Only and Idiot ...
... brings a knife to a Glock fight.
Ten... fantasy swords you wish you owned
At Reg Hardware, with the honorable exception of videogames, we tend to talk up tools that generally assist in everyday life. Today, though, we're going to break tradition altogether and run through some weaponry. Well, bladed replicas to be precise. If you've ever fancied yourself as a modern-day knight - Jedi or Dunedain - or …
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 14:29 GMT Anonymous Coward
Fail
Sorry, you missed both of the fantasy swords I'd want to own AND included Wolverine's claws which aren't a sword.
Of the two swords that should have been here, you missed the Japanese blade with the steel folded two hundred times, as wielded by Juan-Sachez Villalobos Ramirez, and taken by Connor Macleod after his death - in Highlander (1986), and the blade made for the six-fingered Count Rugen by Domingo Montoya, and wielded by his son Inigo in a twenty year quest for revenge - in The Princess Bride (1987)
Most of the blades here, pfft, are imitators.
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 15:15 GMT Jim 59
Swords
I hate to be horrid, but acquiring replica "fantasy" swords is dangerous, possible illegal, and massively massively massively uncool. Nerds no longer need this kind of thing. They rule the real world now, they don't have to fantasize about ruling fantasy worlds.
And Prof Tolkien wouldn't like it either.
If you feel a fantasy weapon coming on, get down to the local rowing/running/football/rugby club and exercise until the feeling goes away.
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 16:04 GMT sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
Horrid.
^ Fails to see the point.
Dangerous. Tick.
Probably Illegal. Tick (here anyways, without a permit)
Massively, massively uncool? Bzzzzt... WRONG.
Horrid you are? I'll leave the bleeding obvious. :P
BTW, the standard way a nerd would deal with a fantasy weapon coming on would probably be to go get a box of tissues and prawn....
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Friday 4th March 2011 10:17 GMT Martin
So let me think about this...
...I go to someone's house, and they have a sword hanging on the wall.
"That's interesting", says I. "What is it?"
"Ah, that's a replica of Aragorn's sword from Lord of the Rings"
"So it's a replica of an imaginary sword owned by an imaginary hero from an imaginary place, right?"
"Er - yes. But it's really cool."
Riiiight. I'm with the original poster. Never mind the legality or the safety. Massively, massively uncool works for me.
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 16:18 GMT lee harvey osmond
Where is Naomi Campbell's hardened-edge cellphone?
I'm told that Flavio Briatore used to collect martial arts paraphernalia, and once, while still stepping out with Naomi Campbell, he showed her his favourite antique shuriken.
Allegedly, she examined it closely before asking where one inserted the SIM card.
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 16:37 GMT Thomas 4
Two more from me
I actually own a replica of Sting from Lord of The Rings, made by the same guys that do the others. It's beautifully engraved and I'm told it glows when goblins approach. As I live in a goblin free area though I haven't had a chance to see it in action yet.
Would also give someone's right arm for a Soul Reaver from the Legacy of Kain series.
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 21:42 GMT Anonymous Coward
Fictional/historical firearms.....
If we're looking down this route, how about the lasers from the early series of Blake's 7? Kind of like a torch on a phone cord.
Everyone tends to look at reproduction Phasers, but what about the more obscure. A PPG from Babylon 5, or maybe Scaramanga's Golden Gun.....
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 16:38 GMT Haku
Star Wars Force FX Lightsabers
I own 3 of these; original Luke ep VI which is the only one of the range lit by EL paper, Luke ep IV and Darth ep IV.
I don't mind admitting I'm a complete geek when it comes to these things, and I can't swordfight to save my life but they're just too cool, when I show people them they are also similarly impressed with the look, weight, sounds and the glow of the blades.
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 16:38 GMT Dapprman
There is just one to consider ...
And that must be Stormbringer - the ultimate in evil, as wielded by one of fictions greatest anti-heroes.
Must admit I was also going to suggest some of the swords from Fred Saberhagen's Books of Swords and Books of Lost Swords series - good books and a great concept, each sword gives a boon, but also demands a bain as well for it's use.
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 21:42 GMT Anonymous Coward
Correction...
"...English folklore, the sword of King Arthur"
I take it that should mean english speaking folklore as opposed to folk lore of England? Since, as anyone with the inteligence to actually look for details knows that the Arthurian legend is Welsh in origin.
Robin Hood is yours, Arthur is ours...
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Friday 4th March 2011 10:14 GMT Peter Kay
Correction to your correction - I think you mean French, not Welsh
The Arthurian legends are in reality a mixture of English, French and Welsh mythology. Apart from the finer details, this influence can be gathered from the very English title of Malory's books 'Le Morte d'Arthur'...
