back to article Steve Jobs screws my wife (out of $944)

I couldn't tell who was more excited about our new electronic toy: me or my wife. She snuck out of bed at 3 am local time on March 11 to order me an iPad 2, and considering how much my wife likes sleep, that probably means she still likes me, even after sixteen years of dating and marriage. At least enough to shell out $729 …


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  1. William Boyle

    Gotta laugh!

    Thanks! I got a good belly laugh from this "article" / confession! You got an iPad 2 for your b'day - I got a telescope for mine! :-) Hope you enjoy the iPad as much as I know I am going to enjoy my present, once the weather clears up... :-)

  2. Bill Cumming

    I'd suggest...

    ...A trip to your local vehicle accessory store and a few bits of masking tape.

    Buy a can of Ferrari Red Spray paint.

    Mask of the bits of the iPad2 you don't want covered in paint (i.e. the camera!)

    ...and go to town on the thing (while outside! the fumes are bad Mmmmkk!!)

    There fixed! One vulturized (sic?) White Ipad2 for your pleasure...

    ..Mines the one with the spray can and hammer in the pocket... :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Save some pennies.

      Don't mask off the camera, I mean, 700k, really? That's atrocious.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        "Don't mask off the camera, I mean, 700k, really? That's atrocious"


    2. Disco-Legend-Zeke

      If It's Genuine...

      ...leather, a visit to a proper shoe repair shop should provide a strip and dye experience for your cover.

      1. maclovinz

        Real leather?

        Who still uses real leather? XD

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down


    What does this have to do with Steve Jobs?

    In what way was your wife screwed out of money? It seems that you have already found the device useful.

    This article seems like it belongs on the cover of Womens Weekly, not the pages of a tech blog. It's a story, and not a very good one at that. Man dislikes apple, man ends up buying apple (or being bought apple in this case).... wow riveting stuff.

    1. mafoo

      i would go with...


      possible tickled pink.

    2. Gordon 10 Silver badge

      Maybe because

      He has a sense of humour - unlike yourself.

      If this annoyed you so much why did you read to the end and bother to post about it?

    3. LaeMing

      Have to agree.

      The title is a cynical attention(clicks)-graber with no actual relevance to the article.

      I don't see how you (or your wife) can be "screwed" out of money if you are satisfied with the result.

      It is like having a headline "Terrorists are going to kill us all" and then an article about how, no they really aren't.

    4. Marvin the Martian

      An why would we give a monkey's about Penn State?

      Or what schools they are in whatever sort of rivalry with? Sheesh.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        "I don't see how you (or your wife) can be "screwed" out of money if you are satisfied with the result."

        Because the article is about how the iPad doesn't do anything. It does everything exactly the same as older technology. It provides the author no new capabilities, is neither magical nor revolutionary.

        And that's why butthurt Apple fanboys like you are posting. No one is allowed to look behind the curtain.

        1. LaeMing

          This "butthurt Apple fanboy"

          Is a going on 10-year GNU\Linux user. Who considers Apple did to BSD with OSx was much like what Kathy Bates did to James Caan in /Misery/. But that doesn't stom me calling out BS when I see it applied.

          Have a pointless day.

      2. Getter lvl70 Druid

        Re: Marvin the Infidel

        We don't come in here dissing the Manchester Silly Nannies Futbol Club now do we? Show a little tolerance for things you just can't understand, Ohio State is evil...

        Go Vols!

        "Rocky Top, You'll always be, home sweet home to meeee.

        Good ol' Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Tennessee!"

        On a Side Note: How Dare You show Your face here after failing to destroy the Earth so many, many times? Like anybody would listen to you.....


  4. nick47


    Never heard that one before!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      The time when the term would have been relevant was in the 80s, by the 90s we already had megapixel digital cameras.

  5. umakegoodcookies

    attitude revealed

    ha ha ha... "And of course, this being Apple, I won't be able to upgrade the camera ever."... Morgan's right, I'm going to have to make sure I get one of those tablets with replaceable cameras so I can upgrade it if I want. I should have gotten one of those phones too.

  6. Efros

    Hope you're wife enjoyed it

    Personally I gave $100 to Archos and got a 7 Home Tablet, with Android. Smaller, lighter not as responsive but 850 bucks cheaper!

    1. Marvin the Martian

      Either that,

      or the "home-made cream pie". I was shocked to read such dirty references.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Jobs Horns

      Don't worry dear

      We don't need to spend valentine's day at Claridges, I've booked the best Western. It's just as good.

