back to article Marshall Islands prez 'legalises cocaine'

The government of the Marshall Islands has expressed its surprise that president Jurelang Zedkaia has issued an executive order legalising cocaine and introducing "a no-visa unrestricted entry programme for foreign nationals of any country". The bold initiative was apparently provoked by the need to raise cash to defend the …

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  1. The BigYin

    They are...

    ...a week early.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Jobs Horns

      Early, or on time

      Or perhaps being mid-pacific in weird time zones their iPad and iPhones think its 1st April

  2. Chad H.

    From the About Page

    Third, you no longer need to hunt around for quirky or bizarre stories that are funny enough to share with your friends. We churn out these stories at a good clip, <b>and hope to have an archive of thousands of BS stories within a year</b>. While The Onion is still "America's Finest News Source," CBS Breaking News is not far behind and we're catching up fast.

    ---

    Seems they're covered, they just don't highlight the BS stories well enough. Looks like they're claiming to be a newswire site with parodies, or a parody site with newswires.

    1. Shaun 1

      more:

      "CBS Breaking News was initially called Instant News and drawn up way back in 1998 as a project to be shown at ARS Electronica. The idea was to highlight sensationalism in the media, especially the bizarre spectacle of morbid journalism the media and media consumers feast on when major disasters such as earthquakes occur.

      Finally released in 2010, the website gained traction thanks to a story entitled "Marshall Islands Legalize Cocaine."

      Apparently, the president of the Marshall Islands is now threatening legal action. "

  3. Mr Lion
    FAIL

    durrr

    They also have stories announcing that Israel is dismantling its settlements and recognising the Palestinian state and that Japan is ending whaling...

    Nothing to see here...move along

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    US to Destroy All Nuclear Warheads!!!

    And some amazing news from the same site, the US has decided to destroy all it's nukes! See http://cbsbreakingnews.com/us:461528

    For similarly reliable news, I can strongly recommend The Onion - http://www.theonion.com

    (For those of you who STILL don't get it... "CBS Breaking News" is a spoof news site, none of the stories are true. They're intended to be funny. The About page on the site makes that fairly clear, but it's not idiot-proof).

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Ok

    But it's a joke site ... see their about page

    http://cbsbreakingnews.com/about

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Joke site not funny shocker

    The articles seem to be a strange mix of the mundane and the bizarre. Still, his page views have now shot through the roof, which is something. How harsh are the libel laws in the Philippines?

    1. XMAN
      Thumb Up

      Pretty much non-existant

      And even if they were to push ahead, he'd likely pay no more than 2000 peso (30 quid)

      1. padabobe
        Alert

        Very much existent

        Actually, the Philippines has THE most strict libel laws in the world. Libel is a CRIMINAL offense in the Philippines (as opposed to civil offense, which is the case in other countries) and journalists are regularly imprisoned when criticizing politicians.

        Do learn your facts, before spreading misinformation.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Other headlines include

    Israel to Dismantle Settlements, Recognize Palestinian State

    Japan to End Whaling

    US Planned Canada Invasion

    United States to Destroy All Nuclear Warheads

    Congressman Confesses to Masturbating Regularly

    Next week, The Onion files a not entirely true story

    1. TimNevins
      Thumb Down

      Its partially

      If you include the NAU then yes, Canada is being invaded by the US economically.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        We've been the 51st state

        since Reagan/Mulroney. The US president and Canadian prime minister were said to be quite fond of each other and both pushed strongly for Free trade and Globalization. They were dupes or thieving bastards, mostly the first; but unfortunately hard to rule out the second part.

  8. XMAN
    FAIL

    Easy troll

    Talk about an easy troll. I can't believe their government rose to it.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Legalized cocaine and opened his borders

    Because he's tired of being raped and victimised by the west?

    What was he smoking? Oh, I can guess...

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My goodness...

    ...how on earth did my passport get to be in my hand...I'll just...put it back...and get back to work...

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Clarifications needed

    "Zedkaia has issued an executive order (...) introducing a no-visa unrestricted entry programme for foreign nationals of any country".

    "He declared to the press: Then the Westerners came. First it was the atomic bombs, and then now their irresponsible emissions are drowning our islands. We are tired of being raped and victimised."

    I don't get it: are you tired or are you asking for more? The only way I can make sense of it is to interpret it as "tired but loving it in a masochist kinda way".

  12. Stumpy Silver badge
    Coat

    So,....

    That's this year's holiday sorted then ...

    ... yes, the one with the plane tickets, mirror and rolled up £50 note in the pocket please...

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "has not legalised ... any hard drug"

    Other than nicotine and alcohol of course...

    1. Panix
      WTF?

      I didn't know

      Since when did nicotine and alcohol become 'hard drugs' ? Don't tell me you think they're the same as cocaine and heroin.....

  14. envmod
    Unhappy

    disappointed

    well, i actually thought it was a really good idea.... I was seriously considering packing my bags and hot-footing it over there for a life of cocaine-fuelled debauchery.

    oh well, foiled again.

  15. The BigYin

    On a second look...

    ...this looks a bit like the kind of thing the "Yes Men" would get up to.

    1. Gabor Laszlo
      Thumb Up

      I was just

      thinking the same thing :) I'll go check their blog to be sure !

  16. Mike 16 Silver badge

    Canada Invasion

    I recall in the early 1970s a bit of a fuss when someone found (via FOIA) U.S. War department WWI "contingency plans" for a preemptive invasion of Canada, if the UK were to fall to Germany.

    So the news may not exactly be "breaking". "Oozing" maybe.

  17. unitron
    Joke

    This could actually end well for them...

    ...they could get a huge influx of tourist dollars, lots of criminal fines from stings where undercover police pose as sellers, et cetera.

  18. Chris Seiter
    Thumb Up

    Vacation of the Stars

    I guess we now know where Charlie, Lindsay, Courtney, and Amy are going for their vacations. Cocaine has a 1% import tax but straight razors get a 5000% hike. Gillette just found a new trick to an old game.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    damn.

    I've been so looking forward to doing several of the currently banned drugs, just to try them.

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