Alternatively you might want to check out The Quest of the Holy Grail (actually don't - it's a terribly tedious book with constant Christian symbolism and one dimensional characters) written by a Frenchman or the various other collections of myths, also written by the French.
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 21:42 GMT Anonymous Coward
Just so you know
Buying swords for decoration is not illegal in the UK. You can't buy katanas/curved bladed swords over 50cm unless you're a martial artist or re-enactor (or it's an antique).
I've got the Duncan Mcleod katana (licensed replica, not a chinese knock-off) which I bought in around 2003 (before the new law) and I think it's nicer looking than the movie version.
Personally, I would love Snaga the Sender (The blades of no return...) Could quite happily wander into work with that over my shoulder. But it's about £3500.
As for Jim59, What does it matter to you that someone likes collecting swords? It's not dangerous in the slightest, and it's not nerdy at all. There are plenty of people that collect replica weapons, just as there are plenty of people who collect books etc and they're not called nerds. :)
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Friday 4th March 2011 11:42 GMT Anonymous Coward
Samurai Sword ban
What happened is that Britain is effectively ruled by tabloid newspapers and even though crimes involving Samurai swords only accounted for about 0.001% of violent crimes involving weapons the last Nu Labour government passed a law intended to ban Samurai swords, by making their sale or manufacture illegal (Basically a curved blade over a certain length), ignoring the fact that most violence is committed with standard kitchen knives and pandering to the tabloid media who regularly refer to attacks by kitchen knives and machetes as "vicious samurai sword attacks", as it sounds better and cooler.
The law has turned out to be a total farce, martial artists and collectors lobbied for, and got exemptions for hand forged traditionally made blades which exempted many carbon steel sharp blades from the ban however iai-to which are blunt practice swords used by many martial artists for practice are covered, and you need to belong to a martial arts club or theater or re-enactment group to buy one.
Similar silly situation to replica and airsoft guns which must be bright florescent colours to be sold legally, noticed the woefully bad sci fi drama "outcasts" has characters using bright orange painted firearms, so how long before real firearms are recognised as being painted bright orange?
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Friday 4th March 2011 13:44 GMT Anonymous Coward
No they don't
Look at the statistics, the number of attacks using actual samurai sword replica's is ridiculously small (average about or less than 1 per year out of thousands of knife crimes) and for very good reasons, if you are thinking of carrying a knife what would you choose?, something with a 26inch blade which can be spotted 100 yards away and can only be construed as a weapon, or a kitchen knife you can more easily hide, and can be used in confined areas.
There is also the added advantage with a plain old kitchen knife of plausible excuses like "I lent it to a mate cos he's just moved house, now I'm taking it home", or that old favorite every police officer has heard "I'm a chef and I was just taking it to/from work".
There are many martial artists, collectors and enthusiasts who collect swords not because they are psycho's but because they are interested in the subject, the fact there are suppliers selling such products shows this.
The reality of walking down your local high street with a sword would be that you would quickly be either tazered or shot by an armed response unit, that's why criminals avoid them.
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Saturday 5th March 2011 18:24 GMT Jim 59
@celticguy75
The "nerdy" accusation is just my prejudice really. Some people, like yourself, seem to be genuine collectors with an legitimate hobby. However, one suspects that for others, perhaps younger people, a retreat into fantasy is an easy option, displacing other activities that would be more likely to build their characters and help them socially.
The Lord of the Rings is the best book I ever read. But I don't want to fondle a replica of Anduril, or tell the girls how it shimmers blue when orcs are about. Now if I could get my hands on the *real* Anduril...
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Thursday 3rd March 2011 21:42 GMT David Given
What, no Frostmourne?
The iconic blade from the uber-geek-fest World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King? (No, I still haven't managed to kill him yet. Dammit.)
And if you can't afford the $429 metal replica: http://www.epicweapons.com/products/frostmourne.php
...then there's always the inflatable version! http://i712.photobucket.com/albums/ww130/Missojai/Frostmourne.jpg
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Sunday 6th March 2011 12:04 GMT sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
Et tu?
I never got the blasted thing either..
BUT, WAIT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eHLpiCIdSk
(A letter opener sized version. Browsing a bit further indicates there is a variety of such items)
For the more ... errr... safety inclined I guess. Much more affordable and I guess, more readily available perhaps... Something you could put on your desk although in all likelihood it would end up being pinched.
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Friday 4th March 2011 07:46 GMT Nuffnuff
Terminus Est
By far the coolest weapon in fantasylanddom, thanks to the febrile imagination of Gene Wolfe.
An executioner's weapon with mercury in a hollowed channel in the spine, one edge for disposing of men and the other for women.
