back to article Jobs stand-in ranks iPhone over sex

Apple's acting headman Tim Cook told an investment analyst that the iPhone is more important than sex. Well, The Reg freely admits that we're exaggerating a bit – but not by much. Apple's COO and Jobsian stand-in Tim Cook said that he ranks the iPhone "just below food and water on Maslow's hierarchy of needs," according to a …


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  1. mike_anderson25


    Is this a subtle "*&^% you, I didn't want you anyway, I was like the first to have an iPhone" to all the girls that shut him down growing up?

  2. FozzyBear

    More important than Sex.

    Interesting, my first reaction was that he obviously isn't doing ir right. Then I thought about it for a sec and realised there is a sliver lining to this off the cuff comment.

    Hopefully a large number of fanbois will take this to heart and eventually breed (or not as this scenario plays out) themselves out of existance

    1. Daniel 1

      Scan headline: jump to comments section

      Interesting, my first reaction was to read the article and see if he actually said it. (The comments section of the Register is sometimes a bit like Twitter, in reverse: an input of not more than 40 letters generates countless rambling walls of text, from its respondents.)

  3. jake Silver badge

    I feel so sorry for ...

    ... Tim Cook. And even sorrier for his MOTAS.

  4. Eddy Ito


    So was the good Mr. Maslow referring to mental masturbation or the usual kind? It would be nice to know so as to put the fine Tim Cook's comments in perspective.

    Oh, one more thing, would this whole triangle thing be considered eggheaddery or trick cycling? I know they call it a pyramid but like the "food pyramid" I find it lacking. Lacking a third dimension mostly, you know so when you start doing math that little slice at the bottom accounts for a damn large volume.

  5. JaitcH

    The sad thing is, it's likely true. No more fags after sex - where's the iThingy?

    The sad, but likely realistic, thing is that many iPhans do rate their Jobs touchy feeling things more highly than their wives/better halves.

    Along with a psychological profile on the buying habits of iPhans, it might be interesting to do a behavioural survey of iPhan spouses to learn more about other aspects of the iPhan personality.

    iPhans shouldn't feel bad about mixing up priorities, others do it albeit for other reasons.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      5 x "iPhans" in one post? Well done there.

  6. TheOtherHobbbes

    Shouldn't someone tell his wife?

    Just saying.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      She knows

      His wife never "uses" him, she uses her iPhone on vibrate mode.

      1. Tempest

        Washing machines, with unbalanced loads, in the ...

        spin cycle are reputed to be more satisfying.

    2. Scorchio!!

      Re: Shouldn't someone tell his wife?

      I have news for you. Go to his local cafe. See the happy lady there with a suspiciously vibrating pocket? She's just downloaded the vibration applet, which vibrates at just the right frequency and gives off a halo. :-)

    3. Anonymous Coward

      Too late

      The postman's been 'telling' her for years.....

  7. Arctic fox

    A "physiological" need? "Psychological", surely?

    Given *some* (note that I stress the word *some*) of the postings we have seen on various threads here at El Reg from *some* of the iPhanbois I would have thought that the term "psychological" need was more appropriate. Perhaps we should be consulting the works of Freud rather than Maslow? Especially given the displacement/substitution behavioural characteristics the kit seems to induce in *some* of its owners?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Might be true

    If he's the sort of bloke who needs to dial out to arrange it, then I suppose his iPhone might come before sex.

    1. Arctic fox

      @JustaKOS Re Might be true

      "If he's the sort of bloke who needs to dial out to arrange it, then I suppose his iPhone might come before sex."

      Not forgetting *afterwards* as well when he uploads his account of the great event to ArseBook. As long of course as he keeps off the damn thing *during* thus avoiding annoying the young lady too much - mind you if he failed to take that elementary precaution he might very well end up with what we can call a "dropped connection"!

  9. Anonymous Coward

    What a complete Philbert!

    No mate, putting the gadgets away just for 5 mins sometimes, will improve your life no end. Unless you are on call it is perfectly OK to turn off the phone once in a while and simply sit and read a book, take a walk, take up a fun hobby. The Internet Police will not arrest you for not being connected, Mark Zuckerberg will not mind if you are not connected to Facebook for a few hours! It is not healthy to be so psychologically dependent upon an electronic gadget like that.

    Life is so damn hard these days, just getting 5 mins to slow things down a little and take your mind of the modern world, does wonders for your mental state. Constantly panicking about what your mates are saying about you on Twitter or Facebook will see you in an early grave.

    1. dogged

      Life moves pretty fast

      Ferris? Is that you?

