to in reality is that if someone advertises for "female only" nobody bats an eyelid, but if someone were to advertise for "male only", there would be a national outcry and the judges would rule that Sections 34 and 35 "don't apply in this case".

      Don't you just love the monstrous double-standards perpetrated by the feminists over the last 30 years?

      1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
        Stop

        '); DROP TABLE comments; --

        You were doing okay until you launched in to conspiracy theorist mode.

  4. hplasm
    Happy

    Ah- there are pictures!

    Ergo; this has happened!

    1. mafoo
      Joke

      seats

      I hope they get round to putting some plastic over those chars. The fabric will be ruined! ruined i tell you!

      1. Blue eyed boy
        Go

        As the Hitch Hiker's Guide puts it

        I always know where my towel is.

  5. David Webb
    Joke

    Equal Ops

    Hey, that's not a job which specifically requires a female, so equal op's mean they *have* to tender applications from men too, I'm popping mine in the post very soon, luckily email pages don't get stuck together.

  6. Vision Aforethought
    Happy

    Let's hope it 'takes off'!

    (Snigger)

    #smut

  7. DisgruntledTunbridgeWells
    FAIL

    Heath & Safety

    What are the effects of CRT monitors on unshielded breasts?

    1. Steve Evans

      Re: health and dafety

      Surely you mean...

      CRT monitor - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

      1. Steve Evans

        Actually...

        Having just commented about the CRT monitor, I have looked at their website, which can only be described as having been designed with Netscape Navigator Gold... So I believe they are possibly trapped in a time warp...

        Which might explain how the naturists they show appear to actually look vaguely attractive, when all the ones I have ever seen before are the kind of people you'd prefer to keep their clothes on!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Unhappy

          RE: Netscape Navigator Gold

          I think the site pre-dates that ... the weird mix of hyperlinks with text and hyperlinks with bad pictures is awesome in a way that eludes me.

          The meta tags give their intentions more that the text on the page, and prove that they don't use spell checkers:

          description: "Nude-House combines real houses filled with naked ladies and the clients wanting to photograph, paint, draw and paint upon them. A bit kike a permanent Naked-Office to bond the workers more.

          keywords: "Naked young girls. Nude young ladies. Female nudity. Au naturel, bare, bare-skinned, bare breasted, bared, barren, defenseless, denuded, disrobed, divested, exposed, helpless, in dishabille, leafless, natural, nude, open, peeled, raw, stark-naked, starkers, stripped, threadbare, unclad, unclothed, unconcealed, uncovered, undraped, undressed, unprotected, unveiled, vulnerable, in one's birthday suit, in the buff, in the raw, naked as a jaybird, without a stitch"

          The grammar is bad as well: "The other systems that can be sold are listed on the site Nightingale Services but we encourage non-nudists to visit Songbird but we aim customers at Graphic-Links"

          how many but's?

          I might be wrong, but the "Other systems that can be sold" seems to be a very expensive way of doing image-maps in HTML that looks worse than if you did it yourself.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Coat

            re: re: Netscape Navigator Gold

            "how many but's?"

            I can see two in the picture. Snarf, snarf.

            1. Steve Evans
              Happy

              Re: re: re: Netscape Navigator Gold

              You don't have to get your coat, I think there are several people here willing to hand it to you!

          2. stratofish

            TIT...le

            It's not even imagemaps. It's DIVs using position: absolute.

            And onmouseover events to provide the popup...

        2. Richard Gadsden 1

          Netscape

          I can confirm that the page does not render correctly in Netscape Communicator 4.79.

          However, you can at least read the content, which is more than can be said for most websites in that ancient abomination.

  8. Muckminded

    Sweatshop

    With this kind of work environment, I would only need internet access in order to do my work. Pure genius.

    Wish their website looked as good as their offices.

    1. Christos Georgiou
      Coat

      I need my eyes checked.

      > Wish their website looked as good as their offices.

      For a moment I thought you wrote “as good as their orifices” and I wondered whether you saw a different picture than the one I saw in the article.

      1. Muckminded

        Microsoft office

        Would take on a new, and self deprecating, meaning if I worked there.

        OK, just one more:

        I can confirm that having an 11th digit available does NOT improve my typing skills.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Happy

          well, at least you said digit

          And NOT third foot. Good on you calling yer little joe proper now.

  9. peyton?
    Headmaster

    re: naturist != sex

    If they're having a hard time with people grasping that idea, maybe they might try posting pics of more "average" looking naturists. Naturist also does not equate to lingerie model.

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Joke

      "If they're having a hard time with people grasping that idea...."

      Hmm, from the previous posts it would seem that It's not just them having a hard time and that ideas are not the only things being grasped by people.......

    2. mafoo
      Pint

      from their website

      "While working you could be on view to members of the general public - enjoy the situation (these could become future customers)"

      so basically this is a porn cam, with the option of clients getting their rocks off and a retro looking website to boot.

  10. Shadowfirebird
    Happy

    In the event of a fire alarm...

    ...please gather in the car park next to the road. Oh, wait....

