Lindsay Lohan ditches her surname

Bespeckled thespiatrix Lindsay Lohan has dealt a serious blow to the El Reg space paper plane bureau by announcing she's going to drop the "Lohan" and emerge as just "Lindsay". According to her mum Dina, there are two reasons for the rebrand: first up, loads of megacelebs like Oprah and Beyonce thrive on a first-name-only …

[Anonymous Coward]

Celebutard?

Celebutard? I always thought it was "celebretard"... Though I suppose either way it gets the desired point across.

Paris, obviously!

[unitron]

It's a three-fer (or a three-way)

I think the idea behind celebutard is to combine celebrity, debutante, and retard (a "word" I eschew).

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Why not cerebretard?

no typo there

[Anonymous Coward]

Retard

"I think the idea behind celebutard is to combine celebrity, debutante, and retard (a "word" I eschew)."

Indeed. Retard isn't AFAIK a noun and shouldn't be used as such, unless you happen to be a septic in which case it seems to be acceptable to use a nound as a verb or a verb as a noun or probably an adjective as either.

I seem to recall a Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin declares his liking for "verbing words". Hobbes replies that maybe one day they will be able to make language a complete impediment to understanding.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: Retard

It's wordplay. You know? It doesn't have to make perfect sense, but then I realise the audience we're dealing with here.

[Anonymous Coward]

Apparently Michael has claimed that Lohan is "a name of integrity"

you can hear the laughter from 60,000ft

[Anonymous Coward]

title

What above Earth are you doing at 60,000ft???

[Alister]

What above Earth are you doing at 60,000ft???

Sigh...

This is the P.A.R.I.S section, did you not get it?

Paris... well... as above, really - she always gets it

[Anonymous Coward]

Possibly

Getting away from Lindsay Lohan? Sorry, I forgot, she's now rebranded. I'll start again with her new proper name:

Getting away from Lindsay, that's spelt T W A T.

[Avatar of They]

I can think of lots of acronyms but none sadly for your space plane.

I was too slow and you beat me to typing just what I was thinking.

If this wasn't in the PARIS section I would have been very keen to point out that it isn't IT related (I never thought I would be saying that) and more importantly, that no one really cares what the useless, talentless and Z listed American chav does with her drug / alcohol addled life.

[Fred Flintstone]

No, no, no

"Getting away from Lindsay, that's spelt T W A T."

No, no, that's staying close. You didn't pay attention in biology, did you?

[Trevor 3]

LINDSAY

Lithium Ion\Nickel Derived Stratospheric Aeroplane\Yacht?

[Anonymous Coward]

LINDSAY

Lester's

Ingenious

Notch

Design

Space

Aeroplane

Yeah!

OK so I'm not great at it! And to acheive a notch design you'd have to, erm, cut notches in it

[Anonymous Coward]

I like it - how about

Lester's

(most)

Ingenious

Not-so

Deep

Space

Aeroplane

Yet

?

[Anonymous Coward]

What about this?

Lindsay = Low income notwithstanding, daring into space attempting yardage? Mmmm.. Not good enough, I could not find a better one with "y"

Maybe someone else can find a better one. Come on, Ubuntu comes up with even more ridiculous naming each release.

[Nigel Brown]

The biggest problem with this plan

is that she's not a megacelebrity, but a two-bit actress of dubious ability and alley-cat morals.

[Francis Boyle]

That's only the second biggest

The biggest: Oprah, Beyonce, Lindsay. One of these names is not like the other.

[Fuh Quit]

you forgot Ernie

Oprah, Beyonce, Lindsay, Ernie. Only three have been on Sesame Street......and that's a true measurement of talent ;-)

[Anonymous Coward]

She's an actress?

Well, you learn something every day

[Anonymous Coward]

an end to riding

the Li Lo of fame

[djs]

LIndSAy

Light INDependent Space AnchovY

Just don't forget the salty fish payload.

[Richard 120]

Brilliant

That works on at least 2 levels

[Oliver Mayes]

What about

Largely inebriated nation dare send airplanes yonder

[Thomas 4]

Not bad

Just needs a little tidying:

Legendary Info Newspage Dares Sending Airplanes Yonder

[A. Coatsworth]

Re: Not bad

You can get the best of the two worlds: Largely Inebriated Newspage Dares Sending Airplanes Yonder.

Previous PARIS coverage gives plenty of support for that affirmation!

Cheers

[Intractable Potsherd]

Surely...

