Middle England chokes on Nice Baps

A Bedfordshire baker has provoked the wrath of Middle England by dubbing his breadery "Nice Baps". Angry locals in Henlow wasted no time in objecting to the name after John O'Toole cut the ribbon on his establishment last Wednesday. The 42-year-old said his missus thought up the comedy moniker, and his other bakery of the same …

[Dave Fox]

Future plans?

I do hope this is resolved amicably, because I fear it may affect my plans to open my "Big Jugs" jug emporium in the same town!

[Naughtyhorse]

could i sub-let a back room...

for the Rear Entry Massage Parlour

[Anonymous Coward]

well that's solved my problem of

where to open my new bathroom shop.

To Henlow with "Soapy Tit Wank"

Sorted

[Tiny Iota]

He should have called it...

...the Bap Store, but then Apple might sue him

[Steve X]

Whatever you want in your sandwich

There's a Bap for that

[Anonymous Coward]

How about....

- Big Buns

- Big Cream Horn

- Tasty Tarts

It's not my fault you have a dirty mind!

[Monkey Bob]

Which poor sod...

...has the job of trawling the Daily Fail for anything print-worthy, & do you at least let them get good & pissed first?

[Anonymous Coward]

Alternative name

Flour-y Bloomers

I know someone called Baps and she couldn't open a facebook account with that name, it's apparently on some unacceptacle word list.

[Ste Mansfield]

Hardware store

He could always open a harware store called John's Massive Tools

[Loyal Commenter]

Or maybe...

...Sell circular enclosures for poultry in a shop called 'cock rings'?

[h 6]

a local hardware store

Mann Tool.

For real: http://www.manntools.com/

[LaeMing]

Massive Tool

There was a large LED billboard on the highway on my way home from work for several weeks recenely declairing:

MASSIVE

TOOL

sale (that last word in a markedly smaller font)

[Neil Barnes]

Is it just me?

Or are the local idiots complaining because the baker is using the traditional name for his product, which has been taken as slang for breasts? Aren't they saying something along the lines of 'I only know the slang 'rude connotation' word, therefore any use of it is 'wrong' (will nobody think of the children?)?

Bap: a soft breadcake, suitable for making a bacon butty with.

Baps: more than one of the above.

Nice Baps: well you wouldn't want nasty ones, would you? They wouldn't sell, even *with* bacon in them...

FFS people, grow up! Or if it's too late for that, buy a dictionary...

[Anonymous Coward]

Anglo Saxon words are so unfashionable..

Something to do with us once having a French king at some time or another.

I say bollox to them,

[Anonymous Coward]

@Neil

Sorry:

Bacon butty = made using bread.

Bacon bap = made with soft bread roll.

[jake]

@AC15:48

To paraphrase t'Bard: A bacon sarnie, by any other name ...

[Graham Bartlett]

Alternatives

"Good Firm Buns"

Or perhaps "Well Toasted Buns" for the fetish crowd.

Or of course "Toole Sandwich".

[Anonymous Coward]

Egad

It's political correctness (sorry, social acceptability) gone mad.

[Adrian Challinor]

oh for heavens sake

If these people have nothing better to do I suggest that they read the OED

Pronunciation:/bap/

noun

British

1 a large, round, flattish bread roll , typically with a spongy texture and floury top.

2 (baps) informal a woman's breasts.

I the context of a baker, I think the meaning is obvious.

[Anonymous Coward]

FFS!

Of all the things they could get uptight about they choose this?

The fact is that it's a shop that sells baps and they claim that they are nice. Anybody objecting to the name would surely have to have a dirty mind in the first place?

[Sarah Bee]

Re: FFS!

I think the dude knew what he was doing, somehow. And fair enough.

[oldredlion]

hmmm

A story about Nice Baps in Beds with O'Toole?

[Toastan Buttar]

Asda

I did a double-take at Asda's "Big Eat Granary Baps". It looked far too close to "Big Fat Granny Baps".

[Anonymous Coward]

I dont get it.

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable name for a bakery to me.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: I dont get it.

Yeah, there's one near me called The Crusty Loaf Fellatio Buggery. No one seems to give it a second glance, but that's London for you.

[Anonymous Coward]

well...

You say that Sarah, but there is a late night takeaway near me called Burger-y, does that count?

[Loyal Commenter]

@Sarah

If fellatio and buggery were bread products, that might not have been a nonsequitur.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: @Sarah

It was a nonsequitur for comic effect.

Sigh.

