back to article Handy radiation checker comes to iPhone

iPhone users can now download a free iPhone app to tell them what local radiation levels are, in case they've not got enough to worry about. The new application is available worldwide, though you'd have to take paranoia to a new level to worry about spreading radiation from Japan if you weren't actually nearby: even then you …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Free Geiger

    I just installed the free (fake) Geiger counter Iphone app last evening, I was hoping that it would have a hidden slide control so that one could frighten ones' co-workers; but it didn't.

    1. Swoop
      Jobs Horns

      Hidden slide control

      This is what's known as the BOFH option, I believe.

    2. Colin Wilson 2
      Happy

      You're holding it wrong...

      The fake geiger counter apps I've seen use the iPhone's motion sensor to let you rig the results. Hold the phone flat and you get a low reading. Tilt it slightly and you get a nice high reading to scare your friends with

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Windows = better!

    For most people (especially if you live in Cornwall) the main risk is from Radon. Opening your house windows every now and again will reduce the amount of Radon in your house.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      But I thought

      "Washing machines last longer with Radon!".

      Or summin.

      1. Martin 19
        Coat

        @AC

        But I thought Radon was the secret to a nice relaxing bath?

        1. Marcus Aurelius
          Coat

          Radon

          I thought it was the video card you had in your PC when you didn't have a NVidia.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Unhappy

            AHHHHH

            I'm Dooooomed. Here I am on holiday in Cornwall in the bath playing computer games with my laundry on. Why did no one tell me of the risks before

            1. Charles Manning
              WTF?

              Why do you wear your laundry in the bath?

              I guess if you splash about a lot it will result in good agitation.

    2. N2 Silver badge

      Correct

      & Radon just happens to be an Alpha emitter which has a short range, but being a relatively large particle (helium nuclei) it does a lot of damage along its short track

      So smoke outside in Cornwall unless you want alpha particles burnt into your lungs!

  3. James Hughes 1

    Chocolate teapot

    About as much use as the above, I imagine. Still, somebody's making some money out of it.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    FFS!

    Holy shit my house is gone, all my possessions and there family members missing, you know what I need a f**king fake geiger counter app for my iPhone, the only possesion I still own!

    Sounds more like a scam to fleece people already down on their luck!

    1. Aaron Em

      nah

      It's aimed at the credulous New Jerusalem liberals currently wittering away about how they're going to get pedophile AIDS cancer from the evil radiation monster. Such people can mostly afford whatever luck they need.

    2. NightFox
      WTF?

      What You Talkin' 'bout Willis?

      Huh? This isn't a fake geiger counter - it's an app the scrapes and displays radiation levels from the interwebs, as explained in the article.

      1. Andy Fletcher

        so it's an APP that....

        ...can display data from web connected servers. I'm amazed no-one thought of it before. I hope someone comes up with a version for the PC soon.

  5. RockBurner

    so which Iphone...

    is going to have the geiger sensors onboard? 6,7?

    or will HTC beat them to it?

  6. Nigel Brown

    But I cant be affected by radiation...

    .....I'm sure my local council declared my town a nuclear free zone back in the early 80's!!

    1. BristolBachelor Gold badge
      Joke

      Nuclear free

      Presumably after doing that, they fitted a 20cm thick lead sheet under the town to protect it from all the nucleides in the Earth (the things that are keeping the middle warm).

      Then they fitted one over the top to protect you all from the stuff coming from space, and finally fitted a wall all the way around so that they don't annoy any of the towns nearby with their stupid, useless pondering?

      1. LaeMing

        Don't forget

        restricting the types of smoke detectors available and banning several forms of medical imaging.

      2. Asgard
        Joke

        No App for this! :)

        "20cm thick lead sheet" ... "Then they fitted one over the top to protect you all from the stuff coming from space"

        Only 20cm? ... Uhhmmm... how do I break it to him gently? ;)

        You know that Shark film where the guy famously said, "you're gonna need a bigger boat!"

        Well, you're gonna need more than 20cm, a lot more :) …

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultra-high-energy_cosmic_ray

        Plus "stuff coming from space" like this is streaming through all of us all the time (although obviously not all it is at such record breakingly high energy levels).