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    chairs

    Does each new member of staff get a new chair? or at least chair protectors? Call me overly squeamish, but sharing cloth chairs and naked working seems a bit icky to me.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Cheaper

      Stain Devil and antibacterial spray...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Does each member of staff get a new chair?

      From their website:

      "Material will be provided for you to sit on that you should use all the time and get new clean versions whenever needed. You replace the material with the new and leave the soiled versions in the collection hamper which is dealt with each day."

      This doesn't seem entirely serious.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      The downsides

      This is one of the things that's put me off naturism: it's not the being without clothes bit perse (I can see how in some ways that could be quite liberating), it's the unhygenic part of spending all day without underwear! Personally I'd need easy access to regular shower facilities...

  12. Why Not?
    FAIL

    Yes they desperately need a decent web developer

    I'm not talking about a dressed one, male or female.

    Maybe its me but if they are selling a visual web technology you would of thought they would have spent more than 30 seconds on a website.

    Its a bit like Michael Foot starting a tailors.

    £2500 grand for an instructable like overlay system, which isn't exactly very pretty. Unlike their salesperson on their website.

    I did check the date 3 times!

  13. Ol'Peculier
    Happy

    How big are those...

    Monitors?

    Looking at those, the phone and the keyboard I'd suggest this is a rather old photograph. Not that it stopped me looking for more, erm, evidence...

  14. Dr Insanity

    WOW

    Would you look at the size of those...

    CRTs

    I wonder what H&S would have to say about the hygiene implications of nudity on the furniture?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Boffin

      I believe the term you're seeking...

      ... is "faecal striping".

      1. David Harper 1

        What you really mean is ...

        skidmarks

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          ...and

          ...white-lining.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      CRTs? Monitors? Where?

      I didn't see any.

  15. Chris Harrison
    Happy

    Interview Etiquette

    Do you wear a suit for the interview or just make sure your hair is neatly trimmed?

    1. Equitas

      What hair

      is it permissible to wear?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Interview Etiquette

      Come (no pun meant) to that are beards allowed at all?

  16. 20legend
    Happy

    Side-boob.....

    .....fnar, fnar

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mixed sex office?

    Why do I get the impression from the advert that there is just the one man in that office?

    Cynical, who me?

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    porn photo studio not software company

    i think it's actually a xxx photo studio and the software company is just a front.

    proof: look at the pro lighting reflector in the background, here:

    http://nude-house.com/images/nude-house/contact-bg.jpg

    who has that kind of lighting equipment in a bona-fide software development office?

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    ... ok..stop staring at the tits and look at the photo reflector umbrella in the back. that's what i'm talking about :)

    . :D

    1. Richard 12 Silver badge

      You'd think they'd take better pictures

      I mean just look at the model!

      No, not there - upwards. Up a bit further...

      Look, it's completely overexposed! You cannot see any detail of the model's back, and the highlights in the hair are huge.

      Go back to photography night classes, then try again.

    2. Peter Simpson 1
      Stop

      Proof that this is not for real

      I have never seen a software developer, male or female, in that good shape. *Two* software developers, in excellent physical condition, as shown in the photo, vioates the laws of probability.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Re: porn photo studio not software company

      Was it a cold day, do you think? ;-)

    4. Steve Evans

      Re: porn photo studio not software company

      I think you'll find that's a softbox.

      No, I'm not going to get my coat, that really is a softbox!

      Grrr, some people!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    April fool

    Assume this started on april 1st?!

  20. Jason Togneri
    FAIL

    @ naked on furniture, etc

    Sheesh. Didn't any of you actually view the website? It says quite clearly on one of their six pages (a couple more images of nekkid girls to be found, too) that they provide things to put on the chairs before sitting, which are disposed of each daily and changed as often as necessary. Good grief, you're an incredibly lazy bunch of commentards.

  21. ian 22
    IT Angle

    And how does this relate to IT?

    Oh wait...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brings new meaning to the term...

    ...hot desking

  23. Rombizio
    Thumb Up

    This guy is a genius

    Only naked female employees and him? Is that what is happening?

  24. ElReg!comments!Pierre
    WTF?

    Let me check

    This guy is offering "positions" in his "web design" office... but won't employ anyone ("You are not employed but receive payment from me only for results achieved."). And said payment is 20% of what the customer pays. Not to mention that the operator of this... thing

    seems to have no knowledge of HTML or web design but for the ability to "save as HTML" in his word processor.

    Yeah. Right. Looks totally legit.

    The only clever trick here is that by posing as a web design thinggie he weeds out most of the old ladies who seem to make the bulk of naturists these days.

    Say, how do I build MY harem of young naked slaves?

  25. MarkS
    Thumb Up

    wow....

    look at all this free publicity!

  26. Tim

    Some kind of scam, or possibly scamola

    This story's existence on the Reg is probably an elaborate punishment for Sarah Bee. "Forgot the donuts again? Right. Moderate THIS."

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why didn't I think of that?!

    Do they have any "openings" for men?

    1. Mark 65
      Coat

      Openings

      I don't think the dude running this has any interest in male openings

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hidden pages...