[Anonymous Coward]

Is that

One of those annual charity dos on TV? Red noses, or something?

[Dangermouse]

The Crusty Loaf Fellatio Buggery

Is that the one on Cumming Street near Kings Cross?

[Captain TickTock]

Crumbs...

... that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?

[Charlie Clark]

Watch out for the IMB!

Yes, the International Muffin* Brigade will probably have his name on a list!

* the oven-bottom muffin is the term of choice for this doughy delicacy in some parts of the world and people are surprisingly sensitive to the correct us.

[Sinical]

It could be worse

My local Chinese Take Away is called the Rea Ming.

And no, I am not joking.

[Pete 2]

The pet shop next door ...

Wouldn't happen to be called "Great Puppies" would it?

[The Fuzzy Wotnot]

For heaven's sake!

Stuff world hunger, poverty, revolutions in the Middle East, nothing raises the blood pressure of a NIMBY MIddle Englander than a little bit of smutty innuendo!

I reckon there's something more to this story than is being presented.

[Captain Underpants]

Nicely played, Mr O'Toole...

...frankly it's just a shame his name's not Timmy, for the full-on comedy double-whammy.

I wonder whether the people objecting to the name realise that they've essentially given the business free marketing by complaining to the council? Probably not the effect they were hoping for, unless the whole thing's a stunt...

[ElNumbre]

TITLE MUST CONTAIN OBLIGATORY CUNNING STUNT JOKE.

Paris because, well, her cunning stunt was filmed for the world to watch.

[S Larti]

The Wrath of Middle England!!!

Which consists of one stiff* letter to the council...

* careful now!

[Naughtyhorse]

down with this sort of t'ing

thats all....

NUNS!

[Alex 0.1]

Uptight or what

There's a burger van every day in a layby on a major road near here called "Angie's Big Baps" that's been running for years, so presumably not many people have objected to that. Maybe people round here can just take a joke.

[It'sa Mea... Mario]

We had a 'Big Baps' sandwich shop in Bournemoth..

..only closed because f*sking Subway was allowed to open next door!

[Velv]

Business ventures

At least he didn't go into the Ironmongery business.

O'Toole's Knobs & Knockers

[Cerbus]

Title must contain at least one amusingly named shop

There's a hardware store in Dublin called Knobs and Knockers, about five minutes walk from a cafe with the wonderful name of The Queen of Tarts

[Tony Green]

Typical Daily Hate bullshit

I bet nobody had even twigged until a reptile from that vile rag started asking if they found it offensive.

I dread to think what they'd have made of a bakery in Rochdale where I once saw a sign in the window saying "Say it with bread. Give her a muffin".

[MarkA]

Perfect Name

To appeal to the (still) significant Air Force crowd, serving and retired, that are in that village and the surrounding area.

[Paul 37]

Okkaay...

A Google search for bakeries in Henlow sadly didn't show Nice Baps.

http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=henlow+bakery#q=henlow+bakery&hl=en&prmd=ivnscm&source=univ&tbs=plcs:1&tbo=u&ei=bm6UTdCbE4eXhQfwmeDnCA&sa=X&oi=local_group&ct=more-results&resnum=1&ved=0CEoQtQMwAA&fp=5cbc1c678812025a

However the first two are called Gunns and (wait for it)

Rogers

[Uncle Slacky]

Burger Me!

That is all.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ok

Here in the states, nobody seems to object to a burger chain calling themselves "In-n-out Burger", even despite most people's penchant for modifying the bumper stickers they give out to read "In-n-out Urge".

Paris 'cause whenever I see her I get an urge for a... burger?

[Fr Barry]

A liverpool pub...

called the cockwell In(n) http://tinyurl.com/3nhqrj9

[Blake St. Claire]

John O'Toole?

Is his wife's name Plenty?

Thank you Ian Fleming and Albert Broccoli.

I agree with the queen, he knew exactly what he was doing.

[Anonymous Coward]

RE: All the complaints about PC / Middle England

From the article:

"[the chairman of the parish council] did though, conclude: "To date we have received one letter from a local resident expressing some concern over the name of the shop, plus a couple of verbal comments about the colour scheme. The letter will, as per normal procedure, be considered at the next full council meeting, which in this case is due to be held on April 11.""

So one person complained about the name. Hardly a story and hardly a damning indictment on the state of political correctness in Middle England is it?

FFS it is just an excuse for El Reg to run a story with innuendo about tits - not really a big deal after all if you just take a minute to calm down and think about it.