      I'm sure your wife enjoys it also.

  7. jake Silver badge

    Piss-poor camera? Eh? But ...

    ... wasn't there a commentard claiming that there were "professional" iPhoneographers? Maybe I miss-read the comment. Wouldn't be the first time ;-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You didn't

      Yeah, there are people who call themselves iPhoneographers and some even manage to sell their work.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Different cameras

      The iPad 2 has worse cameras (for still pictures) than even the original iPhone, and those were appalling compared to the 5mp autofocus camera in the iPhone 4.

      So yeah, you can take good pics with an iPhone, just not with an iPad!

    3. bubba-bear

      Pinhole camera photogs too

      There have been gallery exhibitions of pictures using pinhole cameras and cheap Polaroid cameras too.

  8. ashkelon

    I'll take the slate PC, please

    I found the article amusing, on several levels, but I'll never understand why anyone really wants one of these weak sisters. I've been using Motion Computing slates for over 10 years now and love them. Rugged, understated, beautiful and REAL PCs.

  9. Ian Michael Gumby

    Someone must have had a short deadline and a lousy idea for an article.

    "I cut my computing teeth on an old Ohio Scientific Z80 machine with deal eight-inch floppy drives back in the early 1980s."


    Talk about flashbacks. Only I cut my teeth a few years earlier on an Ohio Scientific C3A.

    But then again, I lived pretty close to the factory.... (Aurora Ohio).

    I thought I could respect a fellow Ohio Scientific owner except when you made the following comment:

    "But to my horror, the back of the iPad 2 is gray brushed aluminum with a black apple and black sensors, and when you take it all in, that makes it an Ohio State BuckeyePad, Penn State's arch rival. I will get a blue leather cover as soon as Apple makes one."

    I'm sorry, Penn State who? Sure I respect Joe Pa as one of College Football's coaching greats. (Along w Woody and I'll even salute Bo since he was an Asst Coach under Woody...) But Penn State isn't much of a rival since Tressel took over.

    But I'll overlook that...for now.

    You continue to write...

    "I don't like the idea of using Google Docs because it is bad enough that Google is reading my office email, does it have to read what I am writing as I am writing it?"

    True, but the iPad lacks a real keyboard and of course you can purchase a wireless one for it, but that then defeats the purpose of the iPad where a regular laptop has its value.

    I'm am by no means an Apple fanboi. And I'm sure you'll get flamed by them. I am however someone who has waited for the iPad2. It will allow me to easily surf the web, do e-mail, and of course act as my e-reader of .pdfs and e-books. Sure there are other apps, but its the fact that I can easily have all of my technical documents that I get in .pdf forms, easily available on one device.

    While the Kindle DX would also allow this, it unfortunately does't handle resizing as well and doesn't handle e-mail or web site wikis where some other documents exist.

    But I really have to flame the author because the head line doesn't really match the content. Its more of a story how the author lacks vision or need for a new 'play toy'.

  10. Jaruzel

    The REAL Question is...

    ...where can I get one of those wonderful el-reg Coffee Mugs?

    1. Annihilator Silver badge


      el Reg used to sell stuff like this at the Cash'n'Carrion, but all links redirect back to - so think it disappeared..

      1. davemcwish
        Dead Vulture

        You haven't looked very hard for Vulture Central Goodies have you ?

        Are available at and

  11. David Lucke

    Can't think of a title. Its too early on a Monday

    Charles Stross posted this about writing on an iPad last year - its a bit out of date now, but its a good starting point. But to summarize, DocsToGo seems to the be the app of choice, with Pages a good competitor. Not sure about Word compatability, though.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      "Not sure about Word compatability, though."

      So, entirely useless then?

  12. jzedward

    iPad Word Processing

    At least the author recognises it's a play oy, with limited work application - I wholly agree.

    As far as Word Processing, combining DropBox and Office2HD is the answer. DropBox is great multiplatform doc store, integrated with Office2HD. It also nicely lets you drop pdfs and ebooks into your DropBox folder and open them in iBooks without the nasty virus that is iTunes.

    Another unmissable (multiplatform) is Instapaper, to save interesting web pages and read later.

    I'm still looking for a decent note taking app - Evernote is nearly there, but not quite.

    1. Stu 3

      Note taking app

      Notes Plus is the app you are looking for...