    Hm, Google can link you to these pages. Clearly they have their fingers in many pies...

    (even more NSFW)

    http://nude-house.com/females.html

    http://nude-house.com/new%20girls.html

    "You will be nude throughout the day in my place in Amersham - situated at the end of the Metropoitan underground line - later to be moving into London as we grow to many girls. The future girls will be escorts of a very high calibre - so you can try to set the standards for these.

    At the start you will help me plan the future operations of the company and try out different methods to earn money. ... You will get paid a large proportion of what you earn - as much as £250 per two hour sessions with customers. What you earn depends on what can be raised from customers. You will be expected to please the customers and all that you earn in excess of the rate charged to them will be yours to keep for yourself."

    1. bluesxman
      WTF?

      RE: Hidden pages...

      These other pages don't leave a lot of doubt about the real nature of the business...

      http://nude-house.com/presentors.html (way NSFW)

      http://nude-house.com/jobs.html

      Probably just as well, because the web product they appear to be pushing is overpriced and, well, awful.

  29. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    If you thought normal interviews were bad.

    It is said that if you feel stressed you should imagine the interviewers naked... but what alternative is there if they already are?

    Why Paris? Someone else who has got a lot of publicity by being in the buff...

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Didn't know it was legal there.

    Huh. Learned something today. Hadn't realized prostitution was legal in England. Interesting. (No wonder they think Americans are uptight prudes, well not counting parts of Nevada anyway.)

    "skidmarks"

    No TP in England? TMI re nude desk jobs: If the person has proper attention to detail wrt personal hygiene, there's no reason a seat cover shouldn't stay visibly clean (not counting germs) all day unless the lady has health problems or is on the rag or something. Just because men don't pay much attention to keeping themselves clean, doesn't mean that ladies have that problem. Women are like cats (yes, it's true), in that they keep themselves clean. It's sort of biologically necessary in order to prevent infection, since the female systems in that region are a bit more complicated (with far more things to go wrong, like a high-strung sports car or some damn thing) compared to the comparatively trouble-free male systems.

    BTW - like a lot of you, I suspect (yes you do, 'fess up) - I do happen to have personal experience with nude working ;) although not as a hooker and not (recently) in front of big beige CRT's lol. :)

    Anyway...

    *If* the ad had been legit, although probably a fun idea for you fellas :) to contemplate, the reality of such a work environment wouldn't have been very practical for 2 reasons:

    1. Lack of pockets (for keys, ID, money, credit cards, small weapons, meds, girlie-things). Especially for a public office/work setting. Not all ladies favor purses these days (too easy to get stolen) whereas pockets are a bit more secure and less likely to lose things from or "now where did I put my purse" moments.

    2. Inability to make quick temperature-control adjustments. When have you ever seen a bunch of people, particularly females, where there aren't some of them are complaining about being cold while others are saying it's way too hot. Clothing allows individuals to fine-tune their temperature comfort range without making other people too cold/hot.

    If that ad had been legit, that boss would have gotten tired *really* quick of the ladies inevitably bickering about what the thermostat should be set at. :)

  32. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
    Joke

    TL;DR...

    Just saw the picture and approve.

    Hey, I's a man, right?

  33. unitron

    They call it the "move your mouse system"

    I think mine might have moved a little.

    Naturist's invisible/imaginary coat icon

  34. Richard Jukes

    heh

    A better name would be Bunga Bunga House.

  35. Richard Jukes

    heh

    I have just spoken to Chris, the head honcho. He is tasked with 'looking after the nude office and other things'.

    His phone number is available on the website, who wants to bet its some 14 year old kid? I mean the chap aint even got a grasp of the past tense/present tense and future tense!

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ok, ok, ok...

    Why don't we just collectively elect one of our own number to "go deep". By that I obviously mean get them to call the number/use the contact email form, make som enquiries, hell, maybe even apply for a position if it still all seems a bit iffy/too good to be true. We could start The Register Undercover Investigation Team (we can work on the name to come up with a better acronym later).

    With that in mind, may I be the first to say, "LET'S BLOW THE LID CLEAN OFF THIS THING!" (actually blowing of lids, optional!)

    A/C because sometimes there really is safety in numbers, particularly when it comes to pointing the finger.

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      Name?

      "The Register Undercover Investigation Team"

      Just drop the "investigation" part. The RUT has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?

  37. Blue eyed boy
    Happy

    Are these young ladies likely to say...

    ... "I can't come out tonight I've got nothing to wear."

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No Ads

    Given that no-one is going to be foolish enough to go and work for this guy the only point of the site is surely to generate advertising revenue. So what happened? They must have had massive traffic today (or at least enlarged traffic, snarf)

    I don't understand

  39. Slabfondler
    Pint

    Better than that work at home scheme, I mean job I have...

    "We expect a good salesperson, working full-time, to sell at least one system a day - so you earn £10,000 a month. You can arrange to work only part-time, if you wish." - wow, that's probably more than they pay the folks who do coding for them...ah, to be naked an rich - I'll raise a pint to that!

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