[Dr Insanity]

innuendo and tits

and why not? it's almost Friday afterall!

[Jimbo 6]

just an excuse to run a story with innuendo

Hell yeah, you don't think us Reg readers have anything more important to think about on a weekday afternoon do you ?

My tuppence (bit) worth : when I open a food emporium, I'm going to call it...

"Snack My Bitch Up"

[stratofish]

Unnecessary title

Maybe a fruit shop should also be next? - "Juicy Plums"

[Anonymous Coward]

Another unnecessary title

Or a resturant?

"Meat and Two Veg"

[Plonkybear]

Don't they have any.....

.....crumpet in Bedfordshire?

[dvd]

Title

Am I the only one that remembers branches of 'Knobs and Knockers' all over the country that sold brass door furniture?

[Gulfie]

Or John Noakes on Blue Peter...

... many years ago actually uttered the phrase "what a lovely pair of knockers" (he was standing between a pair of door knockers at the time).

[Blake St. Claire]

Young Frankenstein?

Okay, but was it used on Blue Peter before or after Gene Wilder said it (in 1974)?

[Toastan Buttar]

Simon Groom

I believe.

[Anonymous Coward]

Dirty minds are the problem

There's nothing inherently rude about 'nice baps', especially when it's referring to actual baps.

It strikes me that it is those who find the name rude who have the dirty minds, allowing a euphemism to take precedence over the literal meaning of a word. Presumably these same people also baulk and complain at the sight of "Daddies Sauce", "Faggots" and "Eat Me"?

These people clearly need to rush to their local priest, say their confession, do a hundred laps of a rosary with all the gusto of The Stig and purify their dirty minds.

Mind you, I suspect these people are also first in the queue at a Fascinating Aida concert, and think it's the most wonderful and entertaining thing ever.

PS. 'Baps' evidently isn't in my spell checker.

[Havin_it]

He'd be OK in Edinburgh

...where nobody in the Old Town raised an eyebrow when a chap renamed his gift shop to The Mutt's Nuts. And that's a UNESCO World Heritage Site, don'tcha know.

[G4Z]

Baps!

Here in Newcastle there is already a sandwich shop called Baps, its just around the corner from my office.

Nobody has complained about the name to my knowledge tho.

[Anonymous South African Coward]

BAPSfontein

Here in South Africa (Gauteng) we have a small town called Bapsfontein (Baps fountain).

Reading through this gave me an alternative meaning for this little town.

Muhuhahahaha.

Leaving to tell the people what a Bap is.

[2FishInATank]

el tit

Sounds like a storm in a d-cup to me...

[Captain Scarlet]

Store picture

From other posts the sign is small and clearly states around it bread related items to the left and right.

Maybe there should be a warning on every street, WARNING THIS STREET MAY CAUSE OFFENCE because the stores have names on them

[copsewood]

Facebook denies Middle England is a place

It's where I live, but Facebook won't let me claim Middle England as my place of residence.

[Uncle Slacky]

It's more...

...a state of mind than a place, though.

[jake]

::sighs::

And this from the country which brought us "naughty" holiday postcards.

How the mighty have fallen.

[Anonymous Coward]

Locks, chains and "hardware" supplied by ...

S & M Supplies

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps/place?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=S+%26+M+Supplies+Macclesfield&fb=1&gl=uk&hq=S+%26+M+Supplies&hnear=Macclesfield&cid=18366048681054990274

And I have never even heard so much as a snigger when its name is mentioned

[Allan George Dyer]

or try...

Kin Kee Metal Company

http://maps.google.com.hk/?ie=UTF8&ll=22.248319,114.155277&spn=0.004379,0.007371&t=h&z=17&brcurrent=3,0x34040003b48c0709:0x1e74bd65142c7ab6,1,0x3403fff26e29e2b1:0xc0eea9afd6463013&layer=c&cbll=22.248228,114.155288&panoid=xdd_SOYsb-zPBAuWxKHwJg&cbp=12,304.59,,2,1.67

[Tom 260]

Nice

I would have thought there'd be more contention over whether 'Nice' can be applied without having the small print of "according to 83% of people in an independent blind taste test of more than 1,000 participants" or some such rubbish!

On a similar note to that, what about Asda's "Chosen By You" range, I didn't choose any of it, and what I've had from it has invariably been poor quality, such as a dessert with far too runny and over-sweetened caramel.

[Roger Jenkins]

Caramel

I fail to see how caramel can be over sweetened when it's made from sugar and water and has been ever so slightly burned. Or maybe you mean the over sweetened artificially flavoured and coloured stuff that passes for caramel.