  13. tkioz

    False Advertising!

    False Advertising! Here I come awaiting a nice juicy rant about something nasty that Apple has done now and all I get is a love letter to Steve? I want my 2mins back!

  14. CalumX

    StarTACs and word processing

    I use Documents to Go on the iPhone (and used it on a Palm PDA before that). I've not tried the iPad version, but I think its pretty good on the iPhone.

    And I too, had a StarTAC.. till destruction :)

  15. petur
    Dead Vulture

    Get a life

    When reading a book, you don't stab the pages either, you flip them by grabbing them on the sides. Forcing touch interfaces on everything doesn't always make sense, and I would vote for the Kindle way: no need to release it to flip a page (with an ipad, you need to let one hand go to flip via the screen, try that when you're holding it in one hand)

    But if the color of the cover freaks you out, and you eat ice-cream while in bed, the ipad is definitely for you!

    1. Lionel Baden
      Thumb Up

      Well done

      But if the color of the cover freaks you out, and you eat ice-cream while in bed, the ipad is definitely for you!

      This comment explains everything about the Author !!!!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        RE: Well done

        I think that ....

        "I went with the Red and White for my iPad look"

        Did a good enough job...but yes, you are right too!

  16. Herby

    This just means that...

    ...when my wife gets her USED iPad (1) it will be that much cheaper. Of course, for all those purchases, I just wonder at the price of Apple stock (I think my basis is around $7/share).

    Keep on buying those iPad2's

  17. Gotno iShit Wantno iShit

    Nice article but...

    "Right now, the iPad 2 is going to be my Kindle and my portable Web browser. I know people love their Kindles, but I like color and I also like touchscreens. Sorry, but there is no going back once you have been there."

    Back? My arse. I have neither a pad nor an eink reader but having tried both if I decide I want to go the electronic book route then there's no way it'll be an LCD. I have a laptop with an excellent non glossy screen and I have tried reading PDF books, its a bloody awful experience. If I need to read a large document I'll print it. However I found the Kindle and Sony I've tried just fine for 2 hours plus hard study.

    "My Droid is empty and has been for two years except for photos, with the Droid having replaced expensive still and video digital cameras of higher quality. Convenience does trump quality sometimes, but the iPad 2, at 300 kilopixels for the front facing camera and 700 kilopixels for the rear facing one, is bloody awful. And of course, this being Apple, I won't be able to upgrade the camera ever. Apple should have put the 5 megapixel camera in the iPad 2."

    Convenience trumps quality, so why do you need a quality camera in your pad? Most people take their phone everywhere, to the pub, gig, work, whatever. Chances are when you are out with your iPad you'll have your phone too so what is the point of a quality camera on your pad? Waving a slab in the air does not fit my idea of convenience. As for complaining it's not upgradable that's just laughably naive. You don't get modularity on a device this compact.

    The biggest fail IMO of the iPad2 is the screen. Kudos to Apple for not using an aspect ratio designed for movie theatres on a computing device but if 326ppi is correct for an iPhone how on earth can 132ppi be defended on an iPad 2? Not so much revolutionary as archaic.

    1. Anonymous Coward


      If you can source the 326ppi screen that the PoS is kept to where it is then you'll have a point.

    2. Ian Michael Gumby

      Printing out documents?

      "Back? My arse. I have neither a pad nor an eink reader but having tried both if I decide I want to go the electronic book route then there's no way it'll be an LCD. I have a laptop with an excellent non glossy screen and I have tried reading PDF books, its a bloody awful experience. If I need to read a large document I'll print it. However I found the Kindle and Sony I've tried just fine for 2 hours plus hard study."

      I tried to explain the reasons why I wanted an e-reader to my wife....

      I printed out just one of my tech manuals from a .pdf. 380 pages. You do know how large 380 pages are, right?

      Now just for that one system, I have 4 documents like that.

      And there are other products that I support . Then there's the list of books that I constantly use for references because I have the memory of a gold fish... ;-)

      So. Imagine having 1 device that contains all of those books and .pdf documents, that can also do e-mail, web, internet chats/IM ...

      Plus at my age... I don't really enjoy the 1.6 miles of walking commute carrying a book back filled with books and a laptop.... Especially in winter when there's ice on the sidewalks.

      So yeah. I'll take the iPad2 for now, and when the iPad comes out with the improved processors and higher screen resolution... my wife will get this and I'll get the new one.