        So I'm not sure there's an App for that!, but you could try holding your phone over your head for extra shielding, as it could add an almost insignificant extra amount of shielding. :)

    2. Badbob

      Haha, so did my old local authority,

      I remember all the paperwork from the old Strathclyde Regional Council having the nuclear free logo on them. They had obviously decided that HMNB Clyde (where the strategic nuclear deterrent is stored) and Hunterston A and Hunterston B Power Stations were in some other region.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Already here:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-12892383

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    No use for me

    As a banana eating Cornishman who used CRT monitors for years I'm screwed anyway no need to try and fear me further!

    Now wtf did I do with my shiny hat!

    1. LaeMing

      I wouldn't worry about the CRTs

      They have all that inch-thick lead glass on the front. That's more than radiologists get.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Banana-eating Cornish AC

      "Now wtf did I do with my shiny hat!"

      You shouldn't wear tinfoil hats- they cause the buildup of radon gas emitted by the granite fillings in your teeth.

  9. Simon Neill

    Doses...

    Nice to see that even the higher readings basically rate as 2x the background radiation. OH NOES!! WEZ ALL GUNNA DIEZ!! </sarcasm>

    Take your media hype and shovel it.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    @Colin Wilson 2

    Thanks!!

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Skewed results on iPhone?

    How much radiation does the Reality Distortion Field generate?

  12. Harry

    And the app will probably say ...

    ... that if you're concerned about radiation, you should probably start by turning off the very device that you're using to search for the information.

  13. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    FAIL

    If its anything like

    the spirit level app we used to level a table at work, its utter bollocks

    Ps that table worked well so long as you liked one end 5 inches higher than t'other.

  14. Graysonn

    paranoid to a new level...

    A girl I work with said she was grateful she'd bought a car recently. Because it means that she doesn't have to walk home in the radioactive rain.

    1) We're in ireland.

    2) She lives a 10 minute walk away.

    3) Radioactive rain???

    I tried explaining that he phone was probably more radioactive than the rain but she wouldn't listen. "But I'd prefer to limit my exposure....."

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    The REAL Danger of Radiation Nuclear Fallout!

    COME ON PEOPLE!

    Are you all mad?!

    The radiation is falling out in Glasgow - can't you see the DANGER?!

    These Scots could develop SUPER POWERS, grow to an ENORMOUS size and take over the entire country!

    I have a spare exclamation mark, if anyone needs one.

  16. Atilla the Hun (No relation)
    Coffee/keyboard

    <gurgle>

    "The data for the app, called Radiation Information and published by Qnuouo"

    How the *hell* does one pronounce Qnuouo?

    I tried here in the office and just managed to stop a colleague going for the Heimlich manoeuvre.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    RE: Enormous Scots

    Isn't that more the result of deep-fried Mars bars and no-exercise than Fukushima fall-out?

  18. ElReg!comments!Pierre
    Coat

    iPhone and radiations

    Certainly one would receive a higher dose of radiation from this app:

    http://itunes.apple.com/app/the-ultimate-x-ray/id303956365?mt=8

    than from the Fukushima fallout...

  19. Stevie Silver badge

    Heh!

    I declare fake Geiger Counter apps great!

    When Palm Pilots were clever and hip I used to carry a "GPS" app on my Visor and offer to share it over the IR synch link with others similarly equipped.

    When the happy recipient of my largesse opened the app it would tell him to tap on the screen for a reading. He would then get a large "X" displayed and the words "You are here". The results were interesting.

    Demographics:

    Older people who didn't know what to expect but couldn't see how it would work and usually needed talking into accepting the app - much laughing.

    Younger people (usually sporting a Visor Edge or similar) who usually jumped at the chance to get something free - much scowling.

    Make fun of people's tech by using it to tell the joke. Much better than flaming.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    BBC Scotland have already done their best to frighten folks....

    The report started:

    "Minute levels of radioactive iodine have been picked up by a sensor in Glasgow. The levels are so small as to be insignificant to human health."

    That didn't stop them from doing an at length report on the harm that this isotope with a half life of 8 days can do in serious quantities.

    Maybe they have stumbled upon a conspiracy?? Has their been a secret meltdown at the Hunterston B AGR???

    1. Adam T
      Coffee/keyboard

      No conspiracy

      That explains Glasgow then!

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Iodine 131

    Of course the chances of someone who happens to be undergoing cancer treatment (specifically thyroid cancer) walking past the sensor and causing a false positive reading are slightly higher than the chances of detectable radiation getting here from Japan.

    There have been cases of people having radioisotope scans or treatments setting off radiation alarms at airports, and even items as mundane as cat litter can set the portal types off.

    AC, because they should really have fixed this by now.

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