  10. Tony S

    Ummm, sorry that's not right

    The thing about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is that the bottom layer is the most important - these are the needs that have to be satisified first. Once those needs have been met, THEN the higher levels come into play. Then as the items in each layer are fulfilled, the items at the higher levels become more relevant.

    For example, if the job provides excellent opportunities for self actualisation, but the job doesn't offer enough money to live on, then the person will not be happy (unless there is some way to find the money via another source).

    However, if you were to argue that use of an iPhone has now become a physical need for some people - well that would be an interesting supposition.

    BTW, I've had to write several lengthy essays on the relevance of Maslow in various aspects of IT as part of post grad work. I think that I still have most of them in anyone is interested..... 8-)

    1. Kamal Hashmi

      Re: Ummm, sorry that's not right → #

      So how does the research that baby monkeys value love/belonging over food/water fit in with this very logical triangle?

    2. Jedit Silver badge

      An interesting supposition?

      According to Maslow's hierarchy, food and water are on the same level as excretion. If use of an iPhone is more important than excretion, then perhaps it has become an interesting suppository?

      Either way, with Cook saying that using an iPhone is more important than using the lavatory, we now have an official statement from a senior Apple representative to the effect that iPhone users are full of shit.

      1. asiaseen

        That's why

        it's a crap antenna.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Does he mean "mobile phone"?

    Don't these people go to elementary school to learn basic logic?

    "iPhone is a mobile phones" does not mean "all mobile phones are iPhones". So to answer his question, yes, my Blackberry is very useful, thanks for asking. Didn't cost me a penny too.

    As for the joke, ahah! What a wag! Might as well say publicly that all iPhone users are virgin geeks. Or is saying that it's ok to comfort them? I'm confused.

    Anyway Tim, don't give up your full time job, I don't forecast stand up comedy as a viable future for you. And would you want to, you already get paid handsomely for not doing much, it doesn't get much better than that.

  12. Anonymous Coward

    iPhones for the rich...

    ....and the Chavs that would rather have them and a big telly than buy decent clothes, a nice house, pay taxes, earn a living, learn to wash, speak correctly, not drop litter, live on a diet of chips and more chips and so on...


  13. It wasnt me
    Thumb Up


    Interesting how far he rates it above "problem solving", "lack of prejudice" and "acceptance of facts", three of apple's 'not so strong' areas.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    The man has an incredibly small knob or dosnt know how to use it.

  15. Thomas 4

    Kind of obvious that iPhones are rated above sex

    ...given that most iPhone users are wankers anyway.

    Sorry, really couldn't resist.

  16. Anonymous Coward


    Sex ranks equal to oxygen. Neither is important - until you're not getting any!

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Another potentially interesting experiment

      Sex ranking equal to oxygen means that to an Apple fanboi, having an iPhone is more important than breathing. We should test the validity of this statement.

      Find yourself someone who is waving his iPhone around in public, and throttle him until he stops. If he dies before he ceases attempts to use his device to search the Apple Store for the How To Break A Choke Hold app, update his Facebook status to "being strangled, argh argh ack", or possibly even call the police, then Cook will be proven correct.

      (Disclaimer: this commentard will not be held responsible for any injury, death, imprisonment or personal embarrassment caused by actually being stupid enough to take this suggestion seriously.)

  17. CollyWolly

    maybe its sex with mac fans that is the problem

    First few minutes of this film, Violet Blue or someone. Claims she has never knowingly slept with a Windows user, (then complains how crap it is anyway).

    Given the choice of that or porn on an iPhone, I think the iPhone would win.

  18. CarlC

    When will these people realise....

    that we survived perfectly well before all these gadgets and services and we will survive perfectly well after them too. Yes they are convenient, yes they provide useful services like being able to keep in touch with our families but com eon, this really is time to 'wake up and smell the roses'. No I really mean it. Put your phone down, go outside and smell the roses. They are lovely and will definately enhance your life :-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You do realise...

      that this is a technology related website, right?

  19. Mark .

    Re: Does he mean "mobile phone"?

    Indeed, the use of "iPhone" to mean simply "phone" is annoying. Use "smartphone" if one wants to imply high end (although bog standard feature phones have had apps and Internets long before the Iphone, and it's unclear why the original model even counted as a smartphone).

    I even once heard someone say "iPhone-like device". Why yes, if only there was a generic term to refer to devices that were "like an iPhone"...

  20. Nick Pettefar

    Importance Of Being Earnest

    Sex with the missus is sometimes interrupted with a ringing mobile and a couple of times I shamefully admit to answering it...!

    I guess if I was in the early throes of a (sexual) relationship I would not do this.

    Having recently destroyed my Nokia e71 due to an impromptu splash in the sea I have ruled out owning a mobile costing more than a ton. A monkey is far too much to lose!

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