      1. Gotno iShit Wantno iShit

        Re: Printing out documents?

        Fair points all IMG, I have the memory of a gold fish too. I carry buckets of pdfs and project documents on my laptops and have no problems with the screen for a days work, reference or lookup. But if a chapter or a drawing needs digesting in depth I just don't get on with an LCD. The other functions you mention I do directly on a Desire or via it tethered. That's what works for me, vive la difference.

        My gripe is with TPM's comment that an iPad screen is superior to a Kindle screen for the purpose of reading ebooks. I can't accept that. Reading a book is not the same as referencing a technical manual. I spend a lot of time away from home for work and while travelling and overseas I get through a good number of books. Regularly packing and carrying sufficient dead trees to get me through a 6 to 9 week rotation is a significant motivator to put a lot of thought into getting an ebook reader. When I do make the jump it will have a screen designed to be the best paper replacement possible and not one designed for entirely different purposes.

  18. Paul 129

    It is a confession!

    Can't even get it in the right colour, LOL. Not a total loss though he did use it as a portable video player.

    Its amazing how many people have to show off their new ipad, who then use it as a glorified picture frame. Apple could sell ice to the Inuit...

    Damn that Steve he's trying to rifle my families pockets again....

  19. Anonymous Coward

    Sorry but ...

    We have an i-pad in the office and I bought the wife a kindle (avid book reader) for her birthday and as far as reading comfort goes there's simply no comparison IMO. e-ink is a much easier on the eye experience than a 'regular' screen. There's also an experimental kindle web browser which of course is nowhere near browsing the web 'properly' like on an i-pad but its good enough to check the email and read articles.

    Also the fact that it's SO much cheaper, even with a lifetime of free 3G access makes kindle the winner over the i-pad as a reading device any day.

  20. Ian Ferguson
    Thumb Down


    Decent enough article, but I hope your wife doesn't read it. Talk about gratitude!

  21. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
    Jobs Horns

    Re: And I don't quite know how much I can do with.


    I recently had the opportunity of using an ipad for a few weeks. Only used it to read the papers and like stuff which I sincerely believe it excels at. For sites like El Reg which I routinely plaster with comments of dubious value, it sucks.

    Youtube videos ... yeah that too but you can't save 'em on an iPad (at least I didn't think the browser had such add-ons, maybe they do now). Here where banwidth is metered, that's a big disadvantage.

    Yeah, it's nice... It's really flashy.. but wouldn't buy one for 2 reasons :

    1) don't need one

    2) Apple/Jobs... yadadada etc...

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        "It has a bigger screen, but that doesn't change anything. You still read one sentence at a time."

        But the bigger screen does change things - it's less work on both the eyes and the fingers to read on a bigger screen (up to a certain point), and therefore less annoying. Reading on my phone is annoying and tiring as I continually have to scroll down. The eink screen of my ebook reader is better - it's larger and eink is gentle on the eyes. But I prefer thew ipad as the bigger screen is nicer to read off.

      2. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

        Blind cow

        Bullseyed, you are one blind cow, you've stated the reason there yourself.

        Maybe you read one sentence at a time. Maybe that's all you need. An 80 column x 1 row display.

        Personally I like seeing the whole page as well. Nice with the papers, you know? They come with pictures sometimes?

  22. Anonymous Coward

    Sucked in

    I was expecting another review of the iPad by someone who hates Steve Jobs and for that hatred to influence the review.... the headline meant I was drawn into reading the article. Fortunately, the article seems a lot more balanced that I was expecting - aside from the fact that I don't know of *any* phones or tablets with a replaceable camera.

    For a monday morning, when the clocks have just changed so I have one hour's less sleep - it was very enjoyable to read. I was amazed that the the author thought a C64 was not as good as a gaming computer as an Apple 2.

    Now, what I don't understand is, if I want just one iPAD2 - can I have different logins - i.e. son's emails/music different to daughters or mine when they use the device ? And is it a replacement for a computer - e.g. if I buy one for an 80 year old relative, will I need to visit to upgrade the software on it ?

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Non tech savvy consumers

        My 80 year old relative wants to get / send emails.

        When a TV programme says "go to this web site for the recipie" then she wants to be able to enter a URL. If there is a link to Youtube from that site then great.

        She might want to also look at the BBC News website. Or to be able to see what's on TV that evening.

        She does not want a PC where she gets asked to update the O/S and then warning pop's up. because I've not given her admin rights (to protect her from herself).

        She does not want to get similar warnings for Anti Virus software.

        I doubt Facetime will work with a normal web camera, so I don't think this is going to be a bonus (unless other apps can use the camrea for standard chat type video conferencing).

        For some reason, non technical elderly people think they can "break" PCs and are very cauitious - I want to alleviate stress (and minimise the need to support in person).

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        >On a computer you can plug in a USB camera can on Android tablets too since Froyo - though its far from ideal.

  23. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Loooong story, cut short

    You got an unexpected iPad2 as a present. You aren't really sure what you're going to do with it. It has some value as a talking piece and you don't like the colour.

    That probably puts you (apart from the colour intolerance) in the 95% iPad2 owner group. The rest being the small, but disproportionately vocal band of advocates.

  24. JDX Gold badge


    Interesting as it was to read the life story and neuroses of some random guy, I didn't really find it relevant. Pretty self-indulgent to take the entire first page (and more) for that guff.

  25. hammarbtyp

    What are people so hung up with touch screens

    I don't understand why people feel the kindle needs a touch screen, apart from its fashionable. The kindle does one thing well and that is allows reading of ebooks. The buttons on the side are neatly places(for lefties and righties). It doesn't do drawing, fancy graphics, games. Its an ebook reader.

    I had a Sony before the kindle and to be honest it was far more effort to swipe the screen to change a page because you had to move your hands from the side of the device and place them on the screen. For a simple binary command which you wanted to repeat again and again it was far to much effort. Plus there was no real positive feedback. The kindle interface is far, far better.

    The only annoyance is that when you give the device to some iPhone fanboy they start poking the screen and leaving greasy prints on your pristine reading device. I have to restrain myself from not take a knife to those digits.

    Touchscreens are not the answers to all lifes problems. They have there place, but leave my kindle alone!

    1. James Hughes 1

      Undecided on touchiness

      Have a Kindle and really like it. When I first got it I keep touching the screen to make it do things (no I don't have any other touch device, so that;'s a bit odd). Now I've had it a while, you are completely right -those buttons are way faster for page turns than using a touch screen would be. But, there are still times when a touch screen would be useful.

      Whether the increase in cost of putting a touch screen on would be worthwhile for those times it would be advantageous, I am not sure though.

      1. Steve Gill

        Touch can be useful

        The sony readers have a nice mix of buttons for regular tasks like page turns (although there is a touch option) with touch for menu navigation, selections, etc. The combo works rather well.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      The failings of touch have been well known for quite some time. That is why real tech companies in the past have given up on the concept. That isn't the target market for Apple; they're searching for the consumer who is stupid enough that they cannot contemplate the difference in time for a button versus a touch.

      Just ask any PC gamer which is better, clicking or keybinding. Clickers are hundreds of times slower (and therefore worse) players in PC gaming. Touch is the same thing as clicking.

  26. Snake Plissken

    Who will be the first

    To submit this article to Private I-I-I-I?

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    That's six minutes....

    That's six minutes of my life I'll never get back.


    What a pointless article.

  28. Jonathan White

    So, in summary

    The ipad does some stuff but not some other stuff

    Your wife is far too nice

    you're an ungrateful idiot


  29. Adrian Challinor

    You owe me a keyboard!

    I read through the whole article, nodding with agreement. I too am not sure what the unique must have app for the iPad is. Personally, I want a Blackberry Play Book, that way it can go in my suit pocket. So, totally concured with the confession...

    ... Until we got to the Trekkie dressing up thing. I mean, thats just weird. If Tim had suggested doing this in the same bedroom where the photoi was taken, I think it was a contender for possibly NSFW.

  30. The Unexpected Bill

    VulturePad? I like it!

    Well, I'll admit that I've wondered if Prickett Morgan indicated a middle name or hyphenated dual surname, so I guess you've cleared that up. Idle hands and all of that. :-)

    Okay...back to the real point of the article. I recently came into a first-gen iPad (64GB/WiFi if you must know) and while I've got to say that it is truly slicker than snot on a doorknob...and frankly I'm glad it hasn't got a camera in it...after many hours of messing around with its built in web browser and some of the other applications, I still don't see what the iPad's real purpose is. What does it want to be? Why do I need one and what will I do with it?

    On the other hand, I do have an Amazon Kindle (3G+WiFi/latest generation hardware) that is used primarily as a reading device. I don't browse the web with it much, but it does what it does very well and the fact that Amazon is paying for the 3G service only makes it more appealing to me. I haven't had the problem with mistaking the device's e-ink screen for a touchscreen, but others certainly have, so there's something there. The lack of color in the screen really doesn't bother me that much.

    With flash memory, of course, there is no need to worry about magnets. It'll take a lot more than that to corrupt anything.

    I'm not really trolling per se, just kind of responding to the article. Hopefully you'll get a blue cover for your new iPad soon enough...

  31. XMAN

    I dont get it

    How exactly did Steve jobs screw your wife out of $944? Should this be title "story time and overview of buying an ipad" ?

  32. elthomo

    flipping yanks

    When did the Yanks take over the Reg? Go away with your over the water references that we don't quite get here in good old Blighty. This is a local blog for local people we don't need your kind here. Normally this would have been overlooked but the article was terrible.

    Man buys IPad doesn't know what to do with it. Well it's a portable media consuming device(yes you can create too but it's not it's strongest point) So load with Movies, tv shows, games books, pdfs read emails and surf the web. Add a few apps for managing servers and it means you can leave your laptop at home and save a few kilos in your suitcase. Oh and it's instant and and has a nice battery life too.

    Nothing that can't be done on other devices but IMO the IPad at the moment does it the best.

    1. chuckc

      Edward screaming to Tubbs

      What's going on? We'll have no trouble here! Yanks are not welcome here.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fun read.

    "I don't like the idea of using Google Docs because it is bad enough that Google is reading my office email, does it have to read what I am writing as I am writing it?"

    Errr, you're a tech journalist. You publish on line. Eventually, Google reads it all anyway...

    1. Maty

      Google docs

      *So my text looks like this.

      I gave in and got a keyboard for my iPad. Yes, that makes it more like a netbook, even if it is a netbook where you can type with the screen six feet away. However, you only take the keyboard along when you are going to need it - as I did recently for an online chat session with work colleagues while I was out of the office.

      But Google docs has issues with the iPad, because every time it saves, it puts my cursor back to the top of the screen and my text goes on from there.*

      I'm using notes now, but will look at some of the apps mentioned here. Thanks guys!

  34. Saucerhead Tharpe

    Writing stuff

    If you don't care about formatting then IAWriter is a decent text entry bit of softrware and you can sync it to Dropbox. You might need to move stuff to your public folder using the Dropbox app mind

    All I need to do now is to send my cheapo bluetooth keyboard back and hopefully get a working one and that means the iPad is a decent netbook replacement

  35. Robert Synnott


    "And of course, this being Apple, I won't be able to upgrade the camera ever."

    The implication being that if it was a Motorola tablet, say, you'd totally be able to pop in a new camera? What?

  36. Your Retarded

    "deal eight-inch floppy drives"

    I think he should have said DUAL


    "blonde behive wig"

  37. dz-015

    iPad 2 content

    Wow, this is a fascinating story about Timothy Prickett Morgan. Was there something about the iPad 2 in there also? It was quite hard to spot.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Never mind Steve Jobs

    I was more worried about Uncle Dickie.

  39. nemo20000

    Deja very much vu

    “you open it, the device turns on instantly, you close it, it turns off. This suits my 21st century impatience perfectly. I want all computers to do this”

    And my 1999 Psion Netbook satisfied my 20th Century impatience similarly. Colour, check. Touchscreen, check. 10 hour battery life, check.

    Yup, welcome to the future.

  40. Psyx
    Thumb Up

    Great article

    A fun read. Thanks.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What exactly is a "home-made Boston cream pie"...

    ...and does it belong on a .xxx domain?

    1. tpm (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: What exactly is a "home-made Boston cream pie"...

      I'll post a picture when she makes it this weekend. March was such a fuckall month that I postponed the cake until April.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    HP 12C?

    Being an engineer, you should have a 15C at least. And, please, I want that El Reg mug!

  43. unitron

    I miss my StarTAC

    It didn't try to be anything but a good cellphone.

    1. tpm (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: I miss my StarTAC

      I agree.

  44. Ari 1
    Jobs Halo

    iWork - theregfore iAm

    Funny (if a tad useless) article.

    On the iWork issue:

    I use iWork a lot, mostly Pages and Keynote, but Numbers as well and must say that I've not hit any particular problems.

    True, if you want to export a Word file (.doc) then you have to.. export. And the program is laid out differently to Word and uses a completely different UI approach. Very Apple like in that controls are close at hand (NEVER in menus three deep and dialogue boxes) and drag and drop really works properly (haven't used the latest Word enough, but the older versions haven't exactly been lovely to work with)

    The ONLY key thing you need to know is that a floating palette called the "Inspector" is the key in all three programs. It's accessed from the tool bar and is marked with a little blue "i" icon (like an information icon of some sorts. BAD Apple!). The inspector holds most all controls in a tab system.

    The only thing that bugs me is that reference programs don't work with Pages because Apple haven't provided't an API for that. Only Endnote has been made compatible. This is annoying.

    Pages is a Word replacement.

    Numbers is great for those that need tables, linked tables, and good looks but is not a full Excel replacement.

    Keynote takes Powerpoint by the balls, rips 'em off and force feeds them to Steve Ballmer. Just WAYYYYY better.

    The floating palette concept of the "Inspector" can be criticised, but at least it's not a ribbon which takes the top 1/3 of the screen on a laptop which already has the working area way too low for ergonomic purposes (due to the screen and keyboard being stuck together)... The ribbon is one of the silliest UI idea of the last few years and Microsoft should know better (no matter whether the interaction of the ribbon is good or bad, just the ergonomic downside is a killer)

  45. maclovinz
    Thumb Up

    Rocking Chair

    This story is like a rocking chair....

    It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

    Kiddin....but the title was a bit misleading! :D

  46. CheesyTheClown

    Got an iPad and it's the best damn coffee coaster ever!

    I bought an iPhone 3G a long while back. A few weeks later, the 3Gs came out so, I gave the 3G to the wife and got a 3Gs for me. I had it for a while, loved it. Got an iPhone 4, gave my son the 3Gs and all was good. Then the wife felt left out and wanted a 4. So we got her a 4 and my daughter got the 3. Then the wife got an iPad at work since she works at help desk and handles most of the phones and stuff like that. Then my boss, who for tax reasons or something couldn't give cash, gave us all iPads for Christmas.

    I couldn't figure out what to do with the iPad.

    1) It doesn't sync my iPhone, I have to use my Mac Book for that (which runs Windows ONLY)

    2) It doesn't fit in my pocket

    3) It doesn't run anything my iPhone doesn't

    4) It takes FOREVER to charge

    5) I can't install software on it without buying it again since I've used all 5 of my activations for 4 iPhones and the wife's iPad. So I'd need another account.

    6) It sometimes loses track of the files on it (movies for the kids in the car)

    7) I either have to sit up straight to type with two hands or type with one hand and move that hand back and forth like mad since the keyboard is too damn big for one hand typing and too damn small for two hand typing.

    8) I can write programs on it unless I use remote desktop to a PC or a Mac and then try desperately to use a tablet with either of those via remote (SLOW!!!)

    9) If I want to save an MP3 file from the net to the device, I have to plug it into a computer. Can't do it directly.

    10) I can't type on it for shit since I can't feel the keys. You shouldn't have to see the screen to type. Even if you do need to see the screen, your neck will break eventually since you have to look down at the screen with the keyboard on it to see what you're typing.

    11) It can't play the Mac or PC games, only iPad/iPhone games. Kinda lame.

    12) If you don't use headphones and a remote, you can't listen to music and play a game most of the time since starting many games stops the music, so you exit out and start the music again, the go back into the app which stops the music. You need the remote on the headphones to start the music once the game is running.

    13) Most web sites with iPhone content insist on sending shitty half asses iPhone web pages to the iPad which makes the letters HUGE and everything is formatted as it's laid out for a 90 year old lady who hasn't bought new glasses since Hoover was in office.

    I can go on for a while. But, what I use the iPad for is to avoid running down my iPhone batteries when I read books from the Kindle app to my kids before bedtime and I use it to keep my coffee cup from leaving rings on the coffee table.

    Oh... then 3 months later, Apple releases a new version which effectively jacks the specs on the new one SO much that app developers will now write great apps and games for the new ones and either not bother with the iPad 1 OR they'll suck balls because they won't be optimized for the iPad 1. So, before I really even get used to using it, Apple has nearly obsoleted it.

    Next time, I hope the boss just gives cash instead.

  47. Tim 8

    Word processor?