... Largely Inebriated Newspage Dares *Send* Aeroplanes/Aircraft Yonder (yep, spelling pedant on flying things).

[Michael Dunn]

@Thomas 4

Hey, you don't use a gerund after dare(s).

[Flocke Kroes]

If you want a backcronym ...

Yet Another Space Diving Newspaper Illustrating Landscapes

[DrXym]

The real reason

Lindsay clearly hocked her surname to score some blow

[Code Monkey]

S.L.A.P.P.E.R.

Space

Launched

Aeroplane

Piloted

(by)

Playmonaut

(with)

Eventual

Recovery

[Pirate Dave]

LINDSAY

Liquid-Influenced Normally-Destructive Self-Abusing Yelper

Liquid-Influenced Normally-Destructive Satellite-Altitude Yelper

The Y on the end makes it more difficult.

[Alien Doctor 1.1]

Backronym

Launch

Into

Notably

Darkened

Space

And

Yippee

[Anonymous Coward]

Fire up NAOMI

Next Ascender and Orbiter - Manned (sort of) Interactive

It's all the more aptly named if, on re-entry, this one crashed onto a hired help.

[LINCARD1000]

Re: Fire up NAOMI

You, Sir... had me choking with laughter. How very cynical of you :-D

[Thomas 4]

Mike's onto a winner with this one

Near Apogee Orbiting Model Initiative

[Lester Haines]

Re: Mike's onto a winner with this one

That's pretty good. Keep 'em coming...

[Trevor 3]

how about?

Next, Another Origami Manufactured Initiative

The engineers will suffer from NAPS

Not Another Paper Straw :-)

[Thomas 4]

I think Naomi is one of the better candidates

A lot of the other suggestions so far such as Keira Knightley, Natalie Portman, Anna Chapman, etc don't really have the right ingredients for "celebutard" status as I understand it.

For a viable candidate, we need:

* A colossal ego

* A lack of intelligence, or pretence thereof

* Regular newspaper articles detailing their latest screw-up or hissy fit

Possible others include:

* Being female (if we want to keep the PARIS, LOHAN, ?? theme running)

* An IT angle would be beneficial (the infamous Youtube video for Miss Hilton and the Blackberry incident would qualify Miss Campbell - couldn't really say for the former Miss Lohan)

[Stuart Moore]

I have it...

Largely

Improvised

Nerd

Designed

Space

Aeronautical

Yo-Yo

(or possibly Yacht - but I like the concept of a "Yo Yo" device that could go up and down repeatedly to replace the Space Shuttle)

[Oliver Mayes]

I like it!

Forget the space elevator, just have some bloke on the ISS with a bloody long yo-yo string.

He lets it down and you quickly clip a payload onto it as it comes within a few feet of th eground, then with a flick of the wrist it's on it's way orbit-ward.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hmmm

Lunatics In Newroom Design Spaceplane And Yet ....

[lawndart]

Oo look it's a hash sign ->

Launch Inhibiting Non-entity Delays Space Attempt Years.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Neat!!

New keyboard please

[Josco]

no, it's an octothorpe

Also, I had to Google miss Lohan. Quite pretty..... now if I could get her to wear some beer googles...

[Rattus Rattus]

@Josco

"Quite pretty" - must have been an old photo.

[HaplessPoet]

I think...

It's because she doesn't like being known as LiLo!

[Daniel 1]

You should go with your other 'poster guuurl'

Covert High Altitude Payload Manned by Articulated Nonpareil

Maybe call the balloon part the:

Aeronautical Non-Navigable Assender

We saw how fond you were of her... And she keeps on making the news.

[Tigra 07]

What was Lohan anyway?

L ightweight

O range

H ula Hoop

A ircraft

N ik Naks

I had to cheat and stick some of your sponsors in, oh and the plane needs to be orange for this to work, no thanks required!

[Cliff]

Promotion!

Megan Fox, your day has come...

Mastering Earth's Gravity And <something starting with N>

[Ben Tasker]

How about

Newtonian (Physics)

[Pirate Dave]

something starting with N

Narcolepsy ???

[Tigra 07]

Got another one you could try...

Jumbo

Aircraft

Created by

Kindergarden

Students

Over

Neverland

[Anonymous Coward]

Plenty of fish in them seas

Charlie Sheen

Winona Ryder

Mel Gibson

Russel Crowe

There are any number of fine, upstanding celebutants who could replace our Linds. Backronyms left as an exercise for the reader.