[jake]

@Roger Jenkins

Caramel is not burned. It's caramelized. Thus the name. If you burn it, it's trash. The act of caramelization reduces sweetness ... It's a isomerization and polymerization thingie.

[Ol'Peculier]

Humpf

I assume none of these residents listen to I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue?

[Max_Normal]

Canine Beauticians

There's a Canine Beautician in Kemptown, Brighton called "Doggy Style".

[Anonymous Coward]

Does the Henlow branch of M & S.....

.... have problems as well; M & S sell a product labelled as "Large White Baps" which are, amazingly enough, large white baps. And if they don't have a problem with it, why should the good people of Henlow?

Mind you, I do snigger every time I buy a pack .....

[Spot the Cat]

Baldock

If I recall, neighbouring Baldock was for many years home to the Ridgid Tool Company. A quick Google reveals they've moved to London and major in threading and roll grooving. They can also supply you a Scout locator. The choir boy locator is coming soon.

[Anonymous Coward]

For some reason this reminds me of the assuming song

http://www.andrewcurrey.co.uk/forwards/assume.asp

Do you have a dirty mind?

[Gordon861]

Dinaways

There used to be a burger place in Heston, London called Dinaways that was very popular with the late night after pub crowds. The had a couple of car stickers with the slogans "I've gobbled a big one" and "The meat makes you come", which considering that they sold large flame grilled burgers which were the best for miles was perfectly reasonable.

All it took was one person to make a complaint to Hounslow Council and they had to stop using them.

[jake]

Re: Gordon861

There used to be (still is? I don't know ... it was thirty years ago or thereabouts) a gambling & drinking establishment in Auburn, California. I can't remember their name, but I do remember their bumpersticker:

<bar logo & name> "Liquor in the front, poker in the rear"

The logo was a silhouette of a prospector panning in a creek.

[Tim]

Nothing as English as seaside postcard innuendo

He should open up a tea room called 'The Buttered Muffin.' And a higher-class version up the posh end of town, 'Tasty Crumpet.'

[Valerion]

A TITle is required

The Register: Bring you the latest in IT and TIT news.

[Anonymous Coward]

TWAT Cafe

There's a cafe if Cardiff called The Warm As Toast cafe.

The first letters of the first 4 words are much bigger then the rest so from a distance it reads TWAT Cafe.

It's been there for years so obviously people see the funny side and haven't got their heads up their arses like this lot from Bedford.

[Stratman]

title

Down with this sort of thing.

[Anonymous Coward]

Paving Business

There's a paving business near us that advertises on it's vans

"The best way to get laid!"

[Mooseman]

If we're going for innuendo...

..how about King Dick Tools in Birmingham? Never heard complaints about that either.

[Anonymous Coward]

He needs to diversify his business activities

A shoe repair shop, Cobblers to You.

[Repo]

No different from...

The Cock Inn (not a new trendy name for pubs either but a traditional one)

Fat Willy's Surf Shack

or indeed, Big Dicks Halfway Inn.

Paris because... well you know why!

[Meph]

There's a...

There's a nice little burger joint in Queenstown NZ called Fergburger. The food there is mighty tasty!

[David 45]

Smut?

We here in Maidstone do actually have a small independent TV aerial installer who proudly proclaims on the side of his van that he has the best erections, although, judging by his age, I would have thought that most unlikely..

[alyn]

Chocolate starfish

So my idea for chocolate treats would be banned too?

[Steve Babb]

Franchise?

I look forward to the opening of the Manx franchise, Man Baps

[Badbob]

Not quite innuendo...

But there is a butchers near where I work in Lanark called "Damn Delicious" and I actually heard one of my colleagues (a devout christian) complaining that it was blasphemous.

When pressed for an explanation, he said it was because the use of the word "damn" in any connotation refers to using his particular deity's name in vain. I'll remind him of that next time he gives himself an electric shock (which is an alarmingly regular occurence).

I now do all my sausage shopping there! (ooh matron!)

[Michael Dunn]

Taking his deity's name in vain!

Oh, is he a Satanist, then?

[Anonymous Coward]

Dawlish's oldest family run businesses

There is a cake shop in Dawlish, Devon called "Gays Creamery".... For Real...

[John H Woods]

Local to me:

Doggy Style - canine grooming

SKY Scaffolding - tag line: 'For a better erection'

and - best of all -

Bourton Drains - tag line: 'The Number 1 Name in the Number 2 Business'