    Just get whatever text editor suits you and write in LaTeX, processing it off of the iPad.

    The learning curve can be steep for anything fancy, but for all-text documents it's dead simple, and you use your brain cells on _content_ rather than formatting and layout.

  48. G4Z
    Thumb Up

    6 minutes I will never get back damn you!!!

    is a sentiment I really don't understand, if I had something more valuable to spend 6 minutes on instead of reading el reg then I would be doing that, but I don't because I am at work so I really don't want those 6 minutes back. In fact what I wanted to do was precisely that, waste 6 minutes and then some by reading it and the comments.

    So thanks for that tpm!

  49. Andus McCoatover

    Slightly off topic..

    but one quote.. [I don't like the idea of using Google Docs because it is bad enough that Google is reading my office email, does it have to read what I am writing as I am writing it?]

    Odd, I wrote an e-mail awhile ago, and in the mail I wrote "attached is my CV...".

    Gmail stopped the send, because "You've written 'I have attached', but there is no attachment."..It was right..

    Now, send a letter to your 16-year-old girlfriend about a meeting and will Gmail pop up with "It seems you're meeting a lady tonight. See ads on the right for all-night chemists"


  50. werdsmith Silver badge

    A euphemism?

    A "home mad Boston cream pie" ? Sounds good to me, but only once a year?

  51. trialanderr0r

    My wife gave me an Ipad2 as well

    and, while I plan to use it as a portable browser and document reader, it was obviously designed with one sole overriding purpose in mind: for playing Plants vs. Zombies....

  52. Levente Szileszky
    Paris Hilton

    Ummm it's called Nook Color...

    ...and it's available for under $300 and is getting Android 2.3 aka Gingerbread before the Summer:

    "Right now, the iPad 2 is going to be my Kindle and my portable Web browser. I know people love their Kindles, but I like color and I also like touchscreens. Sorry, but there is no going back once you have been there."

    You need a Nook Color, not an iPad, it's pretty obvious form this article. Or give a shot to the upcoming Blackberry PlayBook - I rarely get to anything positive about RIM, it's a giant cluster*&^% but PlayBook, running QNX-sourced OS, looks really awesome + it runs all Java-based Android apps (most of them are.)

    Let's face it: iPad 2 is simply tired, boring and just another skin on the same old, boring, broken iOS architecture - other than Mac users already using iPhone w/ Mac desktops it does not make any sense for anyone to buy it especially for such a laughable price.

    Paris because buying an iPad 2 is really her IQ level...

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Your wife got screwed but she didn't get kissed

    Steve jobs got in someone's pants... I'd demand your money back and an apology. Why would anyone buy these foolish toys?

  54. Blubster

    home-made Boston cream pie and a decent beer,

    Well the decent beer's out of the question (is there such a thing in the US), but the Boston cream pie has piqued my interest. I think we should be told the recipe.

    As for the IT angle, I've got some electronic weighing scales.

    1. tpm (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: home-made Boston cream pie and a decent beer,

      There is very decent beer. See, I make it myself. The latest is a buckwheat honey porter. I have ten gallons of hard cider--weighing in at 11.5 per cent alcohol--ready to bottle this weekend.

      1. jake Silver badge

        But Tim, we're Yanks ...

        ... everybody knows us Septics can't brew beer.

        ::contemplates Lagunitas, Dogfish, Hopland/Mendocino, North Coast, Anderson Valley, and Stone ::

        Must be another one of those reality distortion field thingies ... kinda like iFads ;-)

  55. John F***ing Stepp

    Not my great grandson's device at all.

    I can imagine him sitting on a destroyed bit of kit; looking over a devastated landscape and watching the battery die.

    At least offer me solar recharging; I mean come on, thousands of years into this civilization nonsense and the arrowhead still works.

    The Ipad has got to eventually pass up the blunt instrument as a civilizing tool.

    Well we are not there yet.

    I have a rock.


    *in some circles.

    *and paper.

    *and scissors.

  56. Kimo

    O H...

    For years I have put up with the deplorable standards of this rag (actually enjoined it, in fact), but this policy of bashing the Buckeyes must desist, or I shall cancel my subscription.

    Go back to Michigan if that's how you feel.

    (One more thing, "bashing the Buckeyes" is not now, and never has been, a euphemism. Just thought I should clarify with this lot.)

  57. JB

    made me think...

    Reading this made me think of the Sunday Format

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