[Sir Sham Cad]

Straw Plane Earth Atmosphere Re-entry Stunt

Beer Really Inspired The Nuttiest Experiment Yet?

[Charlie Clark]

But is she still news?

NFT

[Anonymous Coward]

Perhaps - LiLo Lil?

Obscure?

[disgruntled yank]

Hmmph

Can't she find somebody surnamed Doyle to marry? Lindsay per se recalls to the US baby boomers only John Lindsay, who was mayor of NYC nearly 50 years ago.

Failing that, can't El Reg come up with a backronym suiting DOYLE?

[Bill Fresher]

LINDSAY

Lunatics Investigating New Design Space Aeroplane Yardstick

[Spartacus]

Who needs a Lohan when WE have a....

Kinetic Experiment Into Rocket Altitude

[Anonymous Coward]

What?

So Windfrey and Knowles have dropped their names? I didn't get that memo! See how I remembered them though? I say Lohan stays, it sounds more of an insult :o)

[bio toxicens]

I dont think....

...that Oprah dropped her last name. I mean, she has her own TV station called the OWN

[Anonymous Coward]

One name?

To be fair Beyonce isn't too common a name. Although it's become more common now with all the chavs calling their kids Beyonce Chardonay Memphis Smith. I certainly can't think of another famous Beyonce so I can't see Beyonce being confused with anybody else.

There are, however, other Lindsays about, some of them male. So when miss Lohan announces herself as just Lindsay there's a good chance people may be expecting somebody else.

[Anonymous Coward]

L.I.N.D.S.A.Y.

Let's Invent New Dreary Space Aeroplane. Yawn.

[Lester Haines]

Re: L.I.N.D.S.A.Y.

How about "Fool Rejects Exciting Science, Heartily Exhibits Rancour"?

If you're going to have a pop, at least show us your surname :-p

[Anonymous Coward]

LINDSAY

Lindsay Is Not Delivering Suitable Acronym Yet.

[HFoster]

Mmmm... Recursion...

Please enjoy this beer on me.

[IglooDude]

I say...

Just keep the name as-is; what the celebutard in question actually does regarding her naming shouldn't make a whit of difference to the engineering marvel which shall be launched skyward. In the end it will be more well-known than the namesake anyway, just as with PARIS.

[Big Al]

LINDSAY

LInDSAy - the Lightweight Innovative Design Space AssaY project

[Anonymous Coward]

Home grown talent(*)

I was toying with LUMLEY (oh, I wish) but gave up because a.) I couldn't come up with anything (not one hundred percent true) and b.) she's a real celebrity, but mostly a.

(*) Yes, I know she was born in India.

[proto-robbie]

LINeD & SAtinY

It's on already.

[HFoster]

LINDSAY

Let go INto DeScent for later ground AcquirY

[heyrick]

Could be worse

She could have tried something insane like rebranding herself as a squiggle or some other "meaningful symbol". But, then, who would actually want to do that?

Oh, wait...

[John Smith 19]

I'd move the goalposts

GINGER anyone?

[F111F]

How About...

Lifted (by) INflation Device, Stratosphere Aircraft, Yar

[Z80]

Falling to earth in its final act

Playmonaut-

Operated

Remotely

Tracked

Mission's

Acroynmic (or Actress-inspired)

Nomenclature

[me n u]

enough of the lindsay acronym already

Let's ditch the Paris icon and replace it with a Lindsay icon. Maybe it could be snorting some white stuff (flour, I'm sure; yea, right!)

Paris: cause there ain't no Lindsay (yet)

[Z80]

Based on PARIS' performance, I suggest

Descent Unknown: No Satellite Telemetry

[Anonymous Coward]

BRITNEY

Balloon Release Instrumented Tropospheric Navigation and Exploration - Yahoo!

[Chris Adams 1]

re: BRITNEY

Brilliantly Ridiculous Idea That Nobody Expected? Yeah!

[Idgarad]

L.I.N.D.S.A.Y

Lindsy Is Not Doing Sexy Athletic Yoga

[Anonymous Coward]

The only thing this has served to show me...

...is that there's a fault in El Reg's commenting system that allows downvotes on our beloved moderatrix.

[Trevor 3]

One more

Tiny Haines Exciter Garners Acronyms (from) Many Exemplars?

[ShaggyDoggy]

Erm

I've actually never heard of Lindsay Lohan.

This is probably a Good Thing.

Ok back to the RPGLE