Not that I'd want a replica, hard to justify a use for it really unless you eat very large sandwiches.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminus_Est
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Friday 4th March 2011 10:17 GMT Matt Brigden
Its not the sword that is dangerous
Its the idiot wielding it . Pretty much every report you see in the papers is some idiot chav with a £20 wallhanger that will barely cut air . Those of us who collect pay a hell of a lot more for our hobby . I own an assortment of swords and daggers . All of which in the wrong hands are lethal . But then again so is a screwdriver .
Mines thye one with the slit in the back for my katana .
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Friday 4th March 2011 10:17 GMT sabroni
Can't believe I have to point this out
Wolverine isn't in every X-man comic, the original x-men were cyclops, marvel girl, iceman, the beast and angel with Professor X as mentor. Wolverine came as part of the New X-men, a reboot of the group that had wolverine, night crawler, storm, colossus and i believe cyclops stuck around as leader.
I thought you people were supposed to be geeks!
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Friday 4th March 2011 10:29 GMT Fake-Name
Al sword-shaped-objects
I don't see a single sword on this list.
Sure, there are plenty of sword shaped objects, but none of the things here are swords.
For instance, take an exacting replica of a car from cardboard. It may look amazing, and may even resemble the original car, but if you try to drive it, it'll go nowhere. The same applies here.
I strongly doubt that any of the items listed here are actually useable as swords. Take one and hit a hard metal object (another sword, for example). You'll either knick the blade severely, break the blade entirely, or have the blade simply separate from the handle (I doubt anything here has a real tang, too).
That's just pathetic.
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Friday 4th March 2011 12:11 GMT mark adrian bell
Stormbringer
Along with the above posters, I vote for Elric's infamous black blade, Stormbringer. Elric and Stormbringer were created by the great British fantasy writer, Michael Moorecock. And after going on 30 years, where is my Elric movie?
http://www.stormbringer.net/images/elric/elric11.jpg
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Friday 4th March 2011 12:46 GMT Lu
still some missing
These 3 come to mind:
The Sword of Truth
The Sword of Riva (Eddings)
and surely THE sword to have if u gonna have a replica of a fictional sword:
Gatz' (Gutts) sword from the anime Berserk!!
(http://www.bonanza.com/booths/GiveHarmony/items/60__HUGE_FANTASY_Buster_Sword_of_the_Berserk_Guts__Rage)
that's it on the left. Yes, it's 60 inches long.
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Saturday 5th March 2011 18:35 GMT Allan George Dyer
I thought there was a law...
"There's no law against slaying vampires either"
How about mutilating a corpse? I mean, you end up with a dead body, and NOBODY is going to believe your explanation.
(unless you're lucky enough to encounter one that conveniently crumbles into dust, when you only have one of those pesky "offensive weapon" charges to handle)
Mine's the one with the flat space technology.
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Monday 7th March 2011 09:21 GMT Leeroy
Final Fantasy
Since when did Final Fantasy have the "patent" on attaching a knife / sword to a gun ?
I am sure if anyone has a case for banning replica weapons it would be H & K for continual use of its weapons in nearly all (semi realistic) FPS and war games.
As far as i am aware most ground troops the world over carry a bayonet for attachment to their rifle during combat, they are also used for cutting barbed wire with the scabbard, ripping out throats with the serrated edge and it even has a blood channel to ease removal from the enemy and they are not even that sharp. Probably a lot more deadly than anything Square Enix can come up with.
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Monday 7th March 2011 13:39 GMT RyokuMas
I never understood lightsabres...
The blade is effectively a beam, right?
So it won't have any mass...
So - unless weighted otherwise due to components - the weapon's centre of gravity is smack in the middle of the hilt, and certainly not somewhere in the blade, like a traditional lump-of-metal sword...
... so why the heck do so many people wield them two-handed?!? No wonder Vader won so many fights - speed and agility for the win!
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Tuesday 8th March 2011 07:32 GMT grs1961
...can't be treated seriously...
It ignores (at least) these (some already mentioned):
Stormbringer, Mournblade, and its/their various other incarnations from Moorcock's "Eternal Hero" series.
The swords from Saberhagen's "The Book of Swords" series.
Grayswandir, of course. And its counterpart in Tir-na N'goth.
Blackwand, Pathfinder, Nightslayer, Lady Teldra/Godslayer/Remover-of-aspects-of-deity, Iceflame (although it appears as a dagger on Sethra's belt, given that Lady Teldra changes form why can't Iceflame?) from Brust's "Dragaera" series.
Oh, and Captain Carrot's sword from Pratchett's "Discworld", probably the most *unmagical* sword in all the universes, but very, very sharp.
And no doubt many others I shall recall after I